Me Time/YOU Time REcommendations|Pad Patter 3.7.2018

[EHStudios]

In college there were so many gorgeous parks nearby that when I was feeling the need to escape I'd just go to one of them, either alone or with a friend, and just SIT by the water. Not talking. Laying back sometimes. Watching the sky change or the water ripple or listening to the birds. Sometimes bringing my camera to photograph closeups of nature.

I haven't done this is so so long as we don't have the same kind of parks that close & I miss it.

 

[AJK]

update:
my husband and I have 7 children all adopted thru foster. They are all considered special needs due to the trauma of their lives before us.
our 4 oldest were easy...so we all decided to try again
3 more adorable boys.
Wow to the wow on the transition for the last 6 years now.
oldest is now 13, then 11 and almost 10.
Oldest is doing fine, youngest is borderline, but has a JOY in his life.

My 11 year old has Oppositional defiance disorder, leaning more toward Conduct Disorder. Meaning he melts down in aggression if told NO or things don't go his way. He is intelligent, sweet and handsome. But envision a 2 year old in an 11 year old body, but with anger and destruction. He is in a treatment center. He has been there since Dec 2017. We receive daily updates on his meltdowns. He is on heavy meds and still he attacks/destructs, to the point of restraints and seclusion.
For the first 5 years we just were on our own, didn't even know help was available. We fell into a wonderful therapist, and she has been our rescuer. But, as the main caregiver aka MOM, I have also been the one that has taken the abuse.
So, now I HEAL!
I am determined and this community is filled with some smart loving people, so I thought you would be the perfect ones to ask!

Anne, i have taught some children like this. It is complicated. First, I will pray for your family, if you don't mind.
Secondly, music is a help to healing. Personally, I choose worship music on Youtube, or some "soaking music" that is faith based (again, speaking for myself). And I get out the Art stuffs! I don't try to "make something". This is why I have an art "JOURNAL". It is not representative of my studio work. I makes that possible. Art also heals.
And healthy but delicious food!!! Have several of your favorite foods each week- or try some new dishes. Explore! You are worth it!
I will leave you with a favorite passage: "I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "not for calamity, but to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

 

[AnneofAlamo]

to send you hugs,

I think I felt it! thank you

even God took a day for himself

you made me laugh right out loud, yep, I forgot, and am tucking that in to tell myself again

might freak out the neat-Anne

it does. I can only do that at Tangie's classes (there, so I don't have to collect the things to create, I twitched all the way thru her class in Las Vegas, came home and was all freaky on what to do with the book of things I had torn and glued in? bhahha

send you a hug!

hug received, thank you, it really does help me!

Oh, I could never do THAT!'... you'll know you've found which one you should do first.

YOU caught my rebellious nature, and I had to double read your post, cause it is a wonderful idea!

I'll make a fun dinner just because I enjoy it. I have to cook anyway, I might as well try something fun.

Your life is so beyond full, and getting advice from you is pure wisdom. I see a big salmon on the grill this weekend! lol

looking and sorting through photos will make you happy then do that.

It is! I pulled the truck out yesterday, my two boys and I were just emptying the trunk and they were giddy hearing stories of Tony and me before children! Yes, Virginia there is life without children! bhahwhaha

just SIT

ouch, ouch, ouch and yes, this is one hard thing for me to do, but something I need to cultivate

"I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "not for calamity, but to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

this scripture is in my don't worry book, and I hold to it daily, I also have
Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his Purpose.
I don't always know the why now, but God has it under control. I believe the GOOD is coming to be, and I pray (and your prayers are indeed welcome) that I have the heart and eyes to see it!

I have two tables set up in our soon to be pool room (used to be office/home school), and have emptied the big trunk of old photos. The organizing will start tomorrow. I scrubbed my house today, (because I feel guilty starting a new project with tasks undone) and am ready to dive in.

 

[Sokee]

Yes Anne YOU need YOU time!! Things I used to do.
Have a book set a timer for your self. I used to drive to town do the McDonalds drive through and just sit in my quiet vehicle and read. Recharge. Head home.

Now. I have been part of a women’s bible study group with the same women for 5ish years and WE ALL allow ourselves to be each other’s support, once a month we call ourselves the Desperate House Wives club and just visit and support each other!! We are women in our 50’s 40’s 30’s 20’s we have grown children — and each week we have 3 children in attendance that are 3 and under with one of the women expecting. BUT we just are here for each other. I ‘ve NEVER had a group of women like these in my life before and am ever so THANKFUL for them.

