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Funerals and All the Feels | Pad Patter 10.27.15

scrapsandsass

scrapsandsass

Oh Ricky you're so fine ...
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So I've never really been a funeral type, but I've heard of other people who really enjoy funerals/memorials. Enjoy might not be the right word... but my grandma has some acquaintances who like to go to services. They like to go and show their support, don't get overly emotional, share strength and sorrow with loved ones, socialize, etc.

My husband's aunt died, and her memorial was this last Saturday. We had to go to Oregon to attend. I thought I'd be okay, but the minute I walked into the church, I started getting emotional, and I cried the.entire.service. It was embarrassing. I cried more than her kids and grandkids. Her daughter looked at me like I was a crazy person when I was surreptitiously trying to steal Kleenex from the box on the pew in front of me (next to her). My husband just kind of looked at me like he couldn't believe I was capable of crying for an hour and a half.

Do you fall on one side of the spectrum or the other? Does it depend? Do you avoid funerals or just see them as a must-attend? Do you get emotional or can you contain yourself if you need to?
 
Oh my - I am not a good funeral attender at ALL! I don't want to smell the flowers (seriously gag me). I don't want to walk up the casket (not even my own Mother's). Just no - I cry at processions going down the road - just no. I am out on anything doing with them. sigh #ihavethesad
 
I get pretty emotional at funerals, weddings, church, Hallmark commercials... you name it, I get emotional.
 
I've only been to two. One was a couple years ago, and someone in my DH's family that I didn't know all that well. I liked her and I was sad, but it was a bigger deal for everyone else there. The other was when I was a lot younger and I don't remember very much. Neither were open casket. I think that would be too much for me.
 
I hate funerals, I only go if I absolutely have too. I get really choked up :( It's just so sad...

I don't believe open caskets or even viewing the deceased would give me any comfort. It's something that seems very strange to me, so I'm lucky open caskets aren't really an English thing!

I didn't read this thread at first because I thought it was about scrapping a funeral! Not something I would want to do...
 
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It truly depends how close you were to the person who has passed... personally for me, it tends to remind me of the most painful wake/funerals of my life so that is very emotional for me. While in general wakes are not something you want to go to, if the person is no longer suffering from a terminal illness, it can really be a comfort. People / family/ friends of the person get together and remember and reminisce the fond and wonderful memories of that person. It is a celebration of that person's life, and most people need to go to a wake/funeral/memorial service for closure.


I think the best was when my Dad passed in Nov. 2012. While it still hurts as I miss him terribly, he wanted to be cremated and did not want the whole big thing going on. He had lived in Florida and was being buried in NY with my Mom, so he was cremated and I received his cremains that I brought with me when the weather got better in NY in the spring when my brother & I held an intimate Military Memorial for him at the cemetery with a few family members and friends. There was 18 of us... we spent quality time remembering special times with Dad after the beautiful service and luncheon we hosted. That is what Dad would have wanted and it was perfect. Yes I cried when they handed me the American Flag, but I also know Dad was proud of my brother and I and his Grandson watching from Heaven. :)
 
Funerals are about love, respect and support - not about the quests. Not my favourite thing at all to attend either. In fact I pretty much hate the whole process, but I realized when my brother-in-law died of brain cancer before he reached 50, that the number of folks who showed up was extremely comforting to us (the family) in seeing the tangible evidence of how many people liked and respected him in life. Many people had fun stories to relate of things they knew about or did with Peter, and when we all got together after the funeral to have a meal together - it was a good time.
 
I have never been excited or anywhere near happy to be going to a wake or funeral, but many that I've gone to have provided comfort to myself and those closest to the deceased. It's a way to share memories together and maybe even just cry together to help process your feelings of loss. Normally I'm not an emotional person and rarely cry, but funerals always get me, even if it's just seeing my friends or family members crying.
 
When my dad died early in the year, I was dreading the funeral (i have panic attacks in these situations as well as feeling so very sad) But seeing the number of people who turned up was so lovely. He was heavily involved in the local community so the church was overflowing, they had loud speakers outside as well. It gave us all such a sense of pride and comfort, just lovely.

I have been to too many funerals, don't enjoy them. Unfortunately I've been to a few baby funerals as well, they are the worst..
 
i am the same. i usually cannot let myself think about why i am there too much bc the tears will flow. i purposely disconnect while there and then go home and do my mourning in peace & private. and i do not like to go up the caskets at all. only if it is someone very very special to me.
 
My father was a member of the Knights of Columbus. Throughout his 76 years, every time a member passed, he and other Knights would put on their capes and chapeaus and stand guard at the visitation. It was their sign of respect, a send off for their "brother". When my dad passed away, his visitation and funeral was amazing. The Knights came out in full force, the funeral home was packed. A wonderful tribute to my dad. The chaplain for the Knights gave a short eulogy. I learned about the other side of my father thru that eulogy.
 
I am not a funeral person. I am a cryer, I am pained by the loss, to the family, the world and me. I never have any words of comfort, just perplexed and raw in my heart.
I don't go to them as a rule, and my family just don't do them.
on a funny side, my dad's wishes after death is to be blown up, so his obituary will say, you can see Jim here, and here, and here, and well about anywhere he may have landed, ground zero is _____insert place his body was exploded!
 
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