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What would you do?

Nixenkind

Nixenkind

Dreaming of boiling in Brisbane.
Joined
Aug 8, 2013
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901
I know, this is a total first-world-problem, but I need some opinions...
I recently turned 39, and so far, I don't have a single grey hair. But I always knew that once I start going grey, I'll return to dying my hair. And I also knew that I wouldn't dye them my usual shade of middle brown, but rather choose the colors I liked earlier in my life... which always was RED. And, okay... I always liked to have colors that clearly looked artificial :whistle, and nothing changed.
My husband smirks a little, because I'm clearly not twenty anymore, but he fell in love with me when I had red hair, so he's not surprised. It's the only thing "punk" about me and my haircut is totally conservative (loooooooonnng, and that will NEVER change), so he's fine with it.
My problem is my eleven year old daughter: when I talked about it yesterday, she almost started crying... she absolutely doesn't want me to change my haircolor and almost begged me to dye them the same shade they are now.
Problem: I don't want to. I tried to compromise and told her I might get a shade of red a little more natural than what I had planned, but she will have nothing of it. NO RED.
Problem is that she doesn't know me with dyed hair, because I stopped when I got pregnant for the first time, but...
I'm confused. I mean, I would have no problem with HER dying her hair in rainbow colors (everything that's reversible has never really been an issue for me), and now she's acting up because I want to do it :think ????
My question: would you be influenced by what your kids are thinking about such a decision?
My husband immediately said: no. It's not her place to decide, she will sulk a little and then get used to it.
But I'm unsure, although at the same time, I don't want to change my mind. I mean, I lost 80 lbs. this year, and the way I look became more important to me, so.... I want red hair, dammit! :hissy
I never thought that would pose such a problem.
So... what would you do in this situation?
Sorry, I know the problem is not world-changing, but I'm currently brooding about it, so I appreciate every input...
Thank you!
 
I would be influenced because I would want to set the example, so that if child wanted to do something that I was dead set against, well this point in time would be there to refer back to. I wouldn't want to do it as a 'well I don't care what you think' moment. She has legitimate concerns (maybe not you you, but she deifnitely thinks they are improtant) and I wouldn't want to the set the precendence of ignoring what she has to say, there may come a day where you say no to something and she pulls the 'I don't care what you think' card.

BUT I love dyeing my hair (love reds and purples) so perhaps you could suggest a compromise. Either do a wash-out semi-permanent one so she could see you with red hair and hopefully get used to it, or maybe take her on a girly-day and go to the salon. You can get a colour and she could get a cut and style, then go out for lunch or whatever (maybe mani-pedis) and take the focus off your hair, and onto spending the day together doing 'girly things'? (Then having your hair coloured would just be a small part of a huge fun day).

Also: well done you on loosing 80lbs!! Thats awesome!!!
 
I'm with your husband. My boys didn't like it when I started wearing eyeliner after a couple years of not, but they got used to it.

Maybe you could start with a red 'streak' just to show her how fun it is and that you're still you before going all the way?
 
I am all for giving children input into decisions which will affect their lives. A move, changing schools, etc. This is not really something where I would let my children have any input. To me, it's very similar to choosing my outfit. I don't let my children go choose what I'm wearing each day, either. I'm the one who has to live with it.

I do have to say... once you start having to color out of necessity, you might fall out of love with the unnatural colors. I used to go red or black (I'm a natural medium brown) every other month but now that I'm probably 30-40% gray and coloring is no longer a choice it's a lot easier to go closer to my natural color because the roots don't show as easily.
 
i think i would be more on your husband's perspective. i have always been of the mind that my kids don't make decisions for me, i do. you can explain to your daughter that the color of your hair doesn't change a single thing about who you are. it just makes you look different. it could be a good life lesson for her - an simple, up-close-and-personal chance for her to really begin to understand and form her own ideas on how much important looks should hold in our assessment of others. she may not like it at first. she may be apprehensive. but in (short) time she will get used to it, and she will see that your hair has nothing to do with you and your relationship with her.
 
Thank you all for your advice!
I had a little talk with my daughter this afternoon, we looked at different shades and I explained to her that my hair won't actually be fire engine red, because my natural color is too dark to make the color come out that bright- I think she really will get used to it once it's happening.
She's always a little particular about change... she just likes things staying the same ;). But: it's getting better...
Thank you so much!!!
 
I'm thinking your awesome weight loss might play into it a little. You've probably changed a lot, appearance wise, and if she doesn't like change, she might have a lot of anxiety about it. I think you're doing the right thing though, talk to her about it a lot, involve her where you can, let her get used to the idea. I love the suggestion of just doing a stripe in your hair first. Or maybe even get some hair chalk and let her have some color in her own hair, so she can see it's just an appearance change. Good luck and congrats on the weight loss!!
 
Do you have some photos of when it was red before? You can show those to her and it might help. I agree with your husband - I would color my hair regardless of what my daughter wanted. That being said, when I came hope with ultra short hair one day as a surprise, my youngest who is six started to cry and told me she wanted my old hair back. Eventually, she learned to like it, but it took a few months.
 
Yup, I would not let the kids decide. They'll get used to it quickly. I say RED HAIR!!! Of course, I'm biased since I color mine red too. ;)
 
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