Neighbor Kids

I feel like I have to share what my grandpa did to the boys who lived next door to him. There were 3 of them. Very active. Wouldn't leave my grandpa alone: as soon as Grandpa was outside to do yard work or whatever, the boys would be right there, bothering him. (And my grandpa loved to garden, so he was outside a lot.) One day Grandpa started washing his car and the 3 boys came over. They were touching the car where he'd cleaned it, and he got so mad that he turned the hose on them! My grandpa isn't perfect, but he is so sweet with kids. He must have been VERY angry to do it. (He didn't hurt the kids--he just kind of flicked his wrist so the hose got the kids instead of the car and said "Stop!") Anyway, he apologized to them and their mom, and she said "They were bothering you. I get it." But after that, the kids were more respectful of my Grandpa's time and his things...and the mom must have talked to the kids cuz they spent more time in their own yard. Maybe she hadn't realized how often they were bothering my grandpa?

My point is, I'd hate for you to get to the point that you "turn the hose on" these kids. They need to learn boundaries, so hopefully you can help them with that lesson. And remember, they aren't trying to drive you nuts.

The good news is, it's your house, which means it's your rules: you don't have to feel bad about explaining the rules for your own home. You can politely explain what is expected--even common sense stuff, like "don't take inside toys outside," and those rules are to be followed in your home; otherwise, the kids aren't allowed to come over. As for the doorbell: I bought a doorbell cover cuz the boy who used to live across the street would ring ours incessantly, just like you're experiencing. (In fact, just reading your post gave me flashbacks!) If the kids are old enough to read, then you can use one of the included stickers, like "knock gently." If not, when they try the door bell and it doesn't work, then you can explain that you don't like having the doorbell rung, so you put on the cover. [I'm using my personal experience, cuz after I put on that cover, the boy told me "Your doorbell is broken!" lol. It gave me a chance to explain how he only needs to knock once, and I promised I'd answer the door if DD was available to play. (I never let my kids answer the door. I guess that's what living in a big city does to you?)]

Can I ask something? Do your kids like these kids? Cuz if so, then it's worth really setting boundaries and being kind to these little ones while also being kind to yourself and your belongings/home. You could get one of those safety chains like a hotel so your kids can open the door to talk but not allow the friends to bum-rush the door. Yes, it'll cost you like $10 and about 15 minutes of DIY time, but it might be worth it for your sanity. But...If your kids don't really like these kids, then tell your kids not to answer the door when they knock/ring. I've always believed that a knock on the door can be treated the same as a ringing phone: it can be ignored, guilt-free.

Whatever you say, as long as it's said in kind words in a measured tone and a smile on your face, is okay because it's your home and your car and your stuff.

 

Timmi, I was in a similar situation a few years ago. The kids next door were in our yard CONSTANTLY. They were riding bikes down our hill, playing on our play set, just being loud and obnoxious. We weren’t out there. Sometimes they would just come play in our yard without even asking if my daughter could play.

This all bothered me for several reasons: I homeschool Raileigh. The kids were incredibly distracting to her trying to complete school. Also it is my yard and I am not out there supervising. If, heaven forbid, someone got injured on my property, I would be liable. The bikes were also tearing up my yard.

One particular day, the kids had actually came to my door after being in my yard for a while to ask if Raileigh could play. I was sick, Raileigh was doing school. I told the kids that and also explained that they were really distracting while Raileigh was trying to do school. They continued to play in my yard.

That night, I messaged both sets of parents (it was kids from two houses). I was nice about it, but said I didn’t want their kids playing in my backyard without me being present. I explained about school distractions and such. I also apologized for messaging as opposed to face to face since I was sick.I got SUCH a hateful response. One set of parents will not let their kids play at my house anymore AT ALL. They stopped inviting us to birthdays and such. We’re all good with the other family.

I don’t get it because I would never let Raileigh just go to someone’s house and play without them even being there. And if she did and they confronted me, I most definitely would not act rude and act as if it was their fault.

So, probably not helpful but hope your confrontation goes better than mine.

 

I agree with Sara. Your house - your rules. If they can't obey them, then they need to stay home.

We had 2 issues with neighborhood kids. One would show up to play and that was fine, but then his mom would call about a hour later and ask if he was here. So I started making him call her as soon as he got here. The other kid always started fights/arguments after he was here for awhile. My son would get so mad. So we finally had to tell him that until my son could play and not get mad at him, my son was not allowed to play with him. I found out later that the same kid was banned from another neighbors house for causing fights between the brothers.

Maybe the rule is, they can play at your house but only outside and only if your child plays with them?

 

I think you're entirely within your rights to say something along the lines of "Sorry, (my kids) are not able to play today because we are (doing something else)." Then escort the neighbour's kids back out of the house, politely but firmly. It's hard if you have to tread lightly with the parents but it's your house and you are able to set your boundaries in it, including asking the kids to leave if it's not an appropriate time.

If they take toys without asking, I would go over to their place and ask for them back - or if you catch them at it before they leave, say something along the lines of "(Kid's name), that is (my kid's) toy. You cannot take it, it doesn't belong to you."

