Lots of good advice here - treat yourself kindly and take lots of deep breaths - you will get through this. hugs from a distance xx
I'm not able to offer any advice as I only went through a divorce from the side of being a child when my parents divorced. Big hugs to you.
I'm so sorry to hear this Shannon. Looks like lots of great advice above, so for now I'll be praying that everything goes peacefully for you and your family through whatever comes next.
I am very sorry you are having to go through this Shannon. I am also in the counselling camp ... See if that helps first .... But only if you want to. Sending you prayers and hugs....
This coming from a lawyer may sound like the beginning of a bad lawyer joke, but my only advice to you (I do criminal work, know very little divorce law) is to get a lawyer. My husband and his first wife did their divorce without a lawyer, and their final agreement just doesn't contemplate things that they didn't want to think about - for instance, my husband puts $ into a 519 college fund for their son. There was never any kind of provision about what happens to that $ if he doesn't go to college - sounds minor, but the tax penalties are huge. They also misread the child support chart. I could go on, but the point is, this is going be an emotionally draining time, and you need an advocate in your corner to think of these things. Just my two cents. In any event, I will be thinking of you and your boys - sending hugs your way.
Shannon, so sorry to hear... I have to admit I didn't read many of the replies, but, having separated because of my ex's drinking problem....I would say most definitely an asertive: unless HE AGREES and HE WANTS to STOP drinking and go to the AA or similar....I wouldn't think of anything but grabbing your kids and running the oppossite direction. What destroyed me and took almost 2 years to heal, was me not leaving when I saw the drinking was affecting the whole family. I tried to help, so I carroed on for almost 2 years trying to fix the marriage and help him with his condition.... He never cheated though... and on that bit... I find it very very extremely difficult to trust again when something has happened. If you want to hear how I left and what did I do legally (and I didn't pay a penny, but this is in the UK, not sure about laws there) just pm or email us, or Facebook, am sure none here wants to hear the whole technicality, but if you think it will help, I ll even give you a call on the phone/skype... Hope you keep strong and, like someone said above, remember YOU treat yourself kindly, and YOU matter...your kids are still young and all influences them more than you can imagine.... edit to add: what Wendy says is the must do....you need someone on the legal profession, dont do anything on your own, as I said, here in the UK there are certain laws that will get you legal aid, I didnt pay even though I was on full time work...but not sure how it works there...
No advice other, than stay safe. If things start to escalate and you don't feel safe, please look for safety first! HUGS
I can definitely agree that you've gotten some great advice so far. My daughter's father and I haven't been together since 2010 but no divorce. We don't consider it to be a big necessity as of yet therefore, I doubt there is much I can add to what's already been said. We did however consult a lawyer to discuss a separation agreement and to make sure we weren't missing anything. No matter what you choose to do, I do hope you follow your heart. It is so very hard and sad when children are involved and it is (IMO) important to make them your priority amidst all this. Hugs and best of luck with whatever you choose to do
I'm so sorry this happened, Shannon. Looks like you've gotten plenty of good advice here. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!
Hugs & Prayers to you. Been There.....Done That! If there's no way you guys can work it out, I would definitely seek some legal advice.
Hi Shannon So sorry to hear that your life is in turmoil I have no experience of divorce...it's a very ugly word and I'm sure is very, very traumatic no matter how 'amicable' it might be! But ....I am STILL married to a man who had an affair with his business partner for the best part of 7 years!! Do you still love your husband? Does he want a divorce? Things are very 'raw' for you at the moment with your (and your husbands !) emotions laid bare. My way of dealing with things initially was to try and see life from my husband's point of view...it certainly sounds as though he is crying out for help.....drinking and affairs are 'sticking plasters' I would say for a something hurting inside. Take your time dear lady and don't do anything rash......my thoughts and prayers are with you both at this tough time. ♥
Thanks everyone for your advice! I wanted to delete this post but couldn't so instead, I'll tell you that. Despite the crap that happened. Yesterday we decided to try to work it out. Any ties to the other person have been broken & I'm watching like a hawk & checking all ways that I can. I think we may starting seeing a counselor & his alcohol use is being addressed. If things don't change the way I hope then I'll call it a day. I do NOT want to be a pushover & refuse to allow that to happen. We have 17 years of marriage & 23 years together. I hate to see it disappear!
Hold on there, girl, no advice for you from me, just read it, felt like read and run is not an option, and from the friends' (multiple, both European and American) experience, telling you, don't do it alone, get a lawyer. and keep your friends (family) close.
