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Playground Etiquette

cherryberry

cherryberry

Hottie Patottie!
Joined
Jul 18, 2009
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So - I take my little guy (Brady) to a park in the morning three days a week. We bring a large bag of sand toys, all with his name sharpied on them. I have found myself so ticked off at the other mothers lately. They seem to think that their children have just as much right to the toys as Brady does.

One day this week one mother just reached into our toy bag and pulled out toy after toy and handed them to her children without asking. One of her boys took Brady's shovel from him and said "Mom, I found a shovel" and she said "good job" to him. I had to say "excuse me, those are actually our toys and Brady is playing with them" - even then she didn't make it a priority to get them from her son - I had to go over there and take them from him.

Yesterday, there was a mother there with her 2 boys. We (Brady and I) were the only other 2 at the park. I only had half of my usual sand toys because I couldn't find a close parking spot. I had 2 trucks, 1 bucket, and 1 shovel. Her son asked me if he could play with 1 truck so I said "yes" but then he took the shovel too and his brother took the other truck. Brady only had a bucket. I was waiting for the mom to say something to her boys but she didn't so I asked the older child for the shovel and 1 truck back so Brady could play and his mom was busy telling Brady that he could have EITHER the shovel or the truck because he was sharing. The nerve - I hauled those toys with me for my run and then to the park, Brady could play with whatever toys he wanted - they are his toys after all. When I told her as politely as I could muster, that Brady could play with any toy he wanted, her son threw a major fit and they left.

Is it just me? Where are people's manners these days? Why would I haul a bunch of toys to the park for other people and have my son crying in the corner because he doesn't have a truck to play with?

OK - had to get that off my chest. :imok
 
Okay, WTF? Seriously Tiki, I can't believe the nerves of those women! It's NOT just you - that's ridiculous!
 
OMGosh, Tiki! I've been at the park when other Moms have brought toys for their kids. We always ask, I don't let me kids just take without asking (no way, no how am I hauling toys to the park, good for you Tiki!) It's not like something we do all the time, so we don't really even think about bringing stuff, etc. Anyway, I don't understand how they can be so rude. What are they teaching their kids after all? How to be rude to others? That is just sad.
 
I tend not to take toys to the park unless I am willing to share some because I learned my lesson one day. We took my sons dump trucks to the playground and there were some major fits from other kids. I hated ruining other kids park trip so I try not to take toys. But I understand your point I would never allow my children to take toys that belong to other kids we dont even ask. I just tell them they are not ours and if we can play with them the other parent or child will offer. If I do take toys I tend to limt it to one per child or a ball or kite for our family.
 
Wow, those are some rude mommy's! Sorry you have had such issues! Usually we don't have any problems, but we also don't go to the park that often either.
 
I feel your pain Tiki. I've tried to limit the toys or things we bring to the park because of this. I've taught my kids never to take other toys and only if someone's mom sees them looking and says "Oh, it's okay, go ahead" do I allow it to happen but then I watch like a hawk and make sure they're not running off with it or upsetting the kid it belongs to.

Same thing happens at the pool in the Summer. I am always having to deal with it there, more so than the park.
 
um, i think i would be sharing that frustration if this were me. People bring picnics to the park, and do not expect to hand out their food to other children playing nearby. You SHOULD be able to bring toys and have the same boundaries respected.

I think that by a parent demanding that another child share with his/her child, he/she is only teaching their child to have a sense of entitlement to WHATEVER they WANT. That taught on a consistent basis will eventually translate into a spoiled brat teenager, and later an adult who thinks the world owes them. We try to teach our kids, in a loving manner, that we don't always get what we want; that sometimes somone else has something that you don't have, and that's okay; and that no one is required to share or give or whatever - if they CHOOSE to share, we will consider it a blessing and thank them, but if not, we will be just fine. On the flip side of that too, we try to teach our kids that their lives are full of opportunities to share and give to others and be a blessing to them, but that they are not required to share everything, and we try to respect their feelings when they have something special to them that they just don't want to share. It's a tough balance, and I'm sure we don't always get it right, ya know? But it frustrates me when people expect that you should give them what does not belong to them.

Sorry, a bit long-winded. To sum it up, nope, I don't think it's you. They are overstepping boundaries and teaching their kids some bad lessons. Hope you find a good solution!
 
Yes, I usually do bring a big bag of sand toys (at least 3 of each toy) so we can share but on days that I can't find a close parking spot, the toys need to fit under my jogging stroller and then I just bring a couple. I make my son sit in the stroller for about an hour each morning while I run my route so I like to reward him with his favorite toys at the park. His face just beams from ear to ear when he says "sand toys?". I won't leave them at home just because another child might get upset.


