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Big Changes . . . how do you handle them?

gonewiththewind

gonewiththewind

I choose joy.
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
10,070
This morning, @Danyale of Etc by Danyale left our little town for a big adventure in Italy for four years. She has lived 2 streets over from me for forever. We didn't even see each other frequently. Weeks and sometimes months would go by without us seeing each other in the flesh, but we always had our Google Hangouts where we would work and chat and just hang. So I know that it's not going to be that much different, and that I'll still be able to chat with her while she's in Italy, but doggone it if I'm not super duper sad. Like knowing that she was JUST RIGHT THERE if I needed her or if she needed me. It was comforting, you know?

Here's a last photo of the two of us together - in the flesh - yesterday for a lunch chat. She came over to the house to return my house key and brought me lunch while I'm recovering. I'm looking forward to taking this photo and contrasting it with a selfie we'll take from Italy!

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Today I'm being super kind to myself. Like I'm hanging out on Facebook, watching YouTube videos, I read some, and I hope to scrap later . . . just consoling myself I guess. How do YOU handle a big change in your life like this one?
 
Usually a day of the same kind of things you are doing (with some dark chocolate). I feel like they help me take time to think and get my head around the change and how I am going to go on from there. I do also like to go for a long run when I have changes/challenges to work out in my head.
 
Teri said:
Usually a day of the same kind of things you are doing (with some dark chocolate). I feel like they help me take time to think and get my head around the change and how I am going to go on from there. I do also like to go for a long run when I have changes/challenges to work out in my head.
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I was with you on the chocolate, but then you lost me with the running. bwahahahaha

AnneofAlamo said:
handling big changes....ugh.
I cry a lot...lol especially when it is a sad change
but I love change...love it
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I'm not a big one for change. I mean, I know it's happening all the time, sometimes in small ways we don't even register. Change is life. I just don't like the STRESS I feel when it happens.
 
Did you know the word "nostalgia" comes from Greek words meaning "return home" and "pain"? I just learned that, and it seems quite apropos.

I've moved cross country three times in my life. Actually, I've moved 5 times in the past 11 years. Anyway, when you're the one leaving, you have the excitement of the new adventure ahead of you. But when you're the one left behind, you notice the absence differently. (Obviously I'm not saying she won't notice any changes in Italy compared to the USA! I'm just focused on your experience right now.) When a good friend of mine moved from Houston to Dallas, I felt similar to you. Whenever I missed her, I'd text her (we both do that still, even though I no longer live in TX). Maybe you could do a daily email to Danyale since texting might not be possible? Keep the e-mail in your Saved drafts folder and just open it when you think of something to tell her. And who knows: maybe this change will "force" you into expanding you neighborhood friendship circle.

Do you keep a journal? That's a great place just to let it all out. Or of course you could scrap, when you're ready to look at pics. And you could think of how much fun it'll be to spend time in Italy together!

But one thing I like to do is watch a really funny movie. It helps take my mind off my sorrow. Plus laughing has health benefits!

And lastly, I hope you're doing well and recovering quickly/easily!
 
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I am a sulker... I will take a bath, read a book, watch a movie. But, I will just be a little sad and sulky until I get used to whatever the idea is... If it happens to be someone moving out of my house, I will end the sulk fest with an incredibly industrious redecorating of the room they used to live in. I doubt it's healthy, but it works for me, lol...

Huggles!!
~Sarah~
 
Awe... that is a BIG change. I'm so glad you two were able to get together for lunch while you're recuperating. Thank goodness for technology these days so you can stay in touch.

