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Organizing your child....help!

cnscrap

cnscrap

Humphity Humph Humph
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Mar 16, 2010
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Haha.

Okay so Chloe started 6th grade this year and boy is it a transition!! From no responsibility to a whole bunch. She has been coming home unprepared, unorganized, and unfortunately it is kind of showing in her grades. I am trying not be the anal Mommy who hovers over their child to make sure things are complete. But it is driving me insane when I see a bad grade! :hissy

I think her main issue is she is not organized (and she is lazy). She forgets to bring a binder home to study for the upcoming test or she fails to try her hardest on a classroom assignment b/c she 'heard' she didn't have to do that part on the worksheet.

Any one feel my pain or have any advice to offer? :helpy
 
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That's hard Court.

I don't know if it is good advice at all... but all I can think of is that you almost HAVE to be on her, until she learns a bit more for herself. I don't have to do this with Sophie. But with Gabe... grrrr.... I have to go over every subject with him.

Perhaps, have her start (And follow-up) with her using an assignment book? Then have the assignment book, and ALL homework in her binder to bring home every night? If this doesn't work, perhaps try asked her teacher for advice? I imagine they have to see this quite often with the same 'age group' of kids??

Good luck sweets.
 
court, i'm there with you! here's my take on it for what it's worth.

for starters, i think THIS age is the perfect age for them to learn the consequences of doing poorly, because, let's face it, their grades in fifth/sixth grade really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. BUT it's a great place for us as parents to teach them about the way life really works (from which, up until now they may have been a wee bit sheltered).

sebastian has done this a number of times so far... come home without his assignment folder or necessary books or whatever. or else waited until the day before to start working on a big report. grrr! as an inconvenienced mom i want to throw a fit quite frankly because it sucks to be scraping things together last-minute. and i KNOW he is a super smart kid who could be getting great grades rather than the meh grades he gets when he's lazy or forgetful.

we've kind of tried to use it as a chance to help him understand life a little more than he does. like, asking him to think/talk through what he thinks would happen to daddy if he showed up to work without his tools to do his job? or what if he had a lazy attitude at work? what would be the consequence of that? what would happen long-term if he were to lose his job (no money, may be harder to get another job, etc). i mean, we don't try to scare the kid, but for him it really helps when he can understand WHY we are asking certain behaviors of him rather than just blindly accepting the expected behavior and complying. we have basically given him the why and left it up to him (within reason) to determine what he will chose to do. i can't make him read carefully or bring his books home from school. but if he doesn't like the grades he gets, or the consequences at home (ie less or no allowance, or maybe additional homework that we give him, or extra chores or whatever), then he will have to learn to change his ways.

i have also found that making sure he has the tools to keep himself on task is something i can do to help him. in previous years i've made a checklist and hung it up by the bookbags... these are the things you have to have done each day, have you done them? also, we try to make sure he has quiet, undesterbed homework space (not always easy to do with 2 younger siblings, but better than it has been in years past). And the biggest thing I find for me to be able to help him best is that i have to be focused on him and not preoccupied doing 3 or 4 things at once.

we have also found that once he gets into the routine of doing a few straight successful nights of homework, he likes the feeling of accomplishment it gives him, and that has been his own motivator. for example, he waited until LAST minute to pull together a report that was due. I made it clear that I was VERY unhappy with his time management, that I would help him this time, but that in the future he would have to be sure to do his work on time or face the consequences. We worked together for about 7 straight hours (:dizzy) and got it done. He got a very good grade on the paper. In focusing on him, teaching him HOW to approach his big assignments, helping him walk through it, and coming out on the other end with a good grade made a huge impact on him. The next report that he had due was finished a week and a half early. And he is already working on his next report that is due at the end of October. He LIKED the feeling that he had done something well, and he took it and ran with it.

sheesh! that was a lot of rambling, sorry! summarized:
1) give the WHY rather than just demanding certain behavior,
2) give them a bit of freedom to mess up and learn from their mistakes,
3) give your focused time to help teach them how to have a succesfull homework session
 
um, one other thing i just thought of (as if that whole mumbo jumbo above weren't enough)...

i have definitely found that limiting or eliminating things like electronics / computer during school nights has helped TREMENDOUSLY for our kids. i'm not sure if this applies to you?? but i was finding that the boys were huring through their work and doing poorly because they thought if they got done they coudl play electronics. when i've taken that temptation away and limited it to the weekends, their homework attitude and quality has gone up noticeably. (but that could just be a boy thing?)
 
