Wills

[Patti]

I was just thinking about this yesterday after meeting with a gentleman who is setting up an RSP program through work. It came out when he asked me who my beneficiaries are? Of course, I named my children. He asked who I wanted to be my trustee, and I said my Mom.

My husband is not the father of my children and he and my Mom do NOT get along. We live in Alberta and my parents are in Ontario. This financial advisor told me that my parents would have to apply to the Alberta Gov't for custody of my children if I didn't have a Will. With the above situation and my husband being on disability, I felt it best that my parents be the ones to take my children as they are my family. I don't know that if I gave my husband custody, that they'd have be given the opportunity to see my children which doesn't sit well with me, as you can imagine.

Thier biological father hasn't paid court ordered child support in almost 3 years and owes me over 12,000 dollars, so I'm not worried about him taking them as he hasn't talked or seen them since 2003.

Do you think I am making the right decision and any tips or advice that I should take with me, when I do get to doing a will one of the days soon?

 

[Lime]

Yes, I have some advice for you. You need to come up with plan A, Plan B and plan C at a minimum. For instance, what if you and your mother died in the same car crash? (That would be plan B) . What if you and your parents all died in the same car crash? (Plan C). YOU should name your preferred guardian under all three plans, and you need to speak with the guardian ahead of time and get their ok. There could be a case of wrongful death, and this person needs to be smart enough to call a lawyer on behalf of your children,and s/he needs to be honest enough to save that money for the kids' future.

You are pretty young, but unless you travel separately from your parents for outings and vacations, you need to come up with a Plan B and a Plan C. It doesn't cost any extra to get all this down on paper. You an also exclude your husband,. ex husband or any other person. If you and your parents all died at once, there would likely be some money involved...more than just the money of a young mother, I mean, and you need to make sure your kids get it (or they each get 50% of your share if you have siblings).

You have children and don't live in the US, so the following doesn't apply to you, but others reading this from the US should keep in mind states have different laws on the books. For instance, if you are an adult and got run over by a bus, some states a) would not allow your parents to collect on your death benefits insurance unless they were specifically listed as your beneficiaries, and b) would not allow your parents to sue for damages, whether or not they were your beneficiaries. (My youngest is 23 and I made her do her will, complete with notarized signatures, as soon as she became employed with death benefits. The people at the bank where we had it notarized didn't bat an eye because I live in one of those states with wacky laws.

When I first got married, my husband and I paid an attorney a whole lot of money for a will, but when we got it, it was all boilerplate - except for the names that got plugged in. It goes out to Plan I (Plan eye!! - that's 9 alternates covering any possible combination!) It is still good today and we haven't changed a thing. There are many online wills, and really, the hardest part is deciding guardianship, and thinking of all eventualities. As soon as there is a change in status in you, your parents, your children or your guardian, you need to review your will and make sure it still says what you want it to say.

Whew! Sorry, didn't mean to go on so long.

 

[Angie4b1g]

I didn't know you were allowed to "will" the children? I often wonder what would happen to mine if something happened to me. I have 4 with my ex and 1 with my current husband. I know my current husband would be *willing* to keep them, I just don't know if that would actually happen. My ex is pretty passive and probably would go along with whatever (he'd take them if he needed to, but wouldn't necessarily go out of his way to get them...).

 

[Patti]

Thanks for the advice, I will remember to take all those into account. My parents are in Ontario and I don't see them often so I don't have to worry about the whole car crash thing, but one never knows. Thanks, you've given me lots to think about

 

[RebeccaH]

this very topic is exactly why hubby and i have put off doing wills for so long. we still don't have one and we need to really get moving on this. but we just can't seem to get on the same page as far as who would receive custody of the children. he wants them to go to his brother and his wife, since they can't have kids of their own. i get that, but i totally disagree. i think the two of them are entirely too selfish and immature to handle 3 grieving somewhat-grown children. plus, they have VERY unstable jobs, a teeny tiny 2-bedroom house, and their moral values are just NOT in line with ours. *sigh*

 

[Sara]

Patti sweetie..as far as making the "right" decision that's hard for an objective eye to say, really. I think when it comes to the creation of a will..and especially to the guardianship and custody of children it is one area where it's good to have a little subjectivity. YOU know what your children's needs are and who is best fit to meet them. From what you've shared here I can understand your decision. Sounds like the best decision for ensuring the best care and best access to relationships for your kids. ♥

And I echo the consideration of any possible weird scenario that could happen. I know it's altogether uncomfortable to think about these things but it's so so crucial. DG and I recently updated our wills wherein we have stipulations for guardianship/custody AND for the access and control of a trust. As it were, we feel its best for the two to be given to two different people. Gives more than one a voice and in a different way and we feel that would end in the best care situation for Bugga should both of us pass.

P.S.A. Will making is something I think most of us know is a good thing to do and many of us have, but I just want to encourage you to move forward with plans if you haven't yet. It truly is an act of love to your family and loved ones to have all your ducks in a row. My father passed away a year ago and he did not have a will. And it is still affecting us (and costing us) all this time later. I know that wasn't his intent, but alas...

 

[crazygirl]

My sisters 4 children are willed to me.

 

[Lime]

Rebecca, Why don't you move forward, and simply ASK the immature people if they'd even want custody? They might say, no, and then you'd be home free. I think it's all in how you phrase it. "We don't have any money, but do you want our 3 rugrats if we croak?" might elicit a different answer than, "If we were to both die in a freak accident, would you take our poor grieving kids and their huge inheritance, including any monies accrued from wrongful death suits?" Mwah hahahaha. Ya gotta make it sound really like a losing proposition to the people you do NOT want to have your kids, and like a gift from heaven to those you do want to have them.

Suzy

 

[HeatherB]

We put off our Wills for so long because of the issue of where we wanted the kids to go. We finally put it down, made sure money will be in trust and that the kids won't get it until they are over 21. DH's parents both died by the time he was 16, and without any clear direction in the wills. So he got his inheritance at age 16, ended up living alone at home with his older (and equally grieving, angry, and not very responsible) brother, and ending up blowing his inheritance before he was 18. So we don't want our kids in the same situation.


Our problem was we had 3 goals for our kids:
Christ centered family
well-adjusted upbringing
in custody by a family member who wouldn't take advantage of the money involved.

None of our options satisfied all 3 goals, so we made do with our best choice.

 

[HeatherB]

this very topic is exactly why hubby and i have put off doing wills for so long. we still don't have one and we need to really get moving on this. but we just can't seem to get on the same page as far as who would receive custody of the children. he wants them to go to his brother and his wife, since they can't have kids of their own. i get that, but i totally disagree. i think the two of them are entirely too selfish and immature to handle 3 grieving somewhat-grown children. plus, they have VERY unstable jobs, a teeny tiny 2-bedroom house, and their moral values are just NOT in line with ours. *sigh*

Dh's reasoning is interesting but I think it might be misdirected. Shouldn't his main concern be to satisfy his children's needs and not his brother's?

 

[Leah]

We have a Plan A, B and C stated in our wills. If something happens to one of us, the other one has the kids. If something happens to both of us AND my parents are physically/mentally able, they receive guardianship of our children. If they are not well enough to care for our kids, we have assigned guardianship to DH's brother and wife.

It's certainly NOT something we ever want to think about or we all hope that it never happens to us. But it's important to have all of the bases covered, just in case.

I don't know what you should do in your particular circumstances. Can you husband legally adopt your children, relinquishing their biological father of his parental rights (does that make sense)? That is, if he is willing to care for your kids in the event that something happens? Do you have a lawyer or power of attorney? I think I would start there and ask lots of questions.