Decluttering and Downsizing

Oh, Jan... it's hard for some people to declutter and be organized with mementos. I am a product of cluttered and disorganized people, and I am exactly opposite. I can't handle clutter or unorganization... that stresses me out. Keeping order keeps me sane and happy.

Sometimes, you cannot get rid of things, there is too much emotional attachment and that is ok! You have to let your heart catch up to your mind. I would say pick favorite things, put those things aside, and keep chugging along. Even if it's 5 out of 7 things, or 70 out of 100, do it slowly. Eventually, you will get down to lower numbers. Beyond that, it might not even be possible, and you end up with 3 things. Take pictures of the items you let go. Don't take/keep things that are important to other people if they are not of importance to you as well.

 

I too have been purging. My mother is extremely mad at me right now for having a messy home. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a small storage cabinet in the parking garage. My boys have way too many toys that have basically taken over the living room. Clean laundry often ends up in piles on the floor. I adore hardcover books & have plenty. There's just a lot of stuff. We've been working so hard at it that I'm at the point where I just don't want to deal with it--chuck it all! We're not home that much. The 4 of us are only guaranteed to be together on Sundays. I'm doing of the majority of the work & I'm tired. I have a slipped disc at the bottom of my spine & a torn disc at the top. I'm just physically exhausted with all this. So, I feel you completely!

 

It's extremely hard for some people to get rid of anything. My parents weren't exactly in the hoarders category, but after Mom died, we couldn't believe the stuff they had kept. They were very neat hoarders - it wasn't out in the open for everybody to see. Several years ago, Mom and Dad had a wall cabinet/bookcase built along an entire wall. Bingo! That's where we found the most of the "goodies". I think they had them in the attic over the garage before they built that wall unit. The weirdest thing we found was my sister's cast from her broken arm when she was a little kid. We about croaked when we found that. An arm cast???

My sister, niece and I all decided, after that, that we were going home and start decluttering. I actually started then and I haven't stopped. Here's my "key": I take pictures of things. That makes me feel better about letting it go. Garage sales are great or sell on Ebay, if it's worth something. I have two big boxes that I couldn't part with and they have Grandma's china and crystal in them. I have a few other random items that were my other grandmother's, too.

Once you start, it really does get easier. There was a show on a long time ago with Niecy Nash and Matt Iseman called Clean House. I used to watch it all the time and learned a lot about letting things go from that show.

 

I am definitely trying to declutter. I'm also trying to be more mindful of what I bring into the house. It's a tough job and I think a support group would be good

What is currently working for me is being active in our neighborhood's freebox Facebook group. I am so much more likely to let something go if I know it's going to someone who can use it. I had a few art supplies to get rid of and a woman asked for them for her daughter who is a budding artist. Knowing that was encouragement enough to let go and ask her if her daughter would like some of the other art supplies I was keeping around. Sometimes it is frustrating when people don't pick up on time (but I do porch pick up which means I just leave it outside for the person), and it is slower than just dropping off at Salvation Army or Goodwill, but I'm getting rid of things I probably would have tried to hang onto.

When you mentioned that part about the stories, it reminded me about something I read about downsizing (but I can't remember where since I've read so many decluttering books lately ). Stuff will only mean something to someone if it's out so a connection is made. You could read that as you should put out more stuff... or you could read it as, if it's not out connecting with someone, there's no reason to have it. My parents just cleaned out my grandmother's house and definitely found that to be true. They found all kinds of cool stuff in the attic and closets... but I had zero connection to it and didn't want any of it (much to my parents' dismay). I wanted the Christmas albums she played on her big console stereo, the light up ceramic tree tree and the 12 Days of Christmas table cloth that was on the table I played under as a child. None of those things have any monetary value but I love getting them out each Christmas. Anyway... that's helping me with cleaning closets. If I don't want to put it out, there's no reason to keep it.

I'm trying to document the stories behind the things I do have. I don't want my stuff to become a burden on someone else. My grandmother's stuff has become a burden to my parents... her house was always extremely neat, but every cabinet and closet was stuffed to the brim. They don't know the stories behind things, where they came from, why she had them. She had tons of boxes filled with unlabeled photos. All of these things are now a burden.