So important to have (you time) to re -charge!!

 

[IntenseMagic]

First of all...sending you big hugs, mama!! And yes, you do need some you time and you've gotten some amazing suggestions! I'm not sure I can add much to what's already been said, but I think that if it's something that brings YOU joy, then that's what you should do. Love to you.

 

[Iowan]

I think the photo sorting is best idea for stress relief. The trips down memory lane, the sorting may elicit, is an added bonus. I’m glad that your son is getting the help he needs while you take care of yourself. Cyber hugs.

 

[NancyP]

OK, my dear sweet friend! I am going to scold you!! (but in a loving way!) I want you to go back to post 23 and read your last sentence. This is what you need to STOP!! If you feel like doing something for Anne and there is housework that needs to be done--(scrubbing the house??? REALLY?????) the housework can wait. Those two things definitely should have been switched. Organize TODAY----scrub TOMORROW!!! Anne, you MUST take care of you!! If you don't, the time will come where you will be unable to take care of anyone!! You are hearing this from someone who has walked in your shoes. My son being committed to a home and ME??? Yeah, in the mental ward of our local hospital for two weeks!!! Total breakdown----because I tried to fix everything for everyone else!!! (This was a long time ago.) Sandy said it all when she said, even GOD took a day off!! My Sabbath is on Saturday, and believe me when I say, I do NOTHING on Saturday!! Well, as far as work goes anyway. Saturday I rest, relax, read the Word, meet with my Messianic group for wonderful fellowship etc etc etc. It is my day to unwind and regroup.
I am up in years now, children all grown and gone, I live alone, but there are still pressures. Children, grandchildren, reaching out for help and I really have to pick and choose. I have to think how it is going to affect me and my well being. I have one child and one grandchild (out of MANY) who are users and I have to be real careful because they will drain my strength!! I love them and will help where I can, but I have had to learn how to say NO!!
So, getting off my soapbox, giving you the BIGGEST HUG ever and reminding you again----take care of ANNE!!!!

 

[Mylinn]

Only you can figure out what works best for you. Love love all the ideas here! My therapist finally got me to try me time - I was on disability and doing healing, thought it was all me time, lol....she finally convinced me that it wasn't enough or the right kind.
Best wishes, luck and prayers for all of you.
I was using the computer as an escape so she was cool with me using it. . . what finally clicked for me was to dabble. A bit of this one day and no worries if I didn't touch it again for 3 months. The act of 'making' myself figure out how to relax taught me so much. (learned that I love crafting because there is stuff to learn, not the actual making and definitely not the perfecting for one)
Good luck!
I have explored lots of variations on Internet Surfing. My current faves are mini virtual trips and making a hmm, maybe it could be called a map? I pick a topic at random, write it down and google it. Each time I hit google up, I write down the ? or the term, etc. At the end (or the next day) I look over it. Never stops being funny how 'great white' google ends up 30 mins later being bradford pear growth rate!

 

[Karen]

Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his Purpose.

This verse has a special place for me too, it's my confirmation verse.

You have lots of great advice above and most of all... YOU are so very wise yourself.... deep in your heart you KNOW that you need to do something for yourself and you KNOW that you need to stop feeling guilty about that. Consider it a prescription... if a doctor had told you that you need to take a pill every day for your health, you would do it without hesitation... so don't hesitate when a doctor prescribes you some "Anne" time. It is absolutely the same thing. Put that "Anne" time in your planner and make it happen... m'kay?

I can be stern about this because of course it's something I struggle with too. When I do have me time, it's usually creating something. For the last few years I have fallen in love with art journaling, but not in the definition like Tangie so expertly explained it to me in the Scaredy Cats class... for my creative time, my art journaling is actually creating art in a journal. It's the act of being creative in a journal that brings me happiness... and the fact that I am creating in a journal/book of any kind takes the pressure of me because it's not on a canvas to display... if I mess up, I flip the page and it's no big deal... either way I learn something and that's my happy place lately.

Most importantly you just need to find that thing or things that make you happy. I love that you are taking the time to walk and get healthy too... those things take SO much time and effort, so we tend to not do them and they are so very important for you well being! Finally... I'll stop rambling and send you a massively long squishy hug!

