Communication as a Second Language? | Pad Patter 10.24.15

[scrapsandsass]

So, do you ever feel like you are speaking a foreign language, or that in some situations, communication is like a second language that you aren't as fluent in? Do you ever try to text and/or communicate with a romantic partner or other loved one and feel like your messages don't translate? Or maybe it is them not communicating clearly? Or both of you? Do you communicate better via electronics (email/text), phone, or in person? Does it matter?

My hubby commutes to work in Seattle via train every day. The other day, he had a hair appointment after work, so he texted to remind me that he was heading there after he got off of the train. I texted back and told him I was out on the street (outside the hair salon) to give him a ride home. So he said he was just across the street from the salon and would be there in a minute. I didn't see him, so I just stayed in the car, reading a book. I kind of lost track of time, but was starting to wonder where he was. I texted and asked if he was ever coming out of the salon. He wrote back and said he was at home. So he had left the salon, walked home, and never realized (apparently) that I was sitting in the car outside of the salon and thought my message was about picking him up from the train... even though I knew he had the hair appt. Then he got irritated with me for being frustrated.

There have been a lot of mis-communications with us lately, and I just wonder if everyone goes through this, or if we're just totally off-kilter for the time being.

What about you??

 

[carilyne]

Oh Kimberlee I just read your message about my learning to cope with icky feelings and then this post. Communication was at the core of my icky feelings. Some people in my life who just don't get it. Miscommunication with my husband is the norm sometimes. Seems at time he only listens to half the message or reads half a text. It's a common thing I think.
Hugs from a fellow sufferer. Hang in there!

 

[lorryfach]

I almost always actually am speaking a foreign language (either foreign to me or foreign to the listener), plus I'm autistic so I'm used to misunderstanding other people and also being misunderstood. I communicate best with text because I can take time to think about it and fix it before it gets sent. I haaaaaaaaaaaaate phones.

 

[klee73010]

Husband and I are notorious for misinterpretation of "tone" in texts/emails we send to each other throughout the day. If ever I start to get irritated with him over something that started in a text message, my first thing is to ask outright if he meant it a certain way, just to be sure I'm starting to get irritated for a good reason. Lol. A lot of the times, his frustration with me, has to do more with me being that last straw.... like, he's already had some things irritating him, then I say something that he misinterpreted the tone, so then he is more likely to be more frustrated with me.... I'm the outlet for some of that other frustration. These are things we have recognized for ourselves.... and now that we know, we can sort of see the signs and move on, rather than it being a big deal most of the time.

 

[MrsPeel]

I actually blame electronics for that......
I have this neurological condition that scrambles what I read and sometimes what I write too, my comprehension oif text takes longer than would to others as I need to read more than once in some cases, is not just in English (which is 3rd language to me as I grew up with Spanish & Portuguese as mother tongues) but doctors tell me great part of my mixing up things when writing has to do with the computer/devices and how we speed up and process, that the mind goes faster than the hands on typing...so you may think you are explaining yourself in the message in your head, but actually didn't (which is what happened to you , Kim, for what I read above: you thought you communicated that you would wait for him to get back together but you actually didn't)

so yes, it happens ALL the time to me...... plus the added neuro, plus the fact that I am a mother of a teenager.... (in that case....the question applies also for the spoken word...selective hearing is a constant, then as Sarita knows I have problems, medical problems with memory, she tries to convince me I didn't say "you have to clean the kitchen TODAY" or entirely denies orders or questions....
to that I blame myself a bit too, for not having been more strict when she was little/younger though....
I kinda laugh it out... but lots of things that come from that kind of miss communication stresses me big time at the moment....with so many things.....

 

[RebeccaH]

Cynthia, I totally agree! I find that my mind gets ahead of me, and thoughts that I THOUGHT I communicated clearly in writing were not complete with all the detail I had automatically filled in in my head... does that make sense? (See... I think I might have just done it here! ) I also find that written / text / typed words often are not read with the intended TONE, like Kristina said.

 

[jk703]

I always worry in text/email/forums, that I'm coming across the wrong way.I guess that would be the tone as you all mentioned. Oddly, this is my preferred form of communication. I hate talking on the phone... like actual talking.

If it is something I will worry unneedlessly, then I might opt to not get too detailed in my response/communication. I am notorious for asking until I understand completely.