Teenagers... only this one is 25. Zane is here for the week and acting like a gloomy teenager. He is going through what my oldest went through at 17-18. The long hair. The "I don't know" and then complain. And I wanted to have a fun Christmas afternoon and be different and get pictures with Santa. He told me I was strange and weird and hasn't talked to me much since. Help I forget how to handle this.
Plus he has had a secret girlfriend. How do you deal with that feeling where he won't hardly let you see a picture?
BTW I ended up quitting school. That was the huge thing in the way of my Christmas joy. It was a hard decision but they didn't live up to their promise and things got in a huge mess behind the scenes. And of course you know who got blamed. It got to be nearly impossible to get the feedback that was supposed to be so great. So it's a sad week yet also peaceful and a huge burden off my back.
I don't have kids so I can't offer any specific advice other than take care of you. Find patience for your son and let him know you're there. It may be something he needs to work through for himself. I think the pictures with Santa was a fantastic idea by the way
Hugs Carilyne, I'm just getting into the teens here, so no advice for you, but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. And good for you for lightening the load on your plate.
Hugs! I'm sorry school didn't work out. I'm glad that you are looking at it positively though, as a burden has been lifted!
As for your son... maybe just give him space, and he will come around. Do what you planned on doing... but... for YOU. Maybe get that picture anyway... he might come around. Hugs... it's hard being a parent.
Hugs to you, Carilyne!! Teens are hard, even when they're not really teens anymore. I agree with Jenn, maybe just give him his space, make sure he knows you're there if he wants to talk, and he will come around in his own time. Keep finding the joy for yourself and don't let anyone suck the joy out of you. I know it's easier said than done sometimes. He's just in a different place right now. Maybe your joy will be contagious Sorry about things with school, but I'm glad you're feeling less burdened. Take care of YOU!!
You have my sympathy. 25 is when their brains are supposed to finally sort themselves out so maybe he is having a last blast of teenagerishness before he gets it out of his system
Sorry to hear about school, but glad a weight has lifted. xx
Everyone thinks the terrible two's are hard but I think parenting a young adult is by far the hardest stage of parenthood. The trick that works with my daughter is something I like to call the perfect choice. Instead of asking, "Do you want to get our pic taken with Santa?" I say something like, "I've really been looking forward to spending fun holiday time with you. Do you want to get our picture taken with Santa or would you prefer to go to the Christmas tree farm?" I find that as long as she has a choice, she's more likely to pick one of them!
Thanks everyone. He's just in a mood and to be honest, this mom is wiped out. I may try the choice thing. Or just let it drop. Yes adult children are so much harder than the terrible twos. I had a good time with my oldest today so that was good and Zane and I talked a little. So we'll see.
Jenn and Laura's ideas are good ones. The more you try to force them into doing what you want ... and present it that way, usually the harder they push back. That's been my experience anyway. Hoping you and Zane can find something fun to do together to enjoy the holiday season ... maybe thinking of something he would like to do (to break the ice) and get over the hump of him not wanting to do anything with you first? Ease into it? Even if just going out for a little bite to eat and a movie? BTW, the closest I could come to getting a picture with Santa with my teen (and she is only 15) is to stand on the top balcony of the mall overlooking Santa. So ... she's in the picture and so is Santa - down below! Even that was painful for her!
Sorry school did not turn out to be what you thought it would, but at least that stress is gone and you can focus on what makes you happy again. {{hugs}}
I agree with everything that's been said. Teenagers/Young adults are hard. I'd much rather have my terrible two year olds back... lol Hang in there! We're all here for you and know you can get through this. You're already on the right path, cutting back and focusing on the things that are important to you. sending BIG HUGS and prayers to you!
Just entering teen years here, so not a lot of advice. But as with everything, I remind myself that everything is a stage of development and they will get over it...sometimes later rather than sooner!
Oh Carilyne, I'm so sorry. I have no advice for you, just a sympathetic ear & some understanding. I am dealing with conflicted emotions around my school at the moment. My 6yr old with ADHD is suddenly without afterschool care & I need to cut something back to be able to take care of him. Just remember, young adulthood can be daunting for those who expected something different. Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not yet the end.
Better day today. We talked a little about it. He's trying to exert his independence and just went too far. He's learning. So am I. He is a lot like me, but my mother was more directive than I to say it nicely.
School -- I am amazingly at peace about it when it leaves me looking at a different career and job. It just wasn't right then someone talked too much and it turned into this frenzy behind the scenes. She then asked why I was questioning the problems that occurred since I asked for the transfer -- no the teacher had already resigned, no transfer was brought up or needed. Then it all went to pieces and I was a MESS of the Texas sized kind. Now that's for January's worries. It's Christmas time and there's snow (pics soon).
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Even that was painful for her!