 

[AJK]

I think I felt it! thank you
...this scripture is in my don't worry book, and I hold to it daily, I also have
Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his Purpose. Yes, ALL things, especially time to decompress, laugh, cry, listen to the birds, breathe...Did you know that studies have shown that creatives REQUIRE quiet time in order to thrive- to create?
I don't always know the why now, but God has it under control. I believe the GOOD is coming to be, and I pray (and your prayers are indeed welcome) that I have the heart and eyes to see it!
But, as it is written, “No eye has seen, · no ear has heard, · nor has the mind of man imagined, the things that God has prepared · for those who love Him.” I Cor2:9 Good things. I pray the Lord "restores your soul".

I have two tables set up in our soon to be pool room (used to be office/home school), and have emptied the big trunk of old photos. The organizing will start tomorrow. I scrubbed my house today, (because I feel guilty starting a new project with tasks undone) and am ready to dive in.

THIS is terrific! And leave it up - undone- so you can come back it as you wish!! Looks like you have some wonderful- soul restoring things to look at!!!

 

[Nemla]

I am sending you a big hug,and a wish that you mean what you say and really do something that is only Anne related
For me it is starring at the sea. I know that is not possible for you,but don't laugh when I say; stare at the desert....the mind just relaxes when it only has to focus on one thing. After wards go home and sort photos or binge watch sit com's,or whatever takes your fancy.
Thinking about you.

 

[sakura-panda]

So, I need from you. What do you do to regroup? To minister to yourself?

My first thought was to pull out this huge trunk of photos, and organize them for scrapping. I have an empty room, and could begin taking pics of them...and listen to a book for a few hours each day?
Do you think this would qualify? or is it a task? argh

Help?
lol

I think that is perfectly acceptable; I am guessing this is something you have been wanting to do, but have been putting off in favor of doing other things that you feel you *have* to do and have classified this as a *want* to do. As long as you don't have a deadline on it, and you make sure you don't put any pressure on the final outcome, I think it would be a good "regrouping" activity for you.

I'm not a big coffee drinker; I do enjoy a nice cup of coffee and I only make myself one when I know I can take time to enjoy it while I'm reading a book. The kids know that I don't like to be disturbed when I'm drinking my coffee, although it does often prompt them to ask for a cup of cocoa for themselves. I sit at the dining room table, facing the patio door that leads out to the deck with my bird feeders (which are currently empty because I need a new way to hang them.) I've been reading the same book for about four months now, but I don't do this often and I don't get very far when I do, but it is a few moments that I can do something that I enjoy without wondering what else I should be doing instead.

 

[berniek]

Oh boy. That is a lot! Sending you a big hug to begin with!
I think everyone should have me-time on a regular basis. But especially when times are tough. It’s so important for our mental health.

I don’t think me-time has to exclusively be spend alone. If you recharge and get happy from others then a day out might be perfect. Just make sure that you don’t have to care for someone else. Maybe even tell your friends you need a day off from responsibilities and worrying. That way you can just follow their plan and bask in having people who love you around.

Alone time is good and important too of course. After my dad passed away last summer, I found back my love for books. Reading has helped me lots. And just like Sara, I’m much into jigsaw puzzles too lately. I put on an audiobook and just loose time and reality for a long while. And I’m trying to run (which I suck at) but it does empty my head. Try running in the rain. Or rain in general, it really empties my head.
(I just realise you live in the dessert, and rain might not be something easily available. Lol)

Anyway, I hope you’ll find your me-time. You deserve it.

 

[HavaDrPepper]

Alone time is good and important too of course. After my dad passed away last summer, I found back my love for books. Reading has helped me lots. And just like Sara, I’m much into jigsaw puzzles too lately.

After my dad passed in June of 2016, I spent a lot of time reading. It was my escape from reality and all the stuff that has to be dealt with in closing an estate (especially in a different state). I was also still mourning the loss of my 2 dogs in Dec of 2015. But when November of 2016 rolled around, I found myself working on jigsaw puzzles again. I hadn't done them for years and had actually sold the few still in the house at a garage sale before Dad died. When I mentioned it to his significant other, she started laughing and asked me if I had forgotten that Dad loved doing puzzles. I had. Since then when I work on a puzzle, I feel him here with me.

As for me time, since I live alone, it is my daily life. I also find that I am no longer stressed since I have retired. I needed that time for me much, much more when dealing with the stresses of my job. I would scrap or read to escape from those stresses.