MOC 08

I suppose I'm picking up from my layout January 2nd about 2016. Just in a few more words.

In May 2016 my father in law was hurt in an accident at work. He fought for most of 2016 just to survive and was in the hospital most of the time. 11 years ago my own father died after a long long time at the same hospital and memories kept reappearing with their ugly faces. At the same time work was more demanding than ever.

Journaling says:
While Carsten struggled to survive, I struggled to keep spirits high but it all became too much. Everyone would constantly look to me for an answer, a solution, a shoulder to cry at. And I wanted to do it all...

I worked harder. I found strength I didn't think I had but at the end of the year it became clear that my light had burned out long ago. Sleep was scarce, nausea always there and hopelessness crept into my head like a fog.

Everything blew up Tuesday before Christmas. I couldn't stop crying. Every little word I said meant thousands of others forcing their way into my head. Things I should say. Things I should do. Things I expected from myself.

That was the first time I said it out loud.

I can't do it anymore.

And that is what gave me the strength to carry on.


Products:
Feeling Blue by Dawn Inskip
Fear of the Dark by Little Butterfly Wings
Urban Instilled by Rebecca McMeen