Reading Struggles

[bbymks5]

Absolutely!! Reading carries onto all the other subjects...

We have all (hubby, teachers, my dad etc) have all told her reading is about the most important skill you can have! You'll need it to figure out new devices, when you need to follow a recipe, when you're driving...just living. I hope she sees the light soon, I don't know how much longer before I give up.

I think you have done everything you could possibly have tried.
Sadly reading is a life skill that one absolutely has to have. I do trust that the light goes on fer her soon and thet you will have peace.

 

[mollyc]

Have you had any testing done to make sure she doesn't have undiagnosed issues? It seems to me like there is more than "just doesn't like to read."

My son is a reluctant reader, especially compared to his sister, but it doesn't spill over to other subjects. He just doesn't really like fiction books, but will read catalogues, magazines, non fiction type of stuff

 

[bbymks5]

I'll give anything a try at this point...do you remember what grade level the short novels were by any chance or a title?

I tried weekly small treats on Saturday after the school week, it worked for a short bit but she quickly lost motivation.

Oh. I am sad for both of you!
My Melody is a great reader, and begs me to let her read more, stay up later to read, that sort of thing.

My only idea is, can you take the reading back a step and give lots of praise. Example, if she is giving up after 10 pages, can you get her some books that have close to 10 pages? The other day in the book section, I found some "mini-novels" (didn't know that was a thing, lol) that didn't have a lot of pages. One was 3 chapters over 12 pages and most of them had a picture on the opposite page. If/when she gets through that, give her a ton of praise, make a big deal (but not too big, they quickly figure out we are exaggerating, lol) and maybe have a book chart and every 5 (or 7) books she gets a small reward.
Slowly increase it, maybe the next step could be 4 (or 6) small books and one 20 page book, or what ever slightly larger book.
I'm sure you could find something at the library rather than buying a whole lot more, especially if they arent going to be read very much.

One thing I would strongly suggest is not to punish for not reading. As someone said, reading is an extremely important part of daily life, you dont want to make her hate it more than she does. It will be infuriating to let her get away without punishment, but with reading I think baby steps and lots of praise!!

Hugs for you. I hope it gets better!!

 

[bbymks5]

It is beyond stressful...and so far reading is the ONLY homework she has this year...she'll bring home the occasional math sheet, but reading has been a nightly thing since kinder.

I wonder that too. There is enough stress today for both parents and children. I can't imagine my child coming home and an immediate war starting every day over homework--something that studies have shown doesn't really help very young kids, so then they feel burned out before they're even old enough for homework to be truly beneficial.

 

[bbymks5]

Exactly!! Tell her all the time, there are many things I don't like doing, but I do them because it's a part of life...you know like cleaning the toilets and scooping the cat box!

Just a few weeks ago, we tried again getting duplicate copies of a book (The BFG) at the library and taking turns reading; it was just as painful as getting the process started. She knows the words, but she puts zero effort into it, reads in a level and tone only a dog can hear, adds words, skips over words...which is fine if you're reading on your own time, but when you're reading for homework, this isn't going to fly when she gets books assigned to her.

We have read aloud time every night. I read aloud and they really get into the books. Sometimes we take turns reading. I think this has helped them all have an interest in books.

Someone suggested taking it down a notch. Maybe you could read a page, then she could read a page? I say your the mom & you do what is going to work for your kid. I have taught 5 of my kids to read so far and they all were so different. They all took off with it at different ages. One was 11 when she finally started love to read and now my 6 year old just took off on reading & it's her favorite thing to do. I do believe that there are people who just don't like to read, but just because you don't like something doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. LOL! So much can be learned from reading, it's a huge gift we have.

 

[bbymks5]

I hadn't thought to re-read chapters...I'll have to give this a try. We've asked about an IEP, but everyone seems to think she'll outgrow this, but I'm not so sure.

I have one that dislikes reading... and one that tolerates it.

My oldest has some learning issues, especially with reading, so we take it slow. He had a tutor, we read together, he watched movies, then read the books, we tried comic books, audio books, but he just doesn't like it. Ugh. Our stress levels have been better since his IEP has been in place, he has also gotten older, understands what is required, and will do the work. This has been since Kindergarten, and we have had the IEP in place since 4th grade (Yes, it took that long). He is not a reader other than what needs to be read. I do enforce quiet reading time, so he does it, but they are usually small/short increments of time throughout the week (20-30min), besides homework/school work.

