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January 14: Journaling as Therapy


Journaling: As I take this new journey, I need to know that I am enough. I need to stop doubting myself. Note to self: life is short, don't let fear hold you back.
 
Anny-Libelle said:
Thank you for thist great challenge, Robin.
I'm not usually the scrapper who puts a lot of journaling on the pages and I always find journaling challenges exhausting for me. It was different with this one. The lack of guidelines (such as a certain number of words, or sharing my innermost thoughts publicly, if I wanted, I could have made it illegible) has set me free. I was able to write from the heart and it felt so good. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
Click to expand...

THIS!!!! THIS is why I wanted to do this challenge. I firmly believe that getting our feelings out there (verbally or in written form) keep them from festering. They don't have to be shared, just expunged from our heads. I'm so thankful you enjoyed this @Anny-Libelle and I truly hope others are benefitting from this as well. I'm slowly working my way through all the layouts, and I'm blown away by how y'all have taken to this form of storytelling. I'm learning so much from y'all - how to be grateful for what I have, how to pray for others who need it, how I'm not alone as other people are going through what I go through, etc. It's crazy how much I am getting from this, and I hope that y'all re too. Keep them coming!
 
I've been stressing myself out with wanting to create organically/analog. So this layout is a reminder to myself to step back from creative endeavors from time to time.

 


I am different and I am not for everyone. I am aware that I am the way I am is due to the many traumatic experiences that I have had in my life. I've done lots of therapy and am at peace with who I am. Not everyone close to me is though. Over the years I have given too much and my boundaries could have been stronger. It's hard when you have learned to be driven by shame which can be used by others to guilt you or the anxiety created by your shame/guilt causes anger and rage. That is no longer a thing in my life This is the year of me. I have done some extra work on this part of me and I think some people are going to find they really don't like me. I am ok with that. The more I do the more they seem to need. It's not good psychologically, and it's not good economically. For my whole life I've been the person people come to. But I'm 50 this year. I'm not where I want to be, so I'm slowing down on the giving. I still want to be a part of the whole thing: pay it forward, be blessed to be a blessing. God is love, but God is also discernment, and I can't continue to let other people's emergencies cause me to have an emergency. I am making choices for a calmer life. I am removing people and things that cause me stress and make my anxiety flair. therefore making me unwell. I am doing what I want, how I want and I am being me. There's a line from a HARDY song where he talks about being expected to fit into mainstream country. I love the song. It resonates with who I am trying to get back to being. " I refuse to be another Mockingbird with a microphone, I'll fly the line I choose to brother, Even if that makes me the crow." The song ends with this line "I've always been a mockingbird but Now I'm a mockingbird and I'm the crow." It's taken a lot of work and I have been making changes for a while now but 50 has become my line in the sand. I will be my true self. I can be the mockingbird society expects me to be if and when it is required but otherwise, I am the crow. I like me and I am going to be me!
 
A lot of hours, and a lot of tears went into this one. I'm not sure whether I'll keep it, or print it, because I don't want my daughter to ever know there was a family member who didn't want her. At the same time, this is a story I've long needed to tell, with few places to tell it. So.... thank you.

There's a happy ending. However, the journaling is difficult.... TRIGGER WARNING - pregnancy, miscarriage, pressure to terminate

 
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