December | Pad Patter 11/24

[Karen]

Do you feel ready for December?

No. I'm on a day-by-day basis. My mother, who has liver cancer, has had a big dip in her health. Like big enough that we thought we were going to lose her the Friday before Thanksgiving. Right now, she needs someone with her 24/7, so that is taxing for me and my sister. @LivyBug and my husband have stepped in and have been such a huge help. My cousin Sandra who is a retired nurse has been so very helpful with nursing tips as well as being my Mama's minister. My Aunt Jan came on Saturday and will leave Wednesday morning. She's been staying with Mama at night so that my sister and I can have a break. Her health has rebounded and she actually put on lipstick and "real clothes" for Thanksgiving.

We are supposed to be moving to my Grandma's house, which is right in front of my Mama's house. It's been dragging out for a couple of months now for a variety of reasons. My Mama really wanted to see us moved into the house and she was going to help me decorate it. Even if we get a chance to move in December, I don't know that she will remain strong enough to "play house" - what we call decorating. I'm still praying that it will happen. In the meantime, she has regained strength to sew on a family quilt that needed finishing, and I'm currently working on a crocheted snowflake and crystal banner. I also have a cross stitch project going as well. Olivia has been coming over and working on crocheting projects, too. Since we are mid-move, most of our house is boxed up. I refuse to decorate for Christmas because I won't be here most of the time, and I don't want to drag it out just to move in a couple of weeks. We all pitched in this past weekend and decorated Mama's house, and it's so beautiful and comfy.

What are you looking forward to in December?

I am looking forward to every single day I can have with my Mama. Really, just about anything these days is a miracle to me. I am absolutely struggling with depression, but I had a Come To Jesus Meeting last night with myself, and I've just got to stay focused on the positive things. So it's not that I haven't complained, or won't complain, but I need to focus on the good. This trickles down to every single loved one. I want to see them and hang out and eat good food and laugh and so much more. I am looking forward to celebrating my faith each day. I look forward to knowing completely and trusting God that the light shines so much brighter in the darkness, so that no matter how many trials come our way, we can still be the light and share the light.

Oh goodness Cheryl! Sending you big squishy hugs for all that you're dealing with. I didn't know about your Mama having liver cancer or that you were moving houses! Those are both HUGE life events and to have them both at the same time and during this busy time of year is a LOT, so please please please give yourself lots of grace. Every day you make it through is a BIG deal!

 

[gonewiththewind]

Sending lots of love your way Cheryl, that's a lot to deal with. You are a wonderful daughter!

My sister and I keep telling ourselves that . . . we are loving her and caring for her just as she has loved and cared for us. Spoiled is more like it. So we're spoiling her!

Oh Cheryl! Hugs. It's so hard when the roles switch. I think since I'm an only child, I feel a lot of pressure to be there all the time. Do it all for them. I can't though, and I have my family too, so I get all torn up. I'm so glad that your Aunt gave you a little break and you had some down time. I do enjoy the time I have with my parents, not that they are in dire health, but just to realize they are still here and I try to enjoy it all, even my frustrations. Hugs!

It is VERY hard when the roles switch. Especially when she gets confused because the toxins are building up in her brain. We've been extremely blessed to have her mental acuity the past 10 days. So it's a knife-edge balancing act to let her retain her independence but also override that if we can objectively see she can't handle something. I'm sending hugs to you . . . lots of us here at TLP are in this stage of life. My biggest suggestion is that you do what you can, knowing that you are giving your all, and don't get torn up about it. I'm fighting the mental battle of thinking I'm not doing enough, and the days when I can do it and know I'm loving her are so much better than those "torn up" days. ((HUGS)) and love you!

Oh goodness Cheryl! Sending you big squishy hugs for all that you're dealing with. I didn't know about your Mama having liver cancer or that you were moving houses! Those are both HUGE life events and to have them both at the same time and during this busy time of year is a LOT, so please please please give yourself lots of grace. Every day you make it through is a BIG deal!

I pray every single day, almost continuously, for God's peace that passes my understanding to overwhelm me instead of being overwhelmed by circumstances. But it is hard. Thank you for the encouragement! ((HUGS)) and love to you!

 

[jk703]

@gonewiththewind Many many hugs! Thank you for your suggestions too. It's so hard when the confusion hits. I'm always thrown off.