First Impressions?

[MrsPeel]

So, after reading, getting warm feelings with some of the threads, especially Serena's one here and this picture of a pattern that I started to recognize a while ago, that I live my life pretty much with the Pad in mind...
Off line thoughts like:
"oh this would make a GREAT chat topic!"
or
"OH I need to turn this into a scrap challenge!"
and even the
"what would be [insert scrapper's name here] thinking about this?
There is something that has been in my mind a LOT lately, and that is that some of the people I had big time disliked some years ago (and have been VERY vocal about dis-liking them) have turned into the best of friends, and top people I admire, trust, go to for advice....
this has happened a lot lately, I had always been proud until a couple of years ago , of being a VERY intuitive person and along my almost 59 years of life I had rarely VERY RARELY been wrong about my first ideas, impressions of people....but a few years ago this has changed, and taking the fact that the people I first thought to dislike have turned into such big figures in my life...I wonder...should I trust my first impressions? or should I make an effort to give time and see?
so here is my question to you:
Are you an intuitive person?
do you go by first impressions or give all the time in the world for each person?
Have you been right or wrong many times?

 

[jk703]

As I get older, I have become wiser. Mostly.


I am a Pollyanna at heart, so I will always give the person the benefit of the doubt or try to find something positive. I may not know the whole picture, so there may be a reason why they are the way they project. I usually keep my mouth shut, look for the positive, and just don't engage much with people that are mean/judgmental/dishonest/thoughtless numerous times. I do try to be friendly with everyone, but if a person pushes me too far, I will just stop making any effort. If I think they might be going through something, I give them space, maybe be a little nicer, and see how things turn out in time.

I have one good friend that I butt heads with, mainly since she is very judgmental, and I only have so much tolerance before I need a break. With her, I don't keep my mouth shut, I speak my thoughts, then get quiet and move on.

In the past, there are a few people off the bat that I knew I didn't like. Gut feeling, though it's rare. I will act pleasantly, go with the flow, and keep quiet. My husband knows all though.

 

[Karen]

Interesting topic! I did chuckle about you thinking about real life relating back to TLP here because I totally do the same thing all the time.

About first impressions, I also feel like a fairly good judge of character and once that first impression is made for me, I find it very difficult to change my mind about that person. It has happened, but it's very rare. Not sure if that makes me too stubborn to be more open or what. Lol.

 

[Karen]

My husband knows all though.

So much this! I love it!

 

[LeeAndra]

I'm a hardcore INFJ so I'm definitely a super intuitive person & pride myself on being a good judge of character.

With that being said, I'm pretty sure I make a terrible first impression on people. At least when it comes to job interviews considering the dozens and dozens of interviews I've had over the years that never went any further along.

I'm not sure how to fix that.

 

[kimingvtx]

I try to give people a second chance. I've been working in Continuing Education for 8 years teaching computer classes. Many of my students are older people who have decided to go back to work or people who have been laid off and need new skills. Sometimes they come in and they are angry that they have to learn something new at this point in their life. Others are going through a divorce and suddenly have to change lifestyles etc. The job has shown me that you never know what another person is going through. I just try to make our classroom as stress free as possible. I try to not take their mood personally and usually after being in my class for awhile, they realize that they can learn new things and they are going to be just fine. Then the real personality shines.

 

[cfile]

@MrsPeel Cynthia, I too was a first impression person re my opinions.... with us being Virgos and analytically minded, I think that is where that comes from I go with the flow..If I feel strongly than I go with that feeling. I would hate to ignore a feeling and be sorry later. As far as people go, I let things go and see how things develop The book is not always what we see on the cover... that goes both ways

 

[Tree City]

In my brain, I feel like this might be 2 different topics (One is "I love TLP" and "I think about my online friends IRL" and Two is "first impressions"). I mean, I have to separate them because that's how my brain works lol.

