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Older Women

scrapsandsass

scrapsandsass

Oh Ricky you're so fine ...
Joined
Feb 11, 2011
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Lately, I've been feeling sort of sad about my lack of friends. I have one true friend who has been there for EVERYTHING since we were 9. So 35 years of friendship. I feel so lucky to have her in my life, and she feels almost more like a sister at this point. But I've had a lot of friends come and go over the years. My other close friend had a child a few years ago. I thought that would bring us closer together since I was basically raising Kennedy, but for some reason, she doesn't want to make time for me. She is always doing things with other friends, but tells me that she doesn't have time, so I don't contact her anymore. Recently, I joined a new group... the AAUW (American Association of University of Women). I stumbled across them by accident, and thought I might be able to make some friends in the area while doing some good in the community.

When I went to the first meeting, I was kind of shocked. They were all so much older... like in their 70s & 80s. I wasn't sure how I was going to fit in or if they would want me hanging around, but I was so pleasantly surprised to find that they were awesome! The first meeting I went to was their book group. They were talking about homelessness in my town (that was how I found the group). They were all thoughtful and considerate... even when they didn't agree. And they were all smart and funny and had so many interesting things that they had done. I was blown away. Today, I went to their memoir writing group. Again, I was, by far, the youngest person there. I think I loved this group of ladies even more than the first group. They have such a wealth of experience and wisdom. Wow. They are freaking amazing. Two of the women are even book/paper artists, so I was excited to find out about what projects they are working on. By the time I left, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. And I really needed that.

It was just such a nice feeling. I've never had a mentor-type person in my life. My mom was never there for me, and she also never really had any women friends. My grandma was always there when I needed her, but never had me around her friends, so I guess I've been totally lacking in the older women department. We never even had extended family. Weird. I'm just so glad I found these women now.

What about you? Did you have older women as mentors? Maybe not that much older, but a woman older than you who took you under her wing? Or someone you worked with or relatives that you enjoy being around? Am I the only one who is totally an older-woman groupie?
 
i think i relate more to someone my age (60) or older. I am lucky to have one friend, linda on fb. we have never met, but she a source of encouragement to me, i really admire her.
 
I loved reading your post Kimberlee. I smiled thru it all. I have two ladies ten years older than my 53. They are so calm to be around. No stress, enjoy each moment. I also have two dear girls in their early twenties that just buzz me to no end. They laugh kindly at my inabilities with technology, (and show me again how) yet want to learn things from me too.
 
I had so many older women in my life & very few men. My mom & grandma owned homes for the mentally challenged. They were all women & all of them had some part in raising me since my mom & grandma treated them like family. They didn't have children & they just loved having a little girl around. One made the best pecan pie & brought out her popcorn popper for movie night. Another one taught me cross stitch & we embroidered hand towels together. Another one taught me to make peanut brittle. I'll have to dig out the pics from the year my grandma had matching Christmas outfits made for all of us!
Anyway, now I'm the old lady to my college classmates. I also train the newbies at work. I tend to be the mother hen, I can't help it.
I have one very close friend that's remained in my life for the past 11 years. We're even going to see New Kids On The Block in January. I have other people that I care for & care for me, but Angela's my one forever person.
 
Growing up, I was friends with my cousins . . . many of whom were older than me. I looked older than I was, and was more mature than most of my contemporaries, so I tended to gravitate towards older girls. That trend has continued throughout my life.

In our small group/Sunday school at church, I became great friends with the teacher's wife and the director's wife, both older than me and everyone else in the class. I made friends in the class, but really felt closest to those older ladies.

I'm friends with my mom and many of my mom's friends. I've been around her antiquing group of friends and her breakfast group of friends. My aunt is in her late 70's and I consider her a friend as well. My grandma is 91, and while I don't hang out with her all the time, I think she is a hoot!

I have friends of all ages, even much younger than me, but the trend is definitely toward older women.

Soooo glad that you found this awesome group of ladies!
 
absolutely! Kimberly, I have to say, first of all, that I LOVED to read your story - so so happy for you to have found this group of ladies who can really speak to your soul and encourage and lift you and enrich your life. That's awesome!
I agree - I always enjoy spending time with ladies who are a bit older than me. Most of my friends, even, are a few years older - like maybe 5ish or so. But I have been blessed to have had a handful of incredible mentors through my life. There is a different quality - a peacefulness and richness - to the conversations had with them. They are wise and thoughtful in their words, and there is something refreshing about slowing down to the pace of life of a woman whose children are grown and whose career is no longer at the forefront. They have lived and experienced life in ways I've not yet, and their perspective and understanding is all the better for it!

So so so glad you have found some amazing ladies!! With moving so frequently, I can relate to the feeling of wishing for more friends. It's hard to find someone you connect with sometimes. Sounds like this might be an unexpected but pleasantly surprising fit for you!!
 