Since I've been working on this project I find myself more and more annoyed by anything that brings more "stuff" into my house. My daughter danced for a dance company where the director gave the dancers stuffed animals from Oriental Trading Company for every single occasion and holiday. Made me nuts. The stuff that has me stumped right now is my daughter's dance stuff... dance costumes, dance shoes, dance company clothing (often with her name on it) and trophies.

Shoot... I've got to run... but this is a subject I can ramble on about for hours.

 

Jan, it's hard when there's an emotional attachment. What I'm trying to remember is that the memories are there, even if the "stuff" isn't. Younger generations are trying to focus on "experiences" rather than "things," and I'm trying to remember that, too. One good thing is, everyone reading this is already a memory keeper, so we're used to documenting our lives. Maybe documenting your decluttering experience will help you let go of things? Like Cheryl mentioned, I like to take photos of the "stuff" that I like but need to let go of. This thread inspired me take a look at some of those pictures, actually, so thank you for the walk down memory lane!

I'm trying to stop the need to declutter by cutting down on how much I bring into the house. It's not always easy, esp. with young kids (not that they buy stuff lol, but their grandparents sure do!). We've had talks with both grandmas: one is pretty good and one...isn't.

This is such a beautiful way to put it.

Tracie's post reminded me of something that I think you brought up, Jan: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. I won't go into detail cuz I think you know about it, but I just wanted to say that it really helped me switch my thinking on Stuff. And that new outlook allowed me to let go of stuff more easily (not that I was necessarily a hoarder, but once we had a big house I found myself keeping stuff simply cuz there was room, ykwim? We'd lived in apartments and rentals for so long; having our own space for Our Stuff felt really cool! Then it didn't, cuz there was too much stuff).

 

It really is so hard sometimes to even think of getting rid of things that mean something to you. My mother seriously needs to downsize. She is living in a 3000 sq ft home all by herself and needs to stop having to go up and down stairs, but that's her sticking point. She doesn't want to get rid of anything, and neither my sister nor I have room for any of it, and quite honestly neither of us wants any of it (which kind of hurts her feelings, too). I love what everyone has said. I'm really no help, because I clean out my house once a year and get rid of probably 30 big trash bags every time. I love to purge and throw things away regularly, and I am looking forward to getting rid of more and finding something even smaller. But, I am following along here because I'd really like to help my mom. Maybe I will go over and offer to take pictures of things she wants to remember before she gets rid of it, and possibly even make her an album with those things and their stories included.

 

Oh my goodness... I could write a novel about this subject!

To start with, I live in the house my parent's built in the mid-60's. They turned it over to me in the early 90's when my mother's health was on the decline. It is only a 1400 sq ft house but it has a 1400 sq ft basement and that is where the problem was.

In that basement, in a corner was MY BABY BED WITH MATTRESS. (I will be 63 next month). Mom kept it for the grandkids that she never ended up having. There were 2 walls of shelves in that room that was lovingly called "the junk room" that were full of their stuff and mine. There were several bookcases with stuff on them. In 1987, they sectioned the basement off into separate areas and Dad had his "workroom". All kinds of handyman stuff in there that I know absolutely nothing about.

About 4 years ago, a lady from the neighborhood passed away at the age of 86. She had never married, had no children and no siblings (or they were dead). I found out later that cousins cleaned out her house and I saw a dumpster there 3 different times. I decided then that I would not do that to my cousins since I also have no siblings, no children or no spouse. So at that time I started with the main living area and started donating, donating, donating and throwing stuff out. 2 years ago a second cousin was having garage sales because she was doing the same thing (also never married, no children and no siblings). So, I took stuff to her place for sale. What didn't sell was donated since it was stuff in decent shape. My dad died during this time so after taking some time off to deal with other life stuff, I finally got back to the cleaning out in early 2017.

I was back to working on the main floor because I was having both my bathroom and kitchen/dining room remodeled the summer of 2017. New flooring was going down as well in the living room so I cleaned out everything. I found the bills for my parents wedding in 1954. Total cost less than $2000. Once the remodeling was done, I then worked on the 3 bedrooms (one of which is my office) as I was having new flooring put down in each room earlier this year. My office was the worst and it still isn't back together since I haven't bought a new desk yet!

