I came and then left again. Sorry!

Discussion in 'Chatty Pad' started by Serena, Nov 18, 2021.

  1. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    So, for those that don't know, I've been married for 23 years. On Sept 20th, we finally separated, it's a very long story and honestly, quite strange if you are very traditional.

    I realized I needed a safe space and came back 'home'. This will always be my home. However, in the next days after coming back and trying to re-indent my "butt grove" into the "The Sofa of the LilyPad", the ex and I started trying to work things out.

    Long story short, he's still with his girlfriend, I'm still alone and now working two jobs because I never expected to be single so I never saved up.

    I am finally just becoming aware of all the gaslighting, lying, bullying and emotional manipulation that had been going on and while trying to bring these to light to fix us, he has done nothing but stall (I said I would NOT entertain any relationship with him while he was still with his girlfriend) and tear me down over and over again.

    In short, I dropped down a very dark hole again and I didn't want to mark my "comeback" here with negativity and sad scrap pages.

    My full time job is very physical and in person, so I'm getting accustomed to that as my health isn't the best for that sort of thing, but my "main" job can't give me full time until after January. Then I'll be able to work from home full time there. I'll probably keep the two full time jobs until I just can't to try and build up some money.

    However... I applied for a loan at a bank and am looking to get enough to make an offer on a duplex with my brother. I've had to jump through a few hoops, but the lady at the bank thinks that I MAY be able to skim by after the "hoops" are completed. I just have to get one more referral letter from my new employer, the rest has been met.

    They're selling the whole duplex and he'll live on one half and I and the kids on the other. It's a great deal, it's also a LOT of work because it needs TLC, hence why it's so "affordable". At this point, getting OUT of this house and away from the immediate stress and having to deal with my ex constantly in a physical place is the best option for me.

    I'm still "gearing" up for MoC though. lol. Even if I don't "complete" in time, I'll be scrapping along with everyone else.

    Thank you for your continued patience with me as I bounce in and out. Know that I'm thinking of all of you and sending hugs and positive vibes!
     
  2. HeatherB

    HeatherB Ain't nothin wrong with a few dust bunnies!

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    Oh my goodness, it sounds like you have been through the wringer. So sorry to hear about your troubles. Glad to hear that you have a plan to move forward. I hope the duplex works out for you and gives you the separation you need. Hugs!
     
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  3. gonewiththewind

    gonewiththewind I choose joy.

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    @Serena Oh, my sweet friend! Please know you are always welcome here, even when life isn't in an upswing. I have had a couple of bad years, and honestly, scrapping through the pain was super helpful for my healing. So when you have time and can, come hang out with us, even if there's nothing but sad or mad layouts to share. We are documenting all parts of our lives and not just the ones we vet for social media.

    Please know I am praying for you, for your inner healing, and praying you get this place to live and the place to work. You are a wonderful light here in our community. Know you are very loved.
     
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  4. umyesh

    umyesh Swooning for warm bread & butter

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    Sending you all the love Serena!
     
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  5. LynnG

    LynnG Designer

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    Hi Serena, it's lovely to have you back even if just lurking :-) and looking forward to seeing what you create over MOC. It sounds like you have so much on right now, and I hope that starts to settle down soon. Fingers crossed for the purchase and for working from home. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing too. I was where you are and could have written most of your post myself a few years back, so sending you an extra big virtual hug.
     
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  6. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    You all make me want to cry! (okay I did, but I'm NOT scrapping it, and if you don't scrap it, it didn't happen, right? :D)

    One of the reasons this will always be home is because most of you are closer to me than my family is. :grouphug

    Thank you for saying about scrapping things that aren't necessarily "perfect", @gonewiththewind Cheryl! (I'm sending you massive love via the internet, check your USB port, it should be there any moment! ;) ) I stopped scrapping when most of the layouts I started making were sad, or dealing with my struggles, I didn't want to risk bringing anyone down. Thank you for telling me it's okay, I didn't realize I needed that, I don't want to say 'permission' because that's not what I take it as, but more of making me aware that I won't get looked down upon? for being less than perfect. Which, in real life here, I am held accountable for not being Donna Reed. (a perfectly positive lady from TV way long ago who always held herself together... yes, as my son says, I'm "ancient." lol) I was so terrified of being held accountable and to that standard here in my safe space.

    Miss @LynnG I'm STILL giggling at our email convo. Kids need to STOP growing. Sending hugs your way as well!

    Thank you all again for your patience and understanding. :beat:heartlub:heartslub
     
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  7. AJK

    AJK I plead the 5th ...

