Help, ... :I am having an issue with my son Kai. As many of you know already, Kai has special needs (Autism amongest other issues). Lately I have had a hard time getting Kai out of the house to do activities. He is scared to death of the snapping turtle that is living next door (we tried to move the darn turtle but he comes back every time).. and worse yet.. his social issues are getting worse x-1000!!! He won't go anywhere barely where there are a lot of people. HE FREAKED.. like beyond FREAKED when I wanted to take him to the pool today cause there were too many people there.. and he wouldn't even go into TACO John's last week (his favorite of all time).. cause it was crowded. He basically has been hiding out inside playing Wii lately.. cause he is so scared. Like I said this is pretty new. He has always had social issues in crowds.. but never this big.. not to the point he refuses to go. HE LOVES BASEBALL for example and we got him on the French Island YMCA team.. he goes twice a week with his older sister for that and kickball.. it is going fine.. but last week he had a melt down because it was too crowded and wouldn't go unless I held his hand.. once we got there he was fine.. and he played fine.. but I am worried when it comes time for REAL game dates he will not go cause there will be even more people he doesn't know there. I feel for him. ,.. I really do. PLEASE help
I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble. I don't have much help, but one thing that I did wonder about is using Social Stories. Have you ever tried those with your son. I know they have been super helpful with some kids with autism. Also, does your son have a teacher or therapist that you feel comfortable talking with, because they might have some good ideas?
Christy's social story idea is a good one. That was going to be my suggestion... write him out a set of instructions on how he is supposed to act when it's crowded. Things like, "When Taco John's is crowded, it is OK. Sometimes they are busy, but I can still eat with my family. It's important to eat with my family. They will keep me safe and help me if I get nervous." Kids with social issues really don't know what to think when they encounter an activity that causes them anxiety, so you have to teach them what to think. Saying, "You'll be fine," isn't enough. You have to teach them why they have still have to do that activity and what they should think. My son -- who is not diagnosed, but is probably Asperger's -- does better if he has a time limit, for example. If I say "we're going to do this for 10 minutes and then we'll leave," he can handle it because in his mind, he knows there's an end to the anxiety. And maybe talk to your doctor. You don't say how old your son is but maybe anti-anxiety meds might help. My son is teen and being on meds has changed his life -- holds a job (working full time this summer), just got accepted into his CSD program at university, etc.
big hugs. that's all i can offer. i wish i could be of more help. i love the ideas that have been offered already - spelling out for him expectations and responses for difficult situations. i do think finding someone who specializes in helping kids with these issues would be a huge help for you. big big hugs
I've heard that iPads or some type of tablet are great for these kids. Maybe if he had one to take with him it would give him a sense of comfort and, really, a place to hide if it is overwhelming.
We have the similar issues with my son Seth. He doesn't want to go anywhere and just mentioning leaving the house sometimes send him into panic mode. We take the iPad and sit him in the buggy with that...it keeps him distracted and helps a lot. One thing Seth's behavioral therapist suggested to help combat the stress and anxiety is to just take him to the store and least once a week, no matter how big his tantrum. Even if all we do is walk in and turn around and walk out.
I wish I could help...although it sounds like you have some fantastic ideas here. Best of luck with everything...hopefully this is just a little phase that you will be able to work through together.
Often something triggers sensory sensitivity in kids with ASD which then can escalate if the child feels the situation, activity or object has not be addressed, mastered or removed. You isolated one of the concerns for you little man is a snapping Turtle. Could you ring your local Parks and Wildlife Ranger or a wildlife specialist like a snake wrangler etc to come and relocated the turtle. I am sure they will be more than understanding if you explain the situation and your other attempts to move it, hey they may even come and do it no charge. Having your son witness this removal from a distance could help ease his anxiety around this trigger. The other ladies suggestions are awesome too for dealing with the other issues. I guess the key is to reinforce with your gorgeous little man that there are cause, effects and solutions with everything and the turtle would be a great example to introduce this concept to him. Would love an update on this if and when you can. Hope everything works out. Em
I love the social stories idea! With our family friend autistic boy went through this what helped him was taking a pen and paper with him. Then he could draw or write or whatever and it calmed him. He also went through a time when he dressed up to go anywhere because the costume let him hide. Oh the memories of taking a 12 year old dressed as a pirate to Wendy's for lunch. Later, he graduated to a camera. He took pictures of what bothered him, and who made him feel safe. Luckily, it was digital since he took 1200 photos in one day once!
Thanks for the tips ladies! We have an ipad for Kai and he uses it daily as his communication device.. we also have always done social stories.. The local humance society came and removed mr. snappy turtle.. thank gosh! so that issue is done. I spoke to Kai's behaviorist and we are gonna work on the social issues.. hopefuly we can do something to help get him out and about more.
Big hugs. The suggestions have been great. I don't have any advice but I feel for him. I have anxiety and hate me some crowds. Off my meds, I just avoid them, it's easier. Even on my meds I am not a fan. I bet his behaviorist has some more great suggestions and exercises that will help. Would biofeedback help? I keep reading how awesome that is for anxiety but haven't tried it myself.
Amy, he has headphones he often wears out in public to block off sounds.. he hates it too nosiey and we have tried music.. but he gets annoyed with music.. *L* so I don't know? and thanks everyone for all your support
You don't say how old your son is or if he's on meds, but my ASD son takes medication for his anxiety and it's helped tremendously with his willingness to interact with people or try new things.
Best of luck to you. My son is speech delayed. His huge tantrums have had to do with feeling like he's not understood. A big help has been to ask him "Can you hear me?" I wait for him to acknowledge, then I repeat what he said back to me. It helps him calm down & realize that he is being understood. I truly wish you well. Sometimes the hardest part is mom staying calm. Hugs.
