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QuiltyMom

QuiltyMom

I'll never run out of things to do!
Joined
Feb 3, 2012
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I am having an issue with one of my Facebook friends. He's actually a former colleague who I absolutely love, but I'm afraid that as he ages he is getting more out of control (I think he's now in his early 80s?). His posts are extremely political, angry and one-sided. I typically just hide all of them, but last week he posted something that was totally out of line. I called him out on it, and now he's posting left-wing political messages on my non-political posts in retaliation. I removed the posts from the feed, which will most likely make him more angry. And I'll most likely have to unfriend him after I let him know why, which would be unfortunate.

You can own and express whatever opinions that you care to believe in, but don't inflict your anger where it doesn't belong.

Has anyone else had this issue? And what have you done?
 
First of all, I'm very curious what a retaliatory left-wing political message would be. I'm liberal and have really wanted to understand how the current political situation could have possibly happened. But so far I haven't found anything that makes sense. Do you have any suggested reading for me?

I have unfriended/unfollowed a few people when their anti-Obama and gun posts have become too much. I haven't had anyone bother me much on my own posts, even though some of mine have prompted political discussions. Probably because I don't engage a lot. I mostly just read online, and talk with people in person. If someone was bothering me repeatedly on my own posts, I think I would block them. Your page is your page; make it what you want.
 
QuiltyMom said:
Has anyone else had this issue? And what have you done?
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First of all, I'm sorry this is happening. It's not fun to feel like you're being attacked for your views, no matter the forum. Now, as to "what have you done?" part of your post: I deactivated my personal fb account almost 4 years ago. (I have a fb account using my DS screen name so I can follow my fave DS designers and TLP, but I don't post any status updates, etc. None of my IRL friends/family have that account info.)

But if you like fb except for this experience, then you probably don't want to close your account. (It wasn't hard for me cuz I was just over fb.) Anyway, I was thinking that, unless you still interact with this man in real life, then you shouldn't have to explain why you unfriended him or blocked him or however you decide to handle this. He doesn't deserve anymore of your time and all you're going to get is more inflammatory PMs back at you if you message him about this. Unless this man knows someone in your current job or otherwise knows someone that you still consider important in your life, then this isn't something you should worry about. The idea of facebook is NOT to have you scared to check your news feed or, worse, scared to read comments on your own posts.
 
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I am going to quickly echo our kind hearted and wise Laura here and quickly say: let's be sure to tiptoe away from specific political implications with this post or responses. As she has said, "it's important to remember that we have diverse membership in this community and the lens by which we may filter this discussion could be very different based on our nationality or [our personal political landscape]. Thanks for understanding and respecting the desire to be neutral in this forum, where I always like to think our love for scrapbooking is a great unifier."

So while I think it's perfectly within bounds to speak about this in a general sense, in a FB and relationships kind of way, let's be very careful not to walk down the road of specific political discussions that may become inflammatory in their own right, here in our forum. :beat
 
I unfollowed many people during the election cycle who were posting things that I just could not agree with or even agree to disagree with.

I would have a difficult time 'absolutely loving' someone who would troll my personal page in vengeance for something I posted on his page. I'm too old for petty BS. I would send a message to let him know how I felt and see what he said. If he is just looking for an apology, I might give him one if that would repair the relationship and the relationship was really that important to me (or in line with my personal morals/ethics). If he was on the warpath and/or wanting me to say or do something on my page or his that I could not or would not do, I would wish him the best and tell him that I was blocking him.
 
That said, I have seen relationships deteriorate due to politics and I have seen that play out on social media platforms. And it always hurts my heart to see it. I'm sorry to hear that this seems to be holding true for you right now.

I don't often speak about politics on Facebook, personally, because it is - for our family - mostly an avenue to stay connected with loved ones from which we are geographically separated. And my business lives there and it's important to me to focus on building bridges and finding shared humanity, always. Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't use my voice about things that matter to me, it just means that I don't often do so through that platform. And that doesn't mean that I don't have to set boundaries sometimes.

I make use of FB lists quite a lot. I have lists for my military connections, for family, for scrapbooking friends, etc. I also have my privacy settings set pretty specifically so that my posts are only seen by those I want to see them. And I have had to unfollow a person here and there because they were especially full of vitriol. But I have yet to unfriend someone. Relationships always always supersede politics for me so I hope I don't have to go that route.

Perhaps you could put him on the "restricted list"? - putting someone on the "Restricted list" means that you’re still friends, but that you only share your posts with them when you choose "Public" as the audience, or when you tag them in the post.