I'm so happy you found people with interests like yours that you are enjoying and making friends. Being an adult, and making friends is harder, in my opinion. Plus, I tend to be quiet until you get to know me... so my introverted tendencies make it super hard. Your story is a wonderful one! Makes me think I should figure out what I like with other people, and search out a group!

I have many friends, but not close friends. I have one, that recently pulled away, but I think that has to do more with personal things going on that I am aware about, so I hope it isn't me. I'm the dork who worries I've done something even knowing why the pulling away is happening.

I am super close with my mom (now, not so much in high school), and many of her friends. They are a source of fun, information and kindness! I've also always been super close with my grandmothers. As an only child, this was inportant in my growing up. I thank goodness for their guiding and helping me be who I am.
 
As a child I had an older friend. She had to have been in her 70's or 80's. And I was somewhere around 10. I used to go visit her when she sat on her front porch. She lived a few houses down the street from us. I can't remember what we visited about. But sometimes she would let me go inside her house with her. She had this big table we'd sit at and she had a cabinet where she kept special things. She had all these tiny metal butterflies. All different colors. When you pushed the wings together the little legs would open and you could attach them to your clothes or hair by letting the wings open back out again. She would give me some of those and I loved them. She also gave me a necklace of green beads with metal links holding them together. It has fallen apart but I still have the pieces. Very ornate looking and old. Anyway, after we moved away from there I would write to her on occasion.

There is just something peaceful and calming about older friends. My moments with that friend felt like I was in a slower world. Younger friends and playing outside were forgotten when I was with her. Now I'm one of those older people. I don't really have any close friends in my life except my online friends and I have several online ones that I think the world of. But I'm a lot older than most of them. My lack of friends is due to health issues in my family as well as with myself. I feel the need to kind of be there for my sweet daughter so I don't go places and do things like I once did. Friends don't stick around when you live such a sheltered, closed life. It's too uncomfortable for most people I think. They don't really understand your situation and life goes on without you in it. But I try to be a friend with those who visit with me online. And I hope I'm one who seems wise and calm and caring. :) I'd like to think I've learned a thing or two over my lifetime. :)
 
I tend to be the older woman! :giggle

A lot of my close friends are younger than me including my bestie who is 7 years younger.

I was part of a body issues Bible study this past Spring where I was the youngest woman by a good 15 years. It was nice to have older women to look to for inspiration and guidance. I felt that it was okay that I didn't have a good handle on this at 36 if they were still struggling at 50, 55, 65.
 
Jan said:
As a child I had an older friend. She had to have been in her 70's or 80's. And I was somewhere around 10. I used to go visit her when she sat on her front porch.
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Oh! You made me think of Zelda, the older woman who lived next door when I was 8 or 9. She taught me to play Chinese checkers, and always had cookies. She also has a listening ear for me, especially when I complained about my 2 brothers. They weren't invited over very often, so it was my safe place to run away to.
 
What an interesting thread this is. I have friends of all ages and am comfortable with any age group. I think this is b/c my mom was very social and had many friends of all ages too. I grew up being around a lot of her friends who spanned a 40 yr difference in age, and this was normal for me. I base friendships on compatibility, not age. At almost 60 (it seems weird to say that b/c I don't feel old like that LOL), I have friends who are 20 years younger and friends who are 10-15 yrs older, and everywhere in between. I just made a new friend at the dog park last week and we're going to try to bring our dogs to the park at the same time so we can chat and hang out while they play together. She's about 25 yrs younger than me but b/c we share common interests and are both chatty people, we get along really well. I still miss a friend who passed away a few yrs ago, she was 18 yrs older than me, and she had more energy and wisdom than I would ever hope to have.
 
All the ladies on my street are 10-20 years older than me and we have been friends since we moved here 15 years ago. I also scrapbook with a group of women, some of whom are older and some closer to my age. It is nice because often older women are retired or have teen/grown kids so they may have a little more time than moms of younger kids or those who still work full time.
 
I always had (when I was in my teens) older friends, because (much to my mother's dispair) I started on stage at the age of 13..... so all m,y friends were older and...crazier LOL
I am blessed, amazingly blessed with a group of 5 friends, all of us have known each other since our teens, and we have kept the friendship going for over 40 years, most of those years without internet or cell phones....
I have very little friends here in London, due to the old story of when you are ill and need help, most people make a disappearing act, but still have a few friends I know I can call on at any time and they will come....
One of them is VickyD who is a scrapper (she was here full on then stopped scrapping, another chronically ill great lady)
another one is my friend Francesca that even got to sped New Years Eve in hospital with me in 2013!!!!!!

as for scrappers..... oh the joys of all the friendships that we have kept all over the past 6/7 years.....and, funnily enough, we are here , together again in the same scrapping home, this was a dream of mine.... many of them I have met in person, and many I am still to make my way to you!!!
It seem that now I am nearer to 60, (I am on the mentoring side of things..... still I love the way women like your new friends Kim, go in life..... that is the best way of changing the world for the best :) LOVE that you found them!!!!!
 
