What's new

Need Some Mom Advice!!!

DoodleBop

DoodleBop

Just call me Sweetcakes.
Joined
Feb 4, 2011
Messages
1,037
So, Yesterday I packed Gavin's lunch for school like always. Since Gavin has stomach troubles they are required to write in his planner every single day what he ate out of his lunchbox. Just so I can keep track and that way if his tummy hurts later maybe I can pinpoint certain foods, etc., kwim? Anyway, this is where it gets bad to the point of I seriously wanted to go all ninja Mama on someone last night when I saw what was written in Gavin's planner. :furious I guess they are lucky Gavin had therapy or I would have been back up at the school so fast it would have made their heads spin. Yesterday Gavin not only ate all of his food that was in his lunchbox they let him also eat a school lunch as well!!!!! No, you don't need glasses and you are not misreading that. :hissy Apparently, they feel it is okay to do it for the ones that bring their lunches from home because they do it for 2 others all the time! :imok I am still trying to deal with all of this and trying to make sense of all of this because to me this is neglect. I don't think they should be able to make this decision for my child. I am really upset to the point of tears. Yes, I am a crier....:cry I have to leave for my oldest son's football game now, but I am forming a plan of attack and I am just curious how other mother's would feel about this? Also, what would you do in this situation? I just need some advice...
 
Maybe I'm not seeing what's so upsetting about this. I mean, I would probably tell them that if I send a lunch with my child, I don't want him to eat a school lunch, but obvioulsy he was hungry enough to eat both.

Unless you have 1) already told them he's not supposed to get a school lunch if he brings a lunch and/or 2) told them he has specific allergies and those allergens were in the school lunch, I'm not really seeing where you would be so upset you're crying and/or yelling at the school. They made a mistake but it sounds like it's a common thing for them so they didn't even realize it was a mistake for him.

Just seeing it from the teacher/school perspective.
 
Last edited:
I have no idea how bad your son's stomach issues are, but sometimes mistakes like this happen. I'm a teacher, and have had a student allergic to eggs, actually take a bite of one on my watch! Thankfully he only gets a rash, so we called home to let mom/dad know and kept watch. And it's really hard to deny a hungry child food, while all the others are being served. Not sure they did on purpose, but if he's not allergic or responds very badly towards the food, they might think it was enough to inform for you to observe him the rest of the day and you'd know it could cause him some issues.

I don't know, I just know that my day will be ruined if I go hungry, especially in a trying to learn environment.

Hope it all works out for you and that your son won't be bothered by what he ate today :)
 
I hope he is OK and I'm sorry you are so upset about it.
 
Last edited:
As someone who is on a strict diet due to food intolerances, I can understand a bit about being frustrated. I wonder if there is a way to send extra snacks so if he's still hungry, he can eat something that won't put him at risk for accidentally eating something that could make him sick, or if there's a list of safe foods he can eat at school from the serving line, etc, for those days he's still hungry.

Hope he's feeling ok tonight!
 
i agree that mistakes happen but surely what you pack in your childs lunch box should be adequate that the school do not offer him food so cant see why they feel the need to give extras,my eldest son would eat till he is sick if you let him not because he is hungry but sometimes out of greed or other times cause its there,i hope you get it sorted and i think i would be upset too
 
i talked to his teacher, who i absolutely love and adore, and i agree that mistakes do happen. i just worry about Gavin eating more than he needs because with him being delayed sometimes he doesn't know when to stop. i get i did :overreact, but it is the Mom in me that just wants what is best for my child. Then again maybe i didn't :overreact because i really am looking out for his best interest. in the end, it has all worked itself out and we all just talked about it calmly with the end result being he will eat what i send. i guess yesterday i was just really hurt because they know my son is delayed and that he will do things that he knows perhaps he shouldn't. he even came home and told me he had two lunches and he was hanging his head in shame. that really bugged me. he is the first who will eat til he is almost sick if it something he likes and that is not a good thing. that is why we pack him a lunch. i just didn't realize that they could also eat a second lunch. i guess they do it at other schools as well.
 
