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Facebook - the good, bad and the ugly

Jan, I'm so sorry this has happened. I don't deal with conflict very well and I probably would have burst into tears.
I have been working on making myself happier and less stressed in every aspect of my life, including Facebook. One of the steps in a declutter challenge was to declutter Facebook. Any pages popping up that don't interest me anymore, get unfollowed/unliked, people too.
I haven't really had any issues with political things (not in the USA, so it is a bit more tame down here), except for marriage equality, which all happened last year. Leading up to our vote, I did have to unfollow a friend who got over-the-top about the issues and quite rude and accusatory. I was on the same side, but I hated how she went about things. After it was all done I follow her again, and things have all settled down.
Another issue I had was a friend from high school who knew that I have always struggled with my weight. She signed up to be a consultant for some sort of weight loss program and took it just a few steps too far. She messaged me privately and asked if I want to be happy and the only way that would happen is if I lose the weight. She posted on her personal FB page about how fat people are just lazy, if they cared about themselves or their loved ones they would get up and do something, you can't be happy fat, etc. It was actually disgusting. And this was her "motivating" people... I immediately unfollowed her. I'm all for weight loss, and I wish it was that easy, but it definitely wasn't healthy for me to be scrolling through a barrage of insults every time I was on Facebook.

I would HIGHLY recommend going through your Facebook and unfollowing things that don't make you feel good. You don't need to go on a super purge, but every time you are on there and something pops up that doesn't make you feel happy, unfollow, unlike or unfriend.
 
I have many friends that I have unfollowed because of the content they post (not always political either) but I don't want to unfriend them. Also, back in 2016 I found an app add-on for my browser (and FB) that will filter out those types of posts you don't want to see. You can also set preferences to get rid of the extraneous stuff that Facebook thinks you need to see (ADS among other things).

My feed is so much nicer now. This program was a life saver during the 2016 election! I no longer look at FB on my phone because of all the junk. I prefer the simplified look of it on the computer using this browser app.

It is called Fluff Busting (FB) Purity. FBPURITY.COM is the website. It is also free!
 
I used to feel guilty about unfollowing people on FB, now I know it just makes me feel better. I don't mind political arguments as long as they are well researched, not just a quote from a dodgy opinion piece. Oddly enough, the only person I have unfollowed recently has been a left wing friend (which is where I think I sit) but who was just reposting conspiracy theories (a pet hate of mine) without doing a fairly basic google search to see if what he was posting was correct.
More often, I unfollow friends who post every little thing in their lives (one was a very graphic description of the symptoms of a stomach bug she had, did not need to know that!) and way too much of how well their kids are doing. My best friend gets so caught up in how well every one else's kids are doing compared to hers - who are doing just fine btw - she knows it's just the FB filter (only show the good stuff, never the bad/boring stuff, but she still loses sleep over it.

Guilty admission, I don't mind the ads, I know it's an invasion of privacy having targeted ads but I get stuff I want as well...:blush
 
I have lately started using the feature that lets you stop seeing posts from someone for 30 days. Kind of a "trial separation." :D I have a few very remote friends who post a LOT of political stuff and it annoys me. They share many of same political views I have but just seeing all these outraged political posts every day raises my anxiety level. If I don't "miss" those friends after the 30 days are up, I'm going to unfriend them permanently. You could try that with your friend to see if a cooling off period helps.

One of my pet peeves about FB is the fact that it's harder/takes longer to access content than comments. So, often instead of clicking on an article and reading it, people just click on the comments and start blathering away. I'm guilty of clicking on the comments and wasting a lot of time getting irritated by the trolls and bots and people who are just idiots. Why oh why do I waste my life on this? I think FB would be a much better place if there were content (such as news) that could be posted without open commenting.

I love the idea of a FB decluttering challenge! I'm going to try to declutter mine this week.
 
I really don’t like Facebook at all.

When I first started using Facebook, I was pregnant with my daughter and lived five hours from our family. I loved it because I could easily share pictures with them. Plus, I was able to reconnect with some old friends who I missed a lot.

When I ran a business for five years, Facebook was invaluable. Potential clients were always interested in page statistics, so I was actively involved in growing that.

Now I no longer have a business, I live closer to my family, and the friends I truly care about I have a relationship with outside of Facebook.

By this point, I have hidden or deleted so many people that
1. Continually only post about this product or that product they are selling and that you should join their team
2. Obviously try to stir the pot
3. Post fake news or click-bait stories often

At the beginning of the year, I decided to just sever ties with Facebook. I realized that the reasons I used to like Facebook were no longer relevant and that as a whole, it brought more negativity than positivity into my life. I loved not using Facebook and enjoyed watching Facebook digitally squirm as I stayed away. I got emails from them that would remind me I hadn’t logged on in a while or that I had a lot of new “likes” or that a friend had posted new content- they just wanted me to come back.

Unfortunately I did. I joined several creative teams and two solely operate on Facebook. I truly wish they utilized a private forum or something similar so I could permanently sever my Facebook ties. Until then, though, I will be on Facebook.
 
GlazeFamily3 said:
Unfortunately I did. I joined several creative teams and two solely operate on Facebook. I truly wish they utilized a private forum or something similar so I could permanently sever my Facebook ties. Until then, though, I will be on Facebook.
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I am in an online school and they use a FB group for us to ask questions or post comments about tasks we have to complete. It is a pain because it is not easy to find things on a group. The schooling has 13 modules with multiple lessons in each module and it is a do it at you own pace school. So try finding something from module 1 lesson 5 when others are posting from module 8 lesson 3. The school itself is a separate website and I have strongly suggested that they need a forum there. One person "in the know" agreed and said they'd have to look into it but nothing has been done (and I've suggested it multiple times!) New students get added all the time and then the same questions get asked over and over again. Some students fall through the cracks of the school because they don't use FB at all.

