Joy and Pain

[dotcomkari]

We just found out yesterday my adopted adult daughter, Alex, is expecting her second child sometime this summer! She already has a 19 month old girl, Cassity whom we love to pieces! And I am so very excited about this upcoming baby. Alex is the best mama and Casserole is gonna make the best big sister! and I love spoiling the grandbabies

but my heart hurts so badly for my other daughter, Bianca, she has been trying to get pregnant Bianca in the last year and a half has lost three babies. And more recently was going to adopt a friends child through delegation (her friend had extreme mental health issues and decided it was best to give up the baby to a trusted friend due to not having any family). But sadly this baby died in utero at 7 months along. Bianca has never had the strongest mental health herself and these losses have sent her through a sprial of emotions. Yes she is still young, only 19, but she wants nothing else to be a mother. It is her life goal. She loves children and she is surrounded by them. Her friends nearly all have children and she nannies for children and sees everyone else having them. And now her "sister" is pregnant again. It just comes so easily for everyone else. And here she is trying so hard and can't get what she dreams and longs for so much. She has visited a doctor and has been told her fertility is good, although they are a little concerned due to her having a seziure disorder. But she keeps on feeling it is a lost hope.

As a mama I am breaking inside for her. I have been in her shoes. I struggled with fertility. I lost my first child in high school at 32 weeks due to still birth and than had to take fertility drugs to get pregant with my other three.. I know what she is going through. The longing. The feeling like it is never going to happen. I keep telling her to be pacient and it will happen in it's own time. But I know it's only words.

Than there is Alex. I am so excited for her. But her situation isn't the best either. Like Bianca she is young. Alex has had a rough background. I mean rough. She grew up in the foster care system and saw more abuse than anyone should have. She is looking for love. the "man" she is with now is well.. older than I am. He is a good father. I will give him that. He loves Cassity with all his heart. Yet, .. he married someone else when she was pregnant with Cassity at 5 months along. He claims he never loved this other person. Yet he married her. This other person lived with Alex and him for 6 months. It was hell. This other chick was pretending Cassity was her child .. posting things on facebook and instagram. It was such a mess. Alex was so hurt. Also.. he was sleeping with this other woman as well. Alex caught it on a "teddy" cam . And now this other chick moved out but he still goes over to her house while alex is at work... and still hangs out with her because she posts photos of Cassity still on her facebook all the time and posts photos of him and her together. Yet Alex "loves him" and doesn't want to leave him. Sigh

I know I can't convince people what to do but I feel it isn't the best relationship

Okay .. I just needed to vent..

 

[dawnmarch]

I don't know why I thought parenting would get easier when my kids "grew up" because it just means that they have bigger problems and there isn't a whole lot you can do to fix them usually! I guess all we can do is offer what advice we can and support our kids through whatever place they are at in life. Hugs to you!! -- I know it's so very hard to watch our kids struggle even when there are wonderful rewards like grandkids. Like so many people, I dealt with fertility issues and several miscarriages. I know that the fact that so many of us ended up having kids (I have one adopted and one biological) isn't very helpful to ease the minds and hearts of people who are still going through it.

 

[Karen]

I'm so sorry that your daughter is struggling with fertility. I know that while you can tell her until you're blue in the face that she is young and has all the time in the world for babies, it probably won't help. I'm sure it's especially hard for her when those around her are having babies and she just wants to do the same while they are.

Sorry to hear about Alex too and the father. That's a lot of uncertainty to deal with for her and her kiddos.

Parenting sure doesn't get easier just because our kids grow up, does it.

 

[G.J.]

So sorry for all what you all are dealing.
Praying for Alex, my heart brakes to think about her life and all what she is going thru. Thinking of you all and sending love.

 

[G.J.]

I found this article on the web, sharing https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/infertility-stress

 

[umyesh]

Oh Kari I am so sorry for the rollercoaster of emotions you’re all experiencing. Alex and Bianca are lucky to have you in their lives to help them through it all. Sending you all the love.

 

[Lynnette]

Kari that is a lot to deal with! As a mom of adults, you can be there and offer help but there is so much out of your control and it can be so difficult to watch. Wishing I could give you a big hug

 

[IntenseMagic]

I'm so sorry for all that Bianca and Alex are having to deal with. They are both so very blessed to have you in their lives. I am wishing them both peace, love and happiness. It is so hard to watch our grown children struggle with things that we can't control. All we can do is be the best support system they have, and you are that for sure. Much love to you all!!