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What is Your Oxygen Mask? | Pad Patter 12.5.2018

AnneofAlamo

AnneofAlamo

Slippers IN sunshine? Even better!
Joined
Aug 30, 2009
Messages
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So, my house is full of some special needs kids. Although, we are done, the couple left can get me riled up and sucking for air. I had a very kind woman give me this advice:
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So, it is the holidays, our kids, family and even ourselves are in a state of what the heck is going on???????????
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I am trying to find my oxygen mask for crisis, small and big.

I know, to walk away, use words that calm me and encourage. Those are good.
Self care...
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Tell me some of your IN THE MOMENT, oxygen Masks you use....and I would love to hear of the ways you practice self care! We can help each other during this HOliday Season...that seems to go until March!
 
"Just Breathe" is my favorite. I honestly forget to breathe - when I'm stressed, I do that "shallow breathing" and that used to lead to full-on panic attacks. I've learned how to control those, thankfully. I even have "Breathe" tattooed on my right wrist. It's a constant reminder to me. (I wanted Just Breathe, but it was too long, so I went with Breathe.)
 
if I can - I move to a quiet place alone.
I often find doing something with my hands helps me calm and de-stress. So I make little things, and carry a hand sewing or crochet project around with me in case I need it when out somewhere.
 
This is going to sound really complicated, but hear me out!

Scientifically, anger is never your first emotion. So when I get angry, I immediately question it.

"What is really wrong? What set me off, what cause the "anger" to begin with?" Was I flustered? Frustrated? Embarrassed? Hurt?

Once I get to the source of what REALLY is the problem, I can figure out how to fix it, so it rolls into that for me.

Flustered? Sort things out one by one. "You, put up trash, you put up dirty clothes, you, go back to your room, why are you even out?! (that last one to my room mate. lol)

Embarrassed? What embarrassed me? Is it something that happens to everyone? Are they really going to care that much about it? Is there a quick distraction?

Hurt? Okay, physical? Breathe. Breathe lots. Emotional? Decide if it's really worth getting angry over. Is it a mis-understanding? Did they mean to hurt me? If not, can I gently point out the problem so it doesn't happen again and we both feel better? Can I ask their intention and find out if it was meant before I fully commit to my anger?

All these steps immediately deflate me. Sometimes I can't pin point the source and so I go off into another room until I've had time to calm down and figure it out. :)

Hope all that made sense!!
 
Cherylndesigns said:
I even have "Breathe" tattooed on my right wrist. It's a constant reminder to me.
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I have Just Breathe tattooed on my left wrist :) When he asked which way I wanted it turned, I told him that it was totally for me, so I need to be able to read it all the time.

Honestly, scrapping is my escape from whatever is stressing me out at the moment. I love to get lost in a page. But, if that's not possible, I would say that I normally just walk away for a few minutes and breathe.
 
IntenseMagic said:
I have Just Breathe tattooed on my left wrist :) When he asked which way I wanted it turned, I told him that it was totally for me, so I need to be able to read it all the time.

Honestly, scrapping is my escape from whatever is stressing me out at the moment. I love to get lost in a page. But, if that's not possible, I would say that I normally just walk away for a few minutes and breathe.
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Same. He asked me and I said "no that it was for me". I wanted to be able to read it, too. I see it every time I do something. That's interesting that you have that tattooed on your wrist as well.
 
In the moment it's listening to a few minutes of an audiobook. Escaping into someone else's fictional world and experiencing their emotions instead of my own anger and frustration tends to calm and reset me.

Books can do that too, but I'm not someone who can read for 5 or 10 minutes and then put the book down. I love audiobooks because I can keep being productive while I listen. Audiobooks also force me to pay attention more. If I'm stressed and pick up a paper book, I sometimes read on autopilot and realize a few pages in that I'm still replaying my own frustrations and not paying attention to the book. That doesn't happen as often with an audiobook.
 
Right now, I think alone time is my self care. I notice I get antsy and annoyed quicker when I haven't had that quiet time by myself. Sometimes I read, sometimes I scrap, sometimes I just sit and veg. But the alone time I need.
 
