Breast feeding

I'm sorry they reacted like that. I breastfed both my kids. DD refused to take a bottle (we tried so many brands and so many ways to get her to take one!). But you're colleagues may feel like they have to talk up bottle feeding if that's all they could do. Maybe they're too embarrassed to admit that breast feeding didn't work out or perhaps they just have that "my way is best" mentality like you said. It is sad, though, because you said these are coworkers. Working mothers should encourage each other at work, not tear down each other and their choices.

 

It's really a shame that so many times we can't just be supportive of each other and the choices we make. Everyone has valid reasons for what works best for them and it doesn't make one any better than the other. People can be so "judgy" and it really doesn't help anyone. I did both with all three of mine. I started out breast feeding all of them and did so for several months, when I had to go back to work, I would send bottles during the day and breast feed in the evenings and early mornings for a while, and then switched to all bottles eventually. I'm sorry that your co-workers weren't so supportive and felt the need to compare

 

It's too bad they were dismissive. I'm with you, not very judgmental but very proud and grateful for the 8 years I spent breastfeeding my 3 kids.

 

I'm sorry - Hugs. People can be so very mean when they feel threatened or defensive. That is how it sounds to me. We each have to make the decisions that we are happy with, work for our families, and should support one another instead of bringing others down! I chose not to breastfeed, and bottle fed both my boys. I'm grateful for my boys and proud that I am able to be their mother.

 

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

It is interesting because I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughter, and always found judgement the other way. While I was pregnant with my daughter, the valve that keeps everything in my stomach was stretched. I couldn't keep food down for weeks and weeks. I could barely keep myself going, much less have anything to feed her. Breastfeeding mothers were always looking down on me and making remarks because I had to give my daughter a bottle.

I think it is terrible when people criticize either way. Just realize that you did what was good for you and try not to let them get you down. Big hugs!!!

Oh, and a funny side story. My mom was pregnant at the same time as me and had my sister two months before I had my daughter. She wanted to breastfeed my sister, but my sister had been in ICU for over a week and didn't really take to breastfeeding very well. When I had my daughter, my mom tried breastfeeding her (ewwwww.... gross!!!) to keep her milk going. I LOVE to tease my daughter about it now. (insert evil laugh) She gets so totally disgusted.

 

I was also shamed for bottle feeding my son. He was my first child and refused to take to the breast - tried for 6 weeks and then finally went fully bottle fed. My MIL was so horrible about it (she was a former midwife and really didn't like me at all), blamed me for not trying hard enough. To her great surprise, I managed to breastfeed my next two...

When my eldest went to a clinic to get his first immunisations, about 8 weeks old, he was unsettled, another mother came up and told me he was hungry and I should feed him, I told her he had just had his bottle, she said poor thing and deliberately turned her back on me.

I wish I had the confidence with my first one to tell people off for just being plain nasty - they certainly would not have gotten away with it by the time the next two rolled around - amazing what a few years of parenting can do.

Choice is a good thing, whatever works for you and your baby is your business, nobody else...

 

That makes me so sad. The whole breast vs bottle argument should never happen. You do what's best for you and your baby, and we should support each other! They definitely seem to have jumped on the defensive, because what about adoptive mums, they get just as bonded with their babies as birth mothers do!

I breastfed my daughter for 1 month, then I got really sick with gall stones and I physically could not feed her. As a result my milk went bye byes and she was bottle fed from then on, and she thrived!
With my son I was nervous about breastfeeding and we decided that I would go at least a month brestfeeding, see how we went and bottle feed if we felt that would be better. Well I struggled through 4 days of breastfeeding, latching problems any time a nurse wasn't there to help and lots of pain, and I was having panic attacks every time (and that is VERY far from normal for me) so we immediately switched to a bottle. Part of me ached to breastfeed and for quite a while I had to quickly skim past other mums posting their breastfeeding pictures on facebook, but it was better for me and our circumstances that he be bottle fed.

I hope you feel a bit more supported here, and hopefully you can feel better and less disappointed.

 

I received so much judgement when I was even considering tandem breastfeeding my two. In the end, I didn't, more because of the stress of having a 1yr old and a newborn. My daughter had allergies, I was scared she wouldn't adapt well to formula or food, my son's whole first 6 months of existence were incredibly hard for my marriage, for and our family as a whole. It just didn't work out the same. I HATED.... LOATHED... pumping when I had to return to work. Ultimately was the death of my breast feeding days. I'm so grateful I was able to do it for as long as I did for both of them, but I was happy it was over at the time
Lol!

I am so sorry you felt the judgements. It could also be that they didn't intend to pass the judgements, so much as just move on to another opinion, but if that was the case, it doesn't seem like they portrayed it very well.

