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So hurt.

I am 60 and indeed shocked at the lack of gratitude from this generation. I still believe as my parents taught to respect people no matter what and if there is a problem with me, let me know and I will accept and work to improve if I can. To call and tell me I can be a maid is the most disrespectful thing I have ever heard. I tried hard to raise my children to know the difference between right and wrong, but if they didn't learn it by now, it is not our faults. We do the best we can as parents and hope for the best. I am so sorry to hear about this and pray for better times ahead. God Speed Amanda. You did what you could.

I know when my children were born 28-30 years ago my in laws were very forceful and I did my best to include all grandparents and it was hard. My husband was also very careful to make all happy, but this behavior is unacceptable.
 
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so, so very sorry to hear...can't type much right now but will write later to you personally... super huge huggzz and be strong, no much I can say that has not been said here already, but I ll repeat... family is hard. Some times joy is flowing, at others is sad to put it mildly.... I ll write to you privately with time, stay strong, super huge huggzzzz
 
Congrats on the birth of your grandson! What a super duper handsome guy! I'm so glad you got to meet him :heartslub
 
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What a cutie he is. So glad you were invited to come to the hospital. One day at a time on this new journey.

We have two grown daughters and three grandchildren. Prior to the birth of each I asked (we live many miles away) when and if they would like me to come to help.

In oldest daughter's case she said come after I get home from the hospital as that is when I'll need the help. I cooked (which I enjoy anyway) and helped in whatever way I was asked. Since I'm not much of a cleaner, I wasn't asked for that except, of course, with the kitchen and dishes.

My youngest daughter wanted more time. She and her husband live many states away and they wanted time to adjust as a family. That truly worked fine for me as I was able to finish up a study I was participating in and enjoyed the responses of a 6-week old granddaughter when we did go. I think the new parents were a bit more relaxed too.

I know it's harder being a MIL than a mother but the long term is the important thing to keep in mind. Everyone may be a bit stressed out around the time of birth.
 
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AJK said:
@gonewiththewind LOL. We NEVER go there unannounced. The one time we did- which was to apologize for not realizing the amount of stress our DIL was feeling- we were screamed at and had things thrown at us and pushed out of the house in front of the grandkids. It was horrible. We later learned the root of her stress, and it was quite valid and understandable- it related to a traumatic life event she was having to face. :/ But that has not happened again and things are better the past two years.
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Good gravy davy.

I would never throw something or push my relatives no matter how upset I was . . . wow . . . this is severely abusive behavior in my mind. I'm so sorry that you're being separated from your grandchildren this way. I'm praying that you will stay calm, refocus your energy, and wait for God to open the way for restoration. Sending huge ((HUGS)). I can be a stand-in granddaughter (full grown at - LOL) if you need one!
 
OMG :( my heart is breaking reading your stories... I kept asking in my head "Why are those kids like that to their parents??" I'm crying while responding to this :(

I am not yet a grandma but I am a daughter and a daughter-in-law and I would NEVER, even in my imagination, do that to my mother nor my inlaws. I reach out to them as much as possible. It even breaks my heart that I am so far from my Mama because I would love my daughter to know her and to let her experience how her Mama Dally would take care of her. I always make it a point to include all of our families in our lives. I even send them videos of mundane things my daughter almost everyday lol I mean, it doesn't have to be about special events, right? and here I am thinking I might be overdoing it with them sending videos and photos of my daughter's antics :( I don't know.. I may be like this because we're far away from them? (we're in Saudi Arabia and they're mostly in the Philippines..... some in Dubai, USA and Canada.. and yes I send them photos and videos too lol)...

Ladies, I don't know what else to say but know that you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.. that things change soon for the better for all of you going through this...
 
No matter what, family is family but oh it can be hard. I have a sweat shirt I bought from a group that works with the refugees IN Syria which says "Love anyway'. It what I've had to do with my suddenly cold dil and actually with her husband, my son, now too. In their 50s, I'm guessing it's menopause and mid life issues but yes, it does still hurt.

Adult children have to find their own path in adult situations and often they are like the toddlers who are asserting their independence and 'know' that their way is the best way. I know I felt that way too when I was in my 20s/30s though I don't like to think about the hurt I must have caused. I recall my one sil being very strict when my mil visited and there were a lot of rules - a lot - re the new grandchildren. No this, no that. I did have a great mil and I know she was hurt always being 'put in her place.'

