MOC-11-2023---Day-14
- Description
- MOC 11 2023 - Day 13 Therapy Journalling
Moon Flowers dressed up by Fiddle Dee Dee Designs
https://the-lilypad.com/store/Moon-Flowers-Dressed-Up-Digital-Scrapbook-Template.html
True Colours by ForeverJoy Designs
I am different and I am not for everyone. I am aware that I am the way I am is due to the many traumatic experiences that I have had in my life. I've done lots of therapy and am at peace with who I am. Not everyone close to me is though. Over the years I have given too much and my boundaries could have been stronger. It's hard when you have learned to be driven by shame which can be used by others to guilt you or the anxiety created by your shame/guilt causes anger and rage. That is no longer a thing in my life. This is the year of me. I have done some extra work on this part of me and I think some people are going to find they really don't like me. I am ok with that. The more I do the more they seem to need. It's not good psychologically, and it's not good economically. For my whole life I've been the person people come to. But I'm 50 this year. I'm not where I want to be, so I'm slowing down on the giving. I still want to be a part of the whole thing: pay it forward, be blessed to be a blessing. God is love, but God is also discernment, and I can't continue to let other people's emergencies cause me to have an emergency. I am making choices for a calmer life. I am removing people and things that cause me stress and make my anxiety flair, therefore making me unwell. I am doing what I want, how I want and I am being me. There's a line from a HARDY song where he talks about being expected to fit into mainstream country. I love the song. It resonates with who I am trying to get back to being. " I refuse to be another Mockingbird with a microphone, I'll fly the line I choose to brother, Even if that makes me the crow." The song ends with this line "I've always been a mockingbird but Now I'm a mockingbird and I'm the crow." It's taken a lot of work and I have been making changes for a while now but 50 has become my line in the sand. I will be my true self. I can be the mockingbird society expects me to be if and when it is required but otherwise, I am the crow. I like me and I am going to be me!