During all this, I got rid of furniture as well, either selling it to second hand furniture stores or donating it to Habitat. This summer was a push to get the basement cleaned out. A lot of paper was down there so I would bring it upstairs where I could look through it and decided if it needed shredded or could be recycled. I found stuff from the 60's... my mother was a definite pack rat. All of the receipts for my college education were down there as well. I also found receipts for various things done to the house over the years. That kind of stuff I recorded on a spreadsheet for my information then recycled. Since I am retired I would spend a few hours in the afternoon in the garage shredding the sensitive information then put it out with recycle.

I can't tell you how many times stuff was put out for recycle or how many garbage bags were put out over the summer but I had large stuff that I needed a dumpster. I arranged for the dumpster, got help and got the rest of the basement emptied out in August. Yes, I ran across things that were sentimental especially to my mom, but not to me. Out they went. Other items that were sentimental to me but in not so good shape, I took pictures of and got rid of them. I did find some interesting things that I have either taken pictures of or scanned then out they went.

But, now that the basement is empty of the junk, I can rearrange what is still left and it is going to be gutted since there is water damage to the paneling. I don't use it as a living area so no reason to have it "finished". The next owners of the house can do what they want with it. I still have work to do but the hardest part is done and can I say how freeing it is to have that stuff out of the house!

This is why I haven't had time to scrapbook lately! And, now I'm in the process of organizing all my photos so they are in some semblance of order. Today is day 3 of that project and still not done. I have also culled down my paper scrapping supplies and donated a lot of stuff. I believe what I have is what I will use. But, I am still finding stuff to donate so I have a section in the garage (it was cleaned out too) that I collect donations to be made at a later time.

Best of all, I feel less burdened because all that stuff is gone. I made the decisions about it, no one else has to. The above mentioned second cousin has done the same thing. She sold her 2100 sq foot house in May and moved into a 1438 sq ft house (right around the corner from me) in June. She had even more to get rid of than I did!!! But we both feel so much better for having done it.

 

YES! Count me in on that list. I have soooo much stuff and I'm on a major purge. To be honest, I don't really like any of it anymore and have no desire to buy new stuff...I'm just over "stuff"

 

yes, yes, so much yes to all the things you guys said!

I was heading down that path...and unfortunately we live in an area where very large houses are the norm so I had tons of space to shove stff...but we moved three times in 5 years recently and that was definitely incentive to get rid of so many things. In fact, my test became "would I be thrilled to open a box and unwrap this thing?" - otherwise I pitched stuff. And stopping the purchase is a huge part of it. I try to make sure I'm only buying things we really need or things that i/we genuinely LOVE.

My dad though. man. his parents were Victorian era, they were not not emotional or loving. He is 77 now and while my parents home is nice and not packed, my dad has a building out back behind their home - 1800 sq ft of STUFF. He started collecting stuff years ago, and then with ebay in the past 20 years its unreal. Fishing rods and reels, hunting bows, model airplanes and airplane parts, gun parts, etc.

YES!!

Over the summer I was trying to have him start getting rid of stuff. He has THOUSANDS Of dollars of stuff wrapped up in his inventory, stuff he could sell for money on ebay if he would just start. but he got so emotional about it - it was crazy to see. He truly is a hoarder, somehow that pile of stuff gives him security and reassurance. He would start talking about where he saw that thing when he was young, or when he bought it, etc. I couldn't get him to part with a single thing in the two weeks we were there He is sad that none of us value his stuff - but in his life he didn't focus on taking the TIME with people to build those experiences to create meaning. to me it's all just junk that I know I'm going to have to deal with at the end of his life.

And THAT has been the biggest lesson for me - I don't want anything I keep to become a burden to my kids.

 

Like you I de-clutter often. And since we had to downsize into an apartment that gave me even more reason to get rid of some "stragglers" that we'd been holding on to.

 

Ugh! I struggle with getting rid of things that hold memories... and so do my parents. Whenever they want to get rid of something, they bring it to my house. They simply cannot throw anything away. Then it comes in my house and I feel like I should keep it because I remember soemthing about it from my childhood or because my parents gave it to me. In recent years, I've gotten better about just waiting until they leave and then the stuff either goes in the trash or in the Goodwill pile. I don't know why they won't just take the stuff to Goodwill themselves, but I think they just want to see if I want it. Sometimes they do have some good hand-me-downs though, so it's not all bad, except there is only so much space in a house.. ya know?

