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Grandma here needing advice...

sharonb

sharonb

Cher Memere
Joined
Jun 18, 2016
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so you all must know I have a almost 3 grandson. My DD will not let her play on her phone or tablet (he also doesn't have one himself)I understand she doesn't want him to be a phone nerd, which sadly both she and her husband do that when they are together and he learns by hmself. They never leave the couch and phone. When I am there, I help him color, build and learn with my help. So her MIL set up a game account on her phone and when we are all together, he freely plays games and takes over her phone. i came over today and and I let him play a game on my phone, which is rare and she told me as I was leaving that she really didn't like that I should limit it. I do and I said fine, but I think it is a bit of an admonishment of someone who rarely does it. He has never played game at my house on the phone I keep an array of toys for him to play with. Your thoughts
 
I’m sorry she got after you about it. My guess is she’s just telling you how she feels because she’s comfortable with you. It sounds like you do a good job of limiting it so I would just ignore what she said (easier said than done I know).
 
I'm sorry she came for you on something that you don't actively do. I agree that most likely she just feels comfortable to address you about it and not the MIL. I think ignore it for now, and see if she says anything again.
 
I think once in a while is okay, screen time should be limited for little ones and adults now too! We are addicted to our phones. My advice comes from background in early childhood education. Young brains can't process this amount of information and I personally believe that too much screen time leads to children who don't know how to deal with boredom. I hate seeing TV's or screens in cars now, kids in grocery stores hooked up to tablets, etc, instead of paying attention to your kid and teaching about grocery shopping, etc. Once in a while is fine though!
 
@sharonb I agree that because it is her MIL she isn't saying anything as she does not have the same closeness with and doesn't want to cause waves re her DH and his mother. I am sure she feels very comfortable with you being her Mom and letting you know her feelings. Don't take it personally. Be glad that she is open to talking to you about it. If she complains down the road, you can honestly say "don't blame me for him being caught up in his phone"!
 
The child development professionals that I work was as a volunteer health champion all say that use of screens should not be given to under 5s and very limited for under 10s - something to do with brain development. So if your DD has spoken to anyone like that then she will be upset about him using them. I'm guessing she's intimidated by her MIL - it's up to your SIL to talk to her about it.
 
Personally, I agree with your daughter and I would not want my 3 yo playing on a phone. There are lots more age-appropriate toys and games. I guess I'm just old-school like that. My 12 yo doesn't even have a phone. He does have a kindle and before that he had a leap pad, but nothing when he was just 3.
 
As someone with a MIL that I don't get along with in the same way as my mom, here's my perspective and a story.

When munchkin was a toddler, for three months the grandparents watched him Fridays while I was at work and Nick was at school. MIL had him in the am for about 3 hours, and my mom had him in the afternoon for about 3 hours. Despite how many times I asked MIL not to turn the tv on for him, just let him play with his toys, she always turned on the tv. He would watch tv the whole 3 hours. My mom still had kids at home, so she was the one who would do things with the grandkids - make cookies, cakes, play playdough, water fights, etc. I know there was one time when I told my mom I hated when munchkin watched tv at her house. I ended up communicating with her more about it later, telling her my frustrations with MIL and the tv, but at the moment, I didn't want to speak bad in front of the kids.

It wasn't that I was annoyed that my mom was letting him sit and watch tv, it was that I knew he had already watched tv for 3 hours and I appreciated that I knew he would be more active for the 3 hours at her house. Especially since if he watched tv for the whole 6 hours, then he would be a nightmare to get to bed, just too much energy from sitting.
So, I know I didn't express the why and the frustration I had in the beginning with my mom. I bet she felt similar to you, because she didn't know how many times I'd asked MIL not to turn the tv on. Relationships can be tricky, but I know I always felt freer to say things to my mom than to my MIL.
 
I'm in the camp of little kids shouldn't use screens, heck I was annoyed when Fisher-Price added batteries to their dollhouses, garages, etc.

Given that your DD has expressed her wish that you not let him play on your phone, I'd not allow it in the future. She likely doesn't want to cause a ruckus with her MIL. Be the fun grammy that actually plays with him. He's probably old enough to play Candy Land and toddler memory card games, or maybe the big size Legos.
 
Sounds like she's comfortable addressing it with you and it sounds like you are already limiting what he does on the phone...so maybe it was just her way of reminding you.
 
Yeah, great advice already. Sounds like you're already doing a great job of entertaining him without a screen, so just keep up the great work Grandma! :agree
 
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