If anyone decided to share inflammatory posts on my non-political posts I would be pretty protective of my page and posts. I would likely put this individual on my restricted list. Unless I felt the relationship worth reaching out privately to initiate a discussion.
 
It is interesting that you post this. I'm trying hard this week to take a big step away from Facebook - with varying results. I love how it allows me to keep up with old friends...but I sometimes think that it encourages a certain level of superficiality/weirdness in our relationships with other people, and a lot of what I see in my news feed (political and otherwise) just makes me feel bleh.

I feel pretty passionately about a lot of political issues, but I would never post links and the like on someone ELSE's page. That seems rude. I am pretty far to the left, and I live in a very red state - not counting my family, I can probably count on one hand the number of people in my little town who voted similarly to me! - so I've learned to use the "unfollow" button to maintain both my sanity and civility. Sorry this is happening to you. What I do know is that neither side will EVER change hearts or minds by shouting at one another on social media.
 
I have really struggled to understand why everyone is so hate-filled in recent years and feel the need to be so ugly to each other. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs, we all come from a different place and perspective, and it seems that instead of trying to understand each other, people just tear each other down. And they seem to refuse to believe that ranting on FB is not changing anyone's mind. It's sad. I also keep away from politics on social media for the most part. Sometimes I feel the need to just post about being kind to each other. But I agree with the others...if he is posting things on your page on your posts that are just vengeful, I would have to do something. Like Sara, I have lists that I post things to...family, scrapping, etc. And I have also used custom lists like "friends except...." when I don't want someone to see something. I have also unfollowed a few people here and there. It sounds like maybe the Restricted list might be a good option for you if you don't want to unfriend him. You should not have to constantly police your page for posts to delete. Make it what you want it to be and if he is going to continue to be angry about it, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
 
I have unfollowed (not unfriended) many many people including ones from my own side of of the political spectrum because of vicious political or religious posts - or even an overabundance of cute cats, dogs etc. I spend very very little time on FB and if I want to go check on someone I can. Otherwise, it became TMI, across the board.
 
Thanks for all your thoughts. I stay far, far away from any politics on FB just because it is where I keep in contact with friends and family. I'm picky about who I friend so I can keep it fun and safe. I see the good and the bad from of political sides, but instead choose kindness over hate - even if that hate is directed to me.

michelepixels said:
First of all, I'm very curious what a retaliatory left-wing political message would be. I'm liberal and have really wanted to understand how the current political situation could have possibly happened. But so far I haven't found anything that makes sense. Do you have any suggested reading for me?
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This is a hard one, but simple at the same time. I see it that no one wants to compromise - it's us or them. There's no discussion, no trying to figure out what went wrong or to see something through someone else's eyes. And it's gotten worse. There's so much anger.

But here's what happened. I love the California Coast Redwoods, so I had shared a post from the NPS showing the beautiful trees so my friends could see them. He ranted his "views" of the current administration and how they are damaging our natural resources and national parks. Then I had posted something about the planned walk out today, but saying everyone should make sure to thank a teacher, say hello to someone they didn't know, sit next to the person who is always alone at lunch, etc., to share kindness. He came back with a rant on how even Jesus turned the tables in the temple... Sigh. You don't pick a fight on my account. So, I simply deleted the posts without saying anything.

Tree City said:
First of all, I'm sorry this is happening. It's not fun to feel like you're being attacked for your views, no matter the forum. Now, as to "what have you done?" part of your post: I deactivated my personal fb account almost 4 years ago. (I have a fb account using my DS screen name so I can follow my fave DS designers and TLP, but I don't post any status updates, etc. None of my IRL friends/family have that account info.)

But if you like fb except for this experience, then you probably don't want to close your account. (It wasn't hard for me cuz I was just over fb.) Anyway, I was thinking that, unless you still interact with this man in real life, then you shouldn't have to explain why you unfriended him or blocked him or however you decide to handle this. He doesn't deserve anymore of your time and all you're going to get is more inflammatory PMs back at you if you message him about this. Unless this man knows someone in your current job or otherwise knows someone that you still consider important in your life, then this isn't something you should worry about. The idea of facebook is NOT to have you scared to check your news feed or, worse, scared to read comments on your own posts.
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LeeAndra said:
I unfollowed many people during the election cycle who were posting things that I just could not agree with or even agree to disagree with.

