Tweens and Apps (safety)

[Kiana]

So in this digital age where apps are all the rage, what type of limits (if any) do you set for your kids?

My daughter is 12 and we don't have cell phones yet. But she does have a Kindle Fire. She wants Music.ly so bad. But with these apps, come the dangers of inappropriate content and of course predators.

I can make her profile private, but she can still search and "accidently" happen upon inappropriate content via the app and the other users who post. Same for things like Instagram which all her friends have.

 

[Juliestcyr]

I really love Common Sense Media. They provide a lot of great info on individual apps, and what the pitfalls are. They also have a great tech contract for parents and kids that encourages smart use of technology.
My girls are 9 & 11. They have access to tablets at home, but do not personally "own" the devices. We have said no to social media until age 13. Nearly every social media app, Musical.ly, Instagram and Snapchat included, is limited to people over 13 in its terms and conditions. When you let your kid sign up for those services, you are violating the terms of service. Most kids know this, but they know it's easy to get around, and don't care. You have to weigh your options, but my kids know that as a (non-practicing) lawyer, they're mom is never going to OK them to commit fraud.

 

[Kiana]

I really love Common Sense Media. They provide a lot of great info on individual apps, and what the pitfalls are. They also have a great tech contract for parents and kids that encourages smart use of technology.
My girls are 9 & 11. They have access to tablets at home, but do not personally "own" the devices. We have said no to social media until age 13. Nearly every social media app, Musical.ly, Instagram and Snapchat included, is limited to people over 13 in its terms and conditions. When you let your kid sign up for those services, you are violating the terms of service. Most kids know this, but they know it's easy to get around, and don't care. You have to weigh your options, but my kids know that as a (non-practicing) lawyer, they're mom is never going to OK them to commit fraud.

She'll be 13 next month and has been asking. Thank you for sharing

 

[Sokee]

I know this isn't the normal but our children didn't have cell phones till they were driving & had a job so they could pay for them, themselves. We just could not afford that bill. They all understood.
The other type of electronics are newer.... my children are older. But is is good that you are asking and making sure they are safe!!

 

[Squirrely]

All of my grands - ages 11 - 14 - have their own cell phone, computer, kindle, etc. etc. etc. I think it's ridiculous and thought it was ridiculous when my kids were these ages too. When you can pay for it yourself, you can have it was and is my way of thinking still. I also agree everyone has their right to raise their kids as they see fit, and not all kids are goofy and too immature to handle it at those ages either. Mine were, and the grands are - except one.

That's just my 2 cents on the whole subject, that wasn't asked for . The were all instructed the same way - no friends that you don't know personally, no purchases without our OK, no new programs without our Ok, etc. My 11 yr old dgs isn't allowed to do anything without his parents permission on any of his devices, from accepting new friends to downloading "free" apps. This is because he's a very young 11 and very irresponsible, sweet as sugar but goofy as all get out if you know what I mean. He also once signed up for a "free" program that his parents ending up paying over $300 for after he just kept piling stuff onto it - he didn't realize at that point someone had to pay for this stuff, it wasn't done maliciously. But he did break the rule of no ordering.

His twin sister however, is allowed to do all of those things, including making purchases using her own money without checking with Mom and Dad. Why? Because she's very careful, follows rules to the letter, would die a thousands deaths if she was caught breaking a promise, and is all around more responsible that alot of 20 yr olds. She's still a kid absolutely, and that why I still worry myself sick about her posting on Instagram. My daughter takes everyone's devices weekly and goes through them all, but I still worry.

My recommendation is you just need to use your head with what your children are responsible enough to handle and follow through on whatever you told them would happen if they didn't follow your rules. Let them read for themselves about things that are on the net that they need to be careful of. And - I know someone will think this is offbase, but if they're going on the internet EVEN with a Kindle, they should know at least the basics of sex ed, cuz they are going to see something somewhere no matter how careful anyone is.