My youngest is a better reader than the oldest, but gets bored easily. We are trying all the different routes so far that we tried with my oldest. Right now, we are reading chapters, and then re-reading chapters, to build up fluency, and to become a better reader. His teacher and I have chatted as to how to help him right now. She wants him to become better in fluency, rather than work on finishing books. He has his book for school, but we also have a book for random reading times when I ask for quiet time - so he's reading a Hardy Boys book. I think the mystery might work, plus boys.

 

[bbymks5]

We've told her it doesn't matter what she reads as long as it's age and grade appropriate; I don't want her picking out first grade books, just to wiz through them to say she's read...

She found memoir that was written in a comic book feel called Tomboy in 3rd grade, it was after an extremely exhausting week and it was my fault I didn't look at it closer; not only did I not realize it was an adult memoir but there were also curse words in it...of course she liked this book, but I didn't feel it was 3rd grade appropriate. Maybe I'm wrong??

I have 6 children and I have found a lot of times it takes discovery to learn what types of books they like to read! My oldest put a book in front of him that is all about Sharks/Dinosaurs/Lego...... and he will read, if it is a chapter book No Way!
My next son Erik (who is now 27) He was really late with his reading. Did not know his alphabet until the second half of 1st grade. Discovered he needed glasses. So that put him behind and it was a fight to get him to read! I ended up bring him to the library and would have him pick out a book that had tapes to go with it. I would have him put the tapes going and he would need to follow along with the book. That was HUGE! HUGE! in turning him into a HUGE book worm! When all the Harry Potter books were being released at that time, he was the one that needed to pre-order and as soon as they were in the stores he was there to get his and would be in his room for 2 days with the door shut and read read read! So I do think there are time you can turn a non reader into a reader.
My son Mark- Any type of book that the main characters were animals he was right on it!
My girls were easy......
My youngest Kurt just put any type of graphic novel or comic book and he was happy! We have a huge box full of Archie digest.

So my recommendation get a audio book/paper book so he can listen and follow along at the same time. See where that takes him.

AND let him really think about what interests him and let that be what he reads.

 

[bbymks5]

We've all told her, we don't care what she reads, but I really would prefer her to read age and grade appropriate things; I guess because I was an advanced reader, I don't see the value in reading something at a kindergarten level in the 4th grade...man that makes me sound like a mean/bad mom.

She found memoir that was written in a comic book feel called Tomboy in 3rd grade, it was after an extremely exhausting week and it was my fault I didn't look at it closer; not only did I not realize it was an adult memoir but there were also curse words in it...of course she liked this book, but I didn't feel it was 3rd grade appropriate. Maybe I'm wrong??

I'm going to look into Raina Telgemeier. She liked the Ramona books for like a day; Judy Moody for about a week. We have let her freely picks books since 2nd grade; she loses interest in every book so fast

She sees me reading all the time; when she was younger I'd read to her often (nothing consistent as I was working FT), we would take her to Barnes on the weekend so she could listen to their stories, but she would just zone out and get up and leave 10 mins into it.

When my MIL lived with us for 19 months, she saw the frustration and daily battles, that she said let me try; she tired reading out loud to her with better results for a few weeks, but after that it was downhill. She saw my MIL reading all the time as well.

Hubby on the other hand; I've been with him for 11 years and I've seen him pickup a book about 5 times; he gets home pretty late in the evening, after starting work at 8 am so I feel bad asking him to try. Which now it sound like I'm making excuses for him now that I've typed that out...geez...I'm on a roll.

*hangs head in shame* sounds like I'm a part of the problem.

I used to work in Education Policy, and I trained to be a volunteer after-school reading specialist. At home, I have one kid who loves books, one who does not.

(1) Let her read whatever the heck she wants. It does not have to be novels. Try her on non-fiction. Try graphic novels (Raina Telgemeier is everything right now). Let her read the newspaper, knitting patterns, cookbooks... People tell you to find books with kids' interests in them. Yeah, but maybe try to relate to them on a deeper level. I had a shy, but athletic 12 year-old Somali girl in my homework club. Her mom just wanted her to read a novel. I tried several sports-themed books, all the popular Hunger Games/Divergent/The Fault in Our Stars, nothing. Then I found "Does My Head Look Big In This." It was a fictional book about a Muslim girl living in Australia who decides to wear a hijab, even though her mother doesn't. It was a smart, funny book, and I saw that she just needed a book she could relate to on a deeper level than, "basketball." Keep searching. Don't give up.
(2) In my experience, even though they can read independently. 9 year-olds still like being read to. If it's tough to fit it in every night, try having "book club" once or twice a week.

