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Holidays are falling apart ... can't keep it together anymore

Christmas has been an extremely hard season for me pretty much all of my life... since the age of 16. My grandmother (mom's side) passed away the day after Thanksgiving (Nov 26, 1971). She was the one that had Christmas for the family every year and it was never really the same after that. Fast forward through the years... I never married or had children of my own so Christmas was just not something to look forward to. I also have no siblings so have no nieces or nephews. Then in 1993, my other grandmother passed away on Monday before Thanksgiving. Funeral was the day after. In 1995, my grandfather (mom's side) passed away on Dec 5. Then on Dec 26, 1996... my mother passed away.

Coming from a small family, I've always celebrated with extended family. Now that is even falling by the wayside. The last several years because of health issues with the cousin that had the dinner on Christmas night, we haven't even been able to have that. Several times we've met for a late lunch on Christmas Eve at a restaurant in town. Didn't even get to do that last year... ending up being the 26th instead and that cousin couldn't even attend. I have only seen my father once on Christmas since 2000 and that was when I went to NC for the holidays in 2000.

Last year was extremely hard for me. My kids were my 2 dogs who were both in failing health so I had them both put down on Dec 4. This year is going to be even harder... my father passed away in June so I literally have no immediate family left and I have no idea if the extended family will be able to get together. There is nothing about the season that makes me happy at all and I just wish I could skip the month of December. My dad's birthday was Dec 1 so I'm positive that will be when all the SAD really hits.

For most people SAD doesn't affect them til the dark days of January... Come January 1, I am fine. I just know that December is not a good month for me and I do deal with it the best I can (an essential oil blend I've found will definitely help!) Some years are better than others and I persevere. I just know that I cannot force myself to be full of the Christmas spirit and forcing myself to be happy. That just makes things worse. Last year I couldn't listen to Christmas music at all... not sure how this year will be.

I will get through it though, I always do :carryon
 
I am sorry to hear your situation. That is tough. I have not had extended family to have Christmas with since I was 16 so that was out. Over the course of 3 years I lost 3 of my grandparents, but it was my maternal grandfather that was hardest. It's always been my husband, boys and I. Although my parents came a few years.
Anyway, I hope you have read through the whole thread. These women have helped me so much in recovering the spirit of Christmas and myself. Now another life shocker has hit and I am determined to not let it ruin my Christmas. And forcing doesn't work.
I hope this year will be better for you. I know those essential oils do help. It's a good idea and I hadn't thought of that yet. I have SAD a little, not enough to really be diagnosed but I figured even if light therapy helps a little it's worth it.
I wish I could give you a hug and make the pain go away. If you knew my story you would know how hard I have fought to keep my sanity and to get back to "normal" I refuse to let anything get in the way of my happiness. This was a tough spot I found myself in and thank goodness for the Pad and all the friends here.
 
gonewiththewind said:
Stay in PJs at least one day of the school vacation and do NOTHING but what I want to do
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Every year, I ask for this for my birthday and mother's day, Christmas, just because day.
a day, no bra....m&m's and soda and not answering
ANY questions, not having to make decisions on
what are we gonna eat, what time do you want me home,
do you know where _________insert item_______ is?
MOm, do you? Can you, can we, did I?
Hon, what is?
I have done it once for 3 hours, as hubby took the kids (all of them) some place.
It was awesome.
It was the day I learned CS5.
went from elements to the big jump.
pure amazing day.
aah
I get happy thinking about that day
 
HavaDrPepper said:
I will get through it though, I always do
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Rene, I hope this doesn't sound canned or phoney, cause it is from the depths of my heart
really this community here is more than scrapbooking.
we see each other's lives develope on pages, and share so much here, please, please, know as much as we (and I put myself) can are here as friends.
December sounds like my Septembers (bad memories, deaths, hurts and such), yet you have the added pressure of Christmas everywhere...I can't even imagine having that. That makes me just ache.
In September, one of the things as a family we do to combat that creeping angst of pain is to attack it. I fight with prayer and action. If I can't combat it with hands on, I make my brain full of other activity that is "better" than the situation.
OUr home was filled with people thru September. I on purposed did that. ONly to find, that many of my friends were struggling with the same hurts. My children really hurt us and our friends...I didn't think of that. Having them over. Many mentioned..."how can you, in the middle of the hurt?" I had been looking at me, and not thinking of others...once I got the focus OFF of me...it seriously became so so much easier.
Yep, pain is there, now I fight not being hardened...cause I will be here when wayward kids really grow up and see what their actions and words have done. I love them, and want to have it heal...so...argh I rambled..but
rene, what I am saying is this is a safe place...I think it is, and think many would agree. It is kinda nice to have a friend, that you can tell her your hurts, and if she tells her friends about it...it's okay..cause I don't know them..bhahhaha
 
AnneofAlamo said:
Every year, I ask for this for my birthday and mother's day, Christmas, just because day.
a day, no bra....m&m's and soda and not answering
ANY questions, not having to make decisions on
what are we gonna eat, what time do you want me home,
do you know where _________insert item_______ is?
MOm, do you? Can you, can we, did I?
Hon, what is?
I have done it once for 3 hours, as hubby took the kids (all of them) some place.
It was awesome.
It was the day I learned CS5.
went from elements to the big jump.
pure amazing day.
aah
I get happy thinking about that day
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I love that free time. It's good to have it to recharge and be a better wife and mother. :)
 
HavaDrPepper said:
Come January 1, I am fine
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I so know the feeling.

Only family I have is my sister. The state changed rules, which means the staff, can't bring her home for a day visit, as I live over 60 miles from her. So no visit from her this year.