In any case. Hugs! Congratulations on making the best choice for you and your babies! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

 

I'm guessing it was a defense mechanism. When I had both of my boys, the lactation nurses hovered constantly. Everyone had an opinion as to how I should nurse. I squeezed out as much as I could for my first boy, but it just was not happening. I tried everything everyone suggested. Their insistence really bothered me. It ended up feeling hurtful when they were trying to help. I already had the whole C-section isn't giving birth thing against me too. 2nd baby nursed fine with formula supplemented. At his birth, I absolutely refused any lactation consultation. When there is pressure to do things one way, it eventually feels like the way you're doing it is wrong or that nothing you do is right. Don't worry any more over it. I don't think it was meant to hurt you.

 

I got judgment from both sides. The bottle feeders would joke about how the breastfeeding mothers were ruining their boobs or being exhibitionists or other ridiculous things. The breastfeeders would scoff at the waste of money or laziness or inconvenience of washing bottles. And as someone who breastfed my first almost three years, but also supplemented… who tandem fed both kids, but also introduced a bottle at two weeks completely by choice… I fit in no where. I couldn't go anywhere to get support without also getting ridiculed. I don't miss those days.

 

I so agree with you all: its what is best & is successful for your babe and you. Neither way is right or wrong and its sad how the two points of view clash when you are already feeling hormonal, tired and just need the support of friends.

I guess my only negative concern is with those who won't try breast feeding, with no real reason why other than they don't like the idea of it!

Breastfeeding was the most wonderful bonding time of my life with my son - but it definitely was not a natural process for me. I had to work very hard to get the hang of it (!), and I think if we had not been kept in hospital for medical reasons, I very likely would have been discouraged to continue by my health worker. Because we were kept in, I plagued the auxiliary staff for help and advice and it clicked after a few days. The 'junior' staff were much more experienced, helpful and relaxed about helping me. Simple practical advice in those first couple of days, just when you need it, can have such a huge difference - and I think a lot of us miss out on it due to hospitals drive to clear beds.

You are doing what you believe is right for your child, and I get the impression you love it too. That is everything. Forget the mean girls - maybe they are feeling insecure or picked on 'cos their mothers have had a go, who knows - so you relax and enjoy!

 

This statement and other "backhanded sympathy" comments make me want to rip my hair out. At best, it's a case of lack of information. At worst, it's just like the "breast vs bottle" fight: a way for women to put down other women's experiences (or try to make theirs seem "better" compared to another woman's).

 

I breast fed my daughter until she was about 11 months. My son-only a couple of months. It just wasn't working for him. I think bottle/breast feeding is up to the mother. She should do what is best for her.

I'm sorry your co-workers reacted like that.

 

I think we all need to learn how to disagree better (at least in America, I don't know about other places). Too many people have a "my way is right" attitude. And contrition seems almost nonexistent. When it comes to Mommy and parenting choices, I have learned to try to think of it all as **providing**. Some families can have a mom at home who breastfeeds, some families need a mom at work and needs to bottle feed. They are all providing for their families. There are trade offs on either side.

As for breastfeeding, it was something that I really wanted to do. I was kind of zealous about it. But it didn't work for me. I was fortunate to have a MIL who bought me a hospital grade pump. I was an "exclusive pumper," meaning my kid was entirely fed with breast milk for 9 months, all of it pumped. Even though I introduced solids at 9 months, he really didn't start eating solids until after 1 year old. It was a huge time commitment, and looking back seems like absolute insanity. I didn't stop pumping until my child was over 2 years old, although the pumping had greatly decreased by that time.

I believe that breast milk is the "healthiest" choice, but I also know that by 2 years old my son had severe vitamin D and iron deficiencies. The poor kid had to ingest horrible iron supplement liquid. I remember the metal smell that engulfed me as I rinsed off the syringe in the sink. It made me want to gag just smelling it, and my son had to SWALLOW it. I felt horrible about the whole thing.

Like some others above, I found myself in between with no category. I wasn't really breastfeeding, but I didn't think I was a typical bottle feeder either (no formula). I never really felt any condemnation from either side, though. And I also know that I was so totally bonded to my son, even without the skin-to-skin of real breastfeeding.

 

Oh what rubbish we women have to put up with! and how sad it is.

My babies were ages ago and I had no support for breastfeeding with son number 1. That only lasted two months and funnily enough MY Nana was the one who said it was just old fashioned and bottles were modern. That was her party line on a lot of things.

Son number 2 was born in England and i breast fed him much much longer tho I can't recall how long. I had my midwife's support and then my home health visitor. I was a good time to be a young mother in England!

 

I love how the universe works. This morning this popped up on my Facebook feed (from last October!), I thought I would share it here. It is perfect for this discussion.
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Why is it always the "humaness" in us? (Is that a word). You give an opinion, nothing more, just an opinion, and right away you are judged and made to look not as good as them. Instead of congratulating you on the bonding, they immediately put you down to make themselves look better. I see it all the time and its so sad!