What's new

Romance?

scrapsandsass

scrapsandsass

Oh Ricky you're so fine ...
Joined
Feb 11, 2011
Messages
8,907
Okay, let me just say that I love my DH to death :heartslub, and this is no way trying to bash him. I'm just trying to figure him out. :dizzy

Sometimes it seems like he goes out of his way to be the least romantic person on earth. So obviously Valentine's Day is Tuesday, but yesterday, he went to the grocery store to get some stuff for his parents, and he came back with roses for me. It was sweet... but I don't know why he is weird like that and will purposely not celebrate something on the day. And he didn't really look at the flowers before buying them, so they were all beat up and there was a big wad of moldy guck (some baby's breath and leaves got all evil) in them. So it almost makes it worse.

It isn't like he is one of those guys who hates Valentine's Day because they say it is forced romance and just trying to make a point of doing something on a different day. And it also isn't just V-day. He's done it before on my birthday and stuff too.

And I feel like I can't really say anything to him because he did bring me flowers AND he is like the most sensitive person as far as seeing everything as a criticism, so I know it would really hurt his feelings if I did say something. But I just don't really get him sometimes.

Does anyone else have a weird and/or unromantic guy?
 
If its any consolation I don't get flowers unless I give birth and I won't be doing that again,oh tell a lie I get some daffodils and tulips off the kids for mothers day but that's cause I ask for them
 
we don't celebrate valentine's day. ever.

we don't usually celebrate any holiday, but he will buy me gifts if i casually mention them. not romantic at all, but i know that's his way of showing he listens and cares.
 
My husband already said he's not getting me anything, I totally understand, but since he's living 6 hours away, it'd be nice to get some flowers. He does always say flowers will just die. He got me a tea rose plant for mother's day two years ago and I killed those (I suck at plants)... he was always very romantic when we first dated, he "woo'd" me, it worked and now it can be kind of blah... every now and then he does something super sweet though.

My husband is sensitive too so I get it about not saying anything... like if he makes dinner and I don't like the taste (I'm SUPER picky) or he added too much spice, I try not to tell him b/c he'll just say I'm sorry over and over and feel bad. And he's a fantastic cook, way better than me. So I get it... totally.
 
I understand what you mean, Kimberlee.

DH is so not romantic. It really takes a lot of mental energy and effort for him to plan anything let alone pay enough attention to me to know my preferences and plan something accordingly. Some of it is his ADHD, some of it is his childhood (his father has got to be the least most romantic person on the face of the earth), and some of it is just his natural bent. He is not a detail person, unless he is in hyperfocus, and he's not a follow through person, either, so those are already two big strikes against romance.

I have to try to keep in mind that gifts and words of affirmation (which are what we usually think of when it comes to romance) are not his love languages, not even close, and so it's not something that comes naturally to him. With the hours he's working, our financial situation, and his master's classes, he does not have enough room in his brain to think of things like romance. I also try to keep in mind that when he is spending time with me (which IS his love language) that he is non-verbally 'romancing' me in a way.

Not that that helps sometimes, but that's what Reese Witherspoon movies are for, right? :giggle
 
Yeah, I don't care so much about V-day or need him to make a big deal of anniversaries or b-days. I just find it strange that he does it the way he does because it makes it almost seem more like he feels obligated that way. I think it is sweet that he got me flowers, and usually he doesn't go for roses, so that was a surprise; it was just kind of strange at the moment. I made a big deal out of arranging them in the vase and taking pictures of them (for scrapping later) so he got a kick out of that.

The "love language" is a good reminder. He is definitely a spending-time-together love language-r. I'm not a big gifts person (lucky for him, LOL). I'd just be happy if he said "I love you" once in awhile too. LOL. I guess that is my love language. :)
 
Last edited:
My hubby runs the produce/floral department for a local grocer and he LOATHES Valentine's Day! It's uber busy and he just has zero time... One year, he used my car to pick up extra roses from his distributor... there were over a thousand roses in my car and not a single one left for me! BUT my car smelled great for a day!!! ;)

Other than that he can be fairly romantic... he once left a poem he wrote for me on my voicemail...
 
I have found over the years that romance is what you make of it. If you expect something (especially on these silly "weighted" days like Vday and anniversaries), you will usually be disappointed; either because you didn't get what you expected or because you got exactly what you expected and it felt like fulfillment of an obligation. Kimberlee, I love that you took those roses, arranged them and took photos of them even though you noticed a moldy spot in the middle. Good for you! I'm also glad your husband took notice. You are noble and kind and it's totally understandable that you're a little confused. I think you handled it beautifully and I'm quite sure that's one of the things your husband loves best about you. As for me, I love flowers anytime except when someone has done something shameful. Then, it's a reminder of the wrongdoing--- total mistake! :) I hope everyone smiled at least once today.
 
Got one too that just doesn't get V-Day! I'm so used to it that I don't get him anything either. He dislikes the whole commercialization of the day and how it's just another day, blah, blah, blah. But it is nice to get something. He usually gets me candy (which after 22 years together) one would know that I don't care for candy (fattening for me) nor flowers (black thumb). LOL I'd really like a nice dinner out where I didn't have to cook or cleanup! That's all!
 
Today is my Anniversary and surprisingly enough, hubby is clueless and I'm not saying a word. Mind you, he has been under the weather but he has always been 'out of the loop' when it comes to holidays etc. But I guess I don't mind, cause if I want something, I just go buy it and treat myself... I truly do love myself on those days! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
My husband isn't overly romantic, but it's ME that is the worst. I never remember our anniversary, I don't think birthdays are a big deal, and I really don't care about Valentines/Sweetest Day/any of that. So, I guess he gets off easily. If he doesn't do anything for a holiday or my birthday, he definitely feels worse about it than I do, because I simply do not care. lol

Even when I do buy him a birthday or anniversary card, I always buy a funny one. He buys the sappiest ones out there, then writes something even sappier, and I feel like a big jerk. :/
 
Back
Top