One final tip, inspired by @lizziej , the single biggest predictor of whether or not a kid is interested in reading is if they have adult reading role models. Particularly for boys, they need to see the men in their lives reading for enjoyment. You could try having a family wide Drop Everything and Read (DEAR) time, for everyone's benefit.

LOVE this thread as literacy is something I am really interested in.

Can I just say that listening to all of the crazy point and reward and evaluation systems being used in schools makes me want to barf. WHO CARES. Seriously. I roll up to that Parent-Teacher meeting in November and I'm just like, "I don't do reading logs. We don't read your leveled readers unless that's what she wants to read. We will give you the 10-20 minutes a day, but the material is her choice." No one has ever questioned my methods.

Why, why, are teachers restricting kids from reading interesting things, just because the book looks too hard? I know success stories about kids with dyslexia who were super determined to read the Hunger Games even though they'd never read a chapter book before. My own kid was considered a below-average reader in school, but I knew from home she was doing fine, because we were doing the "you read a page, I read a page" method to get through novels at bedtime. She's just a perfectionist, and would tell the teachers that she didn't know a word if she wasn't 100% certain. But if you asked her to give it a try, she'd get it right 3/4 of the time. Not testing well does not make her a bad reader. Not being a great reader shouldn't restrict access to books that might encourage a kid to become one.

 

[bbymks5]

So far the reading homework has just been logging purposes; the books they read out loud in the class on the other hand always have some kind of worksheet involved at the end a small test.

Slept on this and had some more thoughts. Is the reading just for a time log or is there a test/report due? If it's just for the time log, I would be really open about what she read, like @Juliestcyr and others have mentioned. Graphic novels were great for both of my kids. The first book my son (the late reader) really read for fun was a game guide. He loved the Lego Star Wars Wii game but would get stuck on levels... as an attempt to get him to read more, we bought him the guide for the game and he read that thing cover to cover, often playing with the book right next to him so he could look things up as needed. My daughter (the non-reader) loved joke books and random fact books. She would read those aloud to us, without really realizing she was reading. The grosser the fact, the more excited she was to read it to us. None of these suggestions are novels... but they kept them practicing with their reading.

 

[bbymks5]

She found memoir that was written in a comic book feel called Tomboy in 3rd grade, it was after an extremely exhausting week and it was my fault I didn't look at it closer; not only did I not realize it was an adult memoir but there were also curse words in it...of course she liked this book, but I didn't feel it was 3rd grade appropriate. Maybe I'm wrong??

I've tried over and over to read out loud to her, and nine out of 10 books she has chosen herself; the latest being BFG, which she picked out; we checked out both copies from the library, one that she could hold while I was reading out loud and one for me to hold while she was reading out loud. It's a painful process; she knows the words, but she adds things, skips things, loses interest, reads in tones and octaves only a dog can her; moves and fidgets. It stresses me out.

When my MIL with us, she saw the daily battles, she asked if she could try, I more than happily passed that baton; things were great for a few weeks, and just started back downhill again.

We've freely let her pick reading material of her choice since 2nd grade; I just ask that she picks something age and grade appropriate; maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't see the value in her reading something at a kindergarten level in the the 4th grade. When they have done the Dibbles testing (I think that's what it's called) to check where she's at, she's one of few of the lowest in the class at a 3rd grade level. All of her teachers since 1st grade (including the tutor we used the summer after 2nd grade) said it boils down to her being lazy; that she'll grow out of it...but does one really outgrow laziness? I don't know?

Oh man!! I wish I could work with your daughter!! I hate hearing that school work is causing so many issues. There's something going on that's causing her to hate it so much and she needs a re-set! @Juliestcyr is spot on with her advice.

Totally not a fan of the reading grade based on those AR tests.

Ideas popping into my mind ... If the teacher is not able to work with your daughter about finding an alternative way to assess the reading, then you read the books with her. Take turns reading pages maybe? Talk about the book. You say the comprehension is there. Perhaps emotionally connect with the book so she retains it better for that stupid test.

Then... as for her independent reading homework ...
She's 9? Is she in 4th or 5th grade? The expectation is probably 20-35 minutes of reading a night. Empower her to tell you how she's going complete that. In my reading/studying for literacy development, this should be done earlier in the day (not right before bed). 10-15 minutes before school. Another 10-15 minutes right after school. While dinner is cooking. In the car. Wherever/whenever. Also she chooses what she reads. Blogs. Newspapers. American Girl magazine/books. Cooking websites. Fashion. Animals. Sports. Cartoons. Disney Channel gossip. History. Biographies. How to draw. Books on pets. Mysteries. Realistic fiction. Goofy young romance... the tween version of book soap operas.

