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Holidays are falling apart ... can't keep it together anymore

dailydwelling said:
My kiddos are 11, 11, 9 and 6. Thankfully we have an amazing church family who have been wonderful in loving on us! We're making plans to have Thanksgiving dinner with a family from church and we'll figure Christmas out as it comes.

I think you've got some great support here and some awesome suggestions on how to make the Christmas season special for YOU! <3
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You have a handful. So glad your church has taken you in and loved you. So important.
 
we've had a mix of all of it over the years. big family get togethers where everyone is getting along, drama filled years, and quiet years ... especially when we lived across the country (west side) whenever else we knew was back east. we learned to celebrate holidays with newly made friends or have small gatherings and just celebrate the four of us those years.

the last year or two we've had smaller family get togethers bc everyone has been so busy doing their own things but this year my brother is going through a divorce so everyone is going to make the effort to be there for him.

i've learned each year is different - depending on what is going in everyone's lives - and to just roll with it.

but it can definitely be hard when your heart is set on one thing and others are just not buying into that. it's always especially hard to have those fillings during the holidays. you're not alone in feeling this.

i love the advice to embrace the season and make it your own. you are such a thoughtful person, i'm sure you will find ways to bring yourself some joys this season and maybe make some new special traditions that are meaningful to you. maybe your family will come around when they see you enjoying yourself despite them!
 
cookingmylife said:
Everyone has said so many wise and caring things that I have little to add. Do the things that make YOU happy before Christmas and remember Christmas is Just One Day. A holy day and a day to cherish the peace in your heart.
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Maureen - what a way with words you have. "A holy day and a day to cherish the peace in your heart"...that needs to be on a scrap page. Well said.
 
I was pretty happy about having everyone home for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Last year, my mom was placed on hospice the day after Thanksgiving and she died before Christmas so the whole holidays last year are a blur. Then the election happened. Now I'm a bit worried as members of the family have differing views. As long as I can make this a "no political discussion" holiday season, I'll be ok. Hoping for that!
 
cookingmylife said:
Everyone has said so many wise and caring things that I have little to add. Do the things that make YOU happy before Christmas and remember Christmas is Just One Day. A holy day and a day to cherish the peace in your heart.
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Actually it's two for us. Dec 11 and 25. So we're figuring how that works out. But I love your quote and really hope to make it that kind of day for us. Last year I had a tree in my room and spent an hour or so just looking at it and all that Christmas means. It was the best part of the day.
Mainly my question was how not to trudge through December and miss all the spirit of Christmas. It actually if you really look at it is a spiritual question as well as having a spirit of joy. All these answers have helped so much. I needed an attitude adjustment and you ladies have helped so much. Even Cath caught some of the excitement of it which makes me happy.
 
kimingvtx said:
I was pretty happy about having everyone home for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Last year, my mom was placed on hospice the day after Thanksgiving and she died before Christmas so the whole holidays last year are a blur. Then the election happened. Now I'm a bit worried as members of the family have differing views. As long as I can make this a "no political discussion" holiday season, I'll be ok. Hoping for that!
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That would be so hard. My dad is in an adult care home and can't hear on the phone. It's just going to be weird not getting that phone call. It was so different the year my mom died the end of September as well.
 
you need to just do the things that bring you joy and don't worry about the others. hugs!
 
You have gotten some great encouragement, @carilyne ! I read through the entire thread, and it was a great encouragement to me, too!

I talked to my sister about something recently, and I think it applies here as well. When I was growing up with my mom and sister, I'd see something beautiful or experience something, and I'd think, gee, I can't wait until I get married and share this with my husband. Now, my hubby is an extraordinary guy and quite sensitive, but he has his limits. LOL There are times when I was just overwhelmed by music or nature, and he was NOT ON THE SAME PAGE. It was SO disheartening. And then I had an AHA moment when I was with my sister and my mom, and we were ALL enjoying the experience we were having . . . and I realized that all those times I was wishing for my mate, the special people that I was supposed to share those times with were already there! I know that I can count on them to get the things that make me feel joy. We just have so many expectations in life, and rarely does the reality ever fit! So that AHA moment bled into some other areas as well . . . when I realized that my expectations were way too high . . . and that I just needed to roll with whatever was happening (especially when it comes to my in laws - they do not celebrate holidays the way mine does HA!). I'm not always successful at it, but when I'm able to do it, I have a much better time and then my good attitude affects the others around me as well. /endofsermon hee hee

Some things that I do for myself during holidays:

Sit with tea or cocoa and stare at the tree
Watch movies that make me feel happy
Take hot showers (nothing can make me get a better attitude than a hot shower)
Spend extra time with my makeup and outfits so I feel sparkly
Listen to Christmas music while scrapping
Look through my Christmas scrapbooks
Stay in PJs at least one day of the school vacation and do NOTHING but what I want to do
Journal in our Christmas Memories book
Read
Drink eggnog
Light candles (I love my flameless candles)

I hope you find special things that make the holiday season come alive just for you . . . so that you feel that something wonderful on the inside . . . and others will see that light and it will make their season better as well. ((HUGS))
 
gonewiththewind said:
You have gotten some great encouragement, @carilyne ! I read through the entire thread, and it was a great encouragement to me, too!

