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Can You Let Things Go?

bcgal00

bcgal00

Say, "birdseed!"
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Nov 18, 2010
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Sometimes, I spread myself too thin, try to take on too much and I get frustrated when I can't follow through on everything, not just what I commit to with others but to myself as well.

This last year or so I've been trying to be okay with accepting that I can't do it all, that there are times that I have to re-evaluate my schedule and make changes. Sounds like it should be a fairly easy thing to do, right? But it's not.

I have had an expected surge in desk work these past few weeks and it is disrupting my schedule for everything else I should and could be doing. I have been telling myself that it is ok to back out of a few commitments I made for myself (like the inchies challenge, it's just not going to happen for me, can't do it) and I wanted to visit with family on Sunday but had to tell myself, no, stay home and get some work done. It was soooo hard to do that but I was proud of myself for saying no at the last minute even though I really wanted to go.

Am I the only one who struggles with trying to do it all? How do you handle it?
 
I have set work hours, so I know better than to schedule 'too much' most evenings because I know I'm not going to want to leave the house once I'm home - and honestly, I am not involved in to too many "other" activities. I do have commitments when it comes to our grandkiddos though :-)

I was having the issue of too much on my plate in one area of my life - and that was my commitments to digital scrapping I'd made. There was no way I could scrap all I needed to and watch our grandbabies like I had committed to so I finally made the decision to step down from other teams I was part of and concentrate on TLP ... I felt better once I'd made the decision and knew it was the right choice.

I think in today's society it's easy to get sucked in to doing "too" much - everyone has a "limit" and I'm glad you're finding yours Rae!! :-)
 
I hung up my cape long ago.

There was a time I was driven for perfection and for doing it all. I actually thrived on people saying, "I don't know how you do it?" PRIDE oh my PRIDE! yikes.

I actually found myself broken, unable to get out of bed, in a panic attack of the most extreme.

My Husband, and my Pastor really helped me see that I was a bit over the top. lol Because I am. I had my life planned to the 15 minute mark. When something would upset my time, it would domino effect into everything else, and I could not hang. I was also causing my children to be a bit neurotic. I did not want that.

So now, I say these amazing words.
I would love to do that, let me check with my schedule and hubby.
The hardest is going back and saying, I wish I could but sadly, not enough hours or me to spread. My friends were like wow, you always did this? I said, yep, but I'm falling apart. They hugged me, and said, stay together.
It got so much easier.
I have hours that are no longer to be filled.
I have times blocked out for church, school, kids, me and scrapping. Those are set. I don't rearrange.

My bullet journaling has been such a help too.

*because I am a stay at home mom, many people would think well what else do you do all day? I actually felt guilt about this, until my husband in his wisdom (he sent me to California for a week and had vacation to take care of my kids) he took my day to day schedule and made a poster. He put it on the wall, so when his coworkers say, what does your wife do? lol he color coded it and everything.
 
AnneofAlamo said:
I hung up my cape long ago.

There was a time I was driven for perfection and for doing it all. I actually thrived on people saying, "I don't know how you do it?" PRIDE oh my PRIDE! yikes.

I actually found myself broken, unable to get out of bed, in a panic attack of the most extreme.

My Husband, and my Pastor really helped me see that I was a bit over the top. lol Because I am. I had my life planned to the 15 minute mark. When something would upset my time, it would domino effect into everything else, and I could not hang. I was also causing my children to be a bit neurotic. I did not want that.

So now, I say these amazing words.
I would love to do that, let me check with my schedule and hubby.
The hardest is going back and saying, I wish I could but sadly, not enough hours or me to spread. My friends were like wow, you always did this? I said, yep, but I'm falling apart. They hugged me, and said, stay together.
It got so much easier.
I have hours that are no longer to be filled.
I have times blocked out for church, school, kids, me and scrapping. Those are set. I don't rearrange.

My bullet journaling has been such a help too.
Click to expand...
@AnneofAlamo Yes, Anne...that is what I want to be like! I am getting there but it's not easy for us overachiever types. I almost panic when I don't have something waiting to be done yet my body and mind are letting me know that I need to slow down and just relax more. One of the baby steps I have taken is to get off the computer more at night and watch TV and chat with my family. I still can't stay away completely LOL but at least I have blocks of time now when I step away from the electronics and just hang out. I had gotten into such a habit of ignoring my hubs and not talking. It feels good to be interacting more. It does sound silly, but I bet you get it, right?
 