Glad you were able to talk to his teacher and work it out with them **hugs** You do what your Momma instinct tell you and go for it. I agree, 2 full lunches are too much for any child.
 
I'm glad things worked out for you. I have to say that it seems a bit negligent on the school's side to give him an extra lunch. I'm sure because they are writing it in his planner everyday they are aware that he has food issues. If he was still hungry and begging for food they should have called you. I hope this doesn't happen again for you!

I've had similar issues recently with my school. My daughter had a written note from both a hospital and a doctor saying no exercise including PE and recess. Her teacher sent her to both. Luckily she didn't have another asthma attack, although she did have coughing episode and was breathing super hard afterwards. I had nice little chat with the AP about this.

I know this sounds like I'm just a momma over reacting, but I was teacher too. I had to follow the procedures I discussed above or else I got written up for it. I've seen many schools becoming very lax on how they handle situations lately and it is frustrating to me.
 
Omgosh, Jewelle, I think I would have had a nice chat with someone as well. That is crazy. I am so glad she didn't have a terrible asthma attack after that. Wow. I don't think you sound like a Mama overreacting honestly. I think you sound like a Mama with real concerns. I know mistakes happen, but I am just seeing more and more happen every day. It is sad. My son has an IEP in place and that hasn't even been being followed since day one and that is frustrating. I think that his school has become very lax this year under his new principal. I am not really impressed. I love his speech and occupational therapy teachers and his EC teacher. I really love his 1st grade teachers, too. I don't want to think about going to the Charter school, but I am really leaning that way at this point.
 
I understand why you would be upset and I do hope they pay attention going forward. Some children could be on a calorie count too and I can understand if he forgot his lunch and they didn't want him to go hungry and called you first, but they knew he brought his lunch. That just does not make sense to me. If there is a lot of lax attention going on with this new school principal, perhaps the school board needs to be made aware of what is going on. I have friends that are administrators for the Superintendent of schools and other friends that are teachers. The rules are much more strict with having to contact parents for everything now so I am really surprised. Again, if you continue to have issues, you may want to contact the Superintendent or the school board if the new principal does not get on the program of paying attention to the needs of children. Today there are so many children allergic to peanuts, asthmatic etc., and being lax on different things can very well lead to the school having lawsuits against them if this new principal does not get on the ball. The other thing is if no one alerts the superintendent that things are going on, he/she may not know. Also the new principal may have no idea what is being missed as they may not have been advised properly? Just saying... You, as a parent, should not have to worry that things that are in your control, (ie: sending your son to school with things he can eat) are not being adhered to. Again, so glad you got things worked out, but if it continues with this or other issues it needs to be brought up the chain - speak to the principal directly, and then if that doesn't do anything, go to the superintendent. You should not have to move your child to a charter school because simple rules are not being followed. <Geez sorry about my going on... I do not have any children, but did work in a supervisor capacity for Customer Service for insurance companies.. total of 28 years.. I did not tolerate lax or laziness - especially since I am originally from NY ;) >
 
DoodleBop said:
i talked to his teacher, who i absolutely love and adore, and i agree that mistakes do happen. i just worry about Gavin eating more than he needs because with him being delayed sometimes he doesn't know when to stop. i get i did :overreact, but it is the Mom in me that just wants what is best for my child. Then again maybe i didn't :overreact because i really am looking out for his best interest. in the end, it has all worked itself out and we all just talked about it calmly with the end result being he will eat what i send. i guess yesterday i was just really hurt because they know my son is delayed and that he will do things that he knows perhaps he shouldn't. he even came home and told me he had two lunches and he was hanging his head in shame. that really bugged me. he is the first who will eat til he is almost sick if it something he likes and that is not a good thing. that is why we pack him a lunch. i just didn't realize that they could also eat a second lunch. i guess they do it at other schools as well.
Click to expand...

