***Sensitive,Emotional & Personal Journaling!!!...about Grief,Pain & Surgery [please skip if you need to...It's a lot to read through...]...***
I have found that creating my layouts these last few months have helped me tremendously...When I cry & I feel sad & overwhelmed...What do I now do?...I cry it out...& then create another layout...I am gonna be slowly posting these layouts as I can do so...Some may be for challenges...or some may just be for me...These layouts have truly become my own form of therapy for dealing with the loss of my Beloved Husband,Ray...and the many obstacles that have become my life...Though I have endured much...I have much more to endure...I've been having that old familiar pain on my right side again...IE : my Gall Bladder is acting up again...Dr.Lim told me when I start getting that pain again to call the office...and they will book me for yet another Gall Bladder surgery...Yes!...I had to have an emergency Gall Bladder removal surgery last October...As if I needed that on top of everything else I was going through...but nonetheless it was very serious indeed...It turns out I have a very rare condition [of course I do!!!]...
...My Gall Bladder is attached to my Colon...Really?...OMG!!!...It is a very delicate surgery that isn't unheard of...but very rare!!!...and potentially very serious & more difficult to perform...and life-threatening if left unchecked...Especially in women...It leaves me for a high risk of getting cancer...So,it has to come out...Last October,I woke up from surgery with a long tube & a bag attached to it...I was both shocked & terrified to wake up like this...
...I had to wear that tube & bag for 4 months before it had mostly healed & was removed by my doctor right in the office at the end of January 2024...The Extra Mural nurses tended to it mostly...I had some maintenance that I had to do too...But Dr.Lim told me that the pain would probably come back...but I was hoping I would get through the summer before it did...but lo & behold! it is back & I now have surgery scheduled for August 8th 2024 at 12:30 P.M...I have to be there 2 hours ahead of time to prepare...Just 3 days before my Birthday!!!!!!!...NO! No! No!...
...I don't know how long I will be in the hospital yet,as they haven't called me with those specific instructions yet...Either way,I am determined to celebrate my Birthday on my own terms...I will buy my Birthday Cake before I go into the hospital,my favorite Ice cream [Gluten Free & Dairy-Free...It is a treat that I can only have at special times...It is soooo!!! expensive!...& in a container so small...It's ridiculous! what they charge!...for a small tub of ice cream that you can hardly see...]...Some Whip topping...some raspberries...& my favorite GF & DF Chocolate Bars...[again...so expensive...but I am getting them too!!!...]...Since,it will only be me to celebrate my Birthday with...I am having all of that to drown my sorrows & celebrate the best way I am able to & deal with my recovering surgery pain...all without my Beloved,Ray...
Whether I am in the hospital or not...I won't be able to go anywhere because I will be recovering from said surgery...UGH!!!...I am literally terrified!...I am not sleeping well or doing well either...Today was a bad day...I cried lot today...So,I created this layout for me...I would like flowers for my birthday too...but I probably won't be able to buy my own flowers!!!...I miss Ray so much!...He made all my Birthdays Special...and every other day,that is...I am tired of being alone now...But,I digress...
****I would like to also note:...this is 1 of the few places...I feel like I can say & express how I feel...I don't even share these thoughts on my FB page...only here at the Lilypad...[as of recently ]...
*A GREAT! BIG! Thank You!...to everyone who gets this far in my Art Journal musings & writings...And a GREAT BIG!!! THANK YOU!!! for leaving a heartfelt comment!!!...It's not easy for everyone to do so...!!!!!...
...
... xo Rhonda...
***Credits for my layout : Include :
* I Get Back Up : Lynn Grieveson
*SOAR : Bundle : Lynne-Marie [Courage WA]
*Fonts : OldNewspaper Typos Regular & Typewriter Inked Regular
*Photo : Courtesy Of : Pixabay : Zol_Tan_AI [reworked by me]
