I'm at a loss

[RebeccaH]

My daughter.
She's in 3rd grade. She is in advanced classes for both math & language arts. First grading period, she did great - all A's, no problems.

2nd grading period, her LA grade dropped from an A to a B- for not turning in homework. She cried. She was super disappointed in the B- and swore she was going to turn in homework.

And here we are several weeks past that, and still... sometimes homework is incomplete, sometimes not done at all, sometimes "lost". Always she "forgets" her reading response pages, on which she is supposed to document her reading time and write 3 short paragraph responses to what she's read.

It's getting bad. Homework time is a train wreck. She gets super tense and stressed out when we review homework and I ask her to take a second look at something. Her mind immediately goes to "I'm horrible, I can't do anything right" even though 95% of her work is spot on.

As a side note, my 5th grader is in advanced math as well, so is doing 6th grade math. Often when he gets stuck on something or struggles to comprehend a concept, Meagan will listen to our explanation once and then proceed to get the right answers for Isaac's 6th grade math - in 3rd grade. And her benchmarking for reading is at a 5th grade standard level. So, this is not because her brain cannot compute what she is learning. There's just this giant disconnect between what her brain can do and what she gets down on paper.

I'm at a loss... I don't know how to help her, but something needs to change here, for both of us.

Has anyone ever had experience with this or have any input on what the best direction would be? I do have an appointment next Mon to speak with her teacher, but I would like to go in with an idea of what I would hope to see as an action plan.

 

[AmaG]

Sounds like academic anxiety to me. Beyond her teacher, you may want to talk to the school guidance counselor. I teach high school and I have a couple kids with similar issues...bright but missing work...and it stems from stress and anxiety. Good luck!

 

[Karen]

I have no idea... my youngest struggles with something similar. He is so worried about getting things wrong (big time perfectionist) that he doesn't even want to try and gets upset if he doesn't understand something right away. Generally speaking he does much better if I just sit near him and listen to him read the instructions out loud. I think he feels more comfortable knowing that I'm there to ask questions, but honestly I don't like him using my like a crutch that way. I want him to gain confidence and know that he can do things on his own without me holding his hand. Because let's face it, that's how real life is... but I also hate to see him struggling. I'm going to be watching this thread for ideas too!

On a side note... that's so great that they are both doing so well and above their grade level! You must be so proud. I wonder if she's just not that interested in the subject matter and that's why she forget to do her work or doesn't put her full concentration on her assignment?

 

[Nettie B]

Way to go, mama! so hard to watch our kids struggle, though. Wednesday evening I went to hear a speaker talk about how to raise a gifted kid - she's a in the trenches Microsoftie with two, 7.5 and 10 - and resources available. Turns out, woman does her research, and study after study proves that most gifted kids have a unique set of quirks, and varying degrees of perfectionism and intensity. Anxiety - extremely common - so we get the fun parenting job of helping get them the coping skills to boss it back. As always, everyone's situation is different... but here are a few sites you might want to check out for more info:
National Association for Gifted Children - nagc.com
Dan Peters, Summit Center, Making Your Worrier a Warrior - summitcenter.us/
Hope that helps!

 

[LeeAndra]

She could be 'twice exceptional' and have some kind of learning disability, ADD, and/or anxiety. She could be bored/not challenged enough by her work where she knows that she knows the answers, begins to daydream and loses track of time, and then is at deadline with things not completed. She could be an HSP (highly sensitive person), too.

 

[AnneofAlamo]

just a big hug, and maybe a hookey day? talk with the teacher and see if a mom/daughter day can happen? Just a destress time can help. Pedicures, lunch out, laughter and then that evening talk about her stress and how you don't want her to feel anxious, and want to help her learn to handle it with your help...make it a bonding issue and fun time.

 

[lauracw]

Can you just let her turn in the homework without correcting her answers? Since she knows the work and doesn't really need it anyway. Maybe she's just worried about disappointing you and she's intentionally forgetting it, so she can be prepared to fail? (Not that you're approaching it badly, just that kids get whacky ideas sometimes.) My 2nd grader hates to be corrected and while she's typically very chill, she often has a temper tantrum when I have to have her change something on her homework. Currently, her teacher puts all of her work in a folder to bring home to me, but I can totally see her leaving it at school if she had a choice about it.


My brother really struggled with this in 3/4th grade. He had a really awful teacher and she told him home work was just so he could practice new information. Since he was acing all his tests he decided he didn't need to practice and just flat out refused to do it.

 

[AllisonPennington]

I *HATE* reading response pages!

In our house every single one of our 4 kids STOPPED reading, completely, as soon as those stupid things were introduced. I understand their general purpose but I think they get out of control.

Between you and I, Brett and I got to a point where we decided what mattered to us more than anything was the love of reading. Not how many minutes and what page numbers, etc. Don't get me wrong - we've stressed from an early age the importance of being able to take direction and jump thru hoops - even when they seem like really stupid hoops. But in this case, reading is just so important. In the end we filled them out. With total BS. We let them read when moved to without having to stop to write down chapter names and eventually they started to read on their own again.

That said, not everyone is comfortable with lying to teachers. Prior to doing it that way, instead of doing it 20 min/night we did a half hour (or more if they were in a rare read-y mood) 2x a week and filled it out together right after.

I really hate those things.

 

[RebeccaH]

you guys are great, thanks so much for the info & input.

and yes, allison, i totally agree with how much i hate those stupid reading responses!! thankfully, it's not deterring her from reading. she sat down last night after dinner and flew through 50+ pages of a new book. it's simply the "predict what will happen next" or "which character do you relate with and why" bs that she hates to do. i think she would rather just talk about the book in an interactive, meaningful way, and move on with life.

 

[bestcee]

you guys are great, thanks so much for the info & input.

and yes, allison, i totally agree with how much i hate those stupid reading responses!! thankfully, it's not deterring her from reading. she sat down last night after dinner and flew through 50+ pages of a new book. it's simply the "predict what will happen next" or "which character do you relate with and why" bs that she hates to do.

I was a voracious reader, and that would destroy it for me. Completely.

I think she would rather just talk about the book in an interactive, meaningful way, and move on with life.

Maybe broach this with the teacher? I don't know what the requirements are, since I'm not a teacher, but perhaps there's another way to do it.

I can tell you my little brother (3rd grade) has a new teacher (as in first year). He hated doing the homework, because there was just too much. My mom spoke with the teacher in a conference, and it turned out the teacher was unsure if it was too much or not enough. She asked all the parents, and decided to back off on the homework 2nd term and see how the kids do on their tests. So far, it's working better for the class.

 

[talivstouwe]

I have no advice at all but wanted to offer up some hugs. It's tough. Ella is a perfectionist and gets extremely upset and set back by incorrect answers and it will completely throw her for a loop - crying, sobbing mess unable to even put her anxiety into words.

This parenting stuff is tough business!