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When do you give up on having nice things?

QuiltyMom

QuiltyMom

I'll never run out of things to do!
Joined
Feb 3, 2012
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Yet another item was broken in my house, and no one really cares. No matter how many times I remind my family members to pick things up, they don't. Or remind them to take care of things. Nope. How about to not use a game board to work on your sculpture? Or do your painting in the backyard, not on the living room carpet? And especially, to please not step on things. I've watched them literally step ON bags of groceries, rather than over. Seriously.

Is it time for me to give up and get rid of the things that I'm hoping makes my house a home? I'm the only one who likes them, anyway. My family wants functional, not pretty. I'm just tired of seeing things I love ruined because no one cares, or thinks it's all frivolous and unnecessary so why do we have it?

Has anyone else ran into this? And if so, how did/do you deal with it? I'm all out of ideas.
 
Awww, Jan! First I'm sorry you're dealing with this... second I can kind of understand. We have seven kids... but only two left at home and I feel like I'm failing as a parent because the house is always a mess - and no one cares! They will pile dishes in the sink because "mom will take care of it" rather than put them in the dishwasher which is literally right there waiting to be loaded... or emptied! (But of course no one empties it until I say three, four or five times to do so!)

My hubby would rather have no decor I think and he's broken his fair share of my treasures. :'( When the shoe is on the other foot however, then there is a huge stink! If the dog chews someone's things there is a big fuss about that... but really? It's on the floor folks - if you don't want it chewed up - put it away! Grrr!

I feel your pain! (((hugs)))
 
Ugh...I know exactly how you feel!! The kids and the hubby Hulk-Smash and Godzilla all.of.the.things. It's so annoying!! Money doesn't grow on trees to just keep replacing everything!
 
Oh man! I'm so sorry Jan. I don't have any advice. When my kid leaves his kindle on the floor it gets taken away. And then he's more careful. But that doesn't work for family things.
 
Sorry Jan... maybe have them have to pay for the repairs or replacement of things they've broken? Or make them fix the things themselves. My kids definitely do the dishes in the sink thing too... and so does my hubby. But, when they do, I call them back to the kitchen and make them fish nasty dishes with food all over them and they have to empty the dishwasher and then put the dishes in the dishwasher. Sometimes if it's really nasty, I'll make them do a load of laundry on top of the dishes because I need to remind them I am not a maid. :)
 
When we got married my DH told me he wanted to furnish the house with This End Up furniture (remember that store?) because you could jump on it and it wouldn't break. That should've been my first clue. He grew up in a house that was what he called a "museum" and I think this is the result. He doesn't want to bother doing simple tasks that would keep things nice because if it's that nice I shouldn't have it where it will be used. I thought he was joking, but I guess he wasn't.

Now no one wants responsibility because it's not "their stuff". I still don't get that,.

KairynLisa said:
My hubby would rather have no decor I think and he's broken his fair share of my treasures. :'( When the shoe is on the other foot however, then there is a huge stink! If the dog chews someone's things there is a big fuss about that... but really? It's on the floor folks - if you don't want it chewed up - put it away! Grrr!

I feel your pain! (((hugs)))
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Oh, I know. Been there... I finally got through to them to do the dishes lately because I refused to cook unless the family cleans up. Funny how suddenly the kitchen gets cleaned after each meal. I should've thought of that sooner.

bbymks5 said:
Ugh...I know exactly how you feel!! The kids and the hubby Hulk-Smash and Godzilla all.of.the.things. It's so annoying!! Money doesn't grow on trees to just keep replacing everything!
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I like that. Hulk-Smash and Godzilla! Ain't it the truth! I'm feeling not so alone in my pain anymore. I'm not sure that's a good thing, though. :-/

bestcee said:
Oh man! I'm so sorry Jan. I don't have any advice. When my kid leaves his kindle on the floor it gets taken away. And then he's more careful. But that doesn't work for family things.
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The latest thing was the removable dryer shelf where you can dry things - but not tumble. I saw it on the basement floor with something on top of it. I guess it got stepped on (sigh). It's going to cost a fortune to replace. DH asked if I really needed to replace it and I said because I use it all the time. That obviously wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Karen said:
Sorry Jan... maybe have them have to pay for the repairs or replacement of things they've broken? Or make them fix the things themselves. My kids definitely do the dishes in the sink thing too... and so does my hubby. But, when they do, I call them back to the kitchen and make them fish nasty dishes with food all over them and they have to empty the dishwasher and then put the dishes in the dishwasher. Sometimes if it's really nasty, I'll make them do a load of laundry on top of the dishes because I need to remind them I am not a maid. :)
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Great idea! Usually if something breaks I can fix it. (My Dad was a Mr. Fix-it and he taught his daughters to do the same.) I'll have to make them do it next time.
 
Yep. Same here. But I have to admit that I do not put a lot of sentimental value on things and don't care for knick knacks. I also don't think it's important to have matching things. If 8 people came to my house for dinner they wouldn't get 8 sets matching silverware - and I don't care.
If something breaks, so be it. When my mom died I inherited this set of super nice matching glasses with really thin glass. We used them (she never, they were just sitting in the cupboard for special occasions) and about 6 months later all of them were broken. It's only things.

When I was younger I often kept things for that special moment, but I have gotten around to using things and using them means breaking them. At least in our house - and it seems in yours as well, lol. I'm ok with it.
 
