Products used :
Luvyama | Elements by Pink Reptile Designs
Luvyama | Papers by Pink Reptile Designs
Unscripted | Elements by Pink Reptile Designs
Naturelle | Papers by Pink Reptile Designs
Follow Your Dream (M3 FEB19 ADD ON) Elements by Li Li Wee
Citrus Element Pack by Micheline Lincoln Designs
My translated journaling :
There are years when our lives leave us no respite.
This is my year 2020. A year in which the trials I had to face will remain the hardest of my life. The year when the world changed and my world changed too. My life has reminded me that we are simple mortals and that life hangs by a thread, that it is essential to remember this with every step we take, so that the ephemeral can last as long as possible.
Yet the year begins with a respite, my mother's cancer seems to be behind us. We can breathe.
In February, however, her exams are not good. The picture shows a suspicious spot on the cerebellum. Our hopes collapse. Overcoming cancer, the first time was already a miracle, twice it won't be possible. We hang on for her, to support her in her difficult moments. Especially since the covid comes and locks us down, far from each other. She will face alone her relapse, her surgery, the stress and the anxiety of going back to long and painful treatments.
I spend the months of April and May locked down, wondering what to do: go see her at the risk of transmitting a virus that would put an end to all her chances, or stay locked up in my home and know that she is alone to face all this. What a hard dilemma. I finally break the lock down to go to her home and accompany her to the hospital. She called me out of breath, the disease has progressed too far, she is weak. She was brave and hold on to the maximum she could go. Now it is up to us, her children, to take over and be strong to accompany her, support her and make the last months of her life in the best possible way.
Summer is spent in dotted lines at her home, at my home. I am at her side for the daily routine: helping her climb the stairs to take her shower, filling out the various files for disability and various allowances, organizing the interventions of health professionals, preparing meals for her, taking care of her house and her plants. But also to be a reassuring presence at his side, to discuss and enjoy together the time we have left, to laugh and smile despite everything because we have to do it to move forward and forget a little.
I go to see her as soon as I can, even if the conditions of visit are always restricted because of the coronavirus and the second wave that is coming. I engrave in my memory specific moments so that they remain forever in me, like our last hug. The moment I find myself huddled in her arms, I become a child again, for a few minutes time freezes and I know in my heart that I must make the most of it because it is the last time I am smuggled up to her. A heart-wrenching farewell, upsetting but so important, which today allows me to move forward without regrets in my new life without her.