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    Bless you, Serena. Glad you felt comfortable to share and come back. You are a brave soul. It is refreshing to see someone be transparent these days. May the Lord guide and bless your next steps!
     
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  8. bestcee

    bestcee Lorelei and Rory are my neighbors

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    Gilmore Girls, Episode 14, Season 1: That Damn Donna Reed! "The Quintessential '50s Mom with the Perfect Family?" "Never without a smile and high heels?" "Hair that, if you hit it with a hammer, would crack?" I can't think of Donna Reed without laughing because of Gilmore Girls. Not ancient at all!

    Lots of virtual love to you. That is a lot of life that you are dealing with. It's totally okay to document the sad, the mad, the frustrations along with the wins of life. You don't need permission at all, but sometimes I think it's nice to be told that emotions are welcome. You document you right now, share as you wish, hide as you wish, but please keep stopping by. Keep us updated on the duplex. Don't feel you have to share, but please don't feel you have to hide anything. Real life comes with big emotions, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and oftentimes in between. Good luck as you move forward. That takes bravery and courage!
     
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  9. IntenseMagic

    IntenseMagic I like my pillow Rock hard

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    Lots of love to you, Serena! I know how hard it is and the emotional manipulation is the worst. Been there and done that. I'm almost 20 years on the other side of divorce, so I can tell you that it does get better and easier and you will be able to find YOUR happiness! The one thing I taught myself to do in the darkest times was to consciously seek out little joys, find them in the everyday. Whether it was a flower blooming, one of my kids laughing, or just the sun in the sky...and focus on that. And feel all the feels when you need to as well :) I'm sending you lots of love and hugs, and I wish you all the best of everything! You deserve happy, don't forget that!!
     
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  10. cfile

    cfile My bags are packed for Platform 9 3/4

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    Serena you are in my thoughts and prayers as you transition in to a new life for you and your children. While I know it will be alot of workwith the duplex to get it "just right", at least you will have your brother near by to help if the need arises. So sorry to hear of what you are going through, but glad you are getting out for your own health and stability. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend .. Hugs being sent your way.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2021
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  11. keepscrappin

    keepscrappin ScrapWithTheWind

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    So glad you’re back! No judgment here, just BIG hugs, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent to. Us scrappers need each other. :therethere:yowza:yourock

    I always tell my hubby scrapping is cheaper and better than therapy or drugs. :giggle
     
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  12. BevG

    BevG If I can't remember it, it didn't happen

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    Ah Serena - We certainly have missed you and are very happy to see when you have time to pop in!! Blessings on you as you navigate this new life.
     
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  13. JenEm

    JenEm Pollywog

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    Welcome home! Sending you lots of love, Serena. Hope the duplex purchase works out for you. :beat
     
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  14. bcgal00

    bcgal00 Say, "birdseed!"

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    Keep taking steps forward, feel the feelings and tell yourself you will be ok and you are going to strive for the better life you deserve. I know all about gaslighting and its not easy but you can come out the other side of this and be a stronger person for it. I know my daughter is. Hugs to you. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here. Fingers crossed and positive bvibes sent for the duplex deal to work out.
     
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  15. Karen

    Karen Wiggle it, just a little bit!

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    I'm so sorry to hear that you've been going through ALL of this yuck. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad you're popping back in here. I TOTALLY use scrapping to vent my emotions and I think it helps, so you scrap away if it helps, no matter what the emotion are that you want to capture. I'm glad to hear that you are finding a place with your brother right next door. That must be really comforting to have family nearby after everything you've been through. Just make sure you take care of yourself and be kind to yourself too! :agree
     
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  16. norton94

    norton94 Thank goodness I'm still a Well-Known Member

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    Big hugs to you - no one deserves that treatment!! I'm glad you are back and so glad you are finding a path out. It would be nice to have a brother next door and so good for your kids too. Please don't worry about making those emotional scrap therapy pages - they help!
     
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  17. Nemla

    Nemla Stretching my skill set

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    Sending good vibes your way. As for the girlfriend..... pity her,now she has to put up with all his sh...... . Stay strong.
     
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  18. gonewiththewind

    gonewiththewind I choose joy.

