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Accepting what can't be changed...

dotcomkari

dotcomkari

The Deaf Superstar
Joined
May 24, 2012
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We recently had Asia tested because she is way behind her peers in school. She had a two week long testing with a bunch of specailists and she has a list of diagnoses a mile long! Some things I was shocked to find out. like eye tracking (she doesn't track at all! she can look left, right and forward but can't follow an object!)...she has low mussle tone.. barely any gross motor and her fine motor is shot as well. She has ADHD on a huge level and is now classified a "slow learner". ...doctors said she is borderline "autistic" and if it wasn't for her awesome social skills...and vocabulary they would have placed her on the spectrum. I am blown away ...and honestly sad at the same time. They want to put her in special ed and get her more one on one help While I do believe she will thrieve there.. as her big brother has..(Kai my son is Autistic and has other special needs) I don't want to believe it is true. ....
 
I am so sad to hear this. What a load. But you have some answers and a possible way to go. Those are positives. Knowing gives you the opportunity to help her early and gives you a greater understanding of her and what struggles she is having. I see it, the diagnosis, as a gift to you to be able to support and love your daughter in a clearer way.
 
Gosh, it is so hard to receive news about our babies and be torn what is the best thing all the time. Parenthood is definitely not for the weak. ♥ I am happy that you at least know of what path you will be sharing with your precious girl. I always say the same thing when asked about parenting since I have been at this for 30+ years - follow you heart when coupled with information you have at your disposal. Good luck with the next few months of transition (hugs)
 
As hard as it was hard to hear, now you have information and can now make positive movement toward helping her overcome her challenges with learning. Despite her weaknesses, she HAS STRENGTHS and that is good. Good luck in finding good, qualified help.
 
:tacklehug Thank you for sharing what's in your heart and, as a teacher of awesome scholars with special needs, I can connect to some of what you're sharing. I want to commend and congratulate you for being a fantastic and brave parent. Most parents I have met in my 23 years of teaching are very wary of testing because they are, understandably, worried about what it might uncover. I applaud any parent or caregiver who is able to see past their fears and do what's right for their child and his or her future. These results, while understandably "shocking" to you, are enormously helpful for Asia's future schooling, as they help teachers like me figure out how to use her strengths to support her areas of need. And as Diane wrote, she has strengths-- everyone does. I also want to remind you that, as her parent, you have the last say about how her education is delivered. We can make recommendations but in the end you are the one who accepts, modifies or rejects her ed plan. The preliminary test results will sink in and plans will be made. Then the results of the plans will be analyzed and the plans will be altered as needed. I urge you to ask questions, challenge the things with which you disagree and seek out second opinions if you need to. Asia is SO lucky to have you as a mom. I know you're struggling with this new information but this information means that hopefully Asia won't struggle as much in the future. :heartslub
 
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I'm sending ((HUGS)) and keeping you in my prayers as you transition through this. I know you have a son that's autistic, but every child is different, so this will be a different path with your daughter. Like others said, knowledge is power, for you and for her. You've obviously helped her immensely already, since she has developed strengths like her vocabulary and socialization. I only see good things ahead for y'all, but that still doesn't help the right now . . . when you are struggling to accept.
 
It's so tough being a parent. Sending hugs. It's hard to get news that you weren't expecting or didn't think was the case. Look at all the positives. Where will she get 150% support that she might need to thrive? She has great social skills as you said, and great vocabulary. How is her confidence? What about friends in class? Does she like school? These can all make a huge difference, especially confidence. No matter what they tell you, go with your feelings. Trust yourself, and her.


My son was tested, ADHD. We managed it at home with redirection and other techniques and were doing pretty good. School was the issue - no confidence, felt he was stupid, hated school, etc. He is social, funny, happy, but a little bit of a loner too. I worried about splitting him up after all the test and how would it affect his relationships with his classmates. Kids can be cruel. I worried he would hate school even more.

He is classified as Special Ed...got his IEP, and I was scared. I didn't want him separated, being laughed at or losing friends. We were so lucky - his school has an in-class Special Ed teacher and she jumps around to all the kids. The kids know she is a teacher but most don't realize she is a Special Ed teacher or who she is there specifically for. He has special modifications for his learning/testing and school work, which help tremendously. He has more independence, and I can leave him to do his homework for about 20 minutes alone. I used to have to sit there the whole time, and it could be for over 2 hours.

Hugs, it really is hard to be a parent.
 
I can't give you enough hugs. As everyone has said, parenting is hard work. I have no experience in this, but just hugs.
 
I never read the fine print, or had my fingers in my ears on the parenting is hard part...and crapola...it is the hardest thing I have EVER EVER done!
I read your post and what stands out is her
her awesome social skills...and vocabulary
wootie woo to her and watch her blaze trails that amaze you and others...because she is awesome just like her momma!
 
Everyone has said most everything that I could. And yes, yes to what Anne said...those strengths stood out to me as well! You know her better than anyone, so the best advice I can give you is to stay involved, stay informed, and be her advocate...listen to her, your heart, and your gut. I have taught students with special needs for 27 years and have worked with a wide range of different abilities. They are all brilliant in some way, their own way, and I know it makes you sad right now, but she will find her way, and now she will be given tools and strategies to become successful in whatever her way is! There is nothing better than when you have watched a child struggle and then you see that light come on, when they find their way and their successes. Big hugs to you!!
 
You are such a great mom. It will all be fine in the long run. Yes, it is difficult at first, but look at how great your son is doing, and your daughter is already showing strengths and skills and will just continue building on those. And at least she will be getting help. It is so good to have help before they start to struggle and slide backward in school/learning.

We are in the same boat. Kennedy has ADHD and sensory processing issues. The pediatrician referred us to an autism clinic for him We were surprised and thought it would just be a waste of time, but they did an assessment and want him to come back for a full panel. It is an interesting process, and now they apparently don't differentiate between autism and aspergers, so there is that as well.

Kennedy definitely has strengths, but there are areas where he can use a little help. He's super social and has a great personality, he's very empathetic and caring, but he doesn't have strong boundaries or understanding of others' boundaries. We didn't really understand the referral, but one of his occupational therapists said that it is most likely that he's exhibiting behaviors he should have outgrown by now... and that is why he was referred. It is all confusing and strange, but the important thing is that they get help they need and can move on to bigger and better things in life! :)

Hang in there, momma!!!
 
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