Toilet humour (not what u think) | Pad Patter 6 Mar

[bellbird]

So it feels like all i have heard people talk about in real life, on the radio and on tv this week has been toilet paper, or lack thereof, among other grocery essentials, in every shop from panic buying. This is going on in other countries too, right?! It's not just hysterical Aussies?! It is mind boggling beyond belief what loo rolls are going for on ebay at the moment and I wouldn't be surprised if some people were locking them in safes right now but it did make me remember when we stopped keeping a spare roll on the window sill above the loo (the toilet was in a separate room nextdoor to the main bathroom) because DS as a toddler tried to flush a whole new roll a couple of times. I can't imagine the grief that would cause in our current crisis situation but I also remember another mother telling me around that time I was lucky because she nearly had to fish her keys out of the loo!

So feel free to share any stories about what got flushed or almost flushed - hopefully they are funny rather than icky stories!

 

[Karen]

Apparently it's not just in your country because it's happening here too, but I don't think so much around me thankfully. So weird!

Thankfully I don't have any almost got flushed stories, my kids never went through that phase.

 

[littlekiwi]

It’s crazy here too as well - seems nuts when you think there’s actually only 4 confirmed cases here.

 

[cookingmylife]

Darn I do wish I'd got to Costco last month for my tp bundle that usually lasts me ⅓ of the year at least. In any case, yesterday our water (on our street) was shut off at noon and came back on at 4:30 but filled with dirt. So much for hand washing. I have no idea what happened but the city guys were out there for quite a while. They said to run the water in the tub til it came clear which took a while with a lot of air bubbles that made it sound awful. But with our downstairs wall hung toilet, the water came out a horrible brown for quite a few flushes. Memories of young sons who wouldn't remember to flush solid waste...ugh.

My only story of odd items flushed was decades ago in England when I had an old container of Cool Whip, amazingly not eaten. I, for some odd reason, decided to flush it down the toilet and to my horror the white fluffy stuff turned into something like styrofoam chunks and would not flush. I had to scoop them out and wrap them in newspaper before putting them in the bin. I didn't eat Cool Whip for a couple of decades...

 

[Cherylndesigns]

Oh, that's one of the first things to go when a storm is impending. TP, bread, milk, water and beer.

My funny toilet story happened when we were kids. Our paternal grandmother was SO funny and we loved going to her house and spending the whole weekend. She always played with us the whole time we were there and I think Grandpa got a little jealous. He was super grumpy though - the polar opposite of Granny.

She used to get so tickled and laugh so hard and one night she was laughing and her false teeth fell out and she accidentally flushed them down the toilet. Of course, she came out hysterically telling us what she'd done. Grandpa got SO mad! He had this deep, gruff voice, and with his face VERY red he said "Well, Ope (that was what he called her - short for Opal), I don't think that's very funny! Now we have to buy you a new pair". Of course, there were at least 3 of us cousins there and we all laughed and laughed. We laugh about that incident to this day.

 

[bellbird]

for some odd reason, decided to flush it down the toilet and to my horror the white fluffy stuff turned into something like styrofoam chunks and would not flush. I had to scoop them out and wrap them in newspaper before putting them in the bin

Wow & eww!

 

[bellbird]

one night she was laughing and her false teeth fell out and she accidentally flushed them down the toilet. Of course, she came out hysterically telling us what she'd done

OMG! Was not expecting that! Love that you all still laugh about it!

 

[IntenseMagic]

Thanks to the cats, and a small bathroom, we've had lots of stuff wind up in the toilet - hair brushes, toilet paper, deodorant, whatever is on the shelf. Thankfully nothing actually flushed.
I did have a phone land in the toilet once. I forgot I had it in my back pocket lol.

 

[BevG]

I flipped a pager (remember those?) into a just flushed toilet and had to grab it out. It did not survive.

I flipped my phone into an unflushed but used toilet like @IntenseMagic did (i.e. back pocket). I used my Mom hands and pulled it out quick enough that it lived.

I once came home to find hubby using a snake tool on the toilet because he was babysitting the toddler who had a poopy diaper that had leaked onto the kid pants. He had been rinsing them in the toilet, flushed it, and lost his grip on the pants. At least he was trying to help.... too bad he didn't have Mom hands which would have rinsed them in the sink.

 

[Dalis]

I was in shocked and immediately thought maybe this is how people are preparing themselves and their families.

 

[Scrapping with Liz]

@Dalis LOL!!!
@cookingmylife - I would not think that cool whip would do that!

I went into the grocery store to do my normal weekly shopping. I went to grab some toilet paper and was surprised to see how low they were. I was still able to get some. I was wondering why. Weird.

I have dropped a phone and toothbrush into the toilet. Ewwww!!! I don't have anything too terribly gross to tell.

