Humbug

[IntenseMagic]

I always thought I loved Christmas. I have great ornaments from our travels, the tree is pretty and co-ordinates. We do Gammon and Trifle, the gifts are all wrapped and ready. But my kids let me know that I prefer Easter and do it better. So there you have it.

For me Christmas is about Jesus. The rest is a distraction. We do have a tree, and my "children" put that up this weekend. I have some Christmassy tableware that will go on the table when my mother comes to join us for lunch on Christmas Eve. There will be gifts, but everything will be low key and come after the Christmas morning church service.

I totally understand the discraction. I enjoy a low key Christmas.

I'd say I'm Grinch-ish. Between it being hot (I don't cope well in Summer), Christmas day being totally up in the air thanks to family miscommunication & it being the first without my grandmother, I just haven't got into the mood at all.

I'm the same way with it being cold. I do not cope well in Winter. It's difficult to get in the mood when you've lost someone. I understand.

I love it, I get caught up in it, I want to go all out, I love the aesthetic, but life conspires against me. I used to have a beautiful little tree with all the ornaments and now I have no place to put it because my roommate (the owner of the house), turned our communal living room into a studio apartment. The space that was the dining room is a teeny tiny room with couches and TV in it, but no place for a tree or any of my cute decor. So, I turned to my work space to make it cheery. And that's fine, but there's no sitting by the glow of the tree in the evening watching a Christmas movie anymore. Plus, my kids don't make time for me during the holidays. I literally get one hour at lunch today with them, because we have no place to gather anymore (see note about the living room above). So, I am off the shopping, wrapping, giving train now. I went to our Christmas church service (they don't do Christmas Eve so people can enjoy time with family), sang the carols, and that was that. I did enjoy buying for a few charity efforts this year (a giving tree, two food banks, and an organization that supports foster families), and I suppose that is really what it's all about anyway.

It's so different when the kids are grown. I never know for sure when I will see mine. They have so many places to be, and I usually just say "I'll be here whenever you want to stop by, or I'll come to your house if you want", and then we play it by ear.

 

[IntenseMagic]

I like Christmas and I love giving gifts. I also like Christmas music and movies. I don't like shopping, I don't like baking, and I don’t like wrapping. I also don’t like the stress I put on myself to make my kids happy. So I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.

Yes, to the stress! I totally understand!!

The Grinch who loves Christmas. Since my daughter's accident and passing during the holidays 6 years ago, Christmas doesn't feel the same to me anymore. I don't put up a tree, but I love Christmas lights. This year, I "wrapped" my cabinet with lights, and I filled a wooden tray with different coloured ornaments. I also placed sparkling bows in strategic places. So....I still have a little feel of Christmas in my house.

I totally understand why Christmas would not feel the same. I'm so very sorry for your loss, butI'm glad you are able to have a little feel of Christmas.

I love Christmas, but don't love the madness involved. My grandsons (20 and 30 y.o.) came over on Saturday evening to decorate the tree. Their sister (29) moved to Utah in November and she was sad that she wasn't here (I did warn her about moving 2,000+ miles from home) and that her ornaments weren't hung on the tree. I did climb back up into the attic to retrieve her dog's ornaments and hung them on the tree.

Having adult kids and grandkids, I am enjoying the ability to put the gifts under the tree as I wrap them vs. having to wait until Christmas Eve after everyone is in bed.

There are advantages to everyone being adults! I do not enjoy the madness, either. I have tried so hard to have everything done before this week so that I didn't have venture out among people, but as usual, there were things I forgot :/

I'm a Grinch and a half. Christmas is not my holiday per se (raised Jewish but married a boy who celebrates) and my in-laws' nonsense ruined it for me for a while. But making merry for my son and husband does bring me joy. We don't do the religious part, just the traditions that D loved as a kid (decorating a tree, cinnamon rolls Christmas morning, etc.) and a few of our own (Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve, Chinese food on Christmas Day, no one outside our little trio is allowed over).

After my in-laws made a HUGE deal about their "first Christmas as grandparents", made my pregnant butt drive 10 hours to their house to not be included in any photos, made my son's first Christmas into their granddaughter's "last Christmas as an only child", and otherwise couldn't be bothered to make an effort, I think I earned a bit of Grinchiness. (My husband made it up to us by taking us to the Georgia Aquarium though. Watching the otters open their presents and experiencing the awe of a whale shark swimming overhead was so amazing, even if kiddo doesn't remember it.)