I would NEVER want to be a parent of young kids nowadays, it's a very frightening world out there.

 

[Kiana]

I know this isn't the normal but our children didn't have cell phones till they were driving & had a job so they could pay for them, themselves. We just could not afford that bill. They all understood.
The other type of electronics are newer.... my children are older. But is is good that you are asking and making sure they are safe!!

Thank you. My kids don't have cell phones and probably won't until they can drive. LOL

 

[Kiana]

All of my grands - ages 11 - 14 - have their own cell phone, computer, kindle, etc. etc. etc. I think it's ridiculous and thought it was ridiculous when my kids were these ages too. When you can pay for it yourself, you can have it was and is my way of thinking still. I also agree everyone has their right to raise their kids as they see fit, and not all kids are goofy and too immature to handle it at those ages either. Mine were, and the grands are - except one.

That's just my 2 cents on the whole subject, that wasn't asked for . The were all instructed the same way - no friends that you don't know personally, no purchases without our OK, no new programs without our Ok, etc. My 11 yr old dgs isn't allowed to do anything without his parents permission on any of his devices, from accepting new friends to downloading "free" apps. This is because he's a very young 11 and very irresponsible, sweet as sugar but goofy as all get out if you know what I mean. He also once signed up for a "free" program that his parents ending up paying over $300 for after he just kept piling stuff onto it - he didn't realize at that point someone had to pay for this stuff, it wasn't done maliciously. But he did break the rule of no ordering.

His twin sister however, is allowed to do all of those things, including making purchases using her own money without checking with Mom and Dad. Why? Because she's very careful, follows rules to the letter, would die a thousands deaths if she was caught breaking a promise, and is all around more responsible that alot of 20 yr olds. She's still a kid absolutely, and that why I still worry myself sick about her posting on Instagram. My daughter takes everyone's devices weekly and goes through them all, but I still worry.

My recommendation is you just need to use your head with what your children are responsible enough to handle and follow through on whatever you told them would happen if they didn't follow your rules. Let them read for themselves about things that are on the net that they need to be careful of. And - I know someone will think this is offbase, but if they're going on the internet EVEN with a Kindle, they should know at least the basics of sex ed, cuz they are going to see something somewhere no matter how careful anyone is.

I would NEVER want to be a parent of young kids nowadays, it's a very frightening world out there.

No worries. I actually agree with a lot of what you said. My kids only have Kindle Fires, that they got as gifts from my dad. They don't have any outside apps currently on it, besides games. Music/ly is the first app that she really wants because she loves to sing. She'll be 13 next month and I do think she's pretty mature.
We've also let them both (12&11) read about situations with these apps so they are aware.
Thank you for sharing.

 

[tkradtke]

Okay... where to begin? My kids have had phones from a pretty young age, due to living in the city and the amount of navigating they did on their own either walking or via public transit. My daughter got a smart phone in 5th grade (she really wanted a camera for her birthday that year and we opted to upgrade her phone instead so it was an all in one type of deal), my son in 7th (I think). They were not allowed to make purchases without our approval (their accounts were all linked to mine and they did not have the password in order to make the purchases), I had to know all passwords and would log in regularly to check out what was being posted by them and their friends, and they had to friend us and/or other family members (I figure if grandma is one of their instagram followers, they'd think twice about what they post).

My biggest takeaway on keeping them safe online after viewing their online behavior and the behavior of their friends.... keep them grounded in the real world. Make sure they're still connected and engaged there and a lot of these worries will be non-issues (not saying all, but a lot). The scariest online situations that I've witnessed have been with my daughter's friends who have too much time alone and seek out social interactions online. Also those that seek too much approval/attention with what they post. My niece was having a hard time with her parents' divorce and would post all kinds of shocking stuff on instagram. I think she just felt forgotten during that time and any attention was better than none. If your daughter is active and engaged with real world friends and activities, her time on the app will be limited naturally, plus she'll be using the app for the joy of singing, not looking for something more, if that makes sense.