I don't like change. Never had, never will. Somtimes, I cry, sulk, comfort eat, withdraw and get frustrated. Other times, I do a total flip and get busy. I clean or go help others and try to distract myself from it all. I wish I could say that I was always doing the positive stuff, but most of the time it's a combination of both. I guess it just takes time to find a new norm. Glad you're taking a break and going easy on yourself. That's the best thing you can do. BIG HUGS to both of you.
 
aww, I feel like it is showing in your eyes in that photo Cheryl. gentle {{hugs}} to you ... i agree with @Tree City 's wisdom that when you are the one staying - it seems to be a touch harder, and a bit different experience.

i either get really lazy & just want to close myself up in a room alone with some comfort food & binge watching TV/movies ... or will try to channel that frustration and loose energy on a project/busywork/cleaning.

that kind of change is so hard. so glad you are treating yourself well and taking it easy. i have a friend going through a very big change right now and it hurts knowing how much she is hurting. give your self a chance to feel all the feels & let them out. :beat
 
Awww :( this makes me sad...I don't like changes like this at all, I never have. Hugs to both of you ladies.

I live in denial for a while until I have to face reality...then I somehow snap out of it and deal with it head-on. In the past I've turned to food, which was NOT good for me at all.
 
I cry, watch sappy movies, have a glass of wine with some chocolate. I'm so sorry for you that she's moving and excited for her. Thank goodness we live in an age of technology that helps us stay connected.
 
A few months back, I was doing an art journal challenge and as I was doing it, I realized it was helping me express my feelings. My friend's husband was told he only had months to live. It really helped me access and acknowledge where I was. I was surprised because I have never used scrapping or any kind of art to work through things before. It is something I will be doing in the future. In the past, I have done writing in a journal and that has really helped, as does talking things over with a friend.

Hugs to both of you. Remember you will always be close in heart.
 
Tree City said:
Did you know the word "nostalgia" comes from Greek words meaning "return home" and "pain"? I just learned that, and it seems quite apropos. Maybe you could do a daily email to Danyale since texting might not be possible? But one thing I like to do is watch a really funny movie. It helps take my mind off my sorrow. Plus laughing has health benefits! And lastly, I hope you're doing well and recovering quickly/easily!
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I didn't know that, but now I'll read and think of nostalgia in a totally different way! I think she will have pretty good access to Facebook, so I'll likely message her frequently there. I've been watching a lot of The Office anyway, which always makes me laugh . . . I just need to find a good funny movie. Any suggestions?

AliSarah said:
I am a sulker... I will take a bath, read a book, watch a movie. But, I will just be a little sad and sulky until I get used to whatever the idea is... If it happens to be someone moving out of my house, I will end the sulk fest with an incredibly industrious redecorating of the room they used to live in. I doubt it's healthy, but it works for me, lol...

Huggles!!
~Sarah~
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Man, I can't wait to take a full shower!!! LOL I can't get my bandage wet on my back, so I've been taking these weird half shower things. The thought of a nice hot bath sounds heavenly.

keepscrappin said:
Awe... that is a BIG change. I'm so glad you two were able to get together for lunch while you're recuperating. Thank goodness for technology these days so you can stay in touch.

I don't like change. Never had, never will. Somtimes, I cry, sulk, comfort eat, withdraw and get frustrated. Other times, I do a total flip and get busy. I clean or go help others and try to distract myself from it all. I wish I could say that I was always doing the positive stuff, but most of the time it's a combination of both. I guess it just takes time to find a new norm. Glad you're taking a break and going easy on yourself. That's the best thing you can do. BIG HUGS to both of you.
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I'm gonna comfort eat tonight! We're ordering pizza from one of my fave restaurants. :)

jenn mccabe said:
aww, I feel like it is showing in your eyes in that photo Cheryl. gentle {{hugs}} to you ... i agree with @Tree City 's wisdom that when you are the one staying - it seems to be a touch harder, and a bit different experience.

i either get really lazy & just want to close myself up in a room alone with some comfort food & binge watching TV/movies ... or will try to channel that frustration and loose energy on a project/busywork/cleaning.

that kind of change is so hard. so glad you are treating yourself well and taking it easy. i have a friend going through a very big change right now and it hurts knowing how much she is hurting. give your self a chance to feel all the feels & let them out. :beat
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Yeah, I was trying to buck up so we could take a good photo, even though I didn't have on any makeup - I was like, darn it, I'm taking the photo anyway. I think of all the times we've been together when I didn't take photos, regretting it now! LOL I think I'm going to binge scrap or binge view. I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos of scrappers . . .

bbymks5 said:
Awww :( this makes me sad...I don't like changes like this at all, I never have. Hugs to both of you ladies.

