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speaking of beds

mlpieters

mlpieters

the princess of PINK
Joined
Apr 12, 2007
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at my sleep disorder appointment yesterday my doc and i discussed sleeping apart from your spouse.

he said a high percentage of his patients no longer sleep together but sleep in separate beds or separate bedrooms. apparently many of custom high end homes are now being built with two master suites and cultural history actually supports married people sleeping separate and not together.

for me growing up married people sleeping in separate bedrooms always meant there were problems in the marriage. oh, and i think it cuts down on those spontaneous moments, if you know what i mean.. wink wink.

he said his generation it was the norm.

what do you think? if you had constant sleep issues and had the space - would you have a separate bed or bedroom?
 
i know a lot of people, actually, who sleep in sep beds... same room, just like 2 twins. we have a king and i can go all night without touching DH at all (if i wanted...). if i had constant sleep issues, though, for my own mental health and the health of my relationships all around, i'd probably be willing to try it...
 
my parents actually started sleeping in separate rooms a few years ago when one of their dogs got sick and couldn't climb the stairs - my mom started sleeping downstairs with her - and then it just stuck ! LOL - i think my dad LOVES watching tv in bed til all hours of night and my mom enjoys reading, so they are pretty happy LOL! i think it would actually work well for my DH and me - haha- we have SUCH different nighttime habits ... i go to bed early, he goes late, he likes TV (i don't like TV in bed at all ... ), he ends up sleeping diagonally ... but for now we enjoy sharing a room :) when i was pregnant there were some nights i moved to another room in the middle of the night when i couldn't get comfortable in our bed ... one of our guest beds is the best 'bed' in the house LOL - i'm dying for a new mattress! (ours is actually pretty new - it just stinks!)
 
well my husband has recently started working nights and i hate it,it takes me all the beginning of the week getting used to sleeping alone,takes me forever to drop off then i keep waking,i get used to it by say night no4 then after night no 5 he is back so the cycle starts again so for me sleeping apart is a no go and in the nudge wink wink department i aint gonna get up and go in another room to get it lol and i could say something else there but will leave it at that lol
 
My best friend's grandparents have twin beds in the same room, which I think is kind of cute!
For us, when I was pregnant towards the end, we just slept in separate beds because I was so uncomfortable and either I would keep him awake or he would keep me awake. Then, when I was going through chemo and started having my sleep issues, dh would often sleep on the couch or guest bed....and that went on for probably over a year...not every night, but if I went to bed first and he would come in and I still wasn't asleep and having issues sleeping, he would just go to the other room knowing that he would get a better night's sleep there. Now, that I have my sleep meds to help me sleep, we sleep in the same bed again. But, I can totally see how most of his patients would sleep separately.
 
I have always thought like you Lauren, in that separate beds must signal something is off in terms of intimacy in a marriage (emotional and otherwise), but I too have heard that it used to be the norm. I know my grandparents slept in separate beds. Twins in the same room. And come to think of it, my own preconceived notions fly out of the window when I think of it more, lol, because they were so in love for 62 years.

I can see how separate sleeping arrangements could help alleviate sleep issues. In the end if I were struggling with sleep issues and sleeping in separate beds would be helpful for good rest and emotionally, etc, I'd probably give it a go.
 
Well ... my ex-husband and I slept in separate rooms for probably about the last 5 years of the 10 years we were together.

So take that as you will. LOL

However, it was because he snored. LOUDLY. At hotels we'd get complaints from the next room kind of loud. If I was all the way downstairs watching TV and he was upstairs on the other end of the house with the door shut, you could hear it. That's the kind of snoring we're talking about.

When Tom and I first moved in together I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd gotten so used to sleeping alone.

FWIW my XH's parents have slept in separate rooms for probably .. oh .. at least 15 years? Again because of the snoring. It's hereditary. I may have to move Nicholas down to a corner of the basement if he inherits it. I'll really feel compassionately for his wife one day.

And Tom's parents sleep in separate rooms because his dad snores.