When my kids started school, I started saving every little piece of art or assignemnt they brought home. Then in the first few years I had so much of it that I started taking pictures or scanning it all and started tossing. That felt great! I did keep a handful of actually papers and put them in a folder with their name on it, but most likely when I give them their folder... they aren't even going to want it.

 

I went from a organized hoarder to a lover of purging and minimalistic.
I totally recommend this book:
The Magic Art of Tidying by Marie Kondo

It helped me release things. I began with clothes. I am/was a hoarder of clothes. I had such a good time purging and tidying them, my husband joined in. Then my boys! They love the techniques and think about bringing things into the home now. REally cool.

I then got rid of 4 bookcases full of books. Gone. I don't miss one! My kindle holds those I want to reread. The library even more. They get to dust and clean them.

I also read a book a long time ago. I can't find it now...but the author went on a vacation and they as a family stayed in a rental home. The house stayed cleaned the whole time they were there. She looked around and there was no extra stuff. 4 forks, spoons, and knives...etc. Practical and useful.
I loved that image.
Gone are my fondue pot, 2nd rice cooker, 5 crockpots! I had 6 of them! What?
My kitchen is now practical and useful. I don't have to hoard ingredients. I live 5 minute walk from a store that can carry it on their shelves!

My house is full of plants, lamps (I despise overhead lights), and space! and my heart is happy!

 

I know for me there were things that I kept much longer than I should have only because it belonged to Mom & Dad and this was their house first. I didn't want to face the wrath of Dad if he came to visit and something that had been in this house for over 40 years was gone. Once he died, all the guilt of getting rid of that stuff went out the door.

 

I've decluttered some things, intermittently. I've never done a house-wide thorough decluttering. I live in a big enough house with no plans to move (since 2000) so it hasn't been an issue yet. But I identify with some of the minimalist ideas. I'm only sentimental about my photo albums, scrapbooks, and journals, not things. I don't buy much stuff -- although part of that is not having much money to buy with. I prefer experiences over things. One feeling that proves to me that I will be a minimalist for sure someday is that when I was young one of my dreams was to have walls and walls full of bookcases full of books. Because I love to read. Even when e-readers were first invented I thought, yeah, that's cool for traveling, but I still preferred paper books. That has changed completely in the last few years and I have bought only a couple of paper books for myself. (More for my daughter who would love to own paper copies of everything ever created by Rick Riordan.) My favorite way to get a book now is an ebook from the library.

I hadn't even thought of @AnneofAlamo 's reasoning -- let the library dust the books! -- but that's a great point too!

I'm also interested Anne, in your comment about not stocking up on ingredients because you can just get what you need at the nearby store. I have been living that way myself, but sometimes I feel bad because my mom always had an additional cabinet in her garage besides her pantry in the kitchen, all well-stocked with canned and boxed foods. I have one small section of a cabinet with a couple armfuls of canned stuff, but I don't buy much boxed stuff because I prefer cooking from scratch. So I wouldn't be prepared in a disaster that shut down the stores for a while. I guess I'm counting on that not happening. Anyway, we're talking about minimalism not disaster preparedness, I know. So I'm rather minimalist when it comes to food too! I have to go shopping every week for basics like eggs and bread.

 

The one thing my cousin that just moved and I disagree on is how much to have stocked in the "pantry". She bought shelving units for her basement to put all of her pantry items on. When I stopped by while she and another gal were emptying the boxes, I saw at least 5 5-lb bags of sugar! She can cook and always did the baking for the family Christmases but we haven't had one of those large gatherings for over 15 years. She no longer bakes and she doesn't cook for herself that much so IMO there is no need for all that sugar. And, that was just one item. There were many more. She keeps saying "I know I have too much" but she says it was because of her mother that they always had so much stock. Her mother grew up during the depression so was always afraid of not having what was needed so when she could, she made sure she always had extra.

I don't keep a pantry full of food. During the remodel, when cleaning out the kitchen cabinet of canned goods, I threw a lot of stuff away... some of it had been expired for 8-10 years! Now I only put on the list what I will use in the next 2-3 months.

 

Oh, definitely, 100%.