Let me address the first, "What would my digi friends think of this?!" topic: I am SO GLAD that I'm not the only one who sees/hears something and thinks "I must share this with my digi friends!" When I went to Disney, one of my first thoughts was "I want to tell the Disney scrappers what I think!" cuz y'all know we've got some hardcore Disney people here lol! And I love that we are a varied bunch of people. We (come from and) live in different places; we are different ages; we are different family make-ups; we are different backgrounds and cultures; and yet, we are all linked not only by our love for digital scrapbooking but also by our kindness--because we want to share our stories with others, and in turn we want to learn about, and from, others' stories. And there have been news headlines here in the USA about certain areas (some in the US, some outside of it) and my first thought has been "Oh, I hope [insert scrapper's name] is all right!" or "Gosh, I wonder if [insert scrapper's name' got to be there to see that!"

That leads to the second point: yes, first impressions can sometimes be wrong. But what changes that first impression? Learning about the person. So online, we learn via the chatting here in the forums and then by reading scrappers' journaling. (I used to feel like such a voyeur when I first started posting my LOs to DS galleries and seeing what others had posted. I kept thinking "People are writing about some personal stuff! Should I read this? I mean, it's here, so I guess so?" lol) IRL, it's through experience with the person, where instead of reading about the story, we may be living it with that person in real time. My DH, for example, made a pretty boring first impression. Not a BAD first impression, but not exactly unforgettable. In fact, I forgot his name about .01 seconds after he said it. And he was sweaty--like,"has he been in a rain shower or is he was having a heart attack?" sweaty. And he thought my 15yo brother, not I, was moving into the dorm room." *sigh* (In all fairness, my brother was sitting outside of my dorm room door, looking bored, so DH walked by him first and assumed he was the student lol. And in all fairness to myself, I was moving into a coed dorm and my ex-bf was moving in next door and my mom was probably chattering and I probably didn't even hear DH's name but I did say "Oh, you're a Bio major? You can talk to A, my ex, who lives next door.")

Personally, I can't think of a time when I had a truly negative first impression but then ended up liking the person. But I try to be open-minded. You know how sometimes you just "click" with someone? I guess it only makes sense that the opposite is true, so there will be times when you meet someone and you both think "Nope." When I meet someone and I notice something I don't like, I try to think why that trait bothers me--is it a reflection of a worry that I have about myself? Is it a snap judgement? Is it a pet peeve of mine? (Loud chewers and gum make me want to rip my ears off my head. I think I have misophonia. Anyway, DD has a friend who has never chewed with her mouth closed. Seriously, not once. That friend can only visit for 2 hrs at a time and can't stay for meals. It's for my sanity--not that DD or this friend KNOWS this. I just plan play dates for early afternoon.) My point is, once I know why something doesn't sit well with me, then I can course-correct or decide "thanks but no thanks" and never speak to that person again (if possible) or minimize interaction.

Also on a semi-related note, I don't like saying "online" and "IRL." I have made friendships online. It's true, I haven't met some of the people whom I've become friend with, but that shouldn't diminish the kindness and warmth and friendship (@MrsPeel Cynthia, you're one of those people on my list!). And then, when I have met online friends IRL, it didn't feel like meeting for the first time because we knew so much; instead, it felt like a long-overdue coffee date.

Wow, apparently I felt like writing a novel today!

 

[bcgal00]

@Tree City Yes, Sara, I agree with online friendships...they are just as valid, personal, important, etc as our IRL friends. Maybe more so sometimes. I chat more with a lot of online friends than I do IRL friends, am more connected and know more about their lives than IRL friends. A friend is a friend....whether online or IRL. BTW....write a novel anytime, I always enjoy your "novels" LOL.

As for first impressions, I try to channel my mom's behaviour (more and more as I get older), as I always hear her voice in my head, telling me to be kind, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to be willing to give a second chance. But when I get a bad first impression I am wary of them, and watch and listen for signs as to what they are really like, I give them the benefit of the doubt but if my opinion doesn't change then I distance myself from them, limit my interactions with them. Life is too short to surround myself with negativity.

