A MOM Question

Whoever had the toy first and was playing with it. My 2 sons used to fight all the time over toys but sooner or later they figured that just because they had the toy first, they also had to be playing with it. If not, then the other got to play with the toy. Of course, the youngest just wanted to take the toy and not play with it too. If that was the case, then he couldn't play with any toys for a few minutes.

 

What Melanie says!

And I would let the first kid playing with it continue with it for maybe 5-7 min. then let the next one have a turn... Sharing is Caring

 

I take the toy away and hide it. Let them fight over that!!

 

For me it depends on who the 2 kids are.

If it is my sons fighting over a toy then the one who had it first gets it for about 10 minutes and then I ask them to share. If there is still fighting, I take the toy away so neither can play with it.

If it's a playdate, I'll usually let the guest play with it first for 10 minutes or so and then ask them to share. if they can't figure it out and still aren't getting along, I take the toy away.

If it's at the park and it's my child and another child I don't know, it depends on whose toy it is. If it's the other kid's toy, I hand over the toy immediately. If it's my son's toy that is being fought over, I give it back to my son, tell him it would be nice if he shares but I do not force him to share his toy with a stranger. [I actually witnessed another mom (a stranger) telling my son he had to share his park toys. I went over and told her he certainly did not.]

 

I do it like Tiki. I hate it, when they are fighting for every single piece, but it seems as it is normal LOL

 

This EXACTLY. If it was my kids and the fighting never stopped I then take said toy away until they agree to share and be nice.

 

okay, i am SOOO sorry if I stomp all over people's toes on this one. please let's just agree to disagree and not hold grudges...

but i gotta say i totally DISAGREE with this logic. as if our children do not already feel self-entitled enough to derail our society if gone unchecked, we are now building entitlement into their early-childhood experiences?? i mean, when in real life does one adult want something that another person has, walk up, demand it, and get it, no questions asked? um, no. i think it is beyond important that kids learn to respect other people's boundaries, and that they learn that you often have to wait for what you want.

i had a daycare provider once who beleived that if an older kid has a toy and a baby / toddler wanted to play with it, the older kid had to give it up. she believed that it would teach the babies how to share as they got older. from my observation, it just taught the babies to be spoiled demanding brats, and it made the older kids resentful that their games were always getting interrupted and they had no say in it.

 

as for what i do myself (cuz i realize i totally didn't answer that question in my rant above ), if one person has something first, they keep it. plain and simple. there are a few other rules of engagement that go along with that, though, that make it work. if one child wants to play with a sibling's toy, they have to ask first. that way 1) they learn that there are boundaries regarding other people's posessions, and 2) if the owner of the toy decides to change up and demand the toy back, they are reminded that they agreed to share and they need to be faithful to their word. i think both are important lessons.
also, there are definitely limits that are set. kind of what tiki & crystal was saying. just because one kid has permission to play with his brother's toy, that doesn't mean they can play with it forever. there certainly needs to be a reasonable time limit set on it or else it just invites conflict.

 

My kids are a boy and a girl so they didn't fight over toys much BUT I do run a daycare and I get fights over toys everyday *even if I have duplicates* I pay close attention on who had it first and if I don't have a duplicate of the toy I let the child who had it first continue to play with the toy BUT I set a timer for 20 minutes and then explain very nicely that they must share the toy with their friend, then that child has 20 minutes and so on. They don't fight much if I do it this way, if they continue to fight I remove the toy and no child get's to play with it.

 

My boys fight continually but I have to agree with the majority here. I let the original "player" keep the toy for about 10-15 minutes or (video game) until they die. And then it is the other guys turn. If that is unacceptable then the toy gets put up. period. My daughter don't usually fight with the youngest. She lets him have whatever he wants. She babies him too much but she fights with the older son (Kass,13, Kaleb,11, and Kohen,6) and they have knock down drag outs. I usually just let them go at it then clean em up and ground them to their rooms. I hate to have the kids fight but I grew up with 2 brothers and sometimes ya just got to let them work it out on their own. They always end up lovin on each other and playing very well afterwards. I KNOW. I KNOW> Call social services...LOL!