No matter what, I know my children know I love them and always will. But some times it's harder to let go when they are adults than when they are children. Who knew! love and patience to you @AJK It all passes or changes so as my husband reminds me...be the adult and love more and pray to see them in the sunlight of the spirit.
 
cookingmylife said:
No matter what, family is family but oh it can be hard. I have a sweat shirt I bought from a group that works with the refugees IN Syria which says "Love anyway'. It what I've had to do with my suddenly cold dil and actually with her husband, my son, now too. In their 50s, I'm guessing it's menopause and mid life issues but yes, it does still hurt.

Adult children have to find their own path in adult situations and often they are like the toddlers who are asserting their independence and 'know' that their way is the best way. I know I felt that way too when I was in my 20s/30s though I don't like to think about the hurt I must have caused. I recall my one sil being very strict when my mil visited and there were a lot of rules - a lot - re the new grandchildren. No this, no that. I did have a great mil and I know she was hurt always being 'put in her place.'

No matter what, I know my children know I love them and always will. But some times it's harder to let go when they are adults than when they are children. Who knew! love and patience to you @AJK It all passes or changes so as my husband reminds me...be the adult and love more and pray to see them in the sunlight of the spirit.
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@cookingmylife LOVE your thoughts. Yes, the last line- I am struggling with the possibility of moving away-( related to the people you mentioned with the sweatshirt, ironically!) and it is a process. I think that's why I "reacted" instead of responded at first. But it has been another learning process for me, so that is GOOD!
 
AJK said:
UPDATE:
Ezekiel Riley was born at 2:35pm today! 7lbs 12 oz.
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THANK YOU for your thoughts and more for your prayers!!!
We got a text after supper asking if we would like to come to the hospital at 8:00-after they had moved to a regular room. We were really glad! So once again I am reminded that the first response to any situation should not be to panic. I. Knew. That.( face palm). And I also know that God can move if we let Him. Thank y'all for being such a great community.
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Beautiful and so glad you got to meet your new Grandson. Ezekiel is so beautiful. Hugs!!!
 
Sorry I've not been present in the forum too much these days... I happened on this thread, and Amanda I am so sorry that you had to deal with this, the hurt, the emotions. But then it appears to be a very happy surprise with the birth & visiting rights :-) to see your grandson. How wonderful is that! He is absolutely stunning!

I couldn't really offer much to the conversation. We never had children. Perhaps my parents felt a bit slighted as I moved away from home, about 80 miles away, and ended up only 20 miles or so from my in-laws. We would try to have my family over a few times a year & we would go in to visit with them. I'm sure if kids were involved, the trips would be more frequent. Now we live 1 1/2 miles away from my almost 92 year old mother-in-law. DH visits with her twice a week on his own. We both spend our Saturday evenings over at her home, watching what she wants to watch on TV, spending some time chatting. It works.
 
mcurtt said:
Sorry I've not been present in the forum too much these days... I happened on this thread, and Amanda I am so sorry that you had to deal with this, the hurt, the emotions. But then it appears to be a very happy surprise with the birth & visiting rights :-) to see your grandson. How wonderful is that! He is absolutely stunning!

I couldn't really offer much to the conversation. We never had children. Perhaps my parents felt a bit slighted as I moved away from home, about 80 miles away, and ended up only 20 miles or so from my in-laws. We would try to have my family over a few times a year & we would go in to visit with them. I'm sure if kids were involved, the trips would be more frequent. Now we live 1 1/2 miles away from my almost 92 year old mother-in-law. DH visits with her twice a week on his own. We both spend our Saturday evenings over at her home, watching what she wants to watch on TV, spending some time chatting. It works.
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@mcurtt So glad that you have the time with her so late in her life. Many people don't have that. I never got to experience much of an in law relationship. Hubster's adoptive Mom died at early age and lived in New York while we were in In. & S.C. When we found his bio Mother 8 years ago- she was in Missouri. Saw her twice. She passed last year. Both of them I think we would have had a great time together. Hope your time together is a joy!
 
Oh, family is so hard. I hear your pain and frustration and I understand getting to the point of "It is what it is". That's a way of letting go. I hope you hear the call and do what's best for you-the only responsibility you have in this is to love and to be kind to yourself, so that you can be there for others when they are finally ready. Hang in there.
 
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