 

[Rikki]

I always go with my gut feeling and even though I have possibly come to like people in a way even though I had a bad first impression I have never been good friends with anyone I didn't like from the start.
It's not that I am not willing to admit that I was wrong, but after thinking about it now, those people that I misjudged then become acquaintances (maybe even close acquaintances, if there is such a thing), but not what I consider friends.

I'm a cancer and it shows, I suppose.

 

[Rikki]

Personally, I can't think of a time when I had a truly negative first impression but then ended up liking the person. But I try to be open-minded. You know how sometimes you just "click" with someone? I guess it only makes sense that the opposite is true, so there will be times when you meet someone and you both think "Nope." When I meet someone and I notice something I don't like, I try to think why that trait bothers me--is it a reflection of a worry that I have about myself? Is it a snap judgement?

Also on a semi-related note, I don't like saying "online" and "IRL." I have made friendships online. It's true, I haven't met some of the people whom I've become friend with, but that shouldn't diminish the kindness and warmth and friendship (@MrsPeel Cynthia, you're one of those people on my list!). And then, when I have met online friends IRL, it didn't feel like meeting for the first time because we knew so much; instead, it felt like a long-overdue coffee date.

Dito to what you said minus the reflecting. I don't even bother to analyze my dislike. The dislike in itself is already enough for me. , .

Absolutely, to differ between online and IRL is for people who don't go online often enough and think this is a different world. Or for trolls. Or people who hide behind an online persona that they aren't.

 

[lmccandless]

This is a really interesting question! Do I trust my intuition about people? Absolutely. I think it's all about the difference between IQ and EQ. (For those who haven't heard the term - EQ reflects a person's ability to empathize with others: identify, evaluate, control and express emotions ones own emotions; perceive, and assess others' emotions; use emotions to facilitate thinking, understand emotional meanings.) EQ, in my opinion, is just as valuable as IQ. I try to be a very open person who approaches others with love and positive intent. I don't judge or exclude people who can't reciprocate that feeling. I just try to remember that we aren't going to connect in that way - and that there are other non-emotionally based ways to connect. Now, if someone has a pattern of repeatedly treating others badly, I think that you have to recognize that they've shown you who they are through their behavior. However, if someone hasn't shown me themselves through their behavior and I feel negatively towards them, I try to think about the perspective that we're both bringing into the relationship. Is it my lens rather than them? Often, we don't know the battles that others are fighting and their reactions are not about us at all but truly about their struggles. I am getting into deep territory here but I do find that approaching these things with intention is better.

 

[jesskab]

@Tree City Yes, Sara, I agree with online friendships...they are just as valid, personal, important, etc as our IRL friends. Maybe more so sometimes. I chat more with a lot of online friends than I do IRL friends, am more connected and know more about their lives than IRL friends. A friend is a friend....whether online or IRL.

Yes! My husband calls everyone he talks to on his FedEx route, "my buddy". It irks me, but he is a Chatty Charlie. A friend is someone I can turn to & trust, someone I truly care about. @MrsPeel , @Juliestcyr , & @gonewiththewind have been such an amazing source of support & love. I don't know that I formed first impressions of them. I do remember thinking it was funny that Julie's siggy was "Vive La Julie". I'm very shy & I tend to think I don't have much to offer. I don't think I rely on first impressions, but I think I definitely give off a "don't get near me" impression. That's just in a social setting. At work I'm very outgoing. Patients know how much I care about them, they tell me all the time. I'm also the tech person. So, maybe I'm different at work because I know I have a lot to offer there. This may be a cathartic experience here!

As for intuition, I believe in signs. I don't believe in coincidence. I trust those signs, always.

 

[jesskab]

@lmccandless very interesting. I agree with this & it's so thought provoking the way you explained it.

