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Holiday grief

mary kate

mary kate

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Aug 31, 2016
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When my mother died, on 22 December 2012, my father wheeled himself into the room to proclaim the Catholic prayer for the dead: ‘Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her.’ He was in a wheelchair, and already in serious decline, when he made his prayer. And his heart just broke with the loss of his “little Irish girl from Perth” (which is what he always called our mother). He died not 3 months later, on 14 March 2013.

Christmas is my favourite holiday, but Christmas has just not been the same for me, ever since.

For a couple of years after my mother’s death, I just didn’t do Christmas, just could not do it. This year, I am trying to honour the memory of my mother by keeping Christmas, by keeping up all of the family traditions. Sometimes this makes me smile; sometimes this makes me break down and dissolve into tears.

It’s a really difficult time of year for those of us who are grieving. Holiday grief is real.
 
I am so sorry for your losses. I know the pain of losing both parents, but not so close together. My Dad died 1.11.2011 of heart failure, and my Mom on Christmas night of 2015 in a car accident.

The grief is omnipresent. I smile and laugh and enjoy, but deep in my heart I hide that hole and let everyone have their joy. One day so will find it again.
 
I am right there with you. My mother passed away Dec 26, 1996 so 25 years ago. Dad has been gone 5 years but I only saw him the first 3 years she was gone since he moved to NC during the 4th year. I did go to NC once for Christmas but pretty much from 2001 on, I never saw him for the holiday. My holiday has always been with extended family (all older than me) and sadly because of both health issues and the pandemic those new traditions have not happened for several years.

But in all reality, my dislike of the season started 50 years ago when my grandmother that I was very close to died the day after Thanksgiving. Our family Christmas was never the same after she died even though we still celebrated. Then in 1993 and again in 1995 I lost 2 more grandparents during the holiday season. My other grandmother 3 days before Thanksgiving and my last grandfather the first week of December.

I cannot get excited about the season no matter what. What decorating I do is minimal because it just doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Most people that suffer from SAD do so in January... not me, December is my month. Come January 1st, I am fine. If I could hibernate like a bear my month to do it would be December.
 
Sending warm hugs and love to all of you. Remember to be kind to yourselves, do what is best for you and try not to feel the pressure to celebrate if you are not there. Many hugs to you.
 
Hugs to all who grieve at Xmas. Xmas without my mom for difficult but these last few years it has gotten so much better. Now I can smile and laugh at all the memories of her at Xmas. It was her favorite time of the year. I hope this year brings more smiles than tear for everyone who has a hard time during the holidays.
 
Yes, there are good and sad things.
My daughter, Sarah died on Christmas Eve, 27 years ago.
I allow myself to feel the feels and then enjoy those that are here and that I am able to celebrate with.
My faith helps - knowing that I will see her again.
Sending everyone that needs one a super special squishy hug.
 
Yes, Christmas is indeed hard (as are other holidays) when we've lost loved ones. I think Christmas is the most difficult though because we're supposed to be happy. I can't listen to most Christmas songs - they make me too sad. I'm sending hugs to all who need them, too. I have my "sad moments" but try to keep them hidden away from my other two children and especially my grandchildren. They don't deserve my grief. Jay @jaye I appreciate what you said about taking care of ourselves - I try to focus on that, as well as on my loved ones. I'm sure, if they could tell us, our departed loved ones would want us to do that. :heartslub:heartslub:heartslub
 
I'm so sorry and you are not alone in holiday grief, I admire how you are approaching this year and hope sharing this helps others in moving forward too
 
Lots of hugs and prayers for all those grieving during the holidays. It's hard to miss someone, but even harder to miss them at the holiday times. I hope it gives you some comfort to know that you are not alone in your missing someone.
:glomp
 
It is real, and all the emotions you feel shouldn't be ignored at all. Thinking of you all during these difficult times! I hope some of the happier memories give you comfort.
 
Yes, it is so very real. My maternal grandmother passed away in 2018, and that, combined with COVID restrictions, has made significant changes to our extended family celebrations at the end of the year (Thanksgiving & Christmas).

My sister-in-law passed away just a little over a year ago. Last Christmas I was battling cancer and grieving her loss, but pushed through to decorate because I felt that she would want us to be happy and do all the fun things. This year, I don't know if we are just tired or the shock of the loss has turned to grief, but we don't have decorations outside and the ones inside the house are minimal. Even though I know she wouldn't want us to be sad, it's just hard because the holidays are so different without her.

Sending love and ((HUGS)) as I know all of us have lost someone and the hurt is so crushing. I'll be praying for all my TLP peeps!
 
Holiday grief is so much more common than I ever used to know about, but it is definitely real and definitely amplified by all the "extra" stuff that the holiday season brings. I think because so many of our holiday memories are associated with the time we spent with our loved ones and therefore it is that extra painful reminder of those that we love when they are gone. Sending prayers for all of you who are grieving and struggling through this time of year. Be kind to yourselves and don't feel the pressure to feel any certain way just because off how others handle the holidays. Your way is just fine.
 
My mom lost her joy for Christmas after her mother died in 1971. As I said we still celebrated but it wasn't the same. Grandma was the glue that held us all together. Then as the grandkids got older and started their own families it was hard to get everyone together. The last time we had everyone was 1988. Well, Grandpa was in FL but the siblings and their children were all together. The last time Grandpa was actually around for Christmas and not in FL was 1992. Last time he and his 3 kids spent the holiday together. My parents started going to FL before Christmas the next year and I would take my vacation to spend it with them. My mother passed away in FL and thankfully I was there with her the last week of her life.
 
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