What's her assessed reading level? She's at a transitional level right now. If she's weak in any areas, the books she can read might be too babyish and the books that she thinks she might want to read are just a little too hard and it it takes too much effort to hold onto the story and she gets bored/frustrated/loses interest.

When my daughter was in 4th grade, she dropped low on her reading. She was in the lowest level of books in the teachers' library. It was about the time of Twilight. (Please don't judge...haha). I read the book to her and then before we moved onto New Moon, she had to read Twilight herself. Was it the best literature? Of course not. BUT the reading level wasn't too hard, she had heard the story and had already been able to put the picture in her mind. (I think we had seen the movie too so she had those visuals as well). Then really that ginormous book (for her) was an exercise in practice and building reading stamina. By the end of the year, I got her reading level back to grade level. For her, understanding the inferences and connecting what was literally said and what you were just supposed figure out from the story based on what was unsaid was (and continues to be) a challenge. When she misses that, the story just doesn't make sense and she loses interest.

Can you sit down with her maybe and have a "grown up" talk. Talk about how you hate how homework is going and you are sure she does to. Then get her to come up with solutions to solve the problem. Be open to her suggestions and tell her that you'll try them and then talk to her about how they are working in a couple weeks. (Even if you have a feeling that they won't). Try them, see how it goes. Lay off the fighting. Maybe empowering her might help. Now's the time in 4th and 5th grade to get this power struggle fixed before middle and high school!!

My thoughts are with you during this challenging time!! Good luck!!!!!

 

[bbymks5]

I really appreciate everyone's feedback and suggestions; I have a couple new things I can try.

I've learned that maybe I'm a huge part of the problem and sound like a momster in some of my replies. Like not seeing the value in reading something at a kindergarten level (she does try this trick) when she's in the 4th grade at a 4rd grade reading level. We have freely let her pick out her reading material since the 2nd grade, I just ask that she picks something age appropriate and grade level appropriate; I wouldn't mind her picking something out for an older reader, but I did make the mistake of not thoroughly looking into a book she picked out last year, which ended up being an adult memoir with curse words so I nixed that book...maybe that wasn't the best idea...but I was torn with an 8 year old reading them.

My MIL and I both done the reading out loud and taking turns where my daughter will read a page and we'd read a page; but it's a very painful and more stressful process for anyone involved. She sees me reading all the time, saw my MIL read all the time; dad on the other hand, hasn't picked up a book a read in years. Then I make excuses to myself as to why I don't push him to get more involved such as he leaves at 8 am and doesn't come home until later in the evening, so it wouldn't be fair to him...but when actually putting down in words, why shouldn't he be more involved??

My oldest daughter has always and still loves reading; so all of these issues are new to me. I was reading Serendipity books in preschool and was always ahead of the reading game. I'm an only child so I never got to experience different experiences with siblings and what to do.

Out of my three daughters, she is by far the most difficult...in just about every way.

 

[bbymks5]

We had her vision tested; we had the schools reading specialist working with her for many months, and we did ask her a few times if she thought there might be something else we're missing and each time she said no.

Her comprehension is good; she knows the words, but does struggle with the fluency. She adds words, skips words etc, she's a very lazy reader if that makes sense?

Have you had any testing done to make sure she doesn't have undiagnosed issues? It seems to me like there is more than "just doesn't like to read."

My son is a reluctant reader, especially compared to his sister, but it doesn't spill over to other subjects. He just doesn't really like fiction books, but will read catalogues, magazines, non fiction type of stuff

 

[mollyc]

We had her vision tested; we had the schools reading specialist working with her for many months, and we did ask her a few times if she thought there might be something else we're missing and each time she said no.

Her comprehension is good; she knows the words, but does struggle with the fluency. She adds words, skips words etc, she's a very lazy reader if that makes sense?

I would not be satisfied with that answer given that her reading is causing issues with math and science. Personally I would push for more testing.

 

[QuiltyMom]

This has been a fascinating thread to read. Now I have a different take on it for ya'll.

I am a right-brained learner. I'm so far off-the-charts right-brained that my professors in grad school (for teaching, nonetheless!) were baffled. They suddenly learned why I struggled so much in some aspects of classwork (duh!). It boils down to this: I can't learn by reading, or by listening, or by being shown, but of a combination of the three. Obviously this didn't work well for me as someone who grew up in the California school system in the 60's and 70's. Everything was taught one way, and divergent thinking was seriously frowned upon.