I live in denial for a while until I have to face reality...then I somehow snap out of it and deal with it head-on. In the past I've turned to food, which was NOT good for me at all.
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I always turn to food. It's not good for me either, but it's been a pattern my entire life. If something good happens, our family goes to eat to celebrate. If it's bad, we gather together and make food to eat in large quantities. It's hard to break from the pattern when there are so many others around that make it harder!

kimingvtx said:
I cry, watch sappy movies, have a glass of wine with some chocolate. I'm so sorry for you that she's moving and excited for her. Thank goodness we live in an age of technology that helps us stay connected.
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You are so right. Imagine if it was just 25 years ago? So grateful for today's technology!

BevG said:
A few months back, I was doing an art journal challenge and as I was doing it, I realized it was helping me express my feelings. My friend's husband was told he only had months to live. It really helped me access and acknowledge where I was. I was surprised because I have never used scrapping or any kind of art to work through things before. It is something I will be doing in the future. In the past, I have done writing in a journal and that has really helped, as does talking things over with a friend.

Hugs to both of you. Remember you will always be close in heart.
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I have art journaled and just journaled on regular pages before. It's definitely a worthwhile process!
 
@gonewiththewind The Office is a funny show! I've only seen the British version but the US version is on my Watch list. Have you seen My Name is Earl? It has like 4 seasons and it cracked me up. Sorry, I said movie but now I'm thinking about shows. Have you seen Arrested Development? That is ridiculous and I love it! Oh, and 30 Rock. Binge watching a show gives you a lot more bang for your bingeing buck!

But my go-to pick-me-up funny movie is Zoolander. :) IDK why, but it always cracks me up.
 
As I get older I am becoming more settled, I like a routine, I don't like or want big changes (unless it's something super exciting like winning the lottery) so if big changes come now I get anxious, feel overwhelmed. I have to keep busy, turn my mind off, and give myself time to mentally absorb the change in my mind and then figure out how to deal with it. My last big change was a few yrs ago when my job of 20 yrs ended and I had to set up my sole proprietor home business. I was able to keep one of my old bosses as a client and then last yr took on a contract with another client so I've managed to get thru the change (although with less money which sucks) but I had lots of moments of lurching heart, catching my breath, feeling anxious....like a mini panic attack. I started deep breathing exercises/relaxation techniques and focusing on quieting my brain which has really helped.
 
We're the same way with food....celebrate, grieve, happy, sad, mad, glad...eat all the food!
 
It's sad. My BFF moved away from me back in 1989. I still miss her terribly. We see each other maybe once a year. In the last year, we were lucky and saw each other 3 times, including a whole 5 days at once. It was heavenly. We never miss a beat when we are finally together.

Whatever you do, do not lose touch with Danyale. Strong friendships never die. Call, facetime, skype, text - there are so many ways to stay in touch today.
 
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I park in the same aisle at the grocery store & sit in the same aisle at church (yes, every single time) so yeah, you could say that I don't like change. :giggle

I am a recovering emotional eater and am on the other side of my first round of Whole30. One of the biggest challenges of the experience was having to feel my feelings vs. eat my feelings. Today is the beginning of AF + I'm disappointed from yet another job rejection so I was very tempted to run to the store (because I need to buy dish soap & garbage bags, anyways) and buy a pint of ice cream.

Instead, I stayed home & watched Youtube videos that I knew would make me cry until I got that emotional release and I felt more rational. I will go to the store tomorrow with both kids when I will definitely not be buying ice cream since then I'd have to buy the kind they like + hear them whine abt it the rest of the week. :cornfused

I take it one step at a time until I feel ready to take another step. *hugs*
 
not well at all! DD leaves next week and when DS leaves for school in September, it will be the first time in my life FOREVER that I've lived alone. I'm trying to stay super busy! :(
 
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