What's new

Ever just say, gotta stop? | Pad Patter 26 July

Yes, I just quit one of my CT's last week. I just couldn't keep up. We just retired, so we have no real schedule anymore, and I have tons of pictures to scrap, but there's a thing called too many deadlines. I was really getting burned out and I know my layouts weren't the best, so I quit. I already feel better. Sad, about quitting, but better.

Last year, almost to the day, we told our oldest daughter that she needed to move out of the house and start supporting herself. She was 33 at the time, never had a full-time job, never paid room and /or board. She came back home 3 years prior after a failed 4-month marriage. We thought we'd give her 6 months and that turned into 3 years. I had enough. We wanted our privacy and our freedom back. So she left and completely decided that she no longer wants anything to do with us or any of our family, including her only sister. It's been the toughest year of my life and now I keep wondering if that was the right decision. Everyone knew we wanted her out of the house, not out of our lives. All of our efforts to contact her have been blocked. We do have some spy friends who occasionally give us an update, but it's still not the same. In the meantime, she continues to spread lies about us and how terrible her childhood was. She says she was abused her whole life, and anyone who knows us knows that is as far from the truth as can be. We gave her (and her sister) everything a kid could want, and then more. Vacations, summer camps, dancing lessons, swimming lessons, musical instruments, cars. I could go on and on, but you get the point. It just hurts.
 
@djp332 My heart aches for you. I want to give you a standing ovation for doing the right thing. I understand the hurt, way more than I wish I did. Doing right, and being attacked is such a violation.
I believe you need to grab that hubby hand and dance.
 
@djp332
Sorry to hear this! You had every right to tell her she needed to be an adult on her own!
Lies.... that I get and ouch it hurts when a one of your children have no problem lying right to your face. That has happened to us too.
 
@Sokee I too quit my (half) siblings just weeks after my dad passed away.

I quit my parents years until 2015 when I knew my time with my dad was limited. I needed for forgive them for myself, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do...being told by your parents that there hasn't been a single thing you've done in your life that made them proud was a slap in the face (and I'd be lying if I said it still doesn't tick me off) but I had to forgive them so I could move on and show my dad love the last 30 days I had with him.
 
@AnneofAlamo and @Sokee, thanks so much for the kind words. Except for that, our lives are perfect right now. Retirement is pretty great! When all this was happening, I wasn't even sure if our marriage would survive, but it did. It's hard to let go, but maybe someday she'll understand why we did it.
 
Serena said:
FACEBOOK!

It's a cesspool of misery for me! My "family" is on there and even though I've tried so hard to patch things up, it finally just came to my attention I will never be a part of them the way I'd like. I will always be just some extra person that happens to have similar DNA.

It was always a vicious cycle of getting to talk to those I love and then seeing stuff that just made me sick to my stomach or depressed and I'd always take time off and everyone's like "there she goes again." I can't seem to 'burn' the bridges so I just leave it.

Finally a few years back I said "DONE." I STOPPED going to facebook. I still have it, and on occasion if a friend sends me a link or something, I'll go back, post and talk for a little then I click off IMMEDIATELY. I DO NOT read my feed at all. I do not use it for anything. I limit myself to work and LilyPad and it was one of the BEST things I've EVER done for myself emotionally. Things started getting better, I was happier and I am happily at home here. ^.^

IF for some reason I ever ended up on a CT team permanently, I MIGHT go through and clean up my page just so I can start posting, but the one team that sign me on, forgot about me so my social accounts stay quiet for a bit. heh.

I cannot stop creating in some way. I need to be photographing, or scrapping, or choreographing a dance. If I don't, my heart and soul just kind of wither. So that I'll never stop in some form. :)

I'm glad you're back, we missed you, Miss Anne! ::SUPER HUG!::
Click to expand...

Are you in my head? LOL I couldn't have said this any better, Serena. I'm so much happier since I quit FB. It was a lot of family "stuff" with me, too. I went through major withdrawal and now I hardly think of it.

Anne, so glad you're back!! @AnneofAlamo I've missed you SO much! I also had to quit x-stitching - eyes and hands not working the same anymore. I walked away from paper scrapping and card making for awhile, before going full speed ahead with digital. Digi scrapping is such a creative outlet for me.
 
This happens to us a LOT as a homeschooling family. I couldn't handle 8am team sports on Saturdays anymore. Ugh. We took 6 months off, went back, now I quit again lol. It's just awful! We're looking for an indoor alternative.. not at 8am.

My super long scrapping break from 2015 to this year was due to losing my only daughter (a late term miscarriage). I tried to come back in 2017 or 2016, I can't remember, and I still just couldn't handle it. I'm back now and scrapping makes me happy again, not sad like it did in those intervening years.
 
These are hard! I can relate to a lot of you!

Mine is simply to stop saying "yes" to everything because I "have the time" and I'm guilted into it. I'm (slowly) learning to say no.

Because I am a SAHM, everyone assumes I have time to be on committees, help with events at church and community, watch their kids, cover at their daycare, etc.

The thing is that I am a SAHM mom by choice, because that is what my husband and I felt was best for our growing family. My husband's job has always been demanding and somewhat travel intense. Unpredictable days at best. He thrives on that and is good at that, but I need to be at home to stabilize things. He has since joined the volunteer fire department (hello middle of the night calls, or the pager going off as we sit down to supper), and most recently, been elected mayor. I have picked up subbing in the school system with the boys, but those days are unpredictable too. So we operate on chaos most of the time, and we don't mind (most days). But I don't really want to add more to my plate- especially when it eats into my family time.