What's funny is that I spent my childhood being told that we're like Santa's elves and help make other kids' Christmases happen. Doing the Angel Tree was one of my favorite presents because I got to pick a kid and make their dreams come true! Pre-COVID, it was one of my favorite traditions with my son: pick a kid his age and shop for both of them together. (These days, we do drop-off donation bins and Toys for Tots at my husband's office. Still fun and I get to pick whatever I want.)

And since 2025 has been a disaster and a half, I have spent the past almost two weeks pronouncing anything and everything a "Hanukkah miracle." Cousins weren't late for the party? Hanukkah miracle. Bottomless steak fries at Red Robin? Hanukkah miracle.

Man, I'm sorry that your in-laws were so crappy, but the aquarium sounds cool!
I am so done with 2025, it's been a crap show. I love the Hanukkah miracles!

 

[IntenseMagic]

@Brendazzle - sorry you've had some bad Christmas experiences.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I start out all excited to see the Christmas decorations go up. I especially love my willow tree nativity. Then, I get overwhelmed with trying to find the perfect gifts and making the yummiest treats, wrapping the prettiest presents, hosting/attending all the Christmas parties. By the time Christmas rolls around I'm all worn out. I have to remind myself that Christmas isn't about all that other stuff. It's about Jesus and if I would just remember Him from the beginning, I'd be a whole lot happier.

This year has been different because it's our first year just the two of us. The married kids and grandkids will be with their in-laws and Megan is on her mission, so Rob and I are doing it solo. I was sad at first that everyone will be gone, but we'll facetime them on Christmas. Plus Rob's making us steak and king crab legs for Christmas, so I'm looking forward to that!

This was the first year in a long time that we've sent out Christmas cards. We've been attending lots of parties and making and delivering treats. We love to drivve around to see all the Christmas lights, so we'll probably do more of that over the next few nights. We also participated in some of the Light the World activities our church does during December and it's always a blessing and also fun to serve others. We had a wonderful Christmas worship service at Church yesterday and we'll do more worshipping at home on Christmas day.

I've wrapped all the presents and sent money to the kids/grandkids to buy and wrap gifts from us. I just need to finalize the Christmas eve and Christmas day menus and go grocery shopping and then I think we're there!

It sure is different when the kids are grown...quieter for sure!!

When I was very, very young, my parents were trying out being Jehovah's Witnesses, so I didn't start having a Christmas celebration until I was 10 or 11. I'm a practical sort of personality anyway, and for the holidays, especially so. It's nice being able to pick and choose what parts of the holidays to participate in. The thing I feel deepest in my soul is the celebration of the solstice, when we've reached the point the days are the shortest and they won't get any shorter. I'm slightly depressed by dark days; I need sunshine to be cheerful. That's why the lights of the holidays are my favorite part. The family time is great too, but I don't like the pressure of the expectation of gifts or the pressure of having to react to gifts. That's why I enjoy Thanksgiving more, because we don't do gifts and we talk about things we're grateful for. Also, as someone who spent the first 29 years of my life in southern California, even though after 25 years in Virginia I'm acclimated and know how to bundle up, I don't think I'll ever love winter. I would say I'm very much in the middle of the Scrooge <<<<<<>>>>>>>Christmas-loving spectrum.

I am with you on the solstice! It is my very favorite thing about this time of year. It makes me happy knowing that the light is coming. The dark days depress me as well. I know that I will never love winter and I've been in it all my life. I dream of living somewhere without it!

I've always hated grocery shopping at Xmas time but now that I am retired and living in a small town, the lineups are much less and it is actually a pleasant experience. I've been to Costco twice and each time there were only a few people ahead of me in line. I will be driving into Calgary to the Superstore tomorrow morning so we'll see if my food shopping continues to be enjoyable.

I tried my best to avoid the grocery store and ended up there twice today lol.

Loved Christmas growing up. But it all changed in 1971 when my grandmother passed away the day after Thanksgiving. She was the glue that held the family together. Our Christmas always included her sister, the sister's son & wife and their daughter along with my grandpa's sister & husband, son and daughter/husband and 2 kids. Of course, the 3 children/spouses and kids of her family.

We still had family Christmas gatherings for quite a few years with the host alternating between Mom, Grandpa's sister (passed away in 1974) and the family of Grandma's sister. During this time the oldest grandchildren were off on their on and if married not always available to join us for Christmas. Then Grandpa remarried and spent the holidays in Florida. Eventually the grandkids were all grown up and spread out throughout the country so we very rarely had little kids around to watch them delight in the joys of Christmas. The last Christmas with the core group was in 1987. For a few years in the 90's my parents went to Florida so I would fly down to be with them. Last Christmas in Florida was 1996... Mom passed away Dec 26 that year. We had also lost my grandpa and his sister. With the kids being scattered, our group was down to about 10 people (was 32 in 1987). Then my dad moved to NC and quit coming home for Christmas. I did fly to NC in 2000 to spend Christmas with him.

