Created for the April 2020 Journaling Challenge: Documenting
Life Right Now
I used Little Butterfly Wing's To the Girl I Was Then, Thank You; Micheline Martin's Cardboard Alpha.
My journaling is difficult to read in its orientation and some is covered up. So, the 372 words read:
"The past TWO YEARS have been exceptionally difficult. At work, I dealt with a toxic environment. The likes of which left me full of SELF-DOUBT and FEAR. All the while I was going to school. A Master’s in Molecular Diagnostics. 4.0. Yea! But that was a lot of hard work and my final grade may end to be slightly less than a 4.0. Anyways. I made a lot of self-sacrifice. My entire life became about work, WORK and more work (minus digital art…I refused to give that up). I currently find myself to be BURNT OUT. And, therefore much about me has changed, in a NOT so GOOD way. I am like 20 pounds heavier than when I started. I don’t work out like I used to. I don’t eat as healthy and I drink too much alcohol. I feel lazy. Like I don’t want to do anything. But I know I am not lazy (can’t get the grades I got and be lazy). So much of my life was put on HOLD to focus on school. And work left me drained and depleted too, questioning who I am. I am not the girl I used to be, either. At 44, I am about to enter the MIDDLE-AGED bracket. Therefore, I am never going to be the girl I used to be. LIFE RIGHT NOW? I am tired and chubby. I don’t have the get-up-and go and drive that I used to. I am like totally okay with the COVID-19 situation happening around me because it gives me the excuse to be anti-social and crawl into my cave. Which I need to do, that’s how I recover and get back to “me.” Social isolation—I love it…lol! Seriously though, I am glad to get this out. Put it in writing. I totally believe WE CREATE OURSELVES. I just need some time to recover from the past two years. And I need some time to reinvent the middle-aged me. The parts of me I want to regain are self-confidence, self-sufficiency and eating healthy, whole foods. What I want to get over—feeling like I don’t want to do anything, feeling disengaged from life, and not having motivation to live life to the fullest."