Don't get me wrong, I love to help out and do many of the things I listed, but I get annoyed when it is just assumed that I can do it because I don't work.

I am also an introvert, so I NEED my alone time. I don't like to be busy just for the sake of being busy. My friends who thrive on busy don't understand that! No one understands the digi-scrap part of my life either! (sound familiar?)

I'm trying not to feel so guilty for saying "NO". And stop with the long winded excuses of why. No IS a complete answer!
 
I've read a few posts here & will be back later to read some more but I'll just add something with a bit more levity & my 'left it forever' -ballet, I was about 4 or 5 yrs old, never looked back but I do remember my mum was mad after she just bought the whole outfit & shoes

Welcome back again Anne!
 
bellbird said:
I've read a few posts here & will be back later to read some more but I'll just add something with a bit more levity & my 'left it forever' -ballet, I was about 4 or 5 yrs old, never looked back but I do remember my mum was mad after she just bought the whole outfit & shoes

Welcome back again Anne!
Click to expand...
we demand photos of ballet!
 
Mine is work related. I gave up being Dept. Chair of the Special Education Dept. at my school last year. I had been doing it for 14 years and never received any kind of compensation or even time during the day to do it. I became very good a delegating lol. I took it on all those years ago thinking it would look good on my resume, but seeing as I can retire after next school year, I don't really need to worry about that much anymore haha. I decided that I wanted to spend my last couple of years just teaching and doing what I love without all the extra BS. It's been lovely not to have to worry about all those other things :)
 
jenn mccabe said:
I used to never put a book down - I'd push through even if I thought I didn't like it. Gave pretty much every book a fair chance. (Except Life of Pi. I could not get through that book for my life! or for Pi!)
Click to expand...
I added a shelf to my Goodreads account -- "Not going to finish" I just had to give myself the permission to move it somewhere out of "currently reading" I only have one book in there right now -- Unbroken. I was reading it for a book study but finally realized that I didn't like it enough to spend anymore time on it.
 
I also have given up a lot of different hobbies (crocheting & cross stitching) and I also have decided to give up some family that was causing undue stress.

My big issue right now is the "cesspool" of Facebook. I keep up with several friends online but the cesspool of Facebook is getting to me and maybe I just need to unplug.
 
So many posts I can relate to - I feel lucky I haven't had to quit on any family members, although we have very little contact with one SIL. @djp332, we are about to start hinting heavily that our son and his fiance should move out - he is finishing his studies (yay) this week so time to start being a proper grown up, but I think that will be ok, he feels guilty about being at home still but just couldn't afford to move out yet.

@AnneofAlamo, I lasted one night at Brownies - I kept giggling at the wrong time and seriously - brown uniforms? Luckily it was just a trial night so no outlay and Mum was not so secretly relieved as we lived out of town and it just would have been a pain.

Isn't it funny how so many of us are ex cross stitches - I was even looking at a pattern yesterday thinking, hmmmm, I really like that but pulled back when common sense kicked in, I still have a drawer full of unfinished works.

The thing I really want to quit is housework but that isn't going to happen ever - sigh...
 
meggersjm said:
I am also an introvert, so I NEED my alone time. I don't like to be busy just for the sake of being busy. My friends who thrive on busy don't understand that! No one understands the digi-scrap part of my life either! (sound familiar?)
Click to expand...
ALL of that sounds familiar!
 
I am also an ex-cross stitcher. I don't even remember when I quit! I used to have all my threads organized, etc. I think I quit when I found out about scrapbooking. Then I quit paper scrapping when I found digital scrapping. I go through slumps when I'm not scrapping, usually when I'm depressed about life. I've been in one but I am slowly coming out of it. I got depressed when my husband lost his job last October. He is working again, less money, no insurance. We have insurance through Cobra and will probably get it on the ACA exchange when Cobra runs out. For some reason though, I feel like we are second rate citizens now. One good thing though, we have really learned to be more frugal and that will definitely help when we completely retire in a few years!
 
AnneofAlamo said:
we demand photos of ballet!
Click to expand...
ha! after all the moves and splits in my fam, we're lucky to have a box smaller than a shoebox worth of photos of us 3 kids from baby thru teen years - i think that's half the reason i'm snaphappy - so no pics of my ballet days sadly!
 
kimingvtx said:
I added a shelf to my Goodreads account -- "Not going to finish" I just had to give myself the permission to move it somewhere out of "currently reading" I only have one book in there right now -- Unbroken. I was reading it for a book study but finally realized that I didn't like it enough to spend anymore time on it.
Click to expand...
I need to do this! What a great idea! :)
 
Sokee said:
I hate to admit this but I quit my sister. I was the one who was the one who reached out first. I m not sure maybe about 3-4 years ago I found out in a round about way of a group of our old book club (which quit getting together) were getting together for a dinner. Last minute someone else messaged me inviting me. Realized my sister knew about it for weeks already. She never called and invited me. I ended up calling her and spilled my heart out to her how it hurt that we only got together or talked because of me.

At that time I made the decision to wait and see if she would call me. First year I was very hurt when I never heard from her..... now I’ve adjusted to her not being in my daily life. It doesn’t hurt anymore, it is just sad.
Click to expand...

:grouphug :( I wanna :sense your sister. She'd be SO lucky to have you in her life.
 
Thanks @Karen I think what has helped me come to terms with it is the wonderful group of ladies that are in my women’s bible study group. We meet twice a week. They have become my ‘sisters’ it is a group that what is said or discussed stays in the group and they all don’t judge at all!
 
Back
Top