Household Finances, how do you do it?

We worked it all out prior to the ceremony. But his became ours, and mine became ours. I don't ask, we discuss. We set up a system for the bills. I do the actual payouts. Mortgage, insurance etc. We have a plan for savings, food and life. We have been married 23 years, and both made some stupid decisions, but our money is ours. We are a team, and he is my best friend, I trust him and him me.
In the lean times, we would celebrate with an extra $5 for a coke for both, in leaner times, we shared it and walked hand in hand. Life is much more full (financially now) but we learned to live within our means together.

 

I'm kind of the same way about wanting to have "my money" So we decided before we got married what would work, and we haven't changed a thing since. We have a joint account where all of our paychecks go, but we also have our own personal accounts too and each paycheck we have an automatic transfer to each of our accounts and we call that our "allowance" We both have completely opposite spending habits. I'm a saver and he spends every dime as soon as he gets it and has to wait for the next "allowance" But, with our system we never have to ask the other if it's okay to buy a really expensive pair of shoes or 20 digital scrapbooking kits. If we have money in our account and we want something we can but it guilt free. This also works for when someone is out of money, they can't come begging for more. Just have to save up again. It's been a really great system and really helps us never have to fight about money.

 

When I was married (to ANOTHER CPA, no less) we were lucky to have the same spend vs save mentality, save mostly, discuss for big purchases. We did the two separate accounts, then put money into a joint account thing for a while but then settled on just one joint one. We took turns paying the bills every six months or so. We did and I still do use Quicken to track my expenses on a weekly basis so that I know where my money is being spent. As a single mom with two kids in college, this is really important to me.

If you aren't sure whether or not you have the same money habit, definitely try the separate or separate and joint accounts first until you are sure. It can be really tough to have to be "his mom" and tell him he can't buy things if he is a spender. I have a friend who has dealt with it for years.

 

We're just about the same as Anne and her husband, except that we've been married a bit less - it'll be 16 years in June. He had been married before and he and his ex-wife kept their finances separate. Before we got married, he told me that we had to combine our finances and it's been the best decision for us. We haven't always agreed about what to do with our money and we've also both made some bad decisions. However, I believe that we're a much stronger team for having combined our finances - and everything else - from the beginning.

 

His account became our account. I became a SAHM after our second DS was born and don't have a monthly income anymore. I do word art on the side and that money goes into my account from before we were married. I do the payout for bills every month from our joint account and anything special we do comes from my WA money. If we kept out finances separate then we would be in trouble. He is one that things whatever is in the online account must be right....not paying attention to what bills still need to be paid or what outstanding checks there are.

I am REALLY anal with the finances. I keep a notebook and write down what gets paid, when and how much....check it off when it clears the bank. We both get a monthly "allowance"...

If works for us....

 

I remember when we first talked about getting married, we had to rent an apartment. I paid the deposit out of my account, even though I wouldn't be living there for 4 months (so old fashioned, LOL!) And I went on and on about how he owed me that money back. He was like "um, we're a team now." And he was right, intially, getting used to making all those decisions together and not having complete control over everything was pretty scary, but that's part of being married. You're a team not, not him and you. It's SO hard though! We generally do the same as everyone else, bills get paid out of the account that both our checks are in and then we get spending money. At this point, all the bills our "ours" anyway, so it wouldn't even make sense to split them. It kind of helps for me though, that I usually do the day to day bills and just consult him for major stuff, I'm not sure I'd like being left out of the loop either. Maybe do baby steps...like a joint account, but separate savings and you pay all the bills together for a few months to ease your mind.

 

We got married right out of college so neither of us had any amount of significant money. So we combined our finances right off the bat and never looked back. Fortunately we are both savers. I manage the finances and pay all the bills. (I work in accounting/finance.) I also manage our investments. Both of our paychecks go into our joint checking account. Then from there there are automatic transfers into savings and other investment accounts.

We hardly ever have disagreements about money. We have also established a threshold for discussions about spending. If each of us wants to make a single purchase that's over $100, we should tell the other one. Notice I didn't say "ask". We both work and our incomes are pretty close to each other, so we don't feel like we need permission from the other to spend money. But we do tell each other if we're planning on spending something bigger so that our checking account doesn't go out of whack.

 

It's all mine.

 

true dat

 

I LOVE this idea!!!!!

 

we've been married for 13 years, and we've always done our finances together. in fact, we've seen lots of friends and family whose marriages have ended, due in large to fighting over separate finances (not that that's always the case, just that 3 families we are close to have fallen victim).

we put all of our money into a joint account. all the bills are paid out of that. all of the extra is too. also, we have a savings account. each month, a certain amount goes directly into savings via direct deposit. also anything I earn with my little part-time job goes into savings as well if we don't need it for something else.

it DID take us a while to learn to work together in the beginning. he is a saver, I tend to spend. but it was GOOD for me to learn to be accountable. we keep our communication open and honest, even when it was hard to do (it seems in tight times, communication about finances can be a challenge). and it has worked for us. for us, I would never do it any other way. good luck finding the right solution for the two of you!

 

I felt the same as you at first... I wanted to keep some separate, I work hard and saved. We did eventually combine everything and truthfully it's a relief. He likes taking care of the bills and I hated it - so it works out. We have similar money personalities and neither of us would make a big purchase without discussing (or researching). We don't ask each other every time we want to grab a sandwich out for lunch or when I shop here and there but we know to keep it reasonable. We are both savers. I do feel lucky that we are like minded in this way. I sort if feel like I would have gotten resentful with a "you pay this one, I'll pay the next" type of plan. Always worrying about who paid more, etc. just my to cents. Good luck! You will figure out what works for you!

 

Yep LMAO!!!

We have a joint account where everything goes and everything is paid out of. My husband is a cop, has been since before we met, so he has a stable job with a regular amount of pay. I stayed at home until Rachael was 6 and in school full time. We discuss any big purchases, but I take care of all the bills, and handle the finances. I know what we can and can't afford, and my money is the "play" money, so we can afford a few extras like a trip now and then, I can get my nails done, a second vehicle, etc. We always lived on his income until I began work and I do feel though we should have more savings, so we are actually planning to work on a new budget this week.

 

we are exactly the same as anne at one point we never even thought about money just kept whipping the plastic out and sinking deeper and deeper into debt,and paid the price now we do as anne does everything goes in same bank the bills i sort out and get them paid first then we decide what we have left to live on and if we can have a treat or not that month this works well for us and were now clear of debt and the money is ours not his/mine

 

this.

I have access to both our accounts and do all the bill payments. I take out our "cash" for the pay period and I am in charge of groceries and what extras we can buy.