Inlaws...Love,tolerate or loathe

Ug, she sounds annoying, and I mean that in the best possible way, lol. I actually love mine. But she doesn't ever make comments about our parenting skills, so that definitely helps. I don't know how I'd be able to keep my mouth shut if she made comments like that. I know your are not alone though, I've heard a bazillion horror stories similar to that!

 

They live a few hours away, so I barely have to see/deal with them. So, all is well.

 

mine are alright - 4-5 days of a visit and i'm ready to see them back to their own, but still nice to visit. not overbearing, thank goodness. my own mom is the worst - within about 30min i've had it! lol.

 

I see my MIL about once a week and with her increasing dementia....well, DH now understands how hard it is for me to be around her. She 'fussed' at me a few weeks back and swore that I told her something and I, respectfully, said that it wasn't me. She just wouldn't budge and DH knew that it wasn't me that said it and afterwards, she apologized saying it must've been her niece. She has done this several times with me and I know its because of the dementia that its being taken out on me. I understand what's going on and I also work full time so since DH is retired, he gets to go over to her house and help her with whatever she needs done, unless its in a 'private area' and then guess who she needs?!?! But that's only happened twice in 20 years and I think her niece can help her for now.

Oh, now that I've rattled on & on.....it's been Love all these years but its getting harder to deal with. And I know it sounds selfish but I've pretty much told DH that taking care of his mother is HIS job, especially since he's retired now. I'm still working and I still have to deal with BOTH my parents.

WHEW....sorry I just went off like that. I guess this is a sticky subject with me.

 

my BF's mother is a little bit difficult...so I must say I tolerate her...but...in a near future it might change!!!

 

Does that sound like news, Ferdy??? Hmmm?? Are wedding bells in the near future?

 

My mom is the same. I think my parents are too old to be grandparents, because instead of enjoying their grandsons (mine are their only 2), they nit-pick about everything. The boys don't like going over there because of it. It's a shame because they all lose out.

My dh's parents died when he was a teenager, but from everything I've heard, they would have been amazing grandparents - easy going, enjoy life to the fullest kind of thing.

 

I can totally understand your frustration. You are not being horrible.

I have the sweetest in-laws ever. But they are my grandma's age (my MIL is 91 and my FIL is 89), so it is difficult because they are both in an adult-family home and my FIL has Alzheimer's now, and my MIL seems to have dementia. It makes me sad. I'm so glad I got to spend time with them before the decline in their health/lucidity. They live about a mile from us, so DH takes care of all of their errands and needs, including renovating their house (once they moved into the adult-family home) and selling it for them. Sometimes it can be frustrating because they call at strange times because they start freaking out about something random and DH has to talk them down to a normal level of anxiety. He also doesn't really like to travel at this point because he wants to be around in case they need something. Unfortunately, he is kind of in denial as far as their mental capacities, but I guess I don't blame him. It just breaks my heart.

 

lol! He's been talking about a ring...he mentioned kids (I think I need this->>> )...but I'm sure his mother will not be that happy, she's so weird....

 

mine are in the love & tolerate category.

The majority of the time they are fantastic, but my FIL suffers from 'same story syndrome' and has to slide in one of his stories that you have heard a million times into a conversation, he's got a story for everything!

And my MIL sometimes takes over a situation with the kids, due to her own excitement which means that DH & I miss out on the moment. She is learning though, thanks to my not so subtle comments

 

I would say tolerate. My husbands parents are divorced and remarried, so I have two sets of inlaws. Both women try to make us feel guilty for not going to see them often but very rarely came to see us (they lived about 5 hours away). Now we are in another country we get the guilt trip for not phoning/emailing enough.

 

I used to have a tolerate relationship with my MIL. She passed away 5 years ago but when she was alive, it was really hard for me. She was very opinionated. She had opinion/comment about everything i did. I'm not kidding but whenever we visited my in-laws or they visited us, i would lose a few pounds. It was so stressful! My FIL is just very easy going. I don't have any problems with him.

 

I'm lucky, my mil is great. Now my Mom different story.

 

Tolerate for sure. We owe her a lot and she would do anything to help us, and I do like her BUT there have been so many occasions over the years where she has said and done things that really irritate me. And she doesn't take hints at all, even the not so subtle ones!

 

I love my MIL. I am closer to her in some aspects than I am my own mom. My FIL is a super old fashioned sexist racist opinionated d-bag a lot of the time and I hate the way he treats MIL and his MIL (who I'm sure is holding on at 97 years old to irritate him), BUT he always treats me well and spoils my DD rotten, so I have learned to tolerate him for the most part.

The older I get, the less I'm able to tolerate my own father, who gets these ideas abt people (me) and can't ever let them go even if they are no longer true or valid, so I try to avoid interacting with him one-on-one if I can. I am closest to my mom out of everyone in my family, but we have our moments as she avoids confrontation at all costs including throwing me under the bus if she has to in order to keep the peace with my dad.

I am definitely thankful for my current MIL as my former MIL was certainly a piece of work. I'm not sure I've ever met someone more passive-aggressive. She never cooked for herself and would station herself at the doorway of the kitchen so as soon as you went in she could say, 'Well, since you're already making yourself something, could you make me XYZ?' Drove me insane. She would do the same thing if you were leaving the house to go somewhere: 'Since you're already going out, would you mind taking me to this place, that place, and this other place on the way?' UGH. Her son lived with her and as much as she complained abt him, I'm not sure how she would have eaten or gotten to church or errands otherwise!

 

I'm lucky my former in-laws were okay... because my mom MARRIED him! This did happen after my divorce.

I know, I know, a story right out of Jerry Springer...

 

we haven't spoken to my inlaws in about 15 years. They thought my husband's cancer (their son remember) was a major inconvenience.