 

[Kiana]

Okay... where to begin? My kids have had phones from a pretty young age, due to living in the city and the amount of navigating they did on their own either walking or via public transit. My daughter got a smart phone in 5th grade (she really wanted a camera for her birthday that year and we opted to upgrade her phone instead so it was an all in one type of deal), my son in 7th (I think). They were not allowed to make purchases without our approval (their accounts were all linked to mine and they did not have the password in order to make the purchases), I had to know all passwords and would log in regularly to check out what was being posted by them and their friends, and they had to friend us and/or other family members (I figure if grandma is one of their instagram followers, they'd think twice about what they post).

My biggest takeaway on keeping them safe online after viewing their online behavior and the behavior of their friends.... keep them grounded in the real world. Make sure they're still connected and engaged there and a lot of these worries will be non-issues (not saying all, but a lot). The scariest online situations that I've witnessed have been with my daughter's friends who have too much time alone and seek out social interactions online. Also those that seek too much approval/attention with what they post. My niece was having a hard time with her parents' divorce and would post all kinds of shocking stuff on instagram. I think she just felt forgotten during that time and any attention was better than none. If your daughter is active and engaged with real world friends and activities, her time on the app will be limited naturally, plus she'll be using the app for the joy of singing, not looking for something more, if that makes sense.

Total sense. Thank you for sharing your experience.

 

[jk703]

Okay... where to begin? My kids have had phones from a pretty young age, due to living in the city and the amount of navigating they did on their own either walking or via public transit. My daughter got a smart phone in 5th grade (she really wanted a camera for her birthday that year and we opted to upgrade her phone instead so it was an all in one type of deal), my son in 7th (I think). They were not allowed to make purchases without our approval (their accounts were all linked to mine and they did not have the password in order to make the purchases), I had to know all passwords and would log in regularly to check out what was being posted by them and their friends, and they had to friend us and/or other family members (I figure if grandma is one of their instagram followers, they'd think twice about what they post).

What Tracie said! Oldest has phone and tablet, youngest has a tablet. My oldest gets my youngest on the bus, and walks home from school, a phone is necessary. We opted for a phone for 5th grade. For our youngest, we will pry follow that same reasoning - not sure yet. I know what apps are on their phone and have to approve them (like Tracie) all via itunes before they can download. Both have a note that is shared with me (and on my phone too) - for all passwords, sign on, and other important information. (This was important for back ups, lock outs, and access if they forget). My kids use their tablets pretty often for homework, almost daily.

We have learned from a previous experience, that our kids can seek out information because of what their friends show them on their friends devices. It was a good and learning lesson for us all - understanding responsibility, freedom with limits, age appropriate items, and good decision making. We monitor and review the history often - music, internet, video, tv shows, movies, etc. They do have Musical.ly. I have Musical.ly... I must be their friend/follower, vice versa. The oldest got bored and deleted. The youngest will go on and look for silly videos and what his friends are up to. 90% of the time, he is sitting next to me, lol! It hasn't been an issue. Plus, I think he learned his lesson in what is appropriate and what isn't both in viewing and sharing. While he might stumble onto something, he knows to move on, and let me know what happened so we can talk. There isn't a way to "bleep" out explicit language. I think that is my biggest issue. Their accounts were set privately, and we set up certain restrictions within the app.

We had issues of being on their devices when they shouldn't be, or not listening when they are on their devices. Like not doing homework before I got home, and sitting around playing on their devices. So, I found Our Pact. It lets me control their phone/tablet from my phone. I can schedule dinner time, homework time, sleep, or just randomly turn off the device when I need to, etc... and then the phone automatically turns off apps, internet, and non-essential items. All emergency essentials are available. They didn't have specific app blockage when I signed up, but I see they do now. I might have to look into that.

Sorry for my book.

