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24 hour notice: In-Law Rant

jenevang

jenevang

Rocking a two-piece under my scrubs
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My husband just called me and casually told me that my in-laws (who were supposed to visit in October) changed their plans and will be here tomorrow afternoon.

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Let me set the stage for you. The phone call came at 3:00pm EST.

We are having 20 people to the house for community group at 6:30pm EST. We have to get homework done, cook and eat dinner and clean up before that time.

I have to work all day tomorrow. Their ETA is 6:00 pm EST and I usually get home from work at 7:00pm EST.

We have no spare bedroom in this house because of all of my children.

The in-laws will be displacing TWO of these above-mentioned kids and somehow I will have to get that room AND the bathroom (that is shared by THREE boys) cleaned well enough for IN-LAWS after 10pm tonight when the group leaves (while these children should be in those beds).

I will also have to clean up from group... (side note)

I will have to wash, dry and replace 2 sets of sheets in the morning BEFORE leaving for school/work at 7:30am. (actually, there's no way that is happening... I'll have to do some of that after they arrive)

And my husband actually had the nerve to get angry with me for getting upset about all of this. He wanted me to be HAPPY they were coming. For SIX days (did I mention that?)

OK. Rant over.
 
Tell him you ARE happy about the change of plans. And how HE will be getting everything ready for their visit.

Or, since they will be arriving an hour before you tomorrow, leave their sheets, towels, etc., at the front door and tell them with less than 24 hours notice, this is a self-service hotel.

Or, you will bust your butt to do everything you need to do and greet them with a smile when you get home. 'Cause that's how it will probably happen. Sorry, if I were closer I'd clean your house for you tomorrow while you were at work. I can offer to be helpful like that, 'cause I'm not closer :)
 
Hugz! Julie has great ideas. I'm a strong believer in, if the hubby makes the mess, the hubby is responsible for getting it ready. (I just learned this, it would have saved me years of grief. Personal responsibility!)
 
I'm so sorry. I can definitely relate, though. I married an only son/only child. I was never good enough because I didn't graduate from college and I was Catholic. I've remedied one of those, but it didn't matter. Imagine what they would have thought had they known I was a democrat, too. My happiest day was they moved to Florida. But then we had to stay with them when we visited. I finally decided we needed our own condo when we went, which they though was stupid. But it saved a marriage and I was happy. They're both gone now, so it's all ok.
 
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Yeah, if my DH told me my ILs were visiting with no notice, I'd tell him to give them 3 hotel phone numbers and to tell them "We're glad you're coming! Here are your hotel choices for where you can stay." Or I'd do something similar to what's already mentioned, like telling DH "OK, they're your parents, so YOU figure this out. Here's what has to happen: either you do [everything you just mentioned in your post here] or you tell them 'actually, this week doesn't work for us, but we're already looking forward to your visit in October!' It's your choice cuz they're your parents." You're a working mother! Are you kidding me?! Gosh, I'm getting riled up for you!

But my ILs visit very rarely and they always stay at a hotel. Always. We've got 4 people in a home with: 4 bedrooms (and the master is big enough that technically we could fit all 4 of us in it--it's so big it's kind of dumb, tbh); an office; a morning room; a dining room we use as a play room (meaning: no table or chairs in the way); a family room with a sofa big enough to use as a bed and room for an air mattress in an unused corner; and a full basement... but I refuse to have them stay here. They'd never leave. (I'm not being dramatic: MIL has mentioned how it's her "dream to live down the road" from us. I had to practice my poker face when she said that. And the next morning she told DH, in a voice pitched so that I'd hear, that the night before (so, like 3 hours after telling me she wants to live down the road), she dreamed "we decided to sell our house [that they JUST BUILT!] and we're moving here. Isn't that craaaazy?!" and she said it in a way to tell us that "isn't that crazy?!" really meant "What do you think about me passive-aggressively telling you I want to move here???" OMG she drives me bonkers.)

Anyway, not trying to hijack! I just don't get along with my ILs at all, so that kind of last-minute visit would never happen. I'll stop now before I have more typing diarrhea rotfl. No, one more thing: even if you LOVE your ILs, that kind of invasion just shouldn't happen. Because that's what it is: invading your personal space and upending your lives. Have your kids started school yet? Cuz if this is your first week of school, that's a crazy time. And if they start soon, then you should be enjoying the last gasp of summer together as a family--not cleaning your house in a panicked rage.
 
Okay first of all whaa! I could never handle sudden changes like that! I mean I can't really handle much sudden change at all but this is crazy. So your rant is definitely justified and welcome here!!

Second: isn't it more then logical that your husband helps out?
I really hope you're not in a kind of relationship that you have to do everything household related because you're the woman? Because that's bull. I really hope you feel like you're alone in this but that you and your husband really are a team.
 
My in-laws rarely visit and when they do, thankfully I get advanced notice. It's hard to just drop in from Texas to see us in Arizona :D

But I would be stressing as well. I can't rant though since I have done that to my DH with my younger sister (she is the last minute, tell you as they are driving, kinda notice) :eek: But as the years went by, he has gotta used to her doing that so now, if she does that, she deals with our messy house :giggle
 
mrs2a50 said:
Or, since they will be arriving an hour before you tomorrow, leave their sheets, towels, etc., at the front door and tell them with less than 24 hours notice, this is a self-service hotel.
Click to expand...

This made me literally laugh out loud!