Mom, always had us for thanksgiving and christmas. Christmas was her favorite holiday. Oh, the fond memory of after thanksgiving cleanup, she would bring out, the plastic canvas ornaments she had made me that year.

I just break down, when I hear the first christmas song.
 
Cath_ said:
I so know the feeling.

Only family I have is my sister. The state changed rules, which means the staff, can't bring her home for a day visit, as I live over 60 miles from her. So no visit from her this year.

Mom, always had us for thanksgiving and christmas. Christmas was her favorite holiday. Oh, the fond memory of after thanksgiving cleanup, she would bring out, the plastic canvas ornaments she had made me that year.

I just break down, when I hear the first christmas song.
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Cath, can you take a drive and visit your sister? Perhaps where she is at, they have family meals where you can enjoy that with her.
 
so sorry to hear, Carrie. I can understand, am in a very similar place right now.
I still choose to do the DYD, aside of the fact that I love scrapping the kits, scrapping the feelings and putting them out in paper sometimes helps me get rid of the negative, sometimes just gets me forgetting about them even and keeps my mind busy....
Hope you can get to spend a peaceful time, and maybe even enjoy yourself... people keep telling me that one needs to count oneself first...but I do know that is easier said than done... hugggzzz
 
Tomarow, hope sleep all day. There won't be anyone online here discusing things. I checked acouple other site, and there is no personel discussion what so ever.
 
I'm here. Just read the whole thing. Wow, what wonderful thoughts and ideas from so many different people! @carilyne thanks for starting this thread. Obviously, we all are dealing with issues too. Personally, I try to handle this time of year by enjoying the good that is there and ignoring what is missing or hurting. I find that there are always people around that need help and by looking for them I have great opportunities to be happy by making others happy. Know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of scrapbook material here. lol
 
wvsandy said:
I'm here. Just read the whole thing. Wow, what wonderful thoughts and ideas from so many different people! @carilyne thanks for starting this thread. Obviously, we all are dealing with issues too. Personally, I try to handle this time of year by enjoying the good that is there and ignoring what is missing or hurting. I find that there are always people around that need help and by looking for them I have great opportunities to be happy by making others happy. Know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of scrapbook material here. lol
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Thank you Sandy. It has been a blessing. I thought the same thing -- there's a lot to scrap in this thread. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
 
I'm here. An offline day can be good for the soul, but I love to pop in here when I need someone to chat with. It seems like someone is almost always around.
 
I also have mixed emotions about this time of year. I'm thinking about those of you without family. My mother was placed on hospice the day after Thanksgiving last year and died on Dec 7. Both of my kids are home for Thanksgiving. My two sisters are coming here so we can be together on the anniversary of mom moving to heaven. We will shop and drink wine and reminisce about her. We are trying to make this a happy time and remember that she was healed of Alzheimer's and reunited with our dad that day. This time of year just brings out all the emotions! I'm looking forward to the MOC.
 
Cath_ said:
Tomarow, hope sleep all day. There won't be anyone online here discusing things. I checked acouple other site, and there is no personel discussion what so ever.
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I was pretty busy today, but was home by 7 pm and now I'm getting ready to scrap. Hope you got some great sleep and that you've got lots of energy for scrapping!
 
Popped in to send big cyber hugs to my family here. Two of my wayward children popped in to the home today. I got good hugs. I did not cry, cling or lecture. My daughter told me I won big points. So yeah. Tired and remodelling almost done. Hugs to you all, I so appreciate you all so much. Thank you. Hope to be back full babble next week.
 
AnneofAlamo said:
Popped in to send big cyber hugs to my family here. Two of my wayward children popped in to the home today. I got good hugs. I did not cry, cling or lecture. My daughter told me I won big points. So yeah. Tired and remodelling almost done. Hugs to you all, I so appreciate you all so much. Thank you. Hope to be back full babble next week.
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What a great surprise and blessing. I think that news made my day. Hugs to you.
 
You know what I did today? I took care of myself. I'm in week 2 of an awful lupus flare. We have a yearly tradition of driving to Tahoe & spending the day in the snow. I didn't feel like it, but I wouldn't let down my kids, it's too special. I started to drive & got tired. I asked my husband to drive. This may sound ridiculous, but I have a need to Superwoman all the time. It was a big deal. I set the pace for everything so we had time to relax in front of the fireplace. When we got to the snow park, I found a beautiful tree stump & made myself comfortable. I took tons of pics, some card worthy. On the way home, we stopped at Sizzler. I had my favorites. The 6yr old pulled his chair next to mine, & I played his video game with him at the dinner table. I just relaxed & let myself "just be" rather than make myself "just do it". I hope you enjoy yourself no matter what!
 
jesskab said:
You know what I did today? I took care of myself. I'm in week 2 of an awful lupus flare. We have a yearly tradition of driving to Tahoe & spending the day in the snow. I didn't feel like it, but I wouldn't let down my kids, it's too special. I started to drive & got tired. I asked my husband to drive. This may sound ridiculous, but I have a need to Superwoman all the time. It was a big deal. I set the pace for everything so we had time to relax in front of the fireplace. When we got to the snow park, I found a beautiful tree stump & made myself comfortable. I took tons of pics, some card worthy. On the way home, we stopped at Sizzler. I had my favorites. The 6yr old pulled his chair next to mine, & I played his video game with him at the dinner table. I just relaxed & let myself "just be" rather than make myself "just do it". I hope you enjoy yourself no matter what!
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Good work. It's hard to do especially on the holidays. Hope you feel better soon.
 
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