Does the teacher go to lunch with her students? I'm just asking because you're thinking that because he has an IEP, that everyone in the school knows he's delayed and he's on an IEP. That may not be true. I know we can't even tell our bus drivers that our students have special needs... and I work at a school where every bus child has special needs. We don't have lunch at my school, but if we did I couldn't just tell the lunch aides that a child is on an IEP or has special needs, etc., without parent permission. Unless your child has an obvious physical disability, it's very possible that lunchroom staff had no idea he's delayed. Someone mentioned that schools have to call parents for permission to do almost anything now. It goes the other way, too. Having an IEP and being classified as special education is confidential information and we can't go sharing that with everyone. And honestly, I think it's sort of great when a child with special needs isn't immediately recognized as having special needs.

You also need to talk with your child about not taking a school lunch. Yes, the school staff has been instructed but there will be subs, changes in staff, etc. Even with delays, it sounds like he knew he wasn't supposed to have two lunches. He needs to be taught not to take that second lunch.

I'm glad you were able to work things out with the teacher. I teach early childhood special ed so I definitely understand your situation.
 
Christa, I didn't mind your "going on" because you are a talker like me. Besides I am married to a yankee, too...hehehe. :giggle He is from NJ.

Kim, I know for a fact the Teacher's assistants go with them and they are the ones that allow them to get the extra lunches. I am a little blown away today because there was a Memo sent home yesterday to all parents. This is what it said, "Parents, we have been noticing that some students are bringing their lunch from home and getting a school lunch. Please talk with your child about eating their brought lunch OR the school lunch, not both." I kind of feel like this would have never been sent out if I had never said anything. It feels a little like they are trying to place the blame more on the kids, but yet I have it written that they (the teachers) were the ones encouraging the second lunches. I am going to see one of my friends today and her daughter is in a different 1st grade class. I can't wait to see if she has seen this or not. I know she will be shocked if she hasn't.

Oh, and as for the IEP no one can see it except for those that have to work with him. You are right about that. However, he isn't able to process things easily and it wasn't that he was trying to take advantage it was just that he was hungry. I really felt so bad for him when he got home because he beat himself up about it. He kept saying over and over..."I ate 2 lunches today", "It was all my fault"...that as a Mom is a tough pill to swallow. I had to remind him while it was not the correct choice there were adults there that should have helped him in making the best choice as well. Parenting is not easy...lol.
 
Last edited:
why are they letting them have both ??? thats what i cant understand.At my childrens school at the beginning of term they send a letter home for you to sign stating are they stopping dinners,sandwiches or coming home and they stick to that they cant have both
 
Karen, I am not sure why. I actually ended up having a phone conversation with the principal. Then, I even talked to the head of child nutrition and found out that I was right this was not acceptable. In fact, I was right in putting my foot down and wanting it to be stopped. As it turns out his teachers were the only teachers that felt it was ok to do this. Changes will be made. The other parents were not happy as well once they found out this was happening. The head of child nutrition really thought my son's teachers was a brand new teacher and was floored to know she had been teaching for so many years. Some things were also not handled very well like the letter that was sent home to the parents. I am just glad that now they are going to look out for the children's best interests.
 
this is crazy, sorry I didnt see this before...
Unfortunately, there are people in this world that still think mums who look after their kids alergies are being fussy and picky....
there have been two cases of very VERY ill kids because the mum of another kid that was having the alergic kids at home, thought it ok to give this child a chcolate bar of some kind and said, c'mon, we dont tell your mum this time, you enjoy it....
the kid went into anaphylactic shock
thisw was in the Uk and the kid was in hospital for 6 days, but survived the event...but didn;t I read something similar happening in the US recently where the kid didnt survive? a 7 or 8 years old?
You have all the right to be annoyed, I saw you spoke to the principal and things will be sorted, just keep your watch, am so glad all was sorted in the end :)
Hugggzzz
 
Thanks Cynthia. It actually went to the school board so, in the end it was a big deal. I might have stepped on some toes, but the child nutrition people were upset because they said the only time a child should be offered a school lunch is if they forgot their lunch. They called me and thanked me. So, I actually did the right thing. I am sure the kids that were getting two lunches were probably loving all of the extra food. I have to be an advocate for my child because who else is going to be you know. :) And that story you told is terrible. I often wonder why people do things like that. It just doesn't make sense. :( Hugsss
 
Last edited:
Back
Top