I never understood anything that was taught me in class unless it was followed up by the "extras". I excelled in divergent thinking because common logic didn't make sense to me. I didn't have any learning disabilities (other than possible ADD). I just couldn't learn in the left-brained linear way of teaching that was used then.

This included reading. Most reading didn't make sense to me. I could read something over and over, and ... zip. I had nothing, especially if it was for school work. But outside of this? I'd read the same books over and over. I loved the familiarity of them. Things like Little House on the Prairie, or the old "Cowboy Sam" readers my Dad had from when he worked with kids struggling with reading. I became a part of the stories. I didn't have to struggle with comprehension. And now? I love to read, as long as it's fiction or light reading. I need something I can get lost in. Facts and data put me to sleep. I try, but I just can't do it.

I'm sharing this because maybe your daughter falls somewhere along these lines. Somewhere between wanting to read but being bored to tears with "having" to do it. Does all this make sense?

 

[Tree City]

Another vote for Raina Telgemeier! DD just read DRAMA a few weeks ago and has read everything else by her at least twice. (Actually, she's probably read DRAMA 2 or 3 times now cuz she loves it lol.) DD has recently discovered the new "Babysitters Club" graphic novels by her, too.
Does she like to cook or bake? You could ask her to read you the recipe. That could help with focusing on the correct words, especially if the result is cookies.
Oh great. Now I want chocolate chip cookies!

 

[bbymks5]

i know this sounds dumb but; do I push for more answers from the school or her pediatrician?

I would not be satisfied with that answer given that her reading is causing issues with math and science. Personally I would push for more testing.

 

[bbymks5]

She's not a good listener, period. She does prefer more hands on activities; she loved learning about the snails in science because each group of kids had a real snail they could see, touch and hold. She loves art, because again she is doing.

Her favorite thing to say about reading (to everyone, even her friends) is that it's boring; everyone has told her, if she would give the books she picks out a real chance she'd be surprised...even her friends tell her this, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

I honestly don't think she knows what she's interested in; it seems to change daily at times.

This has been a fascinating thread to read. Now I have a different take on it for ya'll.

I am a right-brained learner. I'm so far off-the-charts right-brained that my professors in grad school (for teaching, nonetheless!) were baffled. They suddenly learned why I struggled so much in some aspects of classwork (duh!). It boils down to this: I can't learn by reading, or by listening, or by being shown, but of a combination of the three. Obviously this didn't work well for me as someone who grew up in the California school system in the 60's and 70's. Everything was taught one way, and divergent thinking was seriously frowned upon.

I never understood anything that was taught me in class unless it was followed up by the "extras". I excelled in divergent thinking because common logic didn't make sense to me. I didn't have any learning disabilities (other than possible ADD). I just couldn't learn in the left-brained linear way of teaching that was used then.

This included reading. Most reading didn't make sense to me. I could read something over and over, and ... zip. I had nothing, especially if it was for school work. But outside of this? I'd read the same books over and over. I loved the familiarity of them. Things like Little House on the Prairie, or the old "Cowboy Sam" readers my Dad had from when he worked with kids struggling with reading. I became a part of the stories. I didn't have to struggle with comprehension. And now? I love to read, as long as it's fiction or light reading. I need something I can get lost in. Facts and data put me to sleep. I try, but I just can't do it.

I'm sharing this because maybe your daughter falls somewhere along these lines. Somewhere between wanting to read but being bored to tears with "having" to do it. Does all this make sense?

 

[bbymks5]

When she gets home we're going to make a trip to the library so I can show her these books. It looks like our branch might have a couple of her books in.

Another vote for Raina Telgemeier! DD just read DRAMA a few weeks ago and has read everything else by her at least twice. (Actually, she's probably read DRAMA 2 or 3 times now cuz she loves it lol.) DD has recently discovered the new "Babysitters Club" graphic novels by her, too.
Does she like to cook or bake? You could ask her to read you the recipe. That could help with focusing on the correct words, especially if the result is cookies.
Oh great. Now I want chocolate chip cookies!

 

[mollyc]

i know this sounds dumb but; do I push for more answers from the school or her pediatrician?

Either. Both. Whoever will listen.

 

[Tree City]

When she gets home we're going to make a trip to the library so I can show her these books. It looks like our branch might have a couple of her books in.

Cool! I'll cross my fingers she likes them! DD's fave is DRAMA. In DD's words, "It's awesome. And it's funny, too."