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    @Serena

    Just in the last year or so, I've dealt with a breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, radiation, a resistant breast infection, the loss of my sister-in-law, and having my identity stolen. There were a lot of wonderful things that happened during that time, but I'll admit that it's hard to see them because they tend to be overshadowed by trials. If you look in my gallery, you'll see that the good things I was scrapping about were in the past. And that was good therapy, because it reminded me that I have much to be thankful for. Here are a couple of layouts I thought I'd share about my struggles. As others have said - scrap if can/need/want or just come here for encouragement - but I have found giving voice to my feelings through my layouts has helped me heal.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    @AJK Thank you, ma'am! I've been terrified to be transparent.. it hasn't gone well for me in the past.. but then, I haven't been brave enough to try it in the scrap world. I needed a safe space I wasn't going to get turned down in so I've kept it VERY brief and quiet. I hope many blessings head your way in return!!

    @bestcee Coooouuuuuurrrrrrtney!!! Much love, girl. I've missed being silly with you. :) You know.. I didn't realize it until you said the whole "never without a smile and high heels." but if you look in my closet.. I have a TON of high heels... I wonder if that also carried over.. hmmm.. But I'll have to disagree with you, after all, my 14 year old son is in school, so of COURSE he knows what 'ancient' is.. we just don't realize it because we're so old... :lmao

    "You don't need permission at all, but sometimes I think it's nice to be told that emotions are welcome. "

    This, 100%. Especially with this being my last safe haven, I didn't want to do ANYTHING that would jeopardize this in ANY way. Knowing that it won't immediately turn people away helps a LOT. I also love being the 'light' in the world so I try to keep things as positive as possible, real life does enough dragging people down. :imokIt's nice to know that any of us can be human though. It's hard to be nothing BUT positive when you're weighed down. I still love being that, but it's hard to shine when your light is dim, you know?

    @IntenseMagic Miss Jan! ♥ (your icon is sooo iconic btw! hee!) I'm glad that it's gotten that way for you and thank you for the hope! Sometimes I feel everything is going to be fine and I feel so strong and then the next I can't even figure out how to *breathe* much less do anything else.

    I have a 1 Negative = 2 Positives rule to help me with that. Noticing the flowers, noticing the smile.. I was having a hard day at work and every time I'd complain about something in my mind, I (because it's been a habit since I was 12..) automatically start looking at the other side. My cart in the store doesn't wobble, or my current favorite, at work we have a guy who's deaf. It has to be very isolating for him as he always seemed just... there and serious all the time. When I found out, I immediately introduced myself in sign language. It's rusty and slow, but seeing his smile when we pass, or little jokes we have made like making ninja motions at each other is constantly on my positives list. It got around and apparently we have another lady who's hard of hearing but can speak and read lips well... when she saw me, she signed immediately.. (I'm new, not hard to figure out who the "new girl who speaks sign language even if slowly" is. LOL!)

    I collect positive things like they're air, because sometimes, it's all I can do. I explained to my children that negatives are dollar coins. They're huge and block out the light. Positives are like dimes, tiny.. and it takes quite a few dimes to 'cover' a dollar coin. It's hard at first, but once you've done it for years, it's automatic. And YOU deserve happy too you know! <3
     
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  20. Serena

    Serena Squishy soul poet who loves Walter Hunt

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    @cfile Christa!!! Thank you for your kind words and the thoughts and prayers!! Hugs received and sent back double fold!!!!

    @keepscrappin :glomp I'll bring a towel so I don't drench your shirt! ;) Hehe.. I'll try not to cry too much.. :beat One of my favorite meme photos is "Thank you for being my unpaid therapist!" It makes me laugh.. and it really IS cheaper!!!! I found THAT out the hard way with that bill. :faint2

    @BevG It's VERY good to know that my Mischevious Bev is still dancing around! :happyhug

    @JenEm Thank you very much!!! :beat

    @bcgal00 Send hugs to your daughter my way as well, thank you for the sweet words. It's been interesting and funny enough, I had an epiphany and realized he's gaslighting himself as well!! It's been a very long week... :huh Thank you for the vibes!!! I need them! I'm also here if you need! :D

    @Karen I'm definitely going to scrap soon!! I have 4am - 12 the next two days but sometime in there I've promised to carve out some scrap time. I even got some DYD and MMM things I need to play with! It worked out really well, I needed a co-signer but didn't want to LIVE with someone and compromise anymore for a bit and when we found the duplex it is helping EVERYONE. So that's relieving. :luvyaSending you lots of hugs and kindness back dear lady!

    @norton94 Thank you ma'am! And you're right, NO one does. I'm going to feel sorry for the gallery if the duplex DOES work out because I'm going to flood it with "LOOK AT MY PLACE!" :lol2

    @Nemla I giggled :compcoffee!! Sadly, I think she's the one poisoning him even more and that's why it went south so hard. But! Not my problem anymore! hee!
     
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