Snoring is an evil, evil thing. Like I feel for the other half of any couple where there's snoring involved. And I'm not talking about the "nudge him til he rolls over and stops" type of snoring here, I can completely understand that. My XH would snore even if he was laying on his stomach, folks. ALL NIGHT LONG. People would say "Oh my husband snores too" but then they'd hear mine, and be like "I don't even know how you sleep in the same HOUSE as that!"
 
hummm....interesting topic.
I sometimes send hubby to separate room because he snores (not always) . :) It's really bad when i try so hard to sleep and couldn't. He's not a loud snorer but i'm a really sensitive sleeper. I need pin drop silence when trying to sleep.
 
Very interesting...indeed.

My in-laws slept in seperate rooms but my folks still share the same Queen-size bed and I dare not tell DH that we're now going to sleep in seperate beds/rooms. That would definitely be a reason for us to get divorced. I can understand the reasoning behind it all but I just don't think it'll work for us.
 
Hmmm I could see if there were issues. When I was pregnant with Tyson I woke up so easily that a couple of times I went downstairs to sleep because DH was snoring too loud. I like pure darkness and quiet when I sleep...
 
For us, it would be a sign that something was wrong if we started sleeping in separate beds. In fact, we were counseled not to buy a bed bigger than a queen because that way you couldn't go to sleep angry at each other. :giggle

We don't suffer from any sleeping problems though, so that makes the decision easy. My aunt & uncle sleep in separate rooms though because she snores and he needs it absolutely quiet (can't even have a ceiling fan or the furnace on) to sleep. Of course, they don't have the kind of marriage that I would want, so take that for what it's worth. Also, they have two homes: one is on a lake which is where she lives, the other is in the city where his business is so he only comes up to the lake on the weekend.
 
Hmmm...interesting topic indeed. I can never see my hubby and I sleeping in different beds, BUT, and that's a big but - we don't have too different of sleep styles! We mesh pretty well in bed I guess you could say! ;) If it may help your sleep disorder it can't hurt to try it, just make sure that hubby feels loved still and do the nudge nudge thing enough to make up for it! ;)
 
We sleep in different beds during the week, but that's because SO works in a different part of the country;) I sleep SO MUCH better when he's away though! But I still like having him there at weekends, I just catch up on my sleep during the week.
 
my mom & step dad both have sleep disorders of sorts, and they often have to sleep separately so they don't keep each other awake or wake each other up in the middle of the night. not always, but when a good night of sleep is a must, for sure!
 
Hmmm. Well, my mom slept with ear plugs to be able to deal with dad's snoring. Which I always thought was kinda dangerous.

We have a king bed and it's a sleep number bed, so it's kinda like we are in separate beds, without being apart. LOL. His side is firm and mine is soft, so we can stick to our own side to get sleep. I can't sleep without my hubby there. If he is out of town, forget it. On the other hand, I cant sleep when he is trying to cuddle with me either. I want him close, but not on me, kwim? I think if we slept in separate beds, the marriage would be pretty much over.
 
Let me just start off by saying if you aren't sleeping you aren't HUMAN! ITs so hard to operate daily life let ALONE nudge nudge if you aren't sleeping. It controls everything!
That being said, if I started sleeping in another room I think it would be VERY difficult on our marriage.
What is your husband's LOVE language? My husband's is TOUCH in a BIG way. LOL NOw that doesn't mean nudge nudge all the time but it does mean just plain, simple, TOUCH! Snuggling before we go to bed, toes touching all night long kind of touching.
When I have had problems sleeping I will go to bed with him, snuggle etc....lol... and then once he is asleep (he takes about 2.4 sec. to go to sleep) I can sneak out and get some sleep in the other room. I haven't done this recently, but I have gone through periods of not sleeping well and this did help.
You need to do what is best for you guys! Whatever works KWIM?
 
my hubbys love language is wait for it ...." do you think you will want it tonight" and thats at 7am in the morning lol
 
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