 

There's some really great advice above!
I love the idea of the hotel chain to make them ask before entering.
To me, it comes down to: you are not enjoying life right now in your own home. And that's not ok. You can just say 'no'. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why they can't play. Or why you don't want the kids at your house today.
My mom has a problem with the kids always coming to her house and hers never allowed to go to theirs. It turns out their mom was using mine as a free babysitter.
I would set down the ground rules, even go as far as to say : we only play on Saturdays. And see how it goes. I understand your desire to tread lightly, but how much peace are you willing to give up in the name of an older friendship?

 

I feel that it would be best to have a conversation with the parents about the issues you have. Yes it might not be pleasant but they might not realize it. I know that you want to get along with your neighbors but if they don't have the same values/respect you do then do you want them as friends? Your property is your rules.

 

You've had some great advice already. Don't ever feel bad about sticking up for yourself and your rules at your house. I've had this issue for years with different kids. I don't get it, if it were my kid I'd want to know so that I could explain to them that's not okay, or I would want that parent to just tell my kid to stop it! After 27 years of raising kids so far, I've gotten pretty vocal and a lot of my niceness has worn off LOL. I pretty much tell them like it is.

 

No advice really but understand how frustrating that is. Can you keep the door shut and not let them into the house at all? With the car, yell loudly and quickly "no" when they try to get in. That would startle them, make them pause, and then you could say in a quieter voice, no one gets into the car.

My hubs just told me that some of the school kids are jumping the fence next door (because they lock the gate during the day when they are at work) and are cutting thru his fenced property to go out thru the front to the street so they don't have to go around the block. They have a dog so if the kids leave the side gate open, the dog could take off (he isn't a good dog off-leash). So we're going to tell him about it and I'm going to grab my phone and take a pic of the kids if I see them doing it so he can hopefully figure out what home they live in and talk to the parents (we're in a one block cul-de-sac) so we know the kids live down the block from us somewhere. I just don't understand the nerve of these kids. I'm home all day and our dog is out a lot, plus our fence is taller, so thankfully they don't do it to our fence.

 

YOu guys are making me happy we don't have any neighborhood kids. Lol. My sister on the other hand has a zillion kids and has had to deal with the no-boundaries kids many times. They have a rule that if the garage door is open, kids can come knock on the door to ask her kids to play. If the garage door is shut... leave them alone. If someone came to my house and rang my doorbell more than once I would certainly open the door and give them their first lesson on how not to be rude. But, just think, at least they actually want to play in person instead of only texting or facetime. They just need to learn the rules of interaction.

 

^^^ This is definitely me!

We had this happen all of the time before when we lived in Texas... the dad worked from home and as soon as his kids got home from school, he would send them to our house to play. Took us a little while to catch on. One day when they showed up, I said my kids could play but only at their house... to which the youngest boy answered "my dad says we have to play here so he can work". Good to know.

I will have to say that this is one of the reasons I love living in the city! I was shocked that when we lived in the suburbs in Texas people didn't think twice about sending their 5 year olds to run around the neighborhood unsupervised (we lived in a cul-del-sac too which probably added to that). I'm all for kids having unstructured free play time, but I tend to lean towards losing the reins bit by bit as they gain maturity and experience vs. sending them out into the world without much guidance, only to ground them later for things they didn't know were wrong (if that makes sense).

Anyway... when we lived in Texas, I had a friend who had a sign in the sidelight by her front door.... stop or go. If it said stop, the neighborhood kids weren't allowed to ring the doorbell and if it said go, it was fair game. She talked to us about it, so our kids all knew the rule and I don't think anyone got upset about it.

 

So. glad. my. children. are. adults. now.

Timmi, I just cannot imagine going through this plus you don't even have the hope of freezing weather ahead!

 

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I hope the neighbor kids took what you said to heart. As my mom would say, they need to straighten up and fly right.

 

Sometimes as peace keeper Mom's we need an extra push to say what really needs to be said. I'm glad you were able to law down the law with the neighbor kids Timmi. Everyone needs boundaries. Hopefully they can still play together OUTSIDE and have fun without driving you crazy anymore.

 

We had neighbors JUST like that (THankfully they moved! lol!)

The one boy was a bit socially awkward so I tried to keep that in mind when dealing with them- but it was tough. I think they eventually got the hint- my kids didn't want to play with them after awhile & after saying 'no thank you' so many times, they moved on to other neighborhood kids.

One thing that bothered me which was ridiculous, but totally a boundary thing- was our side yard. It is OUR property, but borders their house- then the other side of their yard is HUGE- like they put the house all the way on one side of their property (make sense?) Anywho- the one boy would ALWAYS play in our yard- not a big deal, but I didn't appreciate him sledding into our smaller trees! Eventually my husband told him to play in his own yard- not very nicely, but he finally got a clue! His little sister- I think she was about 3- as soon as we were home- she would come INSIDE our garage & start playing with our kids' toys. Again, not a big deal- but seriously- boundaries!!! I think the mom was just ovewhelmed with her kids- she had 5! I have to say- I wasn't sad when they put their house up for sale- and our new neighbors are FANTASTIC!

Here's hoping they move!

 

ask the kids all together for fun and games questions of your discussion from the other day. give them popcorn or something as a reward to whoever answers correctly and re go over a few points from the other day. Say we are not going over this again. if it continues, then unfortunately they will not be able to come over to play at all.

 

stuck up for Josh Duggar? For real?? She lost me there too! I don't stick up for sex maniacs and pedofiles. But hey - that's just me