Ugh. I'm so sorry Jen. That's crazy and completely inconsiderate on their behalfs. Especially since they know you work, and that you had a visit planned already. I agree with the above. Make DH get the linen changed for you. Then if they complain about smelling boy, say I'm so sorry, that was your sons job.:agree

My sister is the only one allowed to drop in with no notice. And that's because she'll change her own sheets, and sleep on the couch if necessary. :giggle
 
djp332 said:
I'm so sorry. I can definitely relate, though. I married an only son/only child. I was never good enough because I didn't graduate from college and I was Catholic. I've remedied one of those, but it didn't matter. Imagine what they would have thought had they known I was a democrat, too. My happiest day was they moved to Florida. But then we had to stay with them when we visited. I finally decided we needed our own condo when we went, which they though was stupid. But it saved a marriage and I was happy. They're both gone now, so it's all ok.
Click to expand...
This is me! My MIL could never get over the fact I was Catholic, and when I finally got my degree, it wasn'ta real degree because I had done it through distance education ( despite her only son, my husband, geting his degree from the same university. ..). I was lucky in the fact that her best friend lived one suburb over from us in a much nicer house so she always stayed with her whenever she came to visit, I loved her best friend so much for this blessing alone..

Good luck with your visitors Jen, I always found counting down the hours til they leave helps, esp once you get past the halfway mark...
 
Well, I hope that you resolved this, somehow . . .

I'm sorry, but they are his parents and your hubby should have the sole or at least the primary responsibility for ensuring their comfort, especially since they are coming at such late notice.

Either that, or you welcome them and tell them that they need to change the sheets. If they are that comfortable dropping in like they live there, then they should act like they live there and change the darn sheets or whatever else needs to be done.

Grrrr . . . my blood is boiling. LOL
 
UGH!! So sorry!! My in-laws are gone now and they never visited when they were alive but my ex-in-laws always stayed in a hotel with they came to visit, thankfully, because honestly when I divorced him I was just as happy to get rid of them. His mother is a whack-a-doo. But yeah, I'd totally be making a list for DH and just follow that up with...sorry for any mess, the short notice didn't leave time for cleaning. Wishing you luck!
 
Loving all of this support. Thanks, guys. So, my company tonight is gone and I'm about to tuck my littles in (a TAD past bedtime, but that's the least of my worries).

And although I know DH would help me out, he doesn't see the problem of letting them stay in a NASTY boy room with a NASTY boy bathroom, LOL. He said "they won't mind". I simply shook my head and told him that I do mind. Geez. We've been married 22 years but I'm still not going to let them see the underbelly of my poor parenting, LOL.

So, he is going to the store for me tomorrow to pick up some things, not the least of which is DINNER for tomorrow night and a new shower liner... ewww... LOL. (there is a reason I ignore their bathroom until I absolutely cannot any longer). And my oldest son will get home 1st so wins the prize of helping with laundry! YAY.

I do have to clean some tonight but I'm over the worst of my frustration. And I do want my DH to enjoy his folks' visit. My in-laws live in California and we are in Georgia so we don't see them often.

raw


And they haven't seen my DS2 play football yet... it's his 1st home game Friday so they'll be there for that. It's all good.

raw
 
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I LOVE that Princess Leia GIF- that was pretty much my reaction when I read your post!

I'm glad you're feeling better about it now. Maybe you can make a to-do list, ostensibly for yourself, and leave it somewhere where they are likely to find it when they arrive...like, on one of their pillows. :giggle

"Ooops, I must have left that there when I was making the bed..."

My husband doesn't see the issue with having people over with a messy house, either- drives me nuts! And it doesn't help that his dad is one of those super punctual people who not only arrives early for EVERYTHING, but usually way early- like, 45 minutes early. I'm usually still last-minute cleaning at that point!!! His mom is worse- she'll call saying that she's coming to town and ask about having lunch or dinner, then not show up. And then when she does finally come to town it's always at the last minute and unannounced, and 95% of the time I'm either working or at our other house 6 hours away. Either way, she thinks it's all some big conspiracy and that we never want to see her (and I'm understanding more and more why his parents divorced).
 
I feel your pain SO BAD! My in laws left last Tuesday. I couldn't wait to kick their butts out. If they pulled this crap on me, I would say "nope....go to a hotel."

I HATE HATE HATE my husband's family. I know hate is such a strong word, but seriously, if you met them for even 5 minutes, you would too!
 
Yikes. That is cray cray. I honestly don't know how you do it.

My in-laws were wonderful... but they also only lived 20 minutes away and never had to stay with us :giggle. My brother-in-law and his wife are another story. Ugh. I despise them.

My husband is no good for helping with household stuff. He'll stand there and actually watch me while I'm cleaning. I've threatened to kill him for that, so he doesn't do it so much anymore. He's really good at making things *more* difficult if I expect him to help. He'll ask me 20 million questions about the simplest of things... so I would rather do it myself. But I'm trying to get beyond that.

My brother and his girlfriend just stayed at our beach house a few weeks ago. Our beach house is always clean. But it was kind of funny because they rearranged stuff in my cupboards to make it tidier... like really?? I think they were really just looking for food, and when they didn't find what they wanted, they put everything back and it just looked nicer than we usually have it stacked. But it was weird. They made the bed much better than I usually do, and my brother could be a professional towel folder... he does an amazing fold. They'd taken the load out of the dryer and folded it for me. Wowza. If my hubby folds a towel, I have to wait until he's not looking so I can fold it again. He's got corners all out of whack and things are crazy looking.

Good luck with the house guests. I think it is cool they'll get to see the football game. And it is wonderful that you didn't murder your hubby. You are a rock star of epic proportions!!!
 
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