We've lost even more members of our core group and the last time we did get together at someone's house, we had 8 people. Of this group, I am the youngest and I am 70 years old so it has been harder for us to get together.

However, one of my cousins has kindly invited me and our 2nd cousin, Vicky to their house for Thanksgiving and Christmas for several years. His parents are both deceased and his brother lives in Texas. The 2 adopted sisters have cut ties with the 2 boys so Tiger only has his immediate family here in town. Vicky and I do enjoy it as there are 5 grandkids (4 between age 1 and 5 and 1 is 8) but after a couple of hours we are ready for the quiet of our own homes! We're not used to little kids. She is like me, never married, no children, no grandkids.

So for many years, I was the grinch. Actually, still am. I hate the month of December. The one thing I do enjoy is Christmas Eve service which is (as they say) the reason for the season.

We used to have those big family Christmases when my grandparents were living, and yep, it all changed when my grandmother passed in 1981. We never really had big family gatherings after that. Really the only times I see my cousins now are at funerals.

 

[IntenseMagic]

I'm trying to be Christmassy, living with a group of grinches. Christmas will only be celebrated if I make it happen, and this year, I'm so stressed out that I don't feel like carrying everyone else's mental load. It would be nice if family would help when asked, or (massive dream) actually ask me if there's anything they can do to help. I'm just tired.

My husband's family used to have big gatherings when his grandparents were still alive - until 2021 (except none in 2021 or 2020 due to covid). My family had big gatherings until 1985, then broke into smaller groups once my grandparents died. Now, it's just the 4 of us and all the super-celebratory matriarchs are gone.

I so totally get the massive dream of someone asking if they can help!!

Oh my goodness, you have earned yourself a bit of Grinchiness! Bah humbug to pressuring you to drive 10 hours while expecting, and then not including you in the photos (what!?)!

My mother loved Christmas, made it magical for us when we were children. She was married in the Christmas season (Boxing Day), gave birth to me the following Christmas season (9 days before Christmas), and also died in the Christmas season (3 days before Christmas). So I guess one of the reasons why I do it up big every December is to honour the memory of my mother.

And I DO love Christmas, but wow, it's a lot of work! Turns out the magic of Christmas involves a fair bit of behind-the-scenes drudgery (she says as she contemplates hosting a Christmas dinner for 12 in just a few days!...)

My mother loved Christmas as well. She passed a little over a month ago and this Christmas is hard, but I'm trying to keep the magic alive in her memory. Good luck with your Christmas dinner!!!

I'm grinch-ish. I love celebrating, I just wish it wasn't so much work! I echo those of you who are feeling the mental load - so much of the planning & execution falls on women. It can be super overwhelming and exhausting! I love to have a decorated house, I love baking, but I DO NOT like shopping or gifts - I mean I like to give (and receive), it's just not something I've very good at and causes me too much stress.
I love to celebrate through worship. Our church always has a nice service the Sunday before Christmas. We also always attend a Christmas Eve service at a different denomination - we mix it up every year! This year we are going to attend a nativity service at an Episcopal church.

Most definitely overwhelming and exhausting! I love that you attend services at different denominations every year. That would be so interesting!!

Seems like a lot of us have experienced loss at this time of year. My sister passed on Christmas Eve the year my youngest was born, and my father died 2 years ago on the 14th; throw in my ex-father-in-law's suicide on the 22nd, and none of us in our family feel much like celebrating. Seeing each other, yes, but in measured amounts. We all have such different lives now. After seeing my daughter and oldest son yesterday, I can see they are all struggling with things (son-in-law is looking for work after his law firm merged with an international firm; oldest just seems in a funk that life didn't work out as he'd hoped). I'm glad that earlier in the month I had "let everyone off the hook" as far as gifts and all the hoopla. It's a shift, maybe a new way of looking at things. Traditions can be a burdensome load to carry. It's one thing when there are little kids around, but we're all grown ups now. It's ok to re-focus.

Yes, it is ok to re-focus. This Christmas is just hard. After just losing my mom and navigating the fact that my ex-husband could only be here a few more weeks and my older kids facing losing their dad so quick after losing their grandmother. It's just so much. I have gifts for them and I will have food, but no pressure to be here at any certain day or time. I know that they are going to want to spend as much time with their dad this year as possible and I'm good with that.