FB was much better when it was just a place to keep up with family and friends. Heck, I joined to see if I could find a college friend that I hadn't seen since I was in her wedding. We corresponded for awhile but eventually lost touch. Her DH was in the Army and they were all over the world. Found her my 2nd day on FB after 25 years of not knowing.

The browser add-on I use now has brought FB back to what I want it for so I'll keep FB for now.
 
I explained to my daughter that friends act a certain way and people that aren't friends act another.
I would unfriend without hesitation, not even explaining why. He seems unlikely to hear what you are saying as his actions already show a lack of respect for you.
 
Seriously, FB is now just a gatherer of personal information. "FB was much better when it was just a place to keep up with family and friends." Yep, but that was the hook to get us all in there and keep adding more and more personal info from all the stupid quizzes that will tell you if who your famous twin is to the kind of animal you have as a spirit guide etc. to all your family connections and friends, photos with gps info etc etc. With that kind of info and algorithms, your whole profile keeps getting more and more detailed. Bin Laden was found that way, not necessarily FB but that kind of data mining. I very rarely post but still read about some current & old friends I don't see any more. But each time I do, I swear I'll drop FB totally but I'm still addicted.
 
cookingmylife said:
Seriously, FB is now just a gatherer of personal information. "FB was much better when it was just a place to keep up with family and friends." Yep, but that was the hook to get us all in there and keep adding more and more personal info from all the stupid quizzes that will tell you if who your famous twin is to the kind of animal you have as a spirit guide etc. to all your family connections and friends, photos with gps info etc etc. With that kind of info and algorithms, your whole profile keeps getting more and more detailed. Bin Laden was found that way, not necessarily FB but that kind of data mining. I very rarely post but still read about some current & old friends I don't see any more. But each time I do, I swear I'll drop FB totally but I'm still addicted.
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I couldn't agree more. Now Zuckerberg wants to do "facial recognition". Scary!
 
NancyBeck said:
At that age, I wonder if your friend could be starting to suffer from dementia. The anger that you describe is an atypical symptom:)
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My thought as well. Things seem to blur quite a bit, including the perceived intensity of emotions being conveyed. He may not realize how strongly he is coming across. We have this experience in our family.
At any rate, you are choosing not to fight the battle, so you shouldn't feel badly and your decision about your account is YOUR decision. We place way to much emphasis on social media in the first place. So I would breathe easy about your choices and enjoy life! :)
 
i think life was easier before social media in many ways - i left my old FB years ago and made a new one just for scrappages and i like it better but i'm not really much of a FB'er - i'd unfriend if they are disrespecting you Jan, sad but such is life.
 
Facebook has gotten really nasty lately...I just can't. I have zero problem unfriending people who are being ridiculous, I don't care how close I am or once was to someone. I keep my circle tight, I'm too old for drama llamas and all of the MLM, direct sales etc posts.
 
GlazeFamily3 said:
Unfortunately I did. I joined several creative teams and two solely operate on Facebook. I truly wish they utilized a private forum or something similar so I could permanently sever my Facebook ties. Until then, though, I will be on Facebook.
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This. I've deactivated my Facebook account many many times, but I have it mostly because I have to for CT's. Otherwise, it'd be gone! If I didn't like those designers so much....Sigh.... Oh, and Homeschool groups. Argh.

HavaDrPepper said:
I am in an online school and they use a FB group for us to ask questions or post comments about tasks we have to complete.
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Yep. I have it for school right now. Mine runs smoother since ours is specific to our year only, and not self paced.
 
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To the original question: Delete him. If you miss him, you can refriend him and use the excuse "You mysteriously disappeared from my feed".

I actually decluttered my Facebook by sticking everyone in a list called "Feed", and any other lists they belong in. And I have unfollowed everyone else, all groups, everything. Except for 4 groups- TLP, Sara's Plant Your Story with daily prompts, and 2 religious inspiration ones. I also only have my dad, mom, husband, and 7 super close friends in my feed. Of those 10 people, only 3 post regularly. The others, like my mom, is more "just in case". That way, I'm more focused when I get on. I don't endlessly browse, I specifically check which groups I want, or open the list I'm curious about. My sister is one of those who way over shares everything! It's wonderful not to constantly see her "updates" or whatever quiz she took!

I do have some groups set up to notify me of every post like my CT groups. That way, I don't miss stuff, and I don't waste time browsing Facebook. I did this about 6 months ago. I don't miss the clutter at all.
 
I'm pretty sure I don't use Facebook the way it is supposed to be used; I do not use it for any type of discussion and I almost never make any comments, except in groups (which I belong to specifically for discussion). I only use Facebook to share my photos and to look at everyone else's photos. I don't look at anything else, I only react to personal photos, and I make a point of hiding most "shared" posts. (If there is a comment above the share, that my friend is saying about the shared post, I might consider leaving it, but all the memes, quizzes, and "so-and-so likes" ad posts I hide the sources so I don't see them again. My dream is an entire newsfeed of just the photos my friends and family share!)

I'm sorry that you have to go through this and I hope that you were able to resolve it. There is a lot of good advice in this thread !
 
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