January 11 On This Day Journaling Challenge:
Journaling:
December 9, 2012
There are dates on the calendar that mark a change from one state of life to another. Milestones like births, graduations, marriages, and deaths. There are other emotional milestones such as the day you move out of your parents’ house, or the day you felt like a grown up. This particular milestone date has a lot of power to it; a power I had no idea at the time.
This date in December marked a hard transition in my life. It was the day we locked the door for one last time at the house I grew up in. After 49 years, my mother could no longer afford to keep the house, and despite us living with her to try to offset the cost, it just couldn’t be saved.
That day, I walked through the house, room by room, and in each room I stood in the middle, thanked God for the memories, and just stood and felt those memories. Room by room I videotaped with my thoughts, and then sat still, with my eyes closed, and felt each room.
I walked into my sister’s room - where I didn’t get to go into a lot but I constantly heard Cat Stevens songs coming through the walls; My brother’s room where I remembered the day he got his water bed, and the times I was scared and snuck in and slept on the floor next to his bed, to the bathroom where I remembered lazy nights soaking with a book, to the laundry room to remember the day the washer flooded and went through the wall and soaked my Jan and Dean record albums. I sat in the empty room that used to be my room and remembered long hours in there, and then later it became a prayer room, then eventually my Mom’s bedroom. Then I sat in the music room and just remembered all the nights I fell asleep listening to jam sessions of country music of my Dad’s. I remembered the family sing alongs, the times when Dad and I recorded and talked through the sessions. The songs lingered in the air. I walked down the long hall to the family room, where I heard echoes of holiday parties, long nights of conversations over 1000 piece puzzles, and countless meals cooked by my Mom and eaten by our family. I entered the living room, where I stood with my eyes closed and pictured family Christmases, birthday parties, our baby shower, and countless milestone days. Tears streamed down my face as I remembered faces and loved ones long gone. I took a peek into the Master bedroom and pictured my parents and in the later years, Michael and I making that room a home for a short time. Finally, I walked outside into the backyard. I could just hear the splashing of the cousins and family in the pool - watching babies learn to swim, and then the BBQ pit, where the Men gathered around and cooked the steaks, hot dogs, and hamburgers for parties.
As I walked through the house, my husband was closing up the garage and I joined him as I took one last look at the empty garage that used to contain my father’s home made slot car track. I remembered long hours racing with family and friends.
We closed the garage door, got into our fully packed van and a U-Haul trailer, and drove away. We moved to Las Vegas that day and left everything behind. I had no idea that this day, which was an emotionally wrenching time, would be the start of the salvation of myself and of my little family. So much good lay ahead, but it would take time before some of the whys made sense, and how hardships, depression, and heartache could finally turn into some of the greatest blessings for our family.
Credits:
Etc. by Danyale: On The Street We Live, Lifetime, Sundara
Allison Pennington: After the Rain Collab
Forever Joy: After the Rain Collab
Little Butterfly Wings: After the Rain Collab
Kristin Aagard: After the Rain Collab
Amber LaBau: A Daring Adventure
Studio Basic: Everyday Brave