 

[navaja77]

No phone here but my 12 year old has a ipod touch. We just allowed him have instagram. He follows my account and I follow his. I also follow his best friend. Basically, they post silly photos but the main draw is being able to chat through instagram (direct messaging). He also has xbox live which he talks to his friends while playing games. He does tell me everything they talk about and shows me silly videos on his instagram. We aren't ready to give him a phone so for now, the ipod touch works for him as it limits him to wifi He did ask for music.ly and I have said no. One app at a time. He also requested snapchat. I said no because I need to get that app and try it out first. And I want him to get a little older. Next year, we will likely switch to giving him a cell phone but not a smartphone. I already told him he can't have a phone that is better than mine and I have a Samsung s4 right now lol His friends were all given iPhone 7. Nope, not in my house

 

[Kiana]

What Tracie said! Oldest has phone and tablet, youngest has a tablet. My oldest gets my youngest on the bus, and walks home from school, a phone is necessary. We opted for a phone for 5th grade. For our youngest, we will pry follow that same reasoning - not sure yet. I know what apps are on their phone and have to approve them (like Tracie) all via itunes before they can download. Both have a note that is shared with me (and on my phone too) - for all passwords, sign on, and other important information. (This was important for back ups, lock outs, and access if they forget). My kids use their tablets pretty often for homework, almost daily.

We have learned from a previous experience, that our kids can seek out information because of what their friends show them on their friends devices. It was a good and learning lesson for us all - understanding responsibility, freedom with limits, age appropriate items, and good decision making. We monitor and review the history often - music, internet, video, tv shows, movies, etc. They do have Musical.ly. I have Musical.ly... I must be their friend/follower, vice versa. The oldest got bored and deleted. The youngest will go on and look for silly videos and what his friends are up to. 90% of the time, he is sitting next to me, lol! It hasn't been an issue. Plus, I think he learned his lesson in what is appropriate and what isn't both in viewing and sharing. While he might stumble onto something, he knows to move on, and let me know what happened so we can talk. There isn't a way to "bleep" out explicit language. I think that is my biggest issue. Their accounts were set privately, and we set up certain restrictions within the app.

We had issues of being on their devices when they shouldn't be, or not listening when they are on their devices. Like not doing homework before I got home, and sitting around playing on their devices. So, I found Our Pact. It lets me control their phone/tablet from my phone. I can schedule dinner time, homework time, sleep, or just randomly turn off the device when I need to, etc... and then the phone automatically turns off apps, internet, and non-essential items. All emergency essentials are available. They didn't have specific app blockage when I signed up, but I see they do now. I might have to look into that.

Sorry for my book.

No worries for the book. This is what I wanted. I need parents to share. Thank you

 

[Kiana]

No phone here but my 12 year old has a ipod touch. We just allowed him have instagram. He follows my account and I follow his. I also follow his best friend. Basically, they post silly photos but the main draw is being able to chat through instagram (direct messaging). He also has xbox live which he talks to his friends while playing games. He does tell me everything they talk about and shows me silly videos on his instagram. We aren't ready to give him a phone so for now, the ipod touch works for him as it limits him to wifi He did ask for music.ly and I have said no. One app at a time. He also requested snapchat. I said no because I need to get that app and try it out first. And I want him to get a little older. Next year, we will likely switch to giving him a cell phone but not a smartphone. I already told him he can't have a phone that is better than mine and I have a Samsung s4 right now lol His friends were all given iPhone 7. Nope, not in my house

Yeah, what is it with parents buying $700 phones for their kids. NO way!!

And thank you for sharing your experience too!!

 

[BevG]

First and foremost, you have to teach trust, responsibility, and accountability. Along with things like respect, truthfulness, etc. because - phone or no phone, online or not, kids are going to do what they want. They will figure out a way around whatever rules you set up, not just on electronics, but also in things like driving, friends, etc. -- if that is their desire to go around you.