QuiltyMom said:
Now no one wants responsibility because it's not "their stuff". I still don't get that
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They may not think of it as "their stuff," but, and I say this with love and respect (which can't be inflected via black-and-white text!), it is their home, and they should have enough respect for you to also have respect for the things that you've brought into the house. Does "Stuff" matter? No: people matter. Your family is what's important, of course. However, it takes time and money to purchase and take care of the things in your home, which means that the people inside your home--because they care about the family--should respect the items inside the house. Accidents happen, sure, and if we can't let go of "stuff," then that's another issue (have you seen an episode of "Hoarders," for example?). But if I saw a child of mine step ON a bag of groceries instead of walking around/over it, I would be livid. Heck, I saw red just reading your post! To me, if my child did that, then it's like they're walking all over me. This is an issue of respect--not for "things," which are replaceable to an extent. This is an issue about understanding the rules that a house needs in order to function properly. That lack of respect would bother me.

We got new sofas in Feb. I can't tell you how happy I am to have some nice furniture! But I tell you what: before those sofas were delivered, DH and I explained to our kids that there will be NO eating on the new sofas and NO drinks of any kind, including water. You want a snack? Go to the table 5 feet away and have your snack. You can still see the tv. (Thanks, open concept home!) But my DH and I agree on our House Rules. IDK what I'd do if he felt differently than I did. Our old sofas were IKEA and like 7 years old, but even then they were only allowed water and certain snacks every once in awhile, with a towel on their lap. No Jell-O or grape juice lol. But part of why I had that rule on the "crappy" furniture (it actually held up really well, btw!), is that I knew one day I'd have nice-looking sofas that I'd want to keep looking nice for a long time. I figured it was easier to have a rule in place before it was necessary. Going backwards is tough.
 
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Total catch 22 in that feeling!!

It's really hard nowadays for people to comprehend the value of things....everything is "disposable" and hardly anything last as long as they once did, and newer and better things come available a lot sooner than they ever used to!

QuiltyMom said:
I like that. Hulk-Smash and Godzilla! Ain't it the truth! I'm feeling not so alone in my pain anymore. I'm not sure that's a good thing, though. :-/
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I know this is a hard one! I have six children and being that they are all adults now I finally have my nice stuff out of storage. And am slowly buying the furniture that is nicer.
When my boys were young there was no way I could have my nice stuff out without some type of ball hitting it ........ sigh...... So yah box up the stuff that means the most to you and know the day will come that you can have it out.
 
I think you're fighting a losing battle if you can't get your husband on board with you. The kids will see that he is not following the rules and do what he does vs. what you tell them to do. If he won't back you up when you try to enforce said rules, the kids will quickly ignore and/or resent you. They'll be able to tell that Dad thinks you're 'silly,' too, and you & your rules will return to being a joke.
 
Have y'all seen this article on "Swedish Death Cleaning"? It's quite informative. I should start my "cleaning" now!

https://www.treehugger.com/cleaning-organizing/swedish-death-cleaning-new-decluttering-trend.html

@Tree City - there's two big things going on in our house. #1. My DS has Asperger's Syndrome and he just doesn't "get it". Therefore, having stuff for when he eventually moves out of the house doesn't make sense. #2. My DD literally wants nothing other than what she can carry on her back, then eventually in a tiny home on wheels. She sees everything in the house as not necessary, something that will tie her down. Granted, she's 17 and she may change her mind after she's out and about, but until then it's hard.

And I totally agree with your statement on respect. We've repeatedly told that to them, but ... see above. And I do believe my DH is also an Aspie, so... I feel I'm fighting a loosing battle.

@Sokee - Yay for finally getting your nice stuff out!
 
@QuiltyMom That is a very interesting article. Thank you for linking us up to it.

I know where you are coming from when you say your DS just doesn't get it. One of my sons has Down Syndrome and there are just things that he "doesn't get". He is not a destroyer of things but there are other aspects where you are fighting a battle that you will never win.
 
It's so hard. Mine are older and they even still seem to have little respect. They will walk around with full to the rim coffee cups - spill and leave it. I always tell them, a fresh coffee stain is easier to get out than one that is 2 days old (when I usually find it!). I've even offered to get the stains out myself if they would just tell me they spill it. All of the stuff in our house is rather beat up and I don't buy anything expensive for that reason. Maybe one day when it is just me and the hubby we can invest in nicer things- but the biggest problem in all honesty is my 3 dogs! Seriously they are worse than the kids by far! I'm ready to throw out 2 chairs in my office that they have destroyed.
 
@jenn mccabe I feel your pain, Jenn. I don't invest in EXPENSIVE nice things because I'm in the same boat. I have 2 daughters in their 20's, plus a teenage son, and the girls are just as bad as my son. I think their brains are just wired wrong...lol.

I'm waiting until we become empty-nesters, which is going to be at least 5 more years from now.
 
QuiltyMom said:
Yet another item was broken in my house, and no one really cares. No matter how many times I remind my family members to pick things up, they don't. Or remind them to take care of things. Nope. How about to not use a game board to work on your sculpture? Or do your painting in the backyard, not on the living room carpet? And especially, to please not step on things. I've watched them literally step ON bags of groceries, rather than over. Seriously.

Is it time for me to give up and get rid of the things that I'm hoping makes my house a home? I'm the only one who likes them, anyway. My family wants functional, not pretty. I'm just tired of seeing things I love ruined because no one cares, or thinks it's all frivolous and unnecessary so why do we have it?

Has anyone else ran into this? And if so, how did/do you deal with it? I'm all out of ideas.
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See above...lol. I think we should all start a club. :D
 
Oh man- I totally feel for ya! I always say I'm just going to record myself saying the 10 phrases I say over & over so I can save my breath. ;) My kids are still pretty little, so I give them SOME slack- but my 9 year old can totally help out. They just don't' see the same things we do I think. I'm no help- as it's here too... just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone in this!
 
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