I also stepped down from quite a few teams and prioritised differently. It's ok to say no. I can and do say that. My family comes first, my priorities at home, church and friends and relationships always trump scrapping. I have gotten better at getting in front of the camera. In taking photos and then being present in the moment.
I am really loving the pocket scrapping. Just Jaimee has made it so easy. There are numerous journaling spots in her weekly templates, and I have plenty to say about the snippets in my week. Then when the occasion calls for it I still do my digi scrapping layouts and I am up to date with 2017.
Let's not mention 2015 or 2016 though, ok?
 
At the moment, my husband is working a FT job + a PT job & is gone every other weekend to visit his son so, yes, I do actually do it all. :giggle

I tend to compare the way my mother's house looks like with the way my house looks like and then remind myself how ridiculous that is since she has two retired adults living in her house & I have a toddler, a child, and a constantly-on-the-go ADHD adult living at my house with me.

What needs to get done gets done on a daily basis & usually no more: getting the kids dressed, fed, washed, & put to bed happens every day no matter what. I also do dishes, sweep, tidy the upstairs, & make sure homework gets done every day, too. That's all I can manage sometimes without losing it, and as an HSP introvert who is completely in charge of her kids 26 days of the month, my #1 goal is not losing it.

My mother, God bless her, usually takes my son Wednesday mornings, and that's when I do my heavy duty upstairs cleaning (like the bathroom), my appointments, and my non-toddler-friendly errands. She calls it the highlight of her week. Sometimes it is the highlight of mine, too! :giggle

The basement, where the majority of their toys are, is generally a wreck 90% of the time but I just pretend that I don't see it. It gets picked up & swept the weekends DH is home so he can keep the toddler away long enough for things to get put away long enough for the carpet to be swept.

Having a schedule & routine really helps me make sure that everything that needs to get done gets done & helps me recognize that a lot of things don't need to get done as often as I think or at all.

All I can do is all I can do.
 
I used to be that same way.... spread thin. I don't know when I realized I needed to stop, but I have over time, and I don't guilt myself for it. It's life, and I can't do it all. If someone can, kudos to them. I need the village to help me along, with work, home and everything in between.

For work.. I realized I need to vocalize my thoughts, and understand that I need to say no. Most of the time this goes for work tasks - I have to tell people that they can do things themselves, rather than me stopping what I am doing to look something up or do something FOR them. This is because they have the same software to use as I do, but refuse to try/learn it. So... I will help as a last resort, after they have tried themselves. I also try to explain to people why I cannot do something for them, so they understand and don't get it a tiff about it. With my boss, most of the time, I ask him or her (I have 2) what they would like me to put aside if they want me to do something else, or I tell them it won't be until such and such time. This has reduced my stress at work, immensely!

At home.... hmmm, basically it's a team effort. We all live in the house, DH works full time, I work full time, kids have school full time, and homework is a family affair - DH and I tag team kids and subjects. Homework is the bane of my existence! Sports are intermingled in there too. We all help out to keep the house neat, and when cleaning is in order, we all have certain jobs. I tend to do a little more neatening/organizing/maintaining between cleans, but I'm ok with that. If I get to a point that I'm not, I open my mouth and let my boys know I need help.
 
Eyeore said:
I also stepped down from quite a few teams and prioritised differently. It's ok to say no. I can and do say that. My family comes first, my priorities at home, church and friends and relationships always trump scrapping. I have gotten better at getting in front of the camera. In taking photos and then being present in the moment.
I am really loving the pocket scrapping. Just Jaimee has made it so easy. There are numerous journaling spots in her weekly templates, and I have plenty to say about the snippets in my week. Then when the occasion calls for it I still do my digi scrapping layouts and I am up to date with 2017.
Let's not mention 2015 or 2016 though, ok?
Click to expand...
Glad you are enjoying the pocket scrapping. I had to laugh about being in front of the camera...I feel that way too.
 
LeeAndra said:
At the moment, my husband is working a FT job + a PT job & is gone every other weekend to visit his son so, yes, I do actually do it all. :giggle

I tend to compare the way my mother's house looks like with the way my house looks like and then remind myself how ridiculous that is since she has two retired adults living in her house & I have a toddler, a child, and a constantly-on-the-go ADHD adult living at my house with me.