It is a fine dance between being the totally laid back, whatever parent and the overly protective & controlling parent. I know parents at both extremes and have seen what can happen. I also know parents that did find that balance and still ended up with rebellious children. So do what seems best for you and your children, while teaching them to be independent, thinking adults some day.

We had 2 rules - you have to pay for your own phone (if you want more than the very basic model) - you have to be going somewhere I am not going so that you need to call me. For my oldest that was age 18, then age 16 for next one, and age 14 for the youngest.

 

[gonewiththewind]

I found Our Pact. It lets me control their phone/tablet from my phone. I can schedule dinner time, homework time, sleep, or just randomly turn off the device when I need to, etc... and then the phone automatically turns off apps, internet, and non-essential items. All emergency essentials are available. They didn't have specific app blockage when I signed up, but I see they do now. I might have to look into that.

Sorry for my book.

@jk703 Do you have a paid account or are you just using the free options? Are you using it on Apple or Android phones/tablets?

 

[gonewiththewind]

@jk703 Never mind, dear! I figured it out with a bit more reading. Hmmm. Imagine that! Bwahahahahaha

Thank you for sharing the app!

 

[gonewiththewind]

I just have to add . . . the Our Pact app was easy to use AND when I informed Daniel that I could now control his device, he had a panicked look on his face. I said, don't freak out, I'm just putting your bedtime in it to make sure the device is inaccessible then. We haven't had a problem with apps on his tablet, but it's so reassuring to know that it's there if I need to control something.

 

[jk703]

I just have to add . . . the Our Pact app was easy to use AND when I informed Daniel that I could now control his device, he had a panicked look on his face. I said, don't freak out, I'm just putting your bedtime in it to make sure the device is inaccessible then. We haven't had a problem with apps on his tablet, but it's so reassuring to know that it's there if I need to control something.

oh goodness, it really is so easy! I control 3 devices, and will see how the boys are to determine if I need to jump to the next level of the app/plan (specific app blockage) in time. (Thinking teenagers, or specific app blockage as hostage for better behavior). My boys are better knowing I have control at all times. I joked with hubby he would be next! I'm so glad you're giving it a try, Cheryl! Also... I emailed customer support about the app specific version as it wasn't out at the time yet, and they were super nice, quick, and had great information.

 

[cookingmylife]

Yeah, what is it with parents buying $700 phones for their kids. NO way!!

I think once you have an iPhone in the family, it's more likely your children will get one too. Those are just the norm for my friends who have teenagers or college kids. All three of my teenage grandchildren have ones as they're a totally Apple household. However, when the eldest had a broken screen, he had if for quite a while til he had money to fix it/replace it. I also notice that each child got a phone at an earlier age I think, and 5th/6th grade seems to be the standard age in this area. I also think the under 10s are used to using their parents' phones to watch or play something. I see this a lot when I'm at the doctor's or in a grocery store - Mom gives child phone while they wait/shop - so getting a phone of their own becomes very normal.

 

[Tronesia]

My daughter will be 9 in May and we bought her a phone for Christmas. All of our family is 800+ miles away and we have no friends here. I am just not a social person. I needed to know that if something happened or there was an emergency that she would be able to reach us no matter what. If we are running behind picking her up from school, she can call us...locate us with find my iPhone... we can locate her... so it gives me a little more peace of mind. Paying the bill isn't an issue, so that did not weigh our decision. It was really more about keeping connected when we are away from one another. She doesn't call anyone except our family and a couple of friends in her class. She download game apps but she needs my permission via the app store before she can download. Anything she gets has to be earned in some way.

I am overprotective in a lot of ways but the one thing I need her to know is how to handle herself in the world. My mother never sugarcoated anything and we are pretty much the same way. Tablets - we have 2 iPads that the kids share and no issues so far. I always check apps and messages and everything; the same goes for her computer. She is a human, even at 8 - 9 years old and I feel like she is capable of learning to handle herself appropriately.