Well I am another 'older woman' who turned 64 last June and like LeeAndra I have a LOT of women friends that are a lot younger than me or are about the same age. I believe that sometimes we 'call' people into our lives that will teach us something about life, and vice-versa, and then they (or we) will leave......... it's sort of like we have 'outgrown' the original purpose of the friendship. Like Cynthia I have met so many beautiful and shining souls during my years of digi scrapping and I am so very thankful for all of those wonderful memories! Thank you all! xxx :heartlub

Way back in my late twenties I made friends with a girl (who was then 18) who I thought would be a friend for the rest of my life...... but after about 12 months she started hanging out with some other people and so we kind of lost touch. I was really sad about it until I sat down and really thought about what I had got out of that relationship and you know, when I realised how much she had enriched my life in so many different ways I was so very grateful that we had had that time together. I also realised that we were both growing into different people with different needs towards the end. But the funny thing is that we reconnected on FB about three years ago and it was so fabulous to catch up with her and while we aren't close bestie type friends we do chat and share our lives with one another .......... so in a way, we are and will be friends for the rest of our lives! :)

And then I have a friend that I grew up with, went to school with and share so much with. She moved away in our thirties but we kept in touch via the phone and by snail mail :) That has been some 58 years now and while we have grown into totally different people we have a shared history of our youth and I know that bond will never be broken. We only connect via phone perhaps once a year now but its the type of friendship that we can just start chatting as if we were only speaking to each other the day before.

So I was happy to read your post Kimberlee and delighted to hear that you had such a great time! The number of the years we have spent here on Earth have nothing to do with the souls that we are inside and THAT is what attracts other like minded people. :heartslub
 
I have always felt comfortable among much older people, even as a child. I would talk to my grandmother and her friends about silent film (They were fans in their jr high years) and other historical type things that kids my own age, and even my teachers, had no idea what I was talking about! I still like older people. I have never felt comfortable with my own peers, no matter what age Ive been.

I DO feel comfy around people much younger than me, and kids though! Im odd!
 
Kimberly, I'm happy to see you have found some new friends - and I too getting connected with true friends at an older age is difficult! I'm so happy for you!!

I have been blessed to have true childhood best friend. Brenda's Mom and my Mom met when Brenda and I were just a few months old. (We'd recently moved to the area and my Mom knocked on their door and introduced herself and the rest is history). Brenda and I grew up less than a mile from each other - and spent nearly every waking hour together. We both were petite (back then - ha!) and had blond hair and wore glasses. People we knew often times would get the two of us mixed up! We started school the same day - graduated the same day (stood by each other in our HS graduation line because my last name started with B and hers with C) - moved into our 1st apartment together - started the at the same workplace the same day. I was her maid of honor and she was mine. To this day we are still in touch and see each other quite often. The older I get the more I realize those kinds of friendships are truly few and far between.

I had a great relationship with my Mom and considered her my best friend as well - we could talk about anything. And I consider my sisters my older mentors - my oldest sister (who just passed away in September) was 16 year older than I am - and my middle sister is fourteen years older. So while we were sisters, we were more like close friends - by time I was 6 they were both out of the house off to college.
 
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Loved reading this, as at 72, I don't even know many women who are older than I am! sadly. I do have one friend who is about 18months older and while that doesn't seem like much, I think the older years are much like the earliest ones. Change seems to be sudden and new. Maybe it was always like this but in my 40s and 50s I was still too busy to notice many of life changes as they happened.

I never had an older friend or mentor type woman as I was growing up or through most of my adulthood. I'm an only child and my mother died when I was 31. At that point I was in an African country with no relatives or close friends about. It seemed to be that, in the following years, all my friends were 5-10 years younger and so I was the first to get wrinkles, need reading glasses, start the whole menopause cycle etc. I often missed having someone older to say...This is ok, you need to check that etc. Now my friends are still younger but sometimes have more experience in certain areas that I don't. My friend and former co-worker is one of the women I can talk to about marriage as she's been happily married to husband #3 for over 30 years. She's 10 years younger but has marriage wisdom I'm still learning! Another is 20 years younger but has an older husband close so we can talk about living with an old (older!) man. So much to still learn!
 
I loved reading all these stories! And how awesome that you found such a great group Kimberlee! :) One of my best friends right now is about 10 years older than me and I love that she has already been through all the stages of kids that I'm going through now. I totally use her for her wisdom. :)
 
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