 

[MrsGaramer]

Interesting thoughts! I am usually a very private person. I only have a few close friends in real life but I have a lot of acquaintances. I'm an INTJ so I'm always judging but not in a pro or con way just in a general way. I'm not sure that makes sense. Anyway, I have strong intuition but even more so, I can feel - feelings better than I can asses a person's motives. I give lots of chances. I can be a mixture of feelings depending on when you see me so I like to think that others may be just going through something if they are mean (or whatever).

 

[EHStudios]

Love how others have brought up the personality types. I too am an INFJ so definitely get intuitive first impressions of people that are typically pretty accurate. I always try to see the WHY of someone doing something that I might not connect with or like. If I can see where they're coming from I can generally give them the benefit of the doubt. I still might not connect with them, but that doesn't mean I dislike them. It takes a special kind of person to instantly hit my "hate" zone & even then I don't typically show that. Definitely more private & try to keep most of my thoughts, particularly negative ones, to myself. If it's someone I love then I try to way the benefit of saying something versus not if it could hurt their feelings.

In short, yep I typically follow my intuition & first impressions. It's harder online without that visual face-to-face or voice conversation, but even there I'm a "people watcher" before I really judge someone.

 

[Iowan]

I think my fist impression of you Cynthia @MrsPeel was your avatar at ScrapMatters (a million years ago!). It was a lady with a huge black hat and bright red lips. I thought to myself at the time that anyone who would have that avatar had to be classy and fun.

 

[bbymks5]

(INTJ) I tend to trust my gut instincts. Rikki definitely hit the nail on the head.

On the flip side, I've been told on several occasions by friends/acquaintances that they did not initially like me. These are the things I've heard the most: I'm not good at small talk (silence doesn't bother me), I suffer from resting (b)witch face (if I'm not smiling/laughing I do not look approachable at ALL), I'm honest (to a fault), I'm not overly wordy (why say something in 100 words when I can say it in 10? This was often brought up in performance reviews, that I need to fluff my responses back to managers) so I seem blunt/cold/unfriendly. But once someone gets to know me, the aforementioned things are the weaknesses/qualities they end up liking the most about me.

I always go with my gut feeling and even though I have possibly come to like people in a way even though I had a bad first impression I have never been good friends with anyone I didn't like from the start.
It's not that I am not willing to admit that I was wrong, but after thinking about it now, those people that I misjudged then become acquaintances (maybe even close acquaintances, if there is such a thing), but not what I consider friends.

I'm a cancer and it shows, I suppose.

Dito to what you said minus the reflecting. I don't even bother to analyze my dislike. The dislike in itself is already enough for me. , .

Absolutely, to differ between online and IRL is for people who don't go online often enough and think this is a different world. Or for trolls. Or people who hide behind an online persona that they aren't.

 

[Kiana]

I'm a hardcore INFJ so I'm definitely a super intuitive person & pride myself on being a good judge of character.

With that being said, I'm pretty sure I make a terrible first impression on people. At least when it comes to job interviews considering the dozens and dozens of interviews I've had over the years that never went any further along.

I'm not sure how to fix that.

OMG this is me too...even down to the job interviews. ROFL

 

[Nemla]

Short answer,I more often than not go by first impressions, I more often than not are right about my first instinct.
Long answer. Since I give a fairly standoffish first impression my self,I try not to let a shy / closed / sour face become part of my first judgement.
When we had the shop,It showed that I am ok to trust my instincts,and for example some of the people who my husband chose to give credit to and trust,but I did not and warned him about,I was right....every time.
If my instinct is to step away and not get close,I do that from the beginning,and it is hard ,and hardly ever happens that that goes in reverse so to speak. My hubby is the opposite ,so it makes life interesting.
Old friendships however get many chances with me,and I can see m a ny different sides to a story.
Online friendships I value too. And I think they are a important part of my life, even if I will never meet them.