Being alone and in the moment with a book and/or jigsaw puzzle is my best medicine for stress.
When I feel angry or “I just don’t know anymore” I make sure to go outside. I try to do that everyday anyway and it helps me grounded.
In general it’s all about having some time to not “need” and “have to” but to just “be”. And when I’m reading or doing a jigsaw time slips away just enough for it to work it’s magic.
 
I may have always been a patient person -- I don't remember my young years much -- but definitely having young kids helped me master patience. I remember thinking a lot, whenever my young kids were difficult, that whatever the problem was, it would not last. That has extended into all kinds of situations for me. Whenever I'm not happy in a situation and can't change it, I just remember that it will end eventually.

Another thing I've noticed helps me if things feel stressful is doing housework. I must not get stressed much though, because my house is NOT very tidy. ;) But I've had the response enough times to notice. My sister even commented on it once, many years ago.

But are we talking about things we do beforehand to prevent stress? I have become so good at getting time to my introverted self ever since my teenagers were little that it's not even a conscious effort anymore. When they were little I did my grocery shopping on Saturdays alone so I could leave them with my husband. I'd get a bite to eat and relax in the store before shopping, too. And, one evening a week, when my husband would arrive home from work, I'd take my laptop to Panera and read online or scrap or whatever for a couple of hours until the restaurant closed. Now that they're older I just take Me Time whenever it comes to me, which is usually in the morning because I'm a morning bird, and during those times I'm waiting in the van while one of my children is in a class or activity. I go on outings -- walking and photography -- with my friend most weekends too.
 
I think the biggest thing I have learned to do for myself, especially during this time of year is to stay no sometimes. For instance, last night the whole school (my kid's go to a small private Lutheran school) hosted a meal before our first Advent service. Usually I would have cooked something, helped setup AND helped clean up. But, wednesday is my usual work out day after school and before church... so instead of doing it all, I bought some items they needed for the meal, dropped them off and then went and did my workout instead of skipping it to help out more. I NEED that work out for my mental health and physical health, but it's always been really hard for me to put myself first... so that's a learning thing for me. I find that me not jamming in too many things into my schedule helps me be in a better place to be present for my family. We also decided not to go to every single Christmas party that we've been invited to, because it gets too stressful to fit it all in and then we don't really enjoy going to them all anyway. Pick the things that bring you joy and say no to the things that are just extra stress!
 
bestcee said:
Right now, I think alone time is my self care. I notice I get antsy and annoyed quicker when I haven't had that quiet time by myself. Sometimes I read, sometimes I scrap, sometimes I just sit and veg. But the alone time I need.
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Yes yes to alone time. I need time without answering questions or fixing others.
I am planning my escapes for Christmas break now.
 
michelepixels said:
Another thing I've noticed helps me if things feel stressful is doing housework. I must not get stressed much though, because my house is NOT very tidy. ;) But I've had the response enough times to notice. My sister even commented on it once, many years ago.
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I had a counselor just tell me, the reason I clean and organize in stress times is because although I can not fix the situation, I can make my house adhere. My children maybe out of control, but my utensils are all in order. It isn’t OCD, but a coping mechanism for me.
The whole family knows, the entire house can be in disarray, but my living room is not for leaving things. It doesn’t have much decorations. It is my space of relaxation. Probably why Christmas decorations begin to bother me.
 
My immediate "oxygen" used to be a sip of Dr. Pepper. I almost always had a bottle in the fridge. I wouldn't drink the whole thing, just a sip now and then. Now I have walk to the store to get one, instead of keeping DP in the house... but it is sooo worth it on those days I have go get one! Alone time is a big one for me.

AnneofAlamo said:
I had a counselor just tell me, the reason I clean and organize in stress times is because although I can not fix the situation, I can make my house adhere.
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Clara used to do that when she was little (like 7 or 8). We we could go into her room in the morning and discover that she had reorganized her closet and drawers or rearranged her furniture. We didn't think anything of it, just a Clara quirk. We took her to a therapist for another reason (suspected learning disability) and they discovered her issue was anxiety. She was feeling out of control, so she *had* to control something. She spent a few months seeing a therapist and the behavior stopped (her anxiety was related directly to dreading going to sleep). But it's interesting to see what we do in order to cope.
 
Karen said:
stay no sometimes.
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oh this is so important!! I usually suffer a bit of guilt when saying it and more so, when the activity is going on. But, I am getting better.
Work OUT time is important! it is, it is!!
 
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