 

[Cherylndesigns]

OMG! Was not expecting that! Love that you all still laugh about it!

That's one of our crazy family stories, Justine. We have a lot of them, but that one involved a toilet. I had to tell it.

 

[bellbird]

Thanks to the cats, and a small bathroom, we've had lots of stuff wind up in the toilet - hair brushes, toilet paper, deodorant, whatever is on the shelf. Thankfully nothing actually flushed.
I did have a phone land in the toilet once. I forgot I had it in my back pocket lol.

I flipped a pager (remember those?) into a just flushed toilet and had to grab it out. It did not survive.

I flipped my phone into an unflushed but used toilet like @IntenseMagic did (i.e. back pocket). I used my Mom hands and pulled it out quick enough that it lived.

I once came home to find hubby using a snake tool on the toilet because he was babysitting the toddler who had a poopy diaper that had leaked onto the kid pants. He had been rinsing them in the toilet, flushed it, and lost his grip on the pants. At least he was trying to help.... too bad he didn't have Mom hands which would have rinsed them in the sink.

oh man! you two are unlucky! But i did laugh about the cat and your DH, Bev!

 

[A-M]

Just back from visiting our daughter and family at Byron Bay and Ruth said she heard that the Toilet Paper scare started with people thinking it was manufactured in China so they thought Australia would run out of it.

I do not have any funny stories about flushing something down the toilet but I do have a funny toilet story shared with me by a friend some years ago. She kept her tampons in the toilet room and one day her 4 year old son walks out of the toilet with tampons hanging from each ear.

 

[bellbird]

I was in shocked and immediately thought maybe this is how people are preparing themselves and their families.

I've seen plenty of people are thinking the same thing!

Or this was what i originally thought they were doing with them all

 

[bellbird]

Just back from visiting our daughter and family at Byron Bay and Ruth said she heard that the Toilet Paper scare started with people thinking it was manufactured in China so they thought Australia would run out of it.

I do not have any funny stories about flushing something down the toilet but I do have a funny toilet story shared with me by a friend some years ago. She kept her tampons in the toilet room and one day her 4 year old son walks out of the toilet with tampons hanging from each ear.

that is hilarious!
Oh right I get the 'made in China' logic, it didn't help that that loo paper delivery truck in Brissy caught fire - our printer bit the dust last week and we haven't replaced it yet, all else fails we have heaps of Reflex copy paper (i'm joking, well about using the copy paper - there's always something right?! *sigh*)

 

[Dalis]

So if it’s manufactured in China, do you really want it?

 

[GlazeFamily3]

My only odd toilet stories involve things falling in.

It is probably weird that I remember this... but in 2nd grade I had jeans that had zippers on the back of the legs that went up four inches or so. I guess that was a trend then? Anyhow, when using the restroom at school, I noticed the zipper on one leg was unzipped. So, before flushing, I put my foot on the toilet seat to reach the zipper and the bottom my my pants leg and zip it up. And the zipper part fell off into the toilet. I reached in and grabbed it. I don’t know if I thought it could be fixed (it couldn’t) or what my logic was... but I definitely would leave a broken zipper in the toilet these days.

A few years ago ON MY BIRTHDAY I dropped my phone into a public toilet after forgetting it in my back pocket. I hadn’t used the toilet yet... but still so gross. It did survive and I sanitized it countless times.

 

[bellbird]

My only odd toilet stories involve things falling in.

It is probably weird that I remember this... but in 2nd grade I had jeans that had zippers on the back of the legs that went up four inches or so. I guess that was a trend then? Anyhow, when using the restroom at school, I noticed the zipper on one leg was unzipped. So, before flushing, I put my foot on the toilet seat to reach the zipper and the bottom my my pants leg and zip it up. And the zipper part fell off into the toilet. I reached in and grabbed it. I don’t know if I thought it could be fixed (it couldn’t) or what my logic was... but I definitely would leave a broken zipper in the toilet these days.

A few years ago ON MY BIRTHDAY I dropped my phone into a public toilet after forgetting it in my back pocket. I hadn’t used the toilet yet... but still so gross. It did survive and I sanitized it countless times.

Lol it is funny what we remember & when people look at me like I'm old fashioned for still carrying my phone & purse & all in my handbag, it's stories like these that *i* will remember!

 

[Iowan]

Ok, along the same line as we have developed some dark humor here in Seattle as we deal with our Coronavirus epicenter status here in the US....
A conversation with my grandson yesterday:
Connor, while talking about methods by which the coronavirus was spread, discussed the idea of touching elbows in greeting. He came up with the statement that we should be touching wenises (the loose skin at the joint of the elbow). He said, you know sixth grade boys aren’t very mature ; we think it’s pretty funny.