I would have a difficult time 'absolutely loving' someone who would troll my personal page in vengeance for something I posted on his page. I'm too old for petty BS. I would send a message to let him know how I felt and see what he said. If he is just looking for an apology, I might give him one if that would repair the relationship and the relationship was really that important to me (or in line with my personal morals/ethics). If he was on the warpath and/or wanting me to say or do something on my page or his that I could not or would not do, I would wish him the best and tell him that I was blocking him.
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I haven't seen him in years. We used to work for the same para-church organization back in the 80's and have many friends in common, but that's about it. Sadly, if it keeps up I'll just have to block him. He even may think it's funny. I sure hope not. I make liberal use of the "hide" button for all political parties, news organizations, and the like, which had made my feed a much happier place. I've just never had anyone do this to me before.
 
IntenseMagic said:
I have really struggled to understand why everyone is so hate-filled in recent years and feel the need to be so ugly to each other. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs, we all come from a different place and perspective, and it seems that instead of trying to understand each other, people just tear each other down. And they seem to refuse to believe that ranting on FB is not changing anyone's mind. It's sad. I also keep away from politics on social media for the most part. Sometimes I feel the need to just post about being kind to each other. But I agree with the others...if he is posting things on your page on your posts that are just vengeful, I would have to do something. Like Sara, I have lists that I post things to...family, scrapping, etc. And I have also used custom lists like "friends except...." when I don't want someone to see something. I have also unfollowed a few people here and there. It sounds like maybe the Restricted list might be a good option for you if you don't want to unfriend him. You should not have to constantly police your page for posts to delete. Make it what you want it to be and if he is going to continue to be angry about it, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
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@scarletsierra and Jan, I had no idea you could make custom lists on FB! I'm going to have to check that out. I'm such a non-techie... haha!
 
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NancyBeck said:
At that age, I wonder if your friend could be starting to suffer from dementia. The anger that you describe is an atypical symptom:)
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Nancy, I was thinking the same thing. He also posted a photo of himself in a wheelchair, the first I've seen of that. I've always known he's had opposite views from me, but I've not been seeing this type of behavior until the past few months. I'm hoping that's what it is!
 
I deactivated my FB account. I didn't delete it, so I can log back in if I need to, but deactivation doesn't even show that you're on FB.
 
Thanks for explaining more. It sounds like he and I share some political beliefs but he is rude to be repeatedly provoking you on your own posts. If I'd seen your tree post I would have admired their beauty, as you intended. I hope he stops, or, if not, you feel comfortable blocking him.
 
Tree City said:
First of all, I'm sorry this is happening. It's not fun to feel like you're being attacked for your views, no matter the forum. Now, as to "what have you done?" part of your post: I deactivated my personal fb account almost 4 years ago. (I have a fb account using my DS screen name so I can follow my fave DS designers and TLP, but I don't post any status updates, etc. None of my IRL friends/family have that account info.)

But if you like fb except for this experience, then you probably don't want to close your account. (It wasn't hard for me cuz I was just over fb.) Anyway, I was thinking that, unless you still interact with this man in real life, then you shouldn't have to explain why you unfriended him or blocked him or however you decide to handle this. He doesn't deserve anymore of your time and all you're going to get is more inflammatory PMs back at you if you message him about this. Unless this man knows someone in your current job or otherwise knows someoneP that you still consider important in your life, then this isn't something you should worry about. The idea of facebook is NOT to have you scared to check your news feed or, worse, scared to read comments on your own posts.
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Perfectly said! That's a great idea to start another account. I DO miss not being able to keep up with the crafting groups.
 
I use Facebook like @scarletsierra - to maintain contact with family and friends that are either geographically separated from me OR that might live close but I don't have time to see them all except for an annual family reunion (I have a HUGE family).

What would I do in your situation?

Given that this friend of yours is an acquaintance with years separating your in real life contact, I wouldn't hesitate to unfriend him.
 
I've taken a step back from facebook (I'm only using it for business) mostly due to the time it sucks away from my family and a little bit to do with what I've seen (mostly ads it seems like & then political posts). I honestly don't know that a political post on facebook is going to change anyone's mind. I've engaged a few times and it usually ends in people angrily ranting and name calling.

I find that my time is better served with the people that are right before me. Training, serving and helping.

Sorry for those of you who like to see my family posts on facebook, you'll see a lot less of those. Although you'll still get to see my weekly pages here in the gallery if you are at all interested in what's going on with my family.
 
I have to admit that I do love keeping with my "friends" via facebook but honestly anymore there is so many people that posts things I don't want to see that I am almost ready to just delete my shortcut to facebook and pretend it is not there. I think what started as a great tool to keep in touch with those distant friends has turned into a disaster.
 
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