What needs to get done gets done on a daily basis & usually no more: getting the kids dressed, fed, washed, & put to bed happens every day no matter what. I also do dishes, sweep, tidy the upstairs, & make sure homework gets done every day, too. That's all I can manage sometimes without losing it, and as an HSP introvert who is completely in charge of her kids 26 days of the month, my #1 goal is not losing it.

My mother, God bless her, usually takes my son Wednesday mornings, and that's when I do my heavy duty upstairs cleaning (like the bathroom), my appointments, and my non-toddler-friendly errands. She calls it the highlight of her week. Sometimes it is the highlight of mine, too! :giggle

The basement, where the majority of their toys are, is generally a wreck 90% of the time but I just pretend that I don't see it. It gets picked up & swept the weekends DH is home so he can keep the toddler away long enough for things to get put away long enough for the carpet to be swept.

Having a schedule & routine really helps me make sure that everything that needs to get done gets done & helps me recognize that a lot of things don't need to get done as often as I think or at all.

All I can do is all I can do.
Click to expand...
Yes.....all I can do is all I can do.....such simple words but so true! You do sure have your hands full!
 
jk703 said:
I used to be that same way.... spread thin. I don't know when I realized I needed to stop, but I have over time, and I don't guilt myself for it. It's life, and I can't do it all. If someone can, kudos to them. I need the village to help me along, with work, home and everything in between.

For work.. I realized I need to vocalize my thoughts, and understand that I need to say no. Most of the time this goes for work tasks - I have to tell people that they can do things themselves, rather than me stopping what I am doing to look something up or do something FOR them. This is because they have the same software to use as I do, but refuse to try/learn it. So... I will help as a last resort, after they have tried themselves. I also try to explain to people why I cannot do something for them, so they understand and don't get it a tiff about it. With my boss, most of the time, I ask him or her (I have 2) what they would like me to put aside if they want me to do something else, or I tell them it won't be until such and such time. This has reduced my stress at work, immensely!

At home.... hmmm, basically it's a team effort. We all live in the house, DH works full time, I work full time, kids have school full time, and homework is a family affair - DH and I tag team kids and subjects. Homework is the bane of my existence! Sports are intermingled in there too. We all help out to keep the house neat, and when cleaning is in order, we all have certain jobs. I tend to do a little more neatening/organizing/maintaining between cleans, but I'm ok with that. If I get to a point that I'm not, I open my mouth and let my boys know I need help.
Click to expand...
Sounds like you are on top of things. WTG!
 
I am currently doing way too much. I'm doing everything in increments now. I agreed to piggysit my friend's 3 guinea pigs. It didn't even occur to me that I was adding on more work. I have kids to feed, a husband to feed, a cat to feed, & now 3 guinea pigs. Their mother is quite particular about how their salads are made & there's so much poop & hay to clean up. I swear I come home and just lie down for 20 minutes before I get up & start doing everything. 8yr old & I started a papier mache penguin on Sunday, today we'll paint it. It's due Friday, we're still on track. For 6yr old with ADHD, I worked it out with his teacher that we turn in all his homework at once rather than every day. I just have more time on Wednesdays to get all that done & she's very understanding. It's just been ridiculous fitting in stuff that I don't even want to do.
 
I do have a hard time letting go sometimes, even when I know I need to. But I'm getting better at it. I've had to step back from teams a few times in the past and I'm in the process of giving up a couple. I just need time for other things and baseball is coming up, so I know my time will be short, at least until summer vacation. Like Jenn said, I work full time, DH works full time, school, homework, dinner, sports, life...all going on. Prioritizing is tough sometimes.

At work, I am chair of our special education department and teach 6 classes a day with kids from 2 different schools. At one time I was also transition coordinator for 2 high schools and child study chair for one...in addition to the other stuff, and no extra pay for any of it. I have gradually given up some of those things and will probably give up dept. chair after this year. I've done it long enough. But in all of it, I did learn to delegate very well :)
 
I think it's tough for women, especially now. We want to do it all, but doing it all requires either a lot of money (for house cleaners and a cook and lawn service lol), or it requires a lot of free help (like having your parents babysit the kids so both parents can work and so you can get housework/errands done without the kids).
I have neither millions of dollars lying around nor family help. So I really weigh whether something is "worth it" to me, and yes I mean "worth it" in both dollars and in my time/energy. :) But to me, saying a polite and honest "No, that doesn't work for me" is OK. Just because someone asks you a question, it doesn't mean you have to give of yourself.