I talked to my sister about something recently, and I think it applies here as well. When I was growing up with my mom and sister, I'd see something beautiful or experience something, and I'd think, gee, I can't wait until I get married and share this with my husband. Now, my hubby is an extraordinary guy and quite sensitive, but he has his limits. LOL There are times when I was just overwhelmed by music or nature, and he was NOT ON THE SAME PAGE. It was SO disheartening. And then I had an AHA moment when I was with my sister and my mom, and we were ALL enjoying the experience we were having . . . and I realized that all those times I was wishing for my mate, the special people that I was supposed to share those times with were already there! I know that I can count on them to get the things that make me feel joy. We just have so many expectations in life, and rarely does the reality ever fit! So that AHA moment bled into some other areas as well . . . when I realized that my expectations were way too high . . . and that I just needed to roll with whatever was happening (especially when it comes to my in laws - they do not celebrate holidays the way mine does HA!). I'm not always successful at it, but when I'm able to do it, I have a much better time and then my good attitude affects the others around me as well. /endofsermon hee hee

Some things that I do for myself during holidays:

Sit with tea or cocoa and stare at the tree
Watch movies that make me feel happy
Take hot showers (nothing can make me get a better attitude than a hot shower)
Spend extra time with my makeup and outfits so I feel sparkly
Listen to Christmas music while scrapping
Look through my Christmas scrapbooks
Stay in PJs at least one day of the school vacation and do NOTHING but what I want to do
Journal in our Christmas Memories book
Read
Drink eggnog
Light candles (I love my flameless candles)

I hope you find special things that make the holiday season come alive just for you . . . so that you feel that something wonderful on the inside . . . and others will see that light and it will make their season better as well. ((HUGS))
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Thank you Cheryl. It means a lot to me that you wrote. Growing up Christmas was miserable because nothing my dad got my mom was good enough and it ended up in a big blow-up every Christmas. So I lowered that expectation before I got married and decided I would not do that. I married a man who does not want to buy presents. And we've tried everything we can to work through that. I think I gave up on expectations a long time ago. But I do get caught up in them every now and then.
It's more then emotional condition the family is in. Son 1 is struggling so much with his divorce (the antidepressants are working so he feels more of the sadness than before). The husband is starting to talk again, he was really pulled into himself. Now he is in on making it a good Christmas for both boys so that's a relief.
Let's see you list. -- Oh I need to find my flannel pj's! (I know granny gown too warm for your climate). There's this movie page I have to scrap. Need to start the Christmas music. And I just ordered me some flameless candles!
This thread has helped so much. And I'm working up the gumption to do some Christmas things on my own.
 
Keep the oldest boy in your prayers. He's doing okay with it, but still so sad. What a number she did. I have to get my husband to find my Christmas movies (they got put away weird).
 
I do. And you mine. I haven't even asked how life is going lately. Obviously you have been in a Christmas spirit -- such great templates.
Amazingly my husband participated in planning somewhat of a surprise Christmas for my oldest -- he's not allowed to know what we are doing for silly or entertainment (I'm not sure but working on it). And my DH came up with something he had always wanted to try so to cook so it is working out.
This has been such a good experience for me. I'm ready to start my December book -- although my gratitude album needs some pages. Thank you all.
 
@carilyne I am doing about the same. Back pain is still in full force, but I'm managing with medication. I have a follow up with my pain management doctor, and I hope to have another procedure before Christmas (the same one I had last year, where they burned the nerves). As far as family, it's not perfect, but I'm like you, choosing to focus on the good things. And yes, yes, yes . . . I'm SOOOO ready for Christmas and decorating and baking and all that stuff this year. I was so down last year with Olivia being gone but this year I'm pretty well adjusted to it and I feel the spirit!
 
Good to hear except the back. That procedure sounds, I don't know I just went ooooooh but I bet it does work. Isn't hard when one kid is gone? That was hard for me last year. This year it will be good to see him.
Getting in the spirit for sure now. And loving it. I just need a bit of cleaning spirit (okay a great big bit of it).
 
maybe i go off line till after the holidays. maybe start a project of databaseing something. All is too much, for someone who avoids real life...

better then doing 25 days of what will never be again
 
How about 25 days of doing one thing different. Of saying Christmas will never be the same, but I can make it special by... Holiday shows you watch, or new songs. Elf on the Shelf, except it being a little note to your hubby instead. Things you include in your Christmas and where they came from.
It's a lot attitude and deciding I can make a difference in my life by changing this one thought.
 
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