Thanks girls for your advice! It's just so hard to sit here b/c Chloe got awesome grades in elementary school and her first few grades in middle are really blah. I know she is smart!

Krista - The school gives them assignment books and one binder that homework should come home in. She was writing 'most' of what was due in the assignment book but until last week was not even checking the book to see what was due. So what was the purpose of writing it down? LOL. But so now I have her checking off what she has completed and it all has to be checked off before she is done her hwk for the night. She is complaining that she does not have enough time to get the required books before the bus and therefore either forgets the important books or is too lazy to walk that much faster. But there has got to be a way. I was thinking maybe her putting a post it note on her main binder that she carries everywhere and throughout the day just jotting down what book needs to come home (besides the hwk binder). The other thing is her school has a blackboard site. So I am finding things on this site that she has not written down. Like, um, redoing your science lab that you got an E on and turn it back in within two day. Uh, hello, free better grade? So maybe a routine of hers needs to be checking the blackboard site and make sure there isn't anything additional then what she has written down.

Rebecca - You are too sweet to write such a lengthy response! I really appreciate your support :) It sounds like you have gone through what I am going through. We do really make her sit in a quiet area. My husband is a stickler for that. And it seems that she is completing the homework she brings home, she is just not completing the homework she is forgetting at school! lol. Or not bringing home the binder she needs to study. Or not studying at all. It is just total lack of organization and desire to do better. I am hoping after the talk we had last night that she will start to turn around. We have asked her to come up with some expectations or ways she can improve and present them to us this Saturday. That way she has a part in how to fix this issue. I love your idea about talking to her about why she should not or should do the things she does. Great idea! I am trying my best on the freedom issue as I am torn between hovering and not hovering. I am just such a anal and organized person that this whole situation is driving me bananas.:groan
 
Those are all great things Rebecca.
We've implemented some of those as well.

Although, I didn't even think of the electronics issue.
That is interesting. Both of my kids can't wait until they are done, so they can veg with a cartoon after school.
Hmmm.... I'll have to keep an eye on that.

Courtney, I totally hear you about having 'organization'.
I am WAY OCD, so that would bug me too.
Why don't sixth graders agree?? <grin>
I'll keep thinking on it for any more ideas.
 
yep, i totally agree, it really is a balancing act between giving them freedom and hovering over them. and i think it totally depends on the child as to what is the right amount of which ever one.

i guess for us it just has helped to have some kind of 5th-grade level response that mimicks a real-life response to choices, like i said with the less allowance or whatever. a lot of times my kids will have to pay a $.25 fine for bad attitude or not doing their best at something. i figure it has to hurt somewhere or else there will be no incentive to change. *grin*
 
I can tell you the same thing still happens in high school, because I've had issues with my son. I also limit electronics to after homework and try to get him to sit in a quiet place but that's hard to do. I've had better luck with lists, making sure that planner/organizer has the assignments written down was really tough last year. But we had so many "discussions" about how disappointed I was in his grades/forgetting that he is doing much better this year.

I wonder if it's more a boy thing because I never had those problems with my daughter. She always wanted the BEST grade not just an okay grade. I think my son realized that his letting his grades slip last year has really affected how he'll approach his college search. I have a hard time not trying to "save him" when he has an opportunity to fail but have gotten better about being too involved as he's getting older. If they are not self-motivated and self-organized, they won't perform well when you reduce your involvement.

So I say keep up the good work in getting them organized. It will pay off in the future!
 
If only Rebecca had something to say on this subject. :giggle

I wish I could help. I have the 5 most scattered children on EARTH and it makes me insane, because I'm super organized! lol
 
i think the biggest thing at this age is to let them suffer the consequences. soooo much easier said than done. but if we keep doing everything for them, they simply won't learn. this year my middle child is in 5th grade and he has had SO many issues already. i know it's because i held his hand for so long. i am going to let his 5th grade year be his year of lessons so hopefully in middle school he will be a bit more "with it". *sigh* this part of momming is what is hardest for me.
 
I think having her get a really cool new organizer/datebook, something she picks out and wants to use would be a step in the right direction. You got a lot of good advice here. I really struggle with the lack of self motivation with my oldest. It drives me crazy. I don't know how much you can do when the self motivation isn't here. It's hard to let go and let them suffer the consequences.
 
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