Lori Potts said:
I tend not to take toys to the park unless I am willing to share some because I learned my lesson one day. We took my sons dump trucks to the playground and there were some major fits from other kids. I hated ruining other kids park trip so I try not to take toys. But I understand your point I would never allow my children to take toys that belong to other kids we dont even ask. I just tell them they are not ours and if we can play with them the other parent or child will offer. If I do take toys I tend to limt it to one per child or a ball or kite for our family.
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Very well said. That's exactly how I feel. We have unexpectedly driven to the park sometimes and do not have sand toys with us. My boys have, at times, been upset that they cannot play with someone else's toys but I make it very clear that they do no belong to us and that we can't play with them. If they make a big fuss, I pack them back in the car and we go home. Kids have to learn hard lessons sometimes and I think "sharing" is quite often misunderstood by children. They feel that if they use the word "share" they can just take what they want from someone else. I always make sure to tell my children that sharing is a CHOICE, not a RIGHT. (as a side note, I always do encourage my children to share but I do not make them share unless we're on a play date ;) )

I'm actually worried about the children these days. I think with parents having less time, they feel they need to be their child's friend, instead of their parent, and kids miss out on some of the harder lessons. But that's a whole different can of worms that I won't go into. :giggle

RebeccaH said:
um, i think i would be sharing that frustration if this were me. People bring picnics to the park, and do not expect to hand out their food to other children playing nearby. You SHOULD be able to bring toys and have the same boundaries respected.

I think that by a parent demanding that another child share with his/her child, he/she is only teaching their child to have a sense of entitlement to WHATEVER they WANT. That taught on a consistent basis will eventually translate into a spoiled brat teenager, and later an adult who thinks the world owes them. We try to teach our kids, in a loving manner, that we don't always get what we want; that sometimes somone else has something that you don't have, and that's okay; and that no one is required to share or give or whatever - if they CHOOSE to share, we will consider it a blessing and thank them, but if not, we will be just fine. On the flip side of that too, we try to teach our kids that their lives are full of opportunities to share and give to others and be a blessing to them, but that they are not required to share everything, and we try to respect their feelings when they have something special to them that they just don't want to share. It's a tough balance, and I'm sure we don't always get it right, ya know? But it frustrates me when people expect that you should give them what does not belong to them.

Sorry, a bit long-winded. To sum it up, nope, I don't think it's you. They are overstepping boundaries and teaching their kids some bad lessons. Hope you find a good solution!
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Gah! People are just getting more and more rude these days. I always feel bad for Sophie because she is so friendly and sweet to other kids and always trying to say "hello" and "whats your name?" and the kids just look at her like she is an alien. Of course where we live, she might get more of a response if she said "hola" to them instead. Harhar... but seriously, there seems to be a real lack of basic social skills, at least at the playgrounds around me.
 
that is so rude, I couldn't help myself I would have to say something to the parent, they're the ones that have to learn so they can teach their children. Grrrr I would be so mad!
 
I totally agree with Rebecca... ya know I would probably have grabbed something of the other mother, what ever she had sitting there, maybe a cell phone and just start using... after all we are sharing right??? I bet you her attitude would change in a second. But then again, I am a tall girl, look kinda b%$chy and people don't tend to pull crap like that on me! LMAO
 
:lmao Oh Andrea - thank you for the laugh! I have tears in my eyes. I obviously have to work on my b%$chy look (can't do much about the height) because people pull crap on me all the time.


estir_bune said:
I totally agree with Rebecca... ya know I would probably have grabbed something of the other mother, what ever she had sitting there, maybe a cell phone and just start using... after all we are sharing right??? I bet you her attitude would change in a second. But then again, I am a tall girl, look kinda b%$chy and people don't tend to pull crap like that on me! LMAO
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It's weird isn't it. I thought it was just a MN thing. That never happened to me on the beaches of FL but that happens all the time here. Imagine if people just walked up and used the nearest towel on the beach!
 
That is so rude! I don't take toys to the park but have often had my kids wanting other kids toys there...but I just tell them they aren't theirs. Even the baby can understand that now. I have had mums say we can share but even then I feel bad as the mum might be willing but the child may not! As far as I'm concerned, if we don't know somebody then we have no right to share toys or anything else.

I'm not as brave as Andrea and don't know if I would have said anything, but I would have been really POd.
 
Tiki you are the best Mommy EVER!!!! Working with families every day I see this all to often! People feel their children are justified to anything they want which creates BRATS on the playground! SOrry I hate to use that word but its true! I want to come play with you guys at the park!!!! I promise I won't let my kids run off with all the toys leaving BRady to play with the twig in the corner!!!! :)
 
That is so incredibly rude! We run into this at the pool during the summer. The gall of some people just astounds me.
 
Ugh, Tiki, that's just so awful. It's sad to say that rudeness seems to be the norm most places now. I think you're handling everything exactly right though, FWIW.
 
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