But my mom worked when I was growing up. She loved her job, which is great! But it meant she "had" to say No to school stuff cuz she wasn't available. Maybe that's why I don't mind saying No to stuff--I saw her do it? I do know that's partly why I don't work: I didn't have good experiences at day cares and I don't want my kids going to them. :( But SAHMs get asked to do EVERYTHING cuz people just assume we sit around all day doing nothing. Like, who's watching my kids if I'm doing all this other junk that doesn't actually pay me money but requires my time and, sometimes, cash??? :giggle
 
jesskab said:
I am currently doing way too much. I'm doing everything in increments now. I agreed to piggysit my friend's 3 guinea pigs. It didn't even occur to me that I was adding on more work. I have kids to feed, a husband to feed, a cat to feed, & now 3 guinea pigs. Their mother is quite particular about how their salads are made & there's so much poop & hay to clean up. I swear I come home and just lie down for 20 minutes before I get up & start doing everything. 8yr old & I started a papier mache penguin on Sunday, today we'll paint it. It's due Friday, we're still on track. For 6yr old with ADHD, I worked it out with his teacher that we turn in all his homework at once rather than every day. I just have more time on Wednesdays to get all that done & she's very understanding. It's just been ridiculous fitting in stuff that I don't even want to do.
Click to expand...
I can relate to the 20 minute down time. I think that recharges the batteries sometimes. I didn't know guinea pigs were much work (never had one).
 
IntenseMagic said:
I do have a hard time letting go sometimes, even when I know I need to. But I'm getting better at it. I've had to step back from teams a few times in the past and I'm in the process of giving up a couple. I just need time for other things and baseball is coming up, so I know my time will be short, at least until summer vacation. Like Jenn said, I work full time, DH works full time, school, homework, dinner, sports, life...all going on. Prioritizing is tough sometimes.

At work, I am chair of our special education department and teach 6 classes a day with kids from 2 different schools. At one time I was also transition coordinator for 2 high schools and child study chair for one...in addition to the other stuff, and no extra pay for any of it. I have gradually given up some of those things and will probably give up dept. chair after this year. I've done it long enough. But in all of it, I did learn to delegate very well :)
Click to expand...
Wow...sounds like a lot of responsibilities. Good thing you learned to delegate.
 
Tree City said:
I think it's tough for women, especially now. We want to do it all, but doing it all requires either a lot of money (for house cleaners and a cook and lawn service lol), or it requires a lot of free help (like having your parents babysit the kids so both parents can work and so you can get housework/errands done without the kids).
I have neither millions of dollars lying around nor family help. So I really weigh whether something is "worth it" to me, and yes I mean "worth it" in both dollars and in my time/energy. :) But to me, saying a polite and honest "No, that doesn't work for me" is OK. Just because someone asks you a question, it doesn't mean you have to give of yourself.

But my mom worked when I was growing up. She loved her job, which is great! But it meant she "had" to say No to school stuff cuz she wasn't available. Maybe that's why I don't mind saying No to stuff--I saw her do it? I do know that's partly why I don't work: I didn't have good experiences at day cares and I don't want my kids going to them. :( But SAHMs get asked to do EVERYTHING cuz people just assume we sit around all day doing nothing. Like, who's watching my kids if I'm doing all this other junk that doesn't actually pay me money but requires my time and, sometimes, cash??? :giggle
Click to expand...
So true, Sara.
 
Oh, I say no all the time now. It made people upset when I don't do what they want me to do, so those people aren't my friends anymore. They sorta slipped away into the shadows. Now I'm trying to teach this to my daughter, who is up to her ears busy and wants to take on more. We've had to say no for her.

I used to do so much that one day I just walked away from most of it. And it was one of the best days of my life.
 
QuiltyMom said:
Oh, I say no all the time now. It made people upset when I don't do what they want me to do, so those people aren't my friends anymore. They sorta slipped away into the shadows. Now I'm trying to teach this to my daughter, who is up to her ears busy and wants to take on more. We've had to say no for her.

I used to do so much that one day I just walked away from most of it. And it was one of the best days of my life.
Click to expand...
That